


i feel like glitter (every time you come around)

by 7shinees



Series: drag queens au [1]
Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Alternate Universe - Drag Queens, Angst, Crossdressing Kink, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, First Dates, Fluff, M/M, Making Out, Slow Burn, bams n jy are drag queens, bams use they/them pronounce, honestly just all that Good Stuff, markson's important they just show up later on, yugbam's quite platonic/ambiguous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-01-06 07:25:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 90,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12206571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/7shinees/pseuds/7shinees
Summary: Jinyoung takes pride in everything that adds up to who he is, but maybe, just maybe, his love life would be easier if he wasn’t so… multidimensional.or, alternatively: Jinyoung is a drag queen. And Jaebum, his newest sweetheart met through a dating app, has no idea about that.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (takes a deep breath) FINALLY
> 
> this baby has been on my mind for quite some time now; it's high time i posted the first chapter, really! we're here for a lil' ride, my dears. :')) i feel like glitter (the title's from tyler the creator's song glitter! go check it, it's 12/10) is focused on jjp, but who knows what's yet to come lol
> 
> unbeta'd, so if you notice any mistakes, feel free to let me know!  
> (not the first time i've posted anything anywhere, but i'm nervous anyway lol i hope you'll enjoy this au as much as i do <3)

 

The club provided them with a whole dressing room, thank God. It would be hard not to have a proper place to get ready before every Friday performance. Just like a real dressing room should, it got a dozen of mirrors, lights on said mirrors (and lights next to said mirrors), clothing racks in an amount suitable for a whole royal family, comfy sofas (everyone knew what they were really for) and large desks for all the accessories and makeup.

Jinyoung was going through all his makeup brushes scattered around one of those desks, but the search was only deepening the frown on his face. A completely useless foundation brush mocked him from the very middle of the pile. He should have thrown it away a month ago, when half of the hair fell off at once. Another minute of annoyed huffing and Jinyoung straightened his back and looked at the ceiling, trying to regain sanity.

His favourite contour brush was gone. Again.

Even the inhale he took sounded aggressive. “Where the fuck is it?”

Bambam, that guilty bitch, had nerve to look innocent as they looked up from the colorful chaos called their makeup station. “And what do you mean by _it_?”

Jinyoung strode across the dressing room with a threatening glint in his eyes. That brat got his contour brush, obviously, and now were playing dumb just for the laughs. “Bitch. Just give it back. The show’s in… sixty-five minutes. I’m not joking,” Jinyoung squinted his eyes when Bambam chuckled instead of, for instance, giving back what belonged to Jinyoung and was highly needed at the moment.

“Aw, Mama. It’s on the desk next to yours.” Bambam fluttered their lashes (the bastard already got their eyes done and applied fake lashes, what the hell?) and Jinyoung felt his blood boil.

“You’re _rude_. I didn't raise you up like _that_.”

“Uh, you didn’t raise me, like, at all. You also didn't notice that your favourite brush rolled away from that cute pile you have there when you dumped everything out of the bag. The fuck.” Bambam rolled their eyes, an exasperated sigh following right after. They talked fast.

Jinyoung looked back at where the brush was supposed to be, according to Bambam, and-- yeah. Yeah, it was there. Most probably the whole time. Nice and firm as ever, perfectly clean after Jinyoung washed it thoroughly last night.

“I’m so buying you, like... a bag dedicated for brush sets, you know,” Bambam murmured sweetly and Jinyoung tried to shove a random eyeshadow palette in their face. Sadly, he failed.

The thing was, Jinyoung wasn’t a clumsy person. He also wasn’t negligent, he surely took good care of all his artistic tools, makeup brushes included. The sudden clumsiness desperately called for taking a better look at the issue. But maybe just not at that exact moment, Jinyoung shushed his own anxious thoughts as he made his way back to his makeup place. He should get back to getting ready for a show. The precious time on the backstage was slipping through his fingers.

As he settled among all the makeup he brought tonight, he couldn’t help but enjoy the fact that it was only him and Bambam tonight - the other queens weren’t performing that week, for several different reasons. It meant more show time for him, which, well, he was excited for. Performing on drag shows had recently become his main source of income. He could do with some new fans made thanks to the spotlight he was about to get on the stage.

However, the absence of other queens also meant way less noise in the dressing room, way less drama and way less shit all over his own things. Although, looking at his right, he had Bambam’s blue wig right next to him. Maybe some things really could never change, even if they had all the logical reasons to do so.

An enormous amount of contour products all over his face later, Jinyoung felt way more secure and at peace. He was going for an almost soft look-- as soft as a drag queen during a show can get, really. The now perfectly blended lines of the contour stick were going to work pure magic to his face when Peach gets on the stage, all her regular admirers and those soon-to-be-fans going crazy about her in no time.

And the evening would go smoothly from that point if it wasn’t for that stupid message Jinyoung got as he was reaching for an eyeshadow primer.

His phone buzzed from underneath Bambam’s wig. He pushed the wig away, not even noticing that it slided down to the floor, Bambam’s gasp audible probably also in the main room of the club.

The text was short, a not-so-special _Hi, what are you up to? :)_ , but Jinyoung kind of... Stopped breathing for a second. Or five. Then he inhaled sharply, trying to regain some control over his body and its silly reactions, because _really,_  it was only that Jaebum guy from the dating app Bambam downloaded on Jinyoung’s phone “out of boredom”. It was only that guy who Jinyoung met up with and had probably the nicest date so far this year with. It was only that guy that was highkey hot and Jinyoung wanted to sit on his lap more than he wanted to make a living through the show tonight.

Despite having no time (he’d literally only done the base of the makeup, _the fuck_ ), Jinyoung unlocked the screen and replied almost immediately with a _Hey, not much right now. How about you? :)_ text that didn't feel quite right. He was in the middle of preparing for a drag show, that wasn't what he’d really call _not much_. But Jaebum still had no clue about Jinyoung’s… well. About Jinyoung's life, basically.

Not even ten (or maybe nine?) seconds passed, Jinyoung could swear, and Bambam were already making a beeline to their wig, a scoff on their lips. “The fuck, you always talk about showing respect and shit, but you’ve just disrespected. My. Whole. Life.” They shoved the wig in Jinyoung’s face to prove their point, parroting the move Jinyoung pulled on them minutes before. A slightly manic-sounding giggle followed right after.

The truth was that the performance was less than an hour away and, magically, you could feel the diva vibes oozing from Bambam, the aura much more intimidating (although overly dramatic, too) than what you’d feel on a friendly lunch together with them six hours ago. The stage persona that Bambam always channeled so well was already making its appearance; Jinyoung knew Bambam wouldn’t talk to him this way if it wasn’t for the nearing show (and for the shift in Bambam’s attitude that happened every single time when they could finally slip into their beloved character). Thus, Jinyoung settled for one eye-roll only as a reply.

“...and _who_ are you even texting _now_?” Bambam added, their eyebrows going up high, the half-done makeup looking quite clowny. At that exact moment, of course. Not in general.

Jinyoung covered the phone with his hand. “The guy I already told you about--”

“Oh!” Bambam exclaimed with a fresh enthusiasm and Jinyoung let the rude interruption slide for the sake of his own peace. “He must be really interested. Have you guys fucked already?”

The weirdly… medical curiosity in Bambam’s voice was kind of hilarious, if you asked Jinyoung. So Jinyoung laughed, loud even despite his hand that quickly raised to cover his mouth. Bambam looked completely unfazed, uncannily patient while waiting for an answer. “Yeah, we actually did. A couple of days ago.”

Bambam’s face screamed _betrayal_ and Jinyoung laughed once again, even louder. Must have been that pre-show high, it was getting to Jinyoung’s head, too. “Bitch! I’m kidding, we only met for a coffee!”

“For a-- a fucking _coffee_!!!” Bambam shrieked dramatically, throwing their hands to the sky and starting to withdraw back to their mirror. “I was ready to ask you if he’s a daddy kink type of a dating app dude, but like, fine, asshole. Go talk about that _coffee_ you had.” Jinyoung giggled again as Bambam went back to beating their face. They kept talking, though, much like a machine that you have no idea where the turn off button is, so it keeps going and you just wait it all out.

Jinyoung looked back at his phone, a new message glaring at him.

**Jaebum, 2 minutes ago**

_Are you up for a movie night? I got popcorn and hot cheetos, can't waste that good stuff. ;)_

Jinyoung closed his eyes, sighing so deeply that Bambam stopped their rant slash monologue for a moment to check on him in their mirror.

It would be rather stupid to try and convince anyone that Jinyoung wasn't feeling _up for a movie night_. Especially since he’d been texting with the guy for about two weeks now and they just hit it off instantly and got along pretty well so far, and… Jinyoung wanted, no, needed someone as understanding as Jaebum _seemed_ to be.

Which leaded Jinyoung to the elephant in the room once again. The drag show, the one that Jaebum had no idea Jinyoung would be performing at (in fucking fifty! minutes!), because Jaebum just _seemed_ to be an understanding person. But Jinyoung could never know. It was still just an impression and Jinyoung was nowhere near to being gullible or naive. Or that at least was how he viewed himself like recently.

Another text popped up on the screen before he could reply and a frustrated huff escaped his mouth. _Not much_ , he texted few minutes ago, but he couldn’t even reply on time afterwards. Guess his act was on point once again.

**Jaebum, just now**

_It’s okay if you have other plans, was just hoping for another meeting. The last one left me craving for more._

...So the guy could be bold, but Jinyoung wouldn’t say it was a bad thing.

There was a loud noise on the other side of the room and Bambam cursed, loud and creative. Just like their whole being. Jinyoung took a glimpse at the small disaster on his left and couldn't disagree with the swearing at the sight of another Becca highlighter scattered on the floor. What a great metaphor for a drag queen’s life, really.

His own makeup was left alone, eyeshadow brushes still clean and Jinyoung felt the time pressure and self annoyance kick in simultaneously. He had to just... Stop thinking about the guy, text him that he had other plans and go about with his routine. That was all.

That was all and at the same time it felt like too much to ask from himself. It still did even as he sent a rejection text with a sad emoji attached at the end and promptly threw his phone into his makeup bag, just so it wouldn't be on the display and get him distracted; and it still did feel this way even when Jinyoung finally saw the short, visibly disappointed message from Jaebum as he got back home around 3am.

 

* * *

 

 

Jinyoung, left alone with Yugyeom in Bambam’s living room, silently watched the dust floating in the air, the streak of golden sunlight revealing the dance. It was a few days after the two-queen performance. Jinyoung’s skin was getting its well-deserved rest under a homemade mask.

It was quiet and peaceful only for a minute or two, until-- “Why do you even care so much if he’s okay with that?”

Jinyoung just shrugged, annoyed. Yugyeom had that knowing look in his eyes, as though he was way older and more experienced than Jinyoung was. As though he didn’t need an answer, he already knew the reason.

But Jinyoung also knew _why_. And _it_ \- the reason - was still unsettling.

 

* * *

 

 

It was a week ago, when the end of August disappointed everyone with its chill wind and lots of rain. It was when everyone was talking about taking their last days off and urgently needing to visit a warmer, less humid place. It was right after Bambam got too drunk to perform and almost made Yugyeom perform instead of them. Two days before Jinyoung’s newest sequin mini dress came in mail and made him realize that he really had been sleeping on pageant looks.

The first date, that is. That first date with Jaebum happened then.

The exact day (Saturday, and to be precise: 5pm sharp) wasn’t as bad as people might have said. There were hardly any bad news in the tv, Jinyoung’s favourite radio station played a lot of mellow songs he sincerely liked, and the steamer in his apartment for once didn’t act like a total dickhead and left all his clothes looking peach perfect. Oh, and Jinyoung was going to finally meet the hot guy he had been texting with for more than a week now. Thus, without counting in about three and a half mental breakdowns Jinyoung went through before he left his apartment to go on a date… The day wasn’t bad at all. It was just rainy and grey everywhere, really.

The very first mental breakdown was _of course_ because of Yugyeom, that overprotective brat. Yugyeom got a phone call from Bambam right after he left their house and entered the bus to ride back home. It was around 1pm. Bambam were crying and insisting that they are dying. Yugyeom didn’t think it was true, at least not literally, but he did call Jinyoung and told him exactly what Bambam had told Yugyeom ten minutes beforehand: that Bambam were dying.

Getting everything under control took Jinyoung less than twenty minutes and required a few more text messages and phone calls to both Bambam and Yugyeom, but it definitely left him in a desperate need for a nice soothing sheet mask and a cup of green tea.

The second time Jinyoung felt like cancelling his whole entire life was because of Bambam. Well, partially because of them. They were the ones who downloaded the dating app and created Jinyoung’s profile on it, all without Jinyoung’s knowledge (nor permission). They swiped left and right so many guys, and Jinyoung had already dealt with the mess they had left, but… Yeah, he also started using the app seriously. As in, he did it non-sarcastically. Him, the person who’d always cringe at the dating app love stories told by his colleagues or fellow drag queens. And that, basically, was how he met the Jaebum guy. With whom Jinyoung had shamelessly flirted for more than a week straight, every damn day. And who had asked him out on a date. To which Jinyoung agreed.

All without Bambam’s knowledge (and obviously without their permission, they could stick their permission up their bony ass).

And the insecurities chased after Jinyoung as soon as he thought he was done with calming down because of Yugyeom’s phone call. Jinyoung just couldn’t shake off the memories of every small detail from those disaster stories he had heard. On the other hand, it all seemed as though it couldn’t happen to him, not with Jaebum-- Jaebum literally sent him photos of his cats as soon as they exchanged numbers, for heaven’s sake. And a selfie with one of said cats. And he never failed to catch up with Jinyoung’s sarcasm, even through text messages.

Jaebum could act cold, yeah, but Jinyoung already had a headcanon forming of how the truth was that Jaebum was a softie. Just like all those men who are trying to act cool and indifferent, but in reality they’d care deeply and would always show warmth to their beloved ones.

But maybe Jinyoung was too caught up on being a softie himself. How else could he even let himself daydream like that about a man he barely knew? A few selfies with pets couldn’t probably win him over, could they.

Though, Jinyoung’s traitorous mind whispered, Jaebum did have that goofy smile (which Jinyoung found painfully adorable) on that one particular photo where his cat cuddled next to his face.

As Jinyoung tried to relax himself back into a stable mindset, he let his eyes flutter shut; but he opened them widely as soon as he remembered _that smile_. His mind suddenly went back to the overdrive state, racing and bothering him with the same thoughts and images unrelentlessly. But no, no. Getting all hyped up because of this smile, that felt like… like getting into one too many details on why Jaebum was a safe person to have a date with. Jinyoung felt completely, utterly convinced that everything was going to be fine. The smile didn’t need to be brought back into the picture (even though Jinyoung wanted to spend a whole day just staring at it). Jinyoung didn’t have to think about any more reasons. Actually, he didn’t have to think at all anymore, honestly. It was enough for him, for one day.

He stood up to make himself another cup of green tea. The ultimate savior.

While dressing up and putting on makeup, he learned that his favourite eyebrow pencil had gone missing. But maybe he’d just finished it and forgot to buy a new one. Anyhow, he felt like pulling all his hair out. The last breakdown lasted significantly shorter than others, but it was an intense one.

He went for a light brown eyeliner trick to make his eyes look sharper, enhance the alluring cat shape. As he was putting down the liner, something caught his attention. He gazed at the glitter eyeliner - ideal for the inner corner when you wanted to effortlessly draw loving stares from people, Jinyoung’s absolute go-to product - and he disregarded it entirely, going for a soft lip tint next to finish off his look.

His eyebrows furrowed slightly as he scrutinized his face in the mirror. Jinyoung did look fresh and as _natural_ as ever, but it lacked the spice. Sure, he wasn’t preparing for a drag show, and yet... He craved for a touch of-- of something.

A statement lipstick would be way too bold. Surely. Adding mascara would make his eyes look too feminine. Too much highlight and he’d be too obvious, looking like a tryhard.

He craved for the shine, though, and the glitter liner was already in his hand, and he knew he’d need only a tiny bit in both inner corners of his eyes. But if there was one thing that screamed drag queen on the loose louder than using glitter now, it would only be going out in a fucking dress and a wig. He put the glitter liner back on his desk.

Jaebum had no idea Jinyoung was a drag queen. Jinyoung was still too confused to let him know.

This thought alone, that Jaebum did not know, and maybe that was the only reason he was up for a date with Jinyoung-- Jinyoung left the apartment with his chest hurting from all the unnecessary anxiety it brought. His face felt embarrassingly naked without any shine added to it.

 

 

They both agreed to just meet at the cafe Jaebum had suggested. Jinyoung did his research before they decided on that exact place, of course, but Jaebum had informed him of everything anyway, being a kind human being he sometimes actually was, it seemed. When he wasn’t a sarcastic asshole, or just an asshole. Or a soft boy with three (yes, three) cats in his apartment.

Jaebum told him that the cafe was a rather small and laid back place, no real need to be stressing out about dressing up. Jinyoung felt somehow grateful. It didn’t sit well with him to go on a fancy first date with a guy he literally knew best from his cats-related anecdotes. Jinyoung really just… wanted to stay low and take it easy. He did hope it’d work out in a way, truth to be told. And the only right way to make it happen (that Jinyoung believed in) was staying cautious. He wanted to look out for any alarm signs, good or bad, and turn them into his own guide to how to make the best of the situation he caught himself in. Because yes, he noticed the undeniable spark between himself and the man he’d been texting lately, and he wanted to see their spark ignite.

Ah. So there it was. He named the feelings - some of them, at least - that kept gnawing at his chest, his stomach, his entire body.

It didn’t feel like a relief he needed, but it was... something.

At least it made the anxiety somehow dull, for sure, and as Jinyoung got close to the cafe and spotted a man so obviously waiting, (waiting for him), in front of it, Jinyoung didn’t feel like fighting back the smile that tugged at his lips. In fact, he felt like another great step had been finally made. A step they needed to celebrate.

Jaebum had his hands in the pockets of a vivid red hoodie, the hoodie almost swallowing his whole posture even while standing. There was a graphic on the front - a dark one, Jinyoung had no time to study it, he was going to do it _later_ \- and Jaebum chose skinny black jeans, probably not to look too… comfortable. Jinyoung’s gaze went slowly up and down the unfamiliar-familiar silhouette, while his date was looking at plants in front of the cafe with mild interest. Jaebum’s hair was chestnut brown, but Jinyoung could swear it would look good even if it was as red as that obnoxious hoodie.

Jinyoung was (became at that moment) a fan of obnoxious red hoodies.

Jaebum looked up at him just when Jinyoung was about to clear his throat subtly and approach him first. The realization in Jaebum’s eyes was immediate and Jinyoung found it endearing; of course, they’d already seen photos of each other, but there’d always be the slight uneasiness, sunk deeply in various what ifs. On top of the obvious fear of being catfished, you could still be afraid of being stood up or approached with an unpleasant attitude from the very beginning.

Jinyoung was not any of these cases and Jaebum looked… relieved. Was he that unsure of whether Jinyoung was a real person? Or did he think Jinyoung wouldn’t show up eventually? Really, Jinyoung had no idea why would he assume that, but then again: he’d had his insecurities screwing his train of thought since his profile on the dating app was made. Jinyoung couldn't judge Jaebum for the look that flashed on his face for a bit longer than an Oh You Shouldn’t Have Seen This Emotion second.

So Jaebum was either simply bad at schooling his reactions into ones that are socially acceptable… Or he found the real life Jinyoung _that_ appealing.

Jinyoung, for the time being, chose the latter.

Jaebum smiled at him, kindly, but not overbearingly so. Jinyoung silently counted that as tactful. “You must be Jinyoung,” he stated simply and Jinyoung nodded. “I’m Jaebum. Shall we come in? I think I’ve just felt a raindrop on my face.”

He gestured for Jinyoung to enter first, the same smile still on his face. Jinyoung smirked as he passed him. “Or maybe what you’ve felt was just me staring at those two moles under your eyebrow. Adorable.” He glanced at Jaebum, the smirk growing even more satisfied when he noticed Jaebum’s stunned, yet fond gaze. No blushing, but Jinyoung could work on that, too. It was only the first few minutes of their real life history. He had plenty of time left during this date alone.

“I don’t think anyone has ever used moles on my face to flirt with me.” Jaebum spoke up once they were both seated, a chuckle escaping his mouth.

Jinyoung blinked at him with fake innocence. “Flirting? Didn’t know it’s still a thing these days!”

“Me neither,” Jaebum sighed heavily and Jinyoung was once again impressed by how good he was at following up any of Jinyoung’s weird acts. It usually took a lot of time for people to get used to Jinyoung’s sense of humour and irony, especially when they were mixed together (which meant: most cases). “I’m actually trying to catch up with the current trends, but I guess I’m still doing dating the old-school way. Asking a cute guy out for a coffee, this kind of stuff.”

Jinyoung threw him the Don’t Be So Smooth look and Jaebum chuckled again, breathy and quiet. Jinyoung found it addictive to hear.

And he lowkey wanted to be called cute by Jaebum again.

A waitress walked up to them and handed them the menus just then, thus the topic had to be abandoned for a moment, a small talk about various positions in the menu replacing it. As they talked about which coffee they’d prefer, they soon found out their coffee taste was quite similar. Jinyoung let it slip that he hadn’t touched a sweetened coffee since college.

“Let me guess, you were the hardworking, coffee-addicted type?” Jaebum looked up at him. The tone of his voice indicated that this idea of Jinyoung had already crossed his mind and now he was only making sure he was right all along.

Jinyoung wasn’t sure how he felt about that; Jaebum did kind of _read_ him, but he did it well. And Jinyoung didn’t feel as though the remark came from an offensive place.

“Pretty sure I still am.” He replied with a nonchalant shrug. Jaebum smiled-- he bit his lips and looked down at the menu to hide it, but Jinyoung saw it, he saw Jaebum’s content smile. “Oh, you’re into _that_?”

Jaebum didn’t look up this time, even though Jinyoung was sure his teasing made a certain... impact on him. “Well, since I am into _you_ … I guess the answer is yes.”

Jaebum was goddamn bold, just as much as his goddamn red hoodie. Jinyoung loved it.

He didn’t answer, though, merely humming in response. He was sure Jaebum knew that Jinyoung wasn’t sincerely indifferent to what he just heard from him. But Jaebum, in Jinyoung’s mind, also deserved more teasing now. Jaebum wasn’t the only one who could act this shameless and get away with it.

The waitress was back and as they placed the order and she left again, Jinyoung felt the need to rush back to teasing Jaebum. He had a smug smirk on his face and Jinyoung wanted to wipe it off. Using his own lips, preferably, because frankly speaking Jaebum’s lips looked very, very kissable. For some unknown reason. Did Jinyoung sign up for this extra goody? He couldn’t remember.

So maybe, just maybe, Jaebum wasn't the only one who thought the other party was even more appealing in real life than they were on the photos.

“It’s a nice change, to meet up with someone so bold,” Jinyoung started conversationally, not adding the _and collected at the same time_ just yet. “And I’m not referencing your fashion choices now, although I appreciate them, too.”

Jaebum quirked an eyebrow at him. The move looked exactly like what all those handsome actors would do while on the tv screen. And Jaebum looked like he could be, for instance, one of the charming heartbreakers from dramas. Jinyoung didn’t let that observation affect him anyhow. At all.

“Oh, about that… Yeah, I guess I may look a little bit striking compared to you today.”

Jaebum’s words held a lot of truth, Jinyoung had to give him that. His baby blue sweater and beige pants made an appearance after a long wait during the summertime.  Actually, while everyone else was bitching about how they couldn’t wear a short sleeve shirt without freezing, Jinyoung finally could go for his typical sweater weather look, thanking heavens that the weather did him a favor and allowed him to make his most comfortable outfit choice today.

As the comment was thrown between them, Jaebum’s eyes flickered to the v-neck of the sweater. It hung quite low, lower than a usual sweater from a male section would (it made him look _nicely gay_ , as Bambam had once stated); the collarbones on the display unless the owner brought the material higher. Jaebum’s lingering gaze proved that the little v-neck trick worked its magic and Jinyoung couldn’t help but feel smug about it.

He even felt like going an extra mile and winking mischievously at Jaebum, but he wasn’t sure what he’d do if the man decided to play along.

Jaebum looked up, cleared his throat. His eyes locked with Jinyoung’s and didn’t shy away. “Yeah, as I said. This red might make me stick out like a sore thumb when I’m next to you,” Jaebum chuckled throatily. Jinyoung felt the sound travel funnily somewhere on his skin. Or maybe already underneath it. “It’s striking even without typically striking details, like, I don’t know. Glitter, or... Rhinestones?”

Jaebum’s words were casual, they surely were, but they made Jinyoung freeze. The slight arousal from seconds ago was completely forgotten, a new alarm ringing in Jinyoung’s ears.

He played it cool, though. (He always did).

“Oh, you don’t like glitter?” He tried not to fidget in his seat, acquiring his previous neutral tone.

“Nah, I don’t mind it at all.” Jaebum shrugged, Jinyoung almost exhaling obnoxiously with relief. And then Jaebum locked their eyes once again, a small, unsure smirk dancing in the corners of his lips. “Actually, I think you’d look great with something glittery on you.”

Jinyoung’s face had to give out his shock at the blatant statement; although he was sure Jaebum’s sentiment spoken aloud was shocking for fairly different reasons for each of them. This time, Jinyoung definitely did fidget in his seat, the tips of his ears burning from both embarrassment and excitement at the implications Jaebum’s words held.

Jaebum couldn’t know what was going on in Jinyoung’s head, though - and he got so, so abashed, Jinyoung’s mind suddenly found every possible synonym for the word _cute_ and used them as permanent tags related to Jaebum.

He felt like fainting. Jaebum coughed awkwardly. “I mean,” he tried to regain his confidence and nonchalance back. “I mean, look at this weather. I’d certainly do with some spark in it. Only today I’ve already heard from about six people that they are feeling depressed because of the end of this summer.” He cracked an awkward smile and Jinyoung could only nod, sending him an equally awkward smile back.

Then Jaebum chuckled, in this deep voice he had, at the ridiculous amount of tension that suddenly clogged the air between them and Jinyoung felt light, feather light. He wasn’t sure when did he start laughing, too, but they both ended up smiling at each other with fondness that made Jinyoung’s insides twist and curl.

He could already feel himself caring about _them_ , Jinyoung and Jaebum, and pining after the effortless joy this new duo brought along.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and there my sanity  & free time go :)) lol
> 
> i really want to know what y'all think thus far, so i'm looking forward to any feedback you'd like to throw my way lmao  
> you can share your thoughts here in the comments or hmu on tumblr (it's also 7shinees)! message me there so we can become Cool Tumblr Mutuals. c;
> 
> thank you for reading! <3


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back at it with an unbeta'd chapter! LMAO
> 
> this one's been kinda-ready for a while now; and i really wanted to update glitter sooner, but this week was Intense and i am Drained (uni and personal issues hit me hard), so i apologize for the wait. :(( hope the chapter will make up for it, though! <333

 

There was this small, but independent and quirky magazine that agreed to publish Jinyoung’s article. The article was said to be about drag queens. About the moments before the show, about the feelings that surge through a queen’s body right before she enters the stage. Jinyoung had already taken some notes - the rest would come easy. He wrote his thoughts down in a notebook, but in which one? That one thing Jinyoung definitely did _not_ remember.

No notebook on his desk, no notebook on the notebooks-and-other-writing-stuff shelf of the bookshelf. He reached for anything notebook-like from the second shelf, grabbing a vaguely familiar one in the process. Looking at the cover, Jinyoung felt a dull pang in his chest, the feeling even more familiar than the sunflowers on the cover. The colors had somehow already faded and there was an ugly coffee stain, but it was impossible for him not to recognize what he was holding in his hands now.

His last boyfriend, Wonpil, was truly a sweet person. He would buy him coffee every day. Or he’d make it by himself, if they spent the night together and had to deal with hectic mornings. He’d take Jinyoung on long, peaceful walks. Or go on poetry events with him, even when Wonpil had classes in the morning the next day and Wonpil _knew_ he had them and he _knew_ the night would end in his small studio apartment, the two of them getting little to no sleep, but he would go with Jinyoung anyway. He’d read Jinyoung’s favourite sentences from books, aloud, to his poetry-loving boyfriend. He’d bring them both more coffee just to stay longer into the night with his head on Jinyoung’s lap, the notebook for music notes with sunflowers on the cover and a pen in his hands. He’d always write lyrics instead of actual music notes and while he was at it, he half-listened to Jinyoung’s whispering about how the light flickered when it touched Wonpil’s bracelet.

Wonpil was so, so sweet. But he just wasn’t… into drag.

He wasn’t keen on both drag and Jinyoung doing drag. Jinyoung told him quite early in their relationship; it did feel as though Wonpil had felt bothered, uncomfortable, but Jinyoung brushed it off. He saw it, but it wasn’t alarming enough for him then. Wonpil gave him what a lot of other men couldn’t and hadn’t given him. He complimented him on the most innocent and smallest things. He knew Jinyoung’s favourite tv shows for lazy days. He admired and shared lots of Jinyoung’s small loves, like poetry and theatre. Jinyoung felt that his boyfriend treasured their time together for what it was and for what Jinyoung was right then and there. And the fact that Wonpil couldn’t wrap his mind around Jinyoung doing drag? Somehow, at first (and it lasted a couple of months) Jinyoung didn’t recognize it the way he should have.

He did not notice that Wonpil didn’t like _him_. That he only liked a part of him, the one that had nothing drag-related to it. Which, as Jinyoung realized as their relationship began to shutter, was a tiny part of himself. At some point in his life, drag became a constant, an inseparable part of everything he did and loved. Jinyoung knew this relationship couldn’t last, it wasn’t even based on feelings for a real person, the person he certainly was, but on feelings for a great misconception of himself. And on feelings for the Wonpil who, Jinyoung once thought, could love him the way Jinyoung wanted to be loved; not the Wonpil that made an appearance as the time flied before their eyes.

(The realization didn’t make the heartbreak vanish, but it did make it more bearable.)

The notebook Wonpil left in Jinyoung’s own small apartment still brought unwanted memories to the surface, but Jinyoung was way too sentimental to throw it away. Wonpil may come to get it someday. Jinyoung placed it on the top of his bookshelf, going back to searching for his own notes right after.

Wonpil hadn’t come for the notebook since they broke up almost a year ago.

 

* * *

 

 

Bambam screeched into their phone (they were talking with Yugyeom, _of course_ , who else would actually let this screaming bullshit slide?). There were wigs everywhere, literally everywhere, and Jinyoung had no idea what the hell was going on. He’d only just stepped into Bambam’s house (the bitch was rich, that was hard to deny, yes). He wasn’t ready.

Or was he?, Jinyoung mused in his head as he scanned the chaos in the living room. Despite all those large windows that took half of the walls here, the room seemed small and cluttered; there was way too much hair and fabrics scattered all around the floor and the furniture. But honestly, what could one even expect if they come to Bambam’s house, having dozens of short and frantic text messages as an invitation.

“No, no-- It’s in four days! As in, three fucking business days!!!” The screaming intensified, yes, yes it did, and Jinyoung winced, the scowl prominent for longer than it was probably needed.

Not like Bambam cared. They were in a deep, deep crisis, it seemed, and Jinyoung could only go to their kitchen and wait out the worst of the phone call.

But, just to make things clear...

“Bambam?” Jinyoung tried, but with no response. Bambam were too occupied with what Yugyeom was saying on the other end.

“Bams.” Another try, another fail. “Bams!”

Bambam gestured wildly at their phone and then made a hushing sound, ushering Jinyoung to the kitchen situated opposite to the living room. Jinyoung high fived himself internally. He had the right feeling once again. Smirking to himself, he headed towards the kitchen.

It needed to be said to give the host justice: Bambam’s kitchen was slightly more… organized, that was a good word, more organized than the living room; Jinyoung navigated through it quickly. The truly helpful thing, though, was that Jinyoung had been invited to Bambam’s many times. Despite them not really having a long history as friends, Jinyoung knew where everything and anything was in Bambam’s kitchen. Bambam had that weird habit of inviting people over because of the oddest reasons. Hence: knowing where all the tea was in the kitchen _and_ the inevitable friendship. Unless you couldn’t stand the wild element that was the host of this house, obviously. But Bambam were charming in their own, incredibly unique way and well, maybe Jinyoung had never told them so, but he thought nobody in their right mind could sincerely hate or dislike Bambam. It’d be… wrong.

Jinyoung made himself at home, a cup of green tea with added ginger in his left hand, his phone in the right one. Bambam even had an old-fashioned rocking chair in the kitchen and Jinyoung made the best of it while he could. Bambam’s voice went a little bit down, although Jinyoung could still hear some of the cursing and frantic explaining. Poor Yugyeom. Though, to be honest, Yugyeom was a total brat to Jinyoung the last time they saw each other, so Jinyoung didn’t pity him that much right now. In the end, Yugyeom _was_ Bambam’s best friend and the real partner in crime of theirs. He could handle the hurricane.

The luck of will to reach out and help might have also been dictated by a certain man that texted Jinyoung right after he entered the subway, heading Bambam’s direction. However, admitting to  _that_ would kind of feel like admitting to much _more_ , so Jinyoung stuck to the first explanation. While texting said man back. And ignoring the drama that was unfolding only few meters away from him.

He checked notifications, looking for Jaebum’s replies to the quick-but-informative message about Bambam’s emergency call (they didn’t say much, just that _Peach you gotta come here, read my texts, Mama_ ; cue the rude hanging up action). Jinyoung didn't bother to check his phone after typing to Jaebum that he was going to be busy for a while, obviously.

But maybe he should have done it.

**Jaebum, 23 minutes ago**

_Huh, seems like your friend is a messy one! lol Help him out, though._

**Jaebum, 23 minutes ago**

_Be a good boy._

Jinyoung’s eyes went wide. Later on he would swear that his breath did _not_ hitch at the prospect of hearing the sentence under different circumstances, and that he did _not_ indulge himself in some daydreaming about that. Regardless, the fact was that he missed the opportunity to make a quick comeback. The ambitious part of him (that took most of his personality) wanted to scream in frustration, but, well, it was too late. Another text popped up on the notification screen as Jinyoung tried to focus on drinking his green tea and collecting himself.

**Jaebum, just now**

_I might have a little something as a reward for you. ;)_

That fucking wink. Jinyoung sighed heavily. Bambam kept whining in the living room. Jinyoung felt his stomach flip over repeatedly.

**Jinyoung, just now**

_And what is that? I have to decide if it’s worth trying._

**Jaebum, just now**

_A coffee date, but with a twist. :)_

Oh. There were a lot of twists in Jinyoung’s stomach, that one thing he was sure.

It felt like he could take his time and think it all through without it having to be excused, so Jinyoung did just that. After locking the screen, he stared at the ugly-angle reflection of himself on it. Not the ugliest bitch you could find, but also… not the cutest one, too. Although that was besides the point.

(Jinyoung had long lost his ability to shut these judgemental thoughts up.)

The point was - Jinyoung had nothing else to do today other than meeting with The Guy. Besides proof-reading his drag queens article for the nth time, he really had no other responsibilities. He ran some errands earlier, had everything done already. It was Tuesday. Everyone else was busy. He didn't feel like preparing anyhow for this week’s performance, it was going to be his usual. Bambam were-- Jinyoung wasn't sure the hell were they up to, but they’d probably cheer him on going on a date instead of hanging out with them anyway. Oh, and Jinyoung felt his heart hammering at the mere idea of seeing Jaebum’s eyes form into crescents when Jaebum would smile at Jinyoung goofily, as though he was still a little boy and not that grown-up man with one of his arms already covered in tattoos.

Jinyoung still hadn't seen the tattoos from up close, but he was sure there was something cat-themed and if that wasn’t an indication that Jaebum was a soft, good human being… No ifs, he _was_ a soft and good human being. Jinyoung tried not to get his hopes high over that shortcut he made in his mind. He also persuaded himself (he didn't, really) that he just liked tattoos in general, it didn't even matter what and on who was tattooed.

One could sum up that Jinyoung was living in denial. (His hopes were already quite high.)

He bit on his lower lip as he unlocked the screen once again, typing away replies and waiting for more info to come. Their texting dynamic had somehow settled and Jinyoung was quite good at pulling the right strings while they merely exchanged messages and nothing else. Jaebum was being mysterious, though. A voice in Jinyoung’s head (sounding just like Bambam’s) scoffed a loud _shady bitch_ when Jaebum kept refusing to unravel some of the secret, Jinyoung left alone to ponder on what the hell could the promised _twist_ mean. Jaebum texted him not to worry, that it was nothing extreme, but that wasn’t even close to the meaning of a Real Hint.

And damn, if it didn’t make Jinyoung even more excited.

He sipped loudly - maybe a little too aggressive - on his tea, enjoying the taste of it. Another minute passed while he wondered about what Jaebum’s Tea was going to be. His thoughts were followed by another sip of his favourite beverage. And then Jinyoung finally agreed, with a short text message that screamed _I am not that impressed, although we both know I kind of am_. Jaebum seemed to pick up on the vibes immediately, an amusingly cold-looking _cool_ as his only response. Jinyoung smiled at his phone, unaware until the screen went black and he saw his reflection on it. He looked like an infatuated puppy.

Bambam were still busy in the living room, thankfully, so they didn’t witness Jinyoung blushing in embarrassment at his own giddiness.

He finished his green tea hurriedly and went to wash the cup in the kitchen sink, being a good guest he always was. The feeling of running water on his hands calmed him down a bit.

His phone vibrated with a new message just as he was about to go back to the living room.

**Jaebum, just now**

_The place is in the suburbs, do you need a ride?_

Jinyoung took a deep breath. _A ride on your dick_ , he almost typed back. But he just settled for a _yeah_ , knowing Jaebum would pick him up anyway.

 

* * *

 

 

A day or two after Bambam downloaded this dating app (an Iconic Move, they’d keep saying later), Jinyoung was fairly positive that he started going crazy, and that his drag queen career was hanging on a thin, thin rope, and beneath it a grand void unfurled and vibrated in a wicked anticipation.

He was _not_ being dramatic. But, yeah, he went crazy. Because apparently, a sequins-only mini dress spoke volumes to him, looking incredibly inviting, even though Jinyoung thought about seven deadly sins, all at once, when he looked at it.

(Or maybe that was exactly why he was so drawn to it.)

Needless to say, he purchased the dress. Thus, for the sake of paying a tribute to the Peach from previous years, for the nearest show he opted for an old, old lip-sync of hers.

 

Peach hadn’t performed her most romantic lip-syncs since… more than a year ago. There wasn’t much to it - she just came up with new performances; with more entertaining ones, as she liked to think of them. But even though Peach had nowadays become known for her alluring, provocative performances, it was impossible to hide the truth. The way she could channel all the emotional messages from every song she touched… That was exactly what allowed her to keep going, because her audience _loved_ it. They loved all the dramatic expressions and gestures she could master, how she brought the extraordinary factor with such an effortless ease. When she performed ballads, Peach never failed to charm her audience.

Her beloved deep crimson gown hugged Peach’s body tightly as she made her way to the stage, the tail trailing behind her, golden rhinestones reflecting all the spotlight. Golden glitter glistened on her cheeks, she was _shining_ , and it felt incredibly good; it was right. She could already hear the shouting, the cheering, the worship in the voice of a crowd full of strangers. She stood in the middle of the stage, yet the music didn’t start for this nerve-wracking, tiny second longer, and the crowd shushed into a murmur in an anxious anticipation.

Peach could smell all the alcohol, the cigarette smoke and the unmistakable hint of weed surrounding her.

Then, the music started. Peach’s arms raised slowly with every word, the adrenaline rushing through her body as the men in front of her screamed in approval. The first tip landed next to her feet merely several seconds after the song began playing. Something boastful and wild awoke in her chest. Yes, she hit the jackpot once again.

 

The sequinned dress arrived straight to the Bambam's. Usually, there was no reason to order anything drag-related to Jinyoung's apartment. He had little to none of his tools at his own place at the moment, taking full advantage of (in Bambam's words) all the goodies that Bambam's mansion offered. Which, in this case, translated to the small workplace Jinyoung crafted for himself in the whole art den that was Bambam's homemade atelier.

Bambam weren't at home when Jinyoung came to check out his newest purchase. He guessed they were at Yugyeom's. Or they were hooking up with someone. Nonetheless, it was for the better, since Jinyoung still couldn't believe himself that he actually bought an all-sequins garment. Thus, he wasn't ready to… come out about it yet. To anyone. Especially to the Loud Mouth. Or their best friend, Brat of the Year.

Once it was out of the box, Jinyoung examined the dress closely. The underlying fabric of it was stretchy enough for Jinyoung not to worry about the garment getting ripped from any sudden movements while wearing it on-stage (a classic wardrobe malfunction that would only cause unnecessary drama; Peach chose her drama wisely). Jinyoung put the dress in front of his body and watched himself scrutinizingly in the mirror, trying to see if it matched as well as he imagined it to do. Luckily, it seemed that he wasn’t scammed by the website. The dress wouldn't fit him properly now, though. He wasn't cinched at all and no, the material wasn't _that_ stretchy. He was going to have to cinch his waist first before he could try it on properly.

According to the measurements on the website, the dress should be just right. Jinyoung needed it to be Peach Perfect, though.

He took off the vintage jacket he arrived in (damn, did he look like your stereotypical bohemian writer with no hope for a stable job in the nearest five years) and decided to actually undress to his underwear, ready to start the real process of adjusting the dress to his liking. Just as he was about to start lacing himself up in the cincher, his phone rang shortly with a new text message.

His heart jumped a little, and he tried to ignore how much the feeling resembled giddy anticipation. He was just startled, that was it.

**Jaebum sent a photo**

**Jaebum, just now**

_Reminded me of you ;) Hope you're doing good. It’s even colder than yesterday, so drink some hot tea._

On the attached photo, one of Jaebum’s cats was tucked cozily into a pile of sweaters. Whose sweaters were those, Jinyoung had no idea. Maybe Jaebum had a sweater weather type of days, too. And collected soft-looking clothing in his free time.

Anyhow, Jinyoung’s heart began another race, yet the frantic beating wasn't enough to conceal just how… _soft_ Jinyoung felt because of the simple sentiment shared in these two messages. It was heartwarming, how Jaebum kept gently reminding Jinyoung about taking care of himself, as Jaebum seemed to care about Jinyoung's well being in general, while also showing his goofy side at the same time.

Jinyoung hadn't even known that he was into it. Into this mix of goofiness and care. And maybe he hadn't been before.

But now, now that he noticed how much he liked it, it felt like something finally clicked into its righteous place. Objectively speaking, Jaebum simply sent him two messages, bordering on silly, although mostly just affectionate. Jinyoung didn’t expect any of this, not from someone he saw only once in real life thus far. He also didn’t expect to enjoy it so much. But he did, and now he kept smiling at his phone, and everything felt right even though it should be out of his comfort zone, to act so mushy because of some guy.

...A guy who still wasn’t showing any signs of _Oh God this is going so wrong_ that people always bring up while talking about dating apps experiences. It looked as though Jinyoung had found a real gem this time. He felt truly thankful for his luck, a content sigh escaping his mouth as he sent a quick reply and went back to cinching. He stayed deep in thought even as he focused on steadily working his way to the desired body shape. Jaebum didn't want to leave his mind so easily.

And _of course_ , just like in every moment like that - when Jinyoung would simply appreciate how well him and Jaebum seemed to match thus far - that traitorous voice on the back of his mind spoke up. Had to remind Jinyoung that Jaebum had no idea of what was taking a solid part of Jinyoung’s life. Jaebum was undoubtedly attracted to Jinyoung, but he didn’t know that Jinyoung was a drag queen. Which was a huge deal, to put it simply.

It was also then that, for the very first time, a small, oh, so easy to go unnoticed voice countered the usual alarm sirens in his head. Because yes, Jaebum showed interest in Jinyoung without the knowledge of the drag. But on the other hand, Jaebum showed his interest exactly because of everything that Jinyoung was outside of the walls of stuffed gay clubs. He didn’t hit on Jinyoung purely because he saw Peach perform. That was a welcomed change. (It could still backfire.)

Jinyoung yanked the lace and it tightened too harshly, taking his own breath away for a second. It made the annoying internal war subside for a moment, since he had to focus on not dying on the spot.

The small voice still missed the point, though; Jinyoung couldn’t diminish the significance of drag in every area of his life, the parts of it that had nothing to do with performing in the clubs also connected to drag somehow and just as important as any other part of him.

Jinyoung’s mind had a habit of going too far and making him overthink and indulge in countless negative rumination; on point or not, thoughts that managed to stop that goddamn flood were always treasured. Therefore, Jinyoung felt grateful for the shift in his mind. He didn’t want to exhaust himself with useless thinking of what if he, what if they, what if…?

(He couldn’t have known he’d be constantly tired of it in the next few weeks anyway.)

 

Jaebum sent two more photos of his cats being all cozy and cuddly before he stated that he had plans for the morning and had to go to sleep early. They exchanged goodnight messages. Jinyoung looked up from his phone to his reflection in the mirror.

The sequinned dress fitted perfectly.

 

* * *

 

 

Jinyoung and Jaebum finally agreed that Jaebum would pick Jinyoung up from Bambam’s. In slightly more than an hour. It didn’t feel as rushed as it should have, though, or maybe Jinyoung just completely brushed it off. He walked into the living room typing away Bambam’s address.

“Mama!” Bambam sighed loudly, their whole body coming at Jinyoung as soon as he stepped onto one of Bambam’s colorful rugs.

Jinyoung made a quick ditch. Bambam looked offended for whole three seconds before they started laughing.

“Oh, I’m sorry for not paying attention to you earlier, but _now_ you’re the one who’s actively ignoring me.”

Jinyoung smiled at the accusation, trying not to look _too_ condescending. “Oh, but I’m all ears! What was the problem you had earlier?” He decided to cut the bullshit short and didn't indulge them in any playful banter. With Bambam, sometimes it was better to do so.

They weren’t up for bickering yet, it seemed, because as soon as Jinyoung asked his question, Bambam gestured widely at their wigs, now tidily put back on identical plastic mannequin heads. There was a time when Bambam wanted to name all those heads, preferably after other drag queens. They even painted one of the heads to resemble Miss Fame, but it turned out way too creepy to keep it that way. The paint didn’t want to come off, not without damaging the plastic skin, and Miss Infamous Head ended up in the dumpsters.

“A friend of mine invited me on a show on Saturday,” Bambam began. “I’m not going to perform or whatever, but since there will be new queens performing… I just thought that I should dress up a little. Just to... Show off my brand.” They shrugged, not looking up from where they fixated their eyes on a certain red wig. Jinyoung squinted at them.

“Are you sure there's nothing else to it?” He asked, smirk already tugging at his lips.

Bambam scoffed. “Of course! What do you even mean? I literally just-- want to show that fucking fake ass Jessica _bitch--_ don’t laugh at me like that! I’ll show her who’s the real queen here. She thought she saw the last of me when I snatched all the money during my last show in the Bay Bee Club. Oh, little did she know!”

Bams looked like a small, angry parrot, with their colorful jogger pants on and hair freshly dyed red. The pout they attempted to pull off looked so ridiculous that Jinyoung laughed again, knowing that Bambam weren't truly mad at him for doing so.

He felt weirdly at home.

“I remember her.” He sat on the nearest sofa. “She wanted to suck your dick and make you give her your spot in the Bay Bee Show in return. Right?”

Bambam grumbled something and plopped themselves onto the sofa, too. They rested their head on Jinyoung’s lap with a mumbled _I can do whatever I want in my own house_. Jinyoung made a face, but didn't really mind the extra weight and the proximity.

“Yeah. As though sucking anything of mine would make me do her a favor. I don't even, Mama.”

Jinyoung furrowed his brows, seemingly in thought. “You like your nipples sucked, though.”

Bambam, that loud and obnoxious bitch, literally screeched at that. “ _What?!_ ”

“Uh, I mean… So I heard.” He made that up, though judging from Bambam’s reaction, it was true. “Anyways, how’s Yugyeom?”

Bambam raised themselves up on their elbow, a dangerous look in their eyes. Jinyoung stifled a giggle.

“Why do you mention him and my nipples in the same conversation?”

Jinyoung snickered, earning himself another ugly look. He cleared his throat before taking on a more serious tone. “I wonder if he helped you put together a look for the Saturday night.”

“Oh!” Bambam seemed to remember something. “Well, yeah, kind of. I told you to come over and help me, but I panicked and couldn't… I just had to call him, you know.”

Jinyoung _knew_. He knew well. So he didn't say anything, just nodded.

Bambam looked as though they needed a moment to regain their confidence. “So, like... He told me I look good with my hair bright red. So, uhm, there’s that wig over there that I chose for the night. And I’m gonna wear that royal blue mini dress I finished recently, you know, the backless one, with a shitload of golden details.”

Jinyoung nodded once again. Bambam sounded slightly sheepish as they recalled the compliment from Yugyeom, but they got excited when they mentioned the dress.

Cute, but still a brat.

“And I’ll wear my glitter Louboutins. Fuck, that’s going to be a look, Mama.” Bambam looked stricken. “I didn't realize earlier… Damn.” They sighed, visibly content with what they came up with.

Jinyoung petted their hair, checking his phone. (He still had his safe sixty minutes. And Jaebum sent him a flirty wink again).

“You’re going to look marvelous, honey.” Jinyoung smiled and mockingly caressed Bambam’s face. Bambam made their signature _eww_ sound, but the grin on their face screamed _delight_.

“I still have to think of a matching makeup look, but-- Yeah. I guess we’re okay for now.” They were kicking air with their long, skinny legs. Very Bambam, very familiar and homelike for Jinyoung by now. “How are you doing, though? How’s your loverboy?”

Jinyoung patted Bambam’s head. A tiny bit too hard.

“Do not call him that,” he warned, but Bambam just giggled and stuck their tongue out at him. That brat, they talked with Yugyeom for too long. “Actually, he asked me out on a date today--”

“WHAT? So what are you even doing here?!”

Bambam were standing up in no time, a wild look in their eyes. If Jinyoung didn't know any better, he’d feel intimidated. In reality, though, Bambam were just a baby. They couldn't harm Jinyoung. So he just shrugged, feigning ignorance.

“He might or might not pick me up in…” He checked the time. “Fifty-eight minutes and take me on a coffee date... with a _twist_.”

Bambam’s eyebrows went high enough to be covered with the obnoxious red of Bambam’s messy bangs.

(The shade reminded Jinyoung of the hoodie Jaebum wore for their first date and _fuck, that’s disgusting_ , Bams shouldn’t make him think of yanking clothing off a man.)

“ _Twist_? The hell does that mean?” Their confusion was clear and Jinyoung could only shrug once again, this time more genuine. “You need a nicer top, then. Unless you’re okay with that lackluster sweater of yours on a date,” Bambam punctuated the last words. Jinyoung made a face at them. But well, Bams were right and he kind of hoped that they’d let him borrow something date-worthy for tonight.

While Bambam disappeared into the other part of the house (because no, there wasn’t just a single room for clothing - which would come off less lavish, by the way - there was a whole atelier and no one should be surprised), Jinyoung thanked his past self for choosing a fairly fashion-neutral black tailored trousers. A new pair, because it wouldn’t have been so great if he’d chosen one of his oldies instead and had to redress them, too. He was skinny enough to stick his legs into some of Bambam’s pants, true, but the thigh-and-above area? He doubted he’d be able to fit his ass into anything that belonged to Bambam, that no-booty bitch. Thus, praise his past self, really.

Obviously, it’d be perfect if he’d known about the date before he left his apartment. The sudden invitation didn’t make him annoyed or uneasy, though, which he didn’t quite get. He was sure that usually putting him under any time pressure would make him angry. It could make him reject the invitation and the person behind it altogether, but he was starting to think about this side of the situation only now, after he agreed on the meeting. He hadn’t felt like telling Jaebum off then, and he didn’t feel like changing his mind now. If anything, he was getting more and more excited about the date, the secret part of it making him almost impatient.

It dawned on him that for some reason he simply assumed that the surprise that Jaebum might have for him would be worth any inconvenience it initially brought. He set his standards high as always, but he also trusted the other man to reach that exact perfect level.

“Mama! I have something!”

Bambam’s scream pulled him out of the small self-realization shock he just went through. Truly, thanks heavens for this loud, obnoxious bitch. Jinyoung tried to focus back on the reality in front of him.

The Walking Shouting Match came up to him with a few clothing pieces, chattering constantly and making it easier to go back to his indifferent self.

“Look! There’s this cute sweater I recently got, it has some rhinestones on it… Here, on the top, yes, and there are some on the sleeves. So it’s your everyday style, but more sophisticated, it has a date night touch to it. Don’t interrupt me.”

Oh, Jinyoung could tell there was no way he would be able to speak up in the following two minutes. Bambam’s eyes were glistening with that unconditional adoration for anything fashion as they went on explaining why they chose this and that. They got another sweater, yes, because Bambam knew well what Jinyoung liked, they knew Jinyoung better than he knew himself. Obviously. That was why they also picked a button up shirt that once had been a plain loose white shirt, but Bambam added a little bit of a flower embroidery on the front and the back and damn, if it didn’t look fine. However, and here Bambam made a pause, the real gem was the plain t-shirt and a glittery jacket combo.

“And I highly suggest this combo, my dear,” Bambam emphasized, the jacket almost hitting Jinyoung in the face when Bambam threw it at him. “Because I think you should go for something with glitter. So as to, let’s say, prepare your Jaebum for the truth. Ain’t no tea without some glitter, am I right?!” And Bambam giggled at their own little joke.

Jinyoung suddenly found it hard to swallow, something stuck in his throat. Or maybe somewhere in his chest area. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact place of the funny feeling.

“If you say so,” he heard himself saying and he wasn’t sure if he really said it as mindlessly as he wanted to think he did. Everything inside him screamed to go for the glittery option. It was quite hard to ignore.

“Great!” Bambam grinned, disappearing back to their atelier with the rest of the picked pieces, completely oblivious to how on point their random joke was. Jinyoung silently admired how fast they were when it came to coming up with outfit ideas, but his mind wandered off somewhere else in seconds.

He was still hung up on the single thought that not only was he definitely attracted to the man he still barely knew anything about, he also already had faith in said man’s ability to make him happy.

The jacket was catching all the light in the room, reflecting right onto Jinyoung’s face with a merciless precision.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik there isn't much jjp dynamics in this chapter, but worry not, because jjpleasure will make an appearance in the next one! i promise ;")) heheh
> 
> but guysss i'm curious what are your thoughts by far?? any ideas for the date? (i used the word Twist so many times but damn i typed it once and!!! i love me some Twist, ok) what do u think about jinyoung's atittude, are bambam too much, u can tell me whatever's on your mind! the comments on the first chapter made me sooo much more motivated than i was before, so really, your feedback means a lot!!!
> 
> BTW MARK JUMPING OFF THAT CLIFF? he got me shook and impressed, ngl


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyYY your fav Bracket Queen is back! also... chronology? i don't know her lol
> 
> (october fucked me over and i wasn't expecting it, sooo yeah bear with me and with any mistakes/typos i've made here. uhmm enjoy ehehh <3)

 

* * *

 

 

Denial wasn’t something Jinyoung had never heard of, or wasn’t guilty of. However, he dealt with it pretty well, if anyone asked for the real tea.

Firstly, his sexuality. That was a classic cause, but he got a steady grip on it quite early. He was around fourteen or fifteen when he was completely sure he wanted to kiss boys. Or be kissed by boys. Girls were okay, but his teenage self kind of envied them for getting all the attention from boys _he_ liked. He wouldn't say he ever disliked girls, less alone disliked them purely for _being_ girls; frankly, it was the opposite. He admired them, passively, and for a while he didn’t really understand where did the interest come from. It obviously wasn't romantic, it wasn’t sexual, sometimes it wasn’t even that he’d like to ever be friends with that particular girl that somehow caught his attention. For a few months, he kept feeling a sense of strange longing, craving to achieve something Jinyoung struggled to put into words.

It clicked, finally. At some point, he discovered that femininity wasn’t only for people who were born with vaginas. And then, he realized that this thought included _him_ , too. Surprisingly, he didn't have to wrestle with that as much as someone could think he would. Jinyoung was an overthinking, highly self-aware kid, but the realization didn’t come with a sense of dread or disgust that would make him miserable. Actually, at that time he already prided himself in being open-minded; he kept reaching out for more information, more knowledge, and he felt like exploring the feminine side of himself was empowering, freeing even. The fact that he could discover a part of himself he didn’t notice earlier and accept it and embrace it - that was what made his experience of becoming a drag queen this enjoyable.

Thus, denial didn’t reach his drag world, it never did. But his heart; that was a whole another story, one that resembled a rather bumpy road.

 

They stumbled into the guy’s bedroom, limbs somehow already tangled, mouths too occupied to guide each other verbally. But everything that Peach needed to know was already spoken through the touches, the looks full of admiration, the attention given her the whole night. At first it was when she was performing; a simple lip-sync, but her characterization for tonight earned Peach new admirers. But then, after the show was over and Peach was still high from the adrenaline left from it, she decided to stay for some drinks. She deserved to have a little fun after her success.

The guy (what was his name? Peach couldn’t remember; not that she had time to think about it when her ass was already naked and in the air, fingers coated in cold lubricant working her open) cheered for Peach the loudest. His tip was also the most generous, which, well, Jinyoung’s student loan wouldn’t mind. Before going back to the main area of the club, Peach didn’t forget to untuck herself, but just for the adventurous strike she felt that night, she left the rest of the drag untouched.

That guy (Peach was going to call him Hawk, because that was how he looked like when he watched Peach that night: like a hawk) hit her up as soon as he spotted her at the bar. And somewhere between the second and the third drink, Hawk’s hand was between Peach’s legs, and after the third drink Peach was suddenly in Hawk’s nest, shameless moans escaping her mouth as her hookup groaned in his own pleasure.

And he kept praising her: when she entertained him at the club with a girly act, when she spreaded her legs playfully in the backseat of the taxi and let him tease her, when she was on all fours, her dress still on her, but her underwear ripped open and discharged to the floor of Hawk’s bedroom. He praised her as she whimpered and squirmed under his touches; and as she took his dick like a champ, too, because _yes, honey, it’s like you’ve been born to get fucked by this cock, you feel amazing, let me hear your sweet moans_.

It was a good hookup, by the way - Hawk even came onto her back (and some of his come landed on her dress, of course; that was actually disgusting, because the dress was brand new) instead of inside her, so she just had to clean herself up before she could call it a night and head back home. And he praised her as she came right before him, but after it was all over, Hawk was probably too exhausted from all the praising he had done. Spent and satiated, he fell into the deepest slumber, leaving Peach to herself.

She didn't really want to go commando _in a mini dress_ (again, a dirty one, ew) while going home, so after she called a cab, she grabbed some clean underwear from Hawk’s drawer and put it on. He wouldn't mind, he _loved_ her.

 

They actually met again. Not in the club, though. It turned out that Hawk worked at the nearest electronic store. Jinyoung had to buy a new toaster, his old one decided to ditch him when he needed it the most (right before the finals). It certainly was a small disaster, because as an aspiring, young drag queen that took her drag career seriously, Jinyoung couldn’t afford living off instant noodles for two weeks straight and act as though that didn’t affect Peach’s body at all.

Toasts with various toppings added were what kept him somehow undisturbed during the finals season. He needed that goddamn toaster.

But why did the shop assistant that greeted him at the store have to be the man that fucked him three nights ago, when Jinyoung was in full drag? What a luck he had this pre-finals time, really.

Oddly enough, it didn’t end up as bad as Jinyoung thought it would. Hawk didn’t even recognize him at first. And when he did, Jinyoung was almost ready to walk out of the store. Hawk left his phone number on the receipt. Jinyoung wasn’t sure if he’d use it, but a boastful voice in his head reminded him of all the worship in Hawk’s eyes the night they hooked up.

So he texted Hawk in the middle of the finals, in a desperate need for a personal stress reliever.

 

Hawk was a really nice option for any time Jinyoung wanted to be admired. Preferably while he was naked, with his dick in Hawk’s hand or mouth. Hawk proved himself to be a good fuck, maybe thanks to the fact that he actually didn’t forget to give back whatever he received. Most of the times, he’d give back even more, and Jinyoung didn’t have to work hard to get what he wanted. And he’d praise Jinyoung, worship him with his words, with his eyes, hands, with his whole body. He’d shower both Jinyoung and Peach in the same amount of kisses, though the ones for Peach seemed more passionate. The sex with Peach felt more intense. The way Hawk groaned as he came whenever it was Peach who’d be sucking him off, her wig getting in her way-- it felt _different_ , but Jinyoung ignored it completely.

Hawk’s hunger seemed insatiable, too, and they even had that very kinky episode of Jinyoung entering the store Hawk worked at through the back door, in a dress and a wig, Hawk fucking him in a workers-only room on an old, smelly sofa. They didn’t get a round two of that, though. Next weekend, Hawk found another drag queen to admire.

Jinyoung knew what they said. It was good while it lasted. Besides, he could find himself another fuck buddy.

 

Except, he couldn’t, because he kept catching feelings. Not as deep as love, no-- but feelings nonetheless. The lust of his lovers, which were mostly guys he met at clubs after a performance, was so, so easy to be mistaken with something else. Something more. With actual interest in him, in the person under the illusion of drag. And sometimes Jinyoung would, unconsciously, entertain the idea of it (whatever he had with that exact person) being more than him and a stranger with a crossdressing kink.

Jinyoung was too clever for that bullshit, yet he kept falling into the same trap. Before he started performing, he didn’t even know there could be an issue like that, waiting for his future self. He had - how people liked to call it - a serious boyfriend, back in high school. It was cool, pretty average. Didn’t last very long. But it set an example. An example of a relationship where the other party knew _Jinyoung_ and accepted _Jinyoung_ and lusted after _Jinyoung_ , for what _Jinyoung_ represented. Him, as his own self, a wholesome human being of multiple layers. Therefore, Jinyoung wasn’t used to not being _seen_.

It hurt.

 

* * *

 

 

Okay, so maybe Jinyoung and Bambam did go that extra mile while getting Jinyoung ready for the _mysterious date._

Jinyoung certainly didn't plan on putting on a show, but, well. It turned out that all the errands he ran before going to Bambam’s, for which he kind of made himself look nice and representable, came in handy now. Bambam insisted he’d put his hair up and back ( _Mama, I’m almost attracted to you when you do it!_ ) and that, except for the outfit change, was what Jinyoung had to do to look like he put way more time and effort into getting ready. But Jaebum knew Jinyoung didn't have time for that, so he was going to assume Jinyoung just looked this good on a daily basis. Which, by the way, was true. Jaebum was about to get the right idea and it almost felt like an achievement unlocked in a computer game.

Anyway, the point was-- Jaebum’s face. His face when he saw Jinyoung going down the stairs to the pavement in front of Bambam's house. That was the point. The real highlight of Jinyoung's day.

(Although he did dare to wish to get some more of these nice little moments that same day.)

Frankly speaking, Jinyoung didn't have to wait long for another highlight of the day. He noticed it seconds after he was done being smug about Jaebum’s amusing, yet sort of endearing reaction (he stared with his mouth slightly open, like those cartoon characters. Can you believe?).

Jaebum looked great. No, scratch that. He looked stunning. In that effortless way that Jinyoung went for, too, and Jinyoung could only hope he himself looked as polished and delicious as the man in front of him did. Jaebum went for your typical businessman on the loose look, but _fuck_ (that idea was tempting), Jinyoung had never been so much into boring black trousers, black t-shirt and black blazer combos. Of course, being into all black outfits on guys he dated wasn't a new thing for him. He didn't have a sudden, life changing realization on _that_. Excuse you.

Jaebum looked delicious and Jinyoung once again remembered how many good assets this man had.

“If that’s your smart casual…” Jaebum practically purred as Jinyoung stood in front of him, deliberately choosing to leave some space between them, just so Jaebum can still appreciate the art before him. And maybe approach Jinyoung first, so Jinyoung could feel reassured about his date’s sentiment towards him. “...I’m almost afraid to ask you for the ultimate glamour version.”

Good Lord, why did this guy have to make such references unconsciously? Jinyoung’s heart almost jumped out of his ribcage (and what a scene would that be, right in front of Bambam’s house).

There was no time to dwell on the vision, thankfully, because Jaebum (with the most handsome smile Jinyoung had ever seen) took a tiny step (that Jinyoung wished he’d take) towards Jinyoung and reached for his waist (Jaebum’s hands were warm and fit perfectly wherever they touched Jinyoung’s body). Jinyoung didn’t hold back his own smile as he threw his arms around Jaebum’s neck.

“Oh, I’m not sure what you mean. I clearly had to come up with something under a serious time pressure.” Jinyoung’s sigh was overly dramatic, the words holding a theatrical touch to them and Jaebum chuckled. The caress of his hands on Jinyoung’s sides that followed made Jinyoung shiver slightly. Jaebum’s smile grew wider.

“I surely am intimidated, my prince,” and Jaebum also sounded as though he was reciting a quote from a drama, making Jinyoung grow more and more fond. He laughed, ready to reply with some cheeky remark, but Jaebum beat him to it. He leaned in, suddenly oh, so close, but their lips never met as Jaebum landed a quick, but still sweet kiss on Jinyoung’s cheek and backed away sheepishly. “Hi, by the way,” he more breathed than said out loud. His smile seemed softer, the volume of it not really tuned down, but rather acquiring a different shift to it.

Jinyoung’s cheek burned-- no, both of his his cheeks burned, and he was blushing in no time. That still awkward, yet warm feeling coating Jaebum’s voice made Jinyoung’s heart race.

Jinyoung was obviously startled by the display of affection, and damn, did he feel embarrassed about it. He couldn’t even help it, his body reacted on its own, betraying the rational part of him. Really, this man was no good for him.

(Actually, he was all the good Jinyoung ever wanted. Even if the idea still sounded ridiculous at that point.)

Thankfully, Jaebum sensed that Jinyoung wasn't going to reciprocate the sweet gesture due to the slight shock that was written all over Jinyoung's face. It was hard to miss. He suggested that they both just get into his car, so as not to waste their time on a pavement-small-talk. Jinyoung was grateful for the small save (and he still couldn't forgive himself for getting worked up because of a simple kiss on a cheek). Soon enough, they were heading to the part of the city Jaebum texted him about.

The tension vanished as soon as they spoke up again and exchanged tiny bits of what they were up to before they’d met up. Unsurprisingly, Jaebum asked about Bambam. He laughed at Jinyoung's huffing and puffing, the act poorly concealing the affection Jinyoung had for his younger friend.

Jaebum seemed to be genuinely curious about Jinyoung's friends and it warmed Jinyoung's insides, made him feel taken care of. The guys he had been meeting with mostly did not give a single thought about any private information from his life, unless it was related to Jinyoung's bedroom. The change was quite nice.

However, talking too much about Bambam in particular could get Jinyoung to places way too tricky and plainly dangerous. He steered the conversation back to what Jaebum was planning for them that evening, getting him successfully distracted.

“I’m actually kind of… excited, that we both could go there today,” Jaebum started with another small smile. His eyes were focused on the road most of the ride, but he’d look back at Jinyoung from time to time. “I’m really sorry that it was all so sudden, though--”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. “I don’t mind the spontaneity factor, I just want to know what did I sign up for.”

He might have sounded a little bit too harsh, because Jaebum’s smile was suddenly gone, a frown already forming on his face. Jinyoung reached to touch Jaebum’s hand lightly, the caress somehow softening the sharp edges of Jinyoung’s voice.

“Fair enough,” and Jaebum seemed placated by the hand that stayed on his own for a while longer. Jinyoung still felt like kicking himself in the ass for slipping up with the bitchy attitude. “So, my friend, Youngjae, is having a vernissage of his exhibition today.”

Oh. _Oh._

“His university granted him a whole opening event for the project he came up with. There was a contest among artists in our city and Youngjae won, hence the big thing today.”

A proud grin kept growing on Jaebum’s face as he spoke. Jinyoung felt even more of an asshole for almost ruining the grand reveal moment, since it clearly was a huge deal for Jaebum and his friend.

“The project, it’s kind of… unconventional. I thought you’d like to see it.” With that, Jaebum glanced at Jinyoung. “You said you’re into any type of art, so…”

“...so you’re taking me on a vernissage on our second date.” Forget the bitchy moment; Jinyoung finally felt the meaning of Jaebum’s words sink in. He grinned, couldn't help the giddiness that overcame him.

In Jinyoung’s eyes, it was almost too good to be true. Or maybe it was absurd enough to say _oh, of course that was the thing all along_. Either way, Jinyoung was already thrilled, wriggling in his seat. The anticipation made him even more impatient than he’d felt before. He certainly didn't see that coming: going on an exhibition opening and getting to know about Jaebum’s personal life through seeing his friend’s art. Jinyoung adored the concept of expressing yourself in any way you could think of. He was sure anything that was waiting for him at that event was worth seeing. Even if no piece would be directly related to Jaebum or his friendship with that Youngjae guy, there still was a lot to observe through studying Youngjae’s art in general. Jinyoung would love it anyway, because he simply found art-related events incredibly alluring and entertaining under any circumstances.

All of Jinyoung’s thoughts had to be on full display as Jaebum seemed to glow in a mix of joy and relief. He probably had been worrying about what Jinyoung would think of his date idea. _Silly_.

“Yes, yes I am.” Jaebum murmured bashfully at last and Jinyoung almost squealed in excitement, but, well. He was a grownup, he had that responsible aura around him that he had to take care of, he was on a second date with a guy that had three cute cats and took silly selfies with them and looked as cute as them and-- Jinyoung sighed happily, earning a breathy chuckle from Jaebum in response.

Jinyoung was a sucker for that sound.

 

It wasn’t until they were already there that Jinyoung realized that something was missing.

Nobody could judge him for letting his guard down, though. Youngjae’s project turned out to be a well-thought event, the exhibition truly being an unconventional one. It almost looked as though the cafe they arrived at was a regular, small place, one that local people would go to. Somehow messy, with random items left on or underneath the tables and a pile of receipts cluttering the counter, with coats already hanging on the rack although nobody was there, it just looked a little bit… lonely, eerie almost; but as soon as people piled in, chattering with kind, neutral voices, it turned into a real life movie scene. The paintings on the walls caught the attention of most of the visitors first. Many of the pieces seemed simple, with a subtle symbolism hidden under mundane scenes. Only a few of the paintings felt outright disturbing with how strange the scenes on them were.

Before the visitors entered the cafe, Youngjae introduced his project (and oh, how adorable that boy was, Jinyoung couldn't get enough of him, really; he looked like an otter, and his nervous laughter could clear all the clouds out from the sky, really). Youngjae made it a point that they could touch everything, except the paintings, obviously, and if the visitors wanted to take anything that was lying around the place, they had his permission. However, they should leave something of their own in return.

“This way, a different story would replace the previous one,” Jaebum whispered with delight as he leaned to Jinyoung’s ear. “Youngjae likes talking about energies and how every object might carry a weight that we don’t normally perceive.”

Jinyoung wasn’t sure what made him more giddy - the engaging idea of the opening, or how much Jaebum was enjoying it all already, an undisguised adoration for his friend’s work showing in Jaebum’s whole posture. Jinyoung opted for both of these options at once, because none of them felt less important or less endearing than the other. He guessed he was simply too excited to attribute it to barely one reason.

(But what if it meant that Jinyoung liked Jaebum as much as he loved art?)

The things scattered around the cafe drew Jinyoung in immediately. While he was sure he had a lot of time to ponder on the paintings, he also had a feeling that the general area should be explored first in order to understand and experience Youngjae’s idea in the fullest.

Thus, Jinyoung made a beeline to the nearest table, Jaebum right behind him, and like that, they both slowly made their way through all the small details of the exhibition.

At some point, they got to a trolley with champagne glasses. Youngjae ensured everyone that the liquor was very much real and served as a nice touch to the exhibition (therefore it did not require to be exchanged for anything if someone wanted to drink it, as the artist explained with an awkward giggle, to which the visitors laughed wholeheartedly). Jaebum couldn’t drink because of his driver duty, but Jinyoung saw the chance and took it - quite literally. He wasn’t the only one with this mindset, as several people already downed their champagne, so he didn’t really feel guilty for this tiny self-indulgence.

He sipped on his champagne as Jaebum chattered about how the vernissage felt like a mystery to be solved. According to his words, Youngjae watched too many crime shows. Jinyoung giggled at the accusation, though he could see what Jaebum meant. They’d already spent an hour just walking around and discussing little hints and symbols. There were more subtleties than Jinyoung firstly suspected.

Or, well, maybe him and Jaebum just talked way too much about everything and anything and that was why the time flew by.

Anyhow, some of the other visitors had already been seated and served by waiters ( _also real ones, so please do not touch them to check_ , Youngjae had joked earlier). Jaebum suggested a small tea break for the two of them, too.

They kept talking and the conversation turned less art-centered, more casual, as they sat with their hot drinks and enjoyed each other’s undivided attention. Jinyoung decided to pamper himself with something sweet and shared a bit of his cake with Jaebum.

“So, no sugar in your coffee, but an afternoon cake is okay?” Jaebum teased. Jinyoung was sure by now that Jaebum liked teasing him.

But two could play that game. Jinyoung liked teasing Jaebum, too. “One may think I’ve already overdosed on sweets after all those cat selfies you’ve sent me.”

Jaebum’s eyes widened, an adorable look of astonishment written all over his face, but then he laughed quietly, hanging his head low, probably so as not to draw attention to his silly smile (which Jinyoung noticed anyway). Jaebum’s eyes formed crescents when he looked back up at his date.

It felt good, to make Jaebum so delighted with just one sentence. Jinyoung wanted to smirk cockily, the way Jaebum liked to do, but failed miserably, because the warm feeling spreading across his chest softened any hint of sass.

The mood went too saccharine too quickly, Jinyoung decided. He needed to come up with a question, preferably a neutral one, to make it all less sappy.

Thankfully, Jaebum spoke up before Jinyoung could ask something ridiculous enough to ruin his image of the reasonable guy.

“I’m glad you could make it.” Well, that wasn’t really making them go further from the sappiness, was it? “And I hope you enjoy it,” Jaebum gestured vaguely at the cafe. “As much as I do. I’m glad _we_ could make it, honestly.” He chuckled, repeating his own words from almost two hours ago, but Jinyoung felt that a certain piece of information was missing. There was a hole in the context and he couldn’t get the joke fully.

And that was when it downed on Jinyoung; the fact that he still didn't comprehend how--

“How is your friend’s exhibition opening a _sudden_ event to invite me to?” Jinyoung tried not to squint his eyes like a suspicious little bitch (that he felt like at that moment), he really did. But the wave of uncertainty and the prospect of being a second choice or a side game just… made him feel _sick_.

He _cared_ and Jaebum seemed genuine about him and Jinyoung wasn't about to get a slap from some sad alternate reality _now_. Although, maybe he was. And he felt like throwing up all the cake he had eaten thus far.

“Right! I haven’t explained that yet, I’m sorry,” Jaebum rushed as though he also just remembered about the issue, which didn't make anything easier for Jinyoung. “At first, I told Youngjae that he shouldn’t waste his limited invitations on his college friends, especially on me, since he had a chance to invite people way more important in the art field than his boring friend from an economy course. He wasn’t buying it until it turned out that he really couldn't afford to invite any of his, well, _our_ friends.”

Jaebum paused to take a sip of his coffee. Jinyoung watched him intently, unsure if _he_ was buying _it_. Did Jaebum even see that the situation might have felt… dishonest for Jinyoung?

“We were just going to visit the exhibition tomorrow or on Friday, when everyone has free time. But,” and Jaebum made another small pause and coughed before continuing hurriedly, since Jinyoung looked ready to interrupt him if nothing specific left Jaebum’s mouth.

It looked like Jaebum finally noticed the tension.

“This morning Youngjae called me to tell me his art history professor got sick and couldn’t make it. He should have brought his wife along, but since he got ill and couldn't come anyway…” Jaebum tried to smile, a little bit awkward as he gestured between himself and a still rather tentative-looking Jinyoung. “Here we are, a replacement duo for the old married couple.”

Silence followed the joke that any other time would make Jinyoung cackle.

For some reason, Jinyoung was buying it, he believed that Youngjae didn’t have enough invitations for the opening and that his art professor was too sick to attend it, the weather made everyone get sick, anyway. Jinyoung wanted to believe and he did believe that he wasn’t a second choice. Was he being too accepting and naive now?

(Was he that infatuated and lost his reasonable mind or did Jaebum truly sound convincing? Jinyoung wasn’t sure. He wanted to believe in the latter.)

At last, he decided to throw a bold remark to clear out what was clouding his mind the most. He had to stop the racing of his thoughts. “So… It’s not that you were ditched by someone else and had to invite me, so you wouldn’t show up alone?” He hid it behind a nonchalant tone, but it was printed onto every single one of his word, just how much he hated the idea of being Jaebum’s side game.

Jaebum winced, flinched almost, and then his hand reached for Jinyoung’s across the table. Jinyoung let Jaebum entwine their fingers, albeit reluctantly. They’d never done so.

“For all it’s worth, you were the first and only person I thought about when Youngjae called.” Jaebum’s eyes were serious as he looked at Jinyoung. Jinyoung felt his stony armor crumbling and suddenly he was embarrassed for trying to make a big fuss out of seemingly nothing. “I had to change my plans for today and make sure I could make it before I could text you, so it literally became a last-minute thing.” Jaebum’s voice was a mixture of slight embarrassment, mirroring Jinyoung’s, and irritation. Jinyoung guessed he was annoyed at himself for having to excuse himself. “I’m sorry, it-- came off the wrong way.”

Jinyoung hummed, nodded. He wanted to drop it by now, he just needed a solid moment to change his attitude back to giddy from the anxious one that made a sudden appearance. Jaebum ran his thumb along Jinyoung’s, making Jinyoung crack a sheepish smile at the sensation. A new thing, but it felt right.

They sighed in unison and chuckled at the synchronization.

“Actually,” Jaebum spoke up again and made Jinyoung look up from where he fixated his eyes on their hands, wondering for how long they could just hold hands like that. “While we are at the invitation thing… I’m glad you couldn’t meet me last Friday.”

With that, Jinyoung was confused once again. He tilted his head silently to the side, quirking his eyebrow up.

Jaebum exhaled softly. A timid smile showed on his face as he explained his words. “I’m glad that our second date is like that. Sophisticated and casual at the same time, because we’re on an art event, but we can still just sit and talk.”

Jinyoung was catching up with Jaebum’s train of thought there. He let him finish, though, squeezing his hand encouragingly.

“I guess I came across as crass when I suggested a movie night this early, like I was just focused on one thing. Which is not the case here, that’s what I’m trying to say. It isn’t the _only_ thing I am focused on here.”

Jaebum looked unsure, but Jinyoung nodded quickly, a short _yeah, me too_ escaping his mouth and making them both startle and snicker right after.

And really, Jinyoung saw what was Jaebum’s point. He didn’t even realize earlier, but-- if not for the fact that he had something else to do that night (his stomach twisted at the memory, one that crashed with the reality before him), Jinyoung and Jaebum might not even be the duo they are at the moment. Maybe they’d just settle for the friends with benefits deal, or become casual fuck buddies, if they wouldn’t click so well on the friendship field. It could scratch any hopes for something more between them at the very beginning, because they could easily choose the no strings attached path on that Friday night.

“If you put it like that... _of course_ I agree.” Jinyoung tried to joke lightheartedly, taking on the sassy act, happy to see Jaebum smile at that.

He loosened his grip on Jaebum’s hand. He had no idea when did he start squeezing it so hard, but it must have been painful.

“So, we’re okay again.” Jaebum concluded, leaning in Jinyoung’s direction. Judging by his tone, he was only half-joking.

Jinyoung took it upon himself to save this situation. “Yeah, sorry for my little crisis. Though, since you said so many things without saying anything specific outright, and I did catch the hint of what specific things you were referring to, which is that you think I am a gem and you should treasure me--”

Jaebum finally cracked up and Jinyoung smiled triumphantly. Comedy queens _who_?

“I think we’re definitely back to being okay.” He summed up and Jaebum flashed his boyish smile in response. For a moment, they just stared at each other.

Frankly speaking, Jaebum’s words did hold the sentiment of caring about _them_ , the very same one that Jinyoung recognized in himself. Even the look on Jaebum’s face as he reminded Jinyoung about the cake ( _it can’t get dry, it’ll taste disgusting_ ) hit too close to home for Jinyoung. It spoke volumes about everything that wanted to bloom in his own heart, too. He tried to get used to the mutual fondness between them, but it almost felt too overwhelming. It was foreign to him to feel such a great connection with someone, this early and seemingly out of nowhere.

But looking at Jaebum’s soft, yet knowing gaze, Jinyoung wanted to simply let himself fall for this man. Fully.

(If the beginnings felt so real, then once the two of them settle down into a proper relationship, everything should flourish even more. Right?)

 

The rest of the evening went on smoothly: no more crises, no more pettiness, and a little bit more of the champagne (in Jinyoung’s case). Just one glass more. It served as a great distractor when Jinyoung had no idea what to do with himself, because Jaebum was acting too adorable to bear.

Jinyoung found pretty much everything Jaebum did adorable. That was the problem. From how Jaebum joked with Youngjae and let his friend make fun of him, which both Youngjae and Jinyoung enjoyed, through how focused he got while he and Jinyoung pondered on Youngjae’s paintings, to how gentle Jaebum kissed Jinyoung goodbye, his voice giving away that he felt nervous about it.

“It’s my cue to say that I had a lot of fun.” Jinyoung joked when Jaebum stayed silent after kissing Jinyoung’s cheek, a mirror of the gesture from a couple of hours ago.

Jaebum chuckled. “Did you, though?”

“Have no idea why you sound so unsure now.” It made Jaebum chuckle again, less awkward now, and Jinyoung smirked. He reached for Jaebum’s chin with his hand and cupped it, trying to keep the touch as gentle as Jaebum always did for him.

Their eyes met and Jinyoung wondered how was it possible that Jaebum still hadn’t caved in and kissed him _properly_. Guess Jinyoung had to make this particular decision for the both of them.

He was wrong, though; well, not completely wrong, since he was the one who leaned in first. But Jaebum closed the tiny gap between them without hesitating, lips warm as they moved against Jinyoung’s. Jaebum’s hands slided under the glittery jacket and gripped Jinyoung’s sides, almost making Jinyoung jump out of surprise. He liked the feeling, though. Jaebum’s hands held him firmly, keeping Jinyoung concentrated on the present. He could relax into them, let himself forget for a short while about any doubts and fears that occupied his mind.

With a few tentative, close-mouthed kisses, it was over way too soon in Jinyoung’s opinion. The sigh he heaved sounded almost like a huff and made Jaebum laugh breathily. He rested his forehead on Jinyoung’s and Jinyoung didn’t have it in himself to throw a petty fit in order to get more kisses. It felt okay as it was;  _that_ was what they were both comfortable with and in all honesty, Jinyoung didn’t need anything more at that moment. Jaebum kept smiling at him and Jinyoung didn’t even know he was grinning back the whole time.

As he collapsed onto his bed minutes later, still high from the kiss (though he wouldn't admit that even to himself), the fatigue of the whole day sank in and he almost fell asleep fully clothed, not even minding how stiff Bambam’s thick jacket felt compared to the pillows.

 

* * *

 

 

Meeting Wonpil could _almost_ be called revolutionary after the streak of unfortunate hookups and mistaking pure lust with intimate affection. That fleeting infatuation kept getting the best of Jinyoung.

However, his relationship with Wonpil wasn’t such a success, even compared to all the mistakes Jinyoung had made throughout two years of constant falling in and out of casual affairs. Luckily, Jinyoung still had that yearning for knowledge, for improving himself despite the unfavourable circumstances. He tried to learn from every hopeless story life had written for him thus far, because all that time and experience couldn't just go to waste, could it.

As he lay in his bed now, sleep long overdue, he wondered where exactly Jaebum stood on the current path that Fate prepared for him.

After all these years of learning and growing, it seemed that it was high time Jinyoung met the man who’d go hand in hand with the person Jinyoung had finally become.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so >:C about this chapter, idk, it's probably the exhaustion speaking through me now. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> that being said, i'm looking forward to seeing what are your thoughts! i need your comments to survive, guys lol!! and i swear the next chapter is going to be Better, just wait for it, ok. you'll see
> 
> (my tumblr's 7shinees too if anyone's up for me being a mess also on another site c': lmao)
> 
> ((the word vernissage is perfectly Valid, i use it and i'm still okay, so don't judge me))


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back at it with a friday update! lol
> 
> firstly, as far as i am concerned (which means A Lot in this case), this story's going to be around 8 chapters long, so... we're somewhere in the middle of it now! moreover, i updated the tags, so yeahhh!!! /wink wink/
> 
> i posted another work from this au this week ([suck you dry](http://archiveofourown.org/works/12570664)), so if anyone's interested, i highly recommend checking it! <3 it isn't much of a spoiler, even though it takes place after the current events here.
> 
> i always talk too much in my notes... how to Be Professional..... WELL, ENJOY READING, BABES <3

 

* * *

 

 

It was another Friday. In other words, it was another evening full of colorful, heavy makeup and loud, dramatic arguments that weren't even _real._ Another night filled with thoughts swirling chaotically around Jinyoung’s mind, focused on anything but the task in hand.

Bambam got to their place right next to him and soon the desk was completely covered with the finest glitter, sorted by colors and the size of the flakes. Jinyoung stared at it for a second too long.

“You should use it today!” Bambam exclaimed right next to his ear. The scream was punctuated with a flick of a powder brush.

Immediately, Jinyoung reached for the small box of large, blue-ish glitter. Bambam giggled at his eagerness, but thankfully didn’t comment on it.

  


It was strangely stuffy in the club that night, Jinyoung couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason for that. The guys watching their performances cheered and tipped as lavishly as ever. But among all the screams, full of delight and obscene lust mixed with each other into one, Jinyoung felt cold. The glitter on his face and body glistened with all shades of icy whites, blues and greens. He had trouble with differentiating his stage, female persona from the one from two hours ago. The one that a couple of days ago had gone to an exhibition opening that kind of, sort of felt like a beginning of something else. The one that screamed for warmth that radiated from the man he was with then.

He didn’t go for his usual, as he had previously planned. He let Peach settle into a completely different character, creating the most intimate version of her he could master.

And oh, did people love her. They were hosting a romance-themed night and her lip-sync of a lengthy, passionate ballad was met with pure admiration, the money and occasional roses from strangers and the staff hitting the floor right next to her high heels. She felt powerful in the artificial misery that rushed through her, foreign pain multiplied with every high note in the ballad, her body collapsing to the floor only to be risen by the sea of hands once, then falling down and getting up another time, and for the last time she collapsed with her hands full of loose rose petals and crumpled cash, the mix of red and green covering her body as she didn't get up for a moment longer than the ballad played.

The screams above her were deafening. She closed her eyes, her limbs limp and spread out like useless tools, and she basked in the love she didn’t sincerely craved for _the most_ , though which made her life possible.

  


“You were something else tonight, Peach,” Bambam’s whisper rang in Jinyoung’s ears, almost as deafening as the noise in the club.

It was 4am, that magical hour when everyone seemed to gather their shit and go back home, no matter what state they were in and with whom they were. Yugyeom wasn’t with them this time; he was at some dance workshops in another city for the whole weekend. So it was only Jinyoung and Bambam in the cab on their way back to Bambam’s house. Bambam insisted Jinyoung would sleep over. They suddenly became afraid of darkness.

Jinyoung knew Bambam were afraid of the dark only when Yugyeom wasn’t next to them. He didn’t say that aloud.

“Thanks, kiddo.” He yawned. Bambam hummed something under their breath and didn’t speak up for the rest of the ride.

  


Their house felt empty, foreign. It was only Jinyoung and Bambam. It didn’t seem as home-like as it did in the daylight. Or with Bambam’s best friend and Jinyoung’s least (most) favourite brat around.

Or maybe it had something to do with their exhaustion, since the show that night was one of the most intense ones in their shared history.

  


“Why did you change your mind about the performance? It was quite last-minute,” Bambam asked Jinyoung when the darkness of their living room became too much. It was 5am and they both still hadn’t fallen asleep, even though the sofas there were as comfortable as regular beds.

Jinyoung knew what Bambam meant. It wasn’t like him to cancel what he had planned, to willingly go under the pressure of time and expectations when he already had something of a high quality up his sleeve, ready to be shown off.

“The vernissage.” Jinyoung’s reply fell down into the stuffed silence. As Bambam probably waited for more to follow, Jinyoung cleared his throat and spoke up again. “I mean, it changed more than just plans for tonight. By now, I’m… _aware,_ and Jaebum certainly is, too, that he likes me. And I know that I like him, too.”

He omitted the kiss scene whatsoever. For now, at least.

“I’m not… _entirely_ sure what to do with these two things,” he just added.

Bambam inhaled sharply, but there was no screaming that followed it. Instead, they dove into the kind of a straightforward, good-natured advice that Jinyoung _almost_ didn’t believe he could receive here. Almost, because in reality, he knew that Bambam weren’t as carefree and inconsiderate as people liked to portray them.

“So, I think you don’t want to make the same mistake as you’ve made once,” Bambam began slowly, as if testing the waters. Jinyoung silently let them go on and that was the only encouragement they needed to flood him with words.

“It makes you go crazy with all the overthinking you’ve been doing, right? Oh, I know, I see it! You’ve never taken this long to prepare before shows! You close down from the world and escape into your head all the time. I noticed it. But, Mama, I also noticed how much more you smile whenever he texts you. So, from what you’ve told me, about how he can, you know, handle you and stuff… I think it’s worth a shot, at least.” There, Bams paused, most likely just to make their rumbled speech more dramatic. “But you have to tell him about your drag queen life, preferably as soon as possible. It’s who you are, and I know you’re aware of that and it makes the whole thing easier and harder at the same time, but I’m serious.”

As Bambam kept talking - and it didn’t seem like they were going to stop any time soon - their voice got louder, speech quicker and messier. They were getting worked up, Jinyoung could tell. He wondered if Bambam thought about the issue at hand before; they couldn’t come up with all of this completely out of nowhere, could they?

Bambam’s hands shot up from underneath the blankets. Shadows played on the walls behind them as Bambam gestured lively. “Accept the fact that you guys are into each other, accept the fact that you find him attractive, accept that, I don’t know, that you want to ride his dick-- ugh, snort all you want, but that is the tea, if you ask me.” Jinyoung opened his mouth to protest, but, “I know you didn't ask! Not aloud, at least! Anyways…” Bambam inhaled sharply. Jinyoung still didn't get enough time to stop them (suddenly, he was pretty sure they needed to be stopped).

Thankfully, judging by the volume and speed and how Bambam emphasized each word, their speech was reaching its climax.

“Embrace your feelings and let them lead you! And tell your loverboy that you pretend to be singing in front of a whole club of horny guys, while you’re in a wig and female clothes. But firstly, just get used to your feelings and to your new boyfie-- Because you guys are official, right? He’s your bae? Have you sealed the deal already?”

As expected, Bambam’s tirade ended with a shout and it was caused by Jinyoung himself. He threw a pillow in their direction, hitting them (fortunately?) square in the crotch.

“Geez, not the dick you should be going for!” Bambam screeched and Jinyoung felt all the love he had for them evaporate.

 

* * *

 

Bambam's logic was simple, but it was exactly the straightforward nature of it that helped Jinyoung realize that yeah, he _could_ take the situation slow and easy, make it work the way he wanted it to work, and enjoy the process all at the same time.

So he did just that.

  


Bambam didn’t forgive him for not telling them right away that Jinyoung and Jaebum kissed on their second date ( _they sealed the deal with a kiss, Yugyeom, and Mama didn't tell me! Can you believe!_ ), but any small inconvenience that met Jinyoung because of Bambam’s petty self went pretty much unnoticed. Jinyoung was too busy discovering all kinds of joy that came along with going out with Im Jaebum.

They started to meet more often. The text messages subsided, mostly because both Jinyoung and Jaebum felt way more comfortable just talking in real life. Or while they called each other, which they started doing frequently the day Jinyoung decided to call Jaebum and ask him out on a lunch. It was Sunday and Jinyoung’s resolution to engross himself in whatever they were going to have with Jaebum was still fresh, but he was determined to make it happen.

He was sure he wanted Jaebum to see as much of the Jinyoung of multiple layers as he could show without spilling all the tea just yet. He wasn't sure how he could call his tactic - damage control? Was it damage control? The cynic voice in his head kept saying that by calling it that, Jinyoung insinuated that there was going to be some sort of damage.

And yeah, there probably was. Jinyoung couldn’t know how severe it would be in the end, but he wanted to make it minimal. Jaebum was getting to know Jinyoung step by step, one out-of-the-box fact about him at a time. By the time they’d arrive to the grand reveal, Jaebum might not even be surprised.

(That was what Jinyoung wished for, and the wishful thinking got the better of him, but he didn't mind it much.)

 

* * *

 

After a whole week of constant rain, the sky cleared out. Without the grey aura as a mood bummer, people were piling up in the parks, the alleys crowded on the Sunday afternoon. Jinyoung hooked his arm around Jaebum’s as he tried to avoid bumping into kids that were running around.

“That girl in a pink jacket is faster than her dog,” Jaebum said in awe when the labrador failed to catch up with the girl once again.

Jinyoung laughed. He felt warm, so warm, despite the slightly chilly wind and the thin material of his trench coat.

Before they went for a walk in a park, they’d met up with Youngjae. The boy seemed somehow intimidated by the third-wheel situation he found himself in, but Jinyoung made sure him and Jaebum didn’t indulge in too much PDA. Jinyoung took a liking for Youngjae and wanted to make the same good impression on Jaebum’s friend. Outside of the art field, Youngjae acted pretty much the same as during the opening - he was almost childishly honest, his gestures and replies always sincere, even if he still had to overcome a bit of his nervousness around Jinyoung. It was hard not to appreciate the positive attitude the boy had, though, and Jinyoung was glad they all could meet again for a friendly lunch, a small, but already visible bond forming between him and Jaebum’s friend.

The last couple of days went by quicker than usual. Jinyoung would meet with Jaebum for a lunch or a dinner, once even going to the nearest fast food place just because they were too hungry and too lazy to look for anything fancier. They ended up eating too much, but Jinyoung didn’t regret it a bit. Stuffing their faces with cheap french fries while bitching together about their friends helped pulling them both closer. Despite the fact that there was nothing romantic about salt sticking to their fingers and how literally greasy their kisses were, it still felt like a date and it still made Jinyoung smile when he thought about it. They were getting comfortable with each other, one random, yet deep conversation after another, and with each little date Jinyoung felt more relaxed. His mind kept wandering to places he didn’t want to explore further than he’d already done, true, but feeling at ease was becoming less and less difficult. Jinyoung was making progress.

_They_ were making progress.

As they walked carefully between families, friends and couples, Jinyoung felt like grinning at Jaebum, although he was unable to distinguish one particular reason for that.

(It might have been the butterflies-in-the-stomach feeling.)

At some point, Jaebum hummed to get Jinyoung’s full attention (he’d already had it). “Remember the exhibition Youngjae mentioned earlier?” Jinyoung nodded, licking his drying lips and Jaebum’s gaze shifted from Jinyoung’s eyes to look at the motion. “Maybe we could go see it next week?”

Jaebum bit on his lower lip while he watched Jinyoung ponder on the answer, eyes switching from one facial feature to another in a lazy admiration, and the latter could swear there was a blush threatening to show up on his cheeks. His heart already picked up a pace too fast for such a calm walk in a park. Jinyoung could feel himself lose focus.

“Wednesday evening is okay with me,” he finally replied, quite proud of himself that he managed to go through all of his plans for the week so quickly and without checking his planner.

It was Jaebum’s turn to silently think his plans through. Jinyoung took that as a chance to observe Jaebum closely, much like the man had done moments before.

“Wednesday’s okay.” Jaebum met Jinyoung’s eyes and they grinned stupidly in unison, as though they just shared a secret they’d never told anyone else and found out the other party felt the same. It felt so silly, and maybe they were just acting silly, so Jinyoung chuckled and lightly pushed Jaebum, tried to get him off the alley, but Jaebum understood what was up. Instead of pushing Jinyoung in revenge, though, he wrapped his arms around the latter and they both stumbled sideways, almost landing in a small pile of colorful leaves, much like the kids playing noisily around them.

  


Wednesday got them both exhausted, so they stayed mostly silent as they wandered around the temporary exhibition. Jaebum looked incredibly cozy in a grey sweater that could be Jinyoung’s (and Jinyoung entertained the idea of sharing their clothing with each other on a daily basis; how adorable Jaebum would look in Jinyoung’s sweaters, how comfy it’d be to fall asleep in one of Jaebum’s hoodies that had cat fur all over it). Jinyoung went for a fitted baby blue shirt and tight black jeans that day, which he was smug about, since he caught Jaebum glancing at Jinyoung’s body more than a few times while the man was supposed to be engrossed in the art that surrounded them.

“Tea at my place?” Jaebum murmured next to Jinyoung’s ear. His hand sneaked its way to Jinyoung’s waist; the slight weight as Jaebum rested it there was something Jinyoung would love to get used to and call domestic.

An elder couple stared at both of them from the other side of the room.

“Will you finally introduce me to all your children?” Jinyoung chuckled.

Jaebum grinned, teeth on display. “High time, isn’t it.”

And with one sentence, the evening was saved. The exhibition was interesting, of course; Jinyoung could never complain about going to an art gallery, ever. However, he could certainly feel that both of them weren’t in the most lively moods. If not for the motivation boost, they’d probably call it a night right after exiting the art gallery.

  


“I cleaned this room yesterday, I swear,” Jaebum kept mumbling as he tried to sort out papers on the coffee table and get the cat fur off the couch at the same time. Jinyoung observed him in amusement.

Jaebum seemed honestly distressed about the tiny mess, though, and Jinyoung didn’t want to be _cruel_ (it was about Jaebum, not Yugyeom, after all; he would have no regrets if it was the latter). Thus, as Jaebum apologized for the third time for cat hair on one of the pillows, Jinyoung covered his mouth with his hand. “It’s tidy, Jaebum, I can see that much,” he joked. Jaebum stared at him with a hint of uncertainty.

Jinyoung rolled his eyes and uncovered Jaebum’s mouth to kiss the man briefly. Jaebum’s lips were soft and warm despite the cold weather and being away from home the whole day.

“I don’t mind a few notes and cat hair in a living room, okay?” He assured and Jaebum finally looked convinced. He stole another sweet peck from Jinyoung.

“Wait here and I’ll get you something to drink.” He pecked and nosed at Jinyoung’s cheek and laughed at the small, surprised squeal that escaped Jinyoung’s mouth. Jinyoung stared at him with a betrayed look in his eyes. Jaebum chuckled at that, too.

“That was too… cute,” Jinyoung pushed at Jaebum’s torso with pretty much no effort put into it, generally way too unconvincing now to make Jaebum’s goofy grin disappear.

(Jinyoung didn’t want it to disappear, ever.)

“Then it was suitable, you’re too cute, too,” Jaebum replied shamelessly and had to hush Jinyoung’s immediate protests with more kisses.

He needed quite a few to get Jinyoung to stop trying to pinch him in the middle of kissing. More was needed to make Jinyoung sigh softly when Jaebum nipped at his lower lip, his body finally relaxed in Jaebum’s embrace. From that point, it wasn’t hard to draw another sigh from the man and Jaebum kept smiling against Jinyoung’s lips afterwards, grin still in place as they parted and breathed the same warm air between them in silence.

Their small bubble was destroyed with a single mewl coming from behind Jaebum. Nora was standing in the doorway to the kitchen, eyes big and expectant, although she also seemed alarmed because of the stranger standing so close to her human.

“Oh, babygirl, are you hungry?” Jaebum cooed instantly and suddenly he was in the kitchen, talking to his cat and listening to the answers she actually gave him from time to time. Jinyoung was left alone, no glance spared at him after the cat called for its owner.

What else could he expect, though; he didn’t even feel bad for being abandoned like that. The feeling pooling in his chest was quite the contrary. Jaebum’s love for his cats was adorable and _pure_ , Jinyoung found it both amusing and heartwarming to watch. The slight jealousy over the blatant favouritism was squished with a mushiness Jinyoung hadn’t thought he’d ever be able to master. It was impossible not to acknowledge the affection swirling in his mind and body, so he let himself savor every minute of it instead of trying to deny it anyhow.

Jaebum was back after a few moments, mugs filled with hot tea in his hands. He placed them in front of Jinyoung, sitting next to his guest. Nora meowed again, but this time neither her or Jaebum seemed interested in a longer conversation; the cat disappeared in a small plushy house and Jaebum had all his attention back on Jinyoung.

“Kunta and Odd are probably hanging out together in the bedroom, I’ll introduce you to them later.”

Jinyoung nodded in agreement. There was nothing he could do, really. It was clear that the rules were dictated by the cats and their biased opinions on life and strangers.

“I just wonder if anyone else could ever be treated with so much affection in this household,” Jinyoung mused, the rim of the mug rested on his lower lip. He glanced at Jaebum, who (finally) looked abashed. The petty side of Jinyoung jumped in delight.

Jinyoung’s triumph didn’t last long. Jaebum took a moment to collect himself, head turned away. Then, he looked back and his gaze was intense, scorchingly so, as he stared at Jinyoung. “I guess you have to stay to find out.”

Jinyoung wanted to stay. And he stayed.

  


He stayed on other evenings, too. They kept meeting for lunches and dinners and simple hanging out in their free time. The pace of it all wasn’t exceeding as fast as it would in Jinyoung’s past relationships, but he welcomed the change with open arms, even if it felt quite unfamiliar. The concept of not hooking up with your boyfriend yet, even though you’d been in his apartment on multiple occasions already, was foreign to Jinyoung. But he wasn’t complaining, not really.

(Though their dynamic still made him wonder.)

He even joked about it once, when they were both cuddled to each other on a bench in a park, watching as yellow leaves twirled in the air. He laughed to himself quietly, amused by his own thoughts, and Jaebum poked his side playfully.

“We’re so innocent,” Jinyoung said and Jaebum had a knowing smile on his face already. “Did you see it coming?”

Jaebum shook his head in response. “No, but I guess we’re just having healthy beginnings here. Enjoy it while you can,” Jaebum joked and this time Jinyoung poked him, way stronger than it was needed.

He hoped Jaebum knew the force meant _yes, I’m enjoying it_. And that he wanted to keep things this way for as long as he could.

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung was supposed to be busy with another short article for some queer website. Not a huge challenge for him, but his thoughts were quite far from the topic the site wanted him to focus on.

His mind was somewhere on the campus of his university, going through small affairs that had happened because of mutual friends (even Wonpil was a friend of Sungjin, Jinyoung’s classmate at the time, met at a party) or shared classes. It wandered off to the clubs he’d performed at, where he found most of his recent relationships slash fuck buddies arrangements. Those that were clearly based just on the feeling of impersonal lust and general misconceptions of feelings. It was never really about Jinyoung or about the other person. It was about Peach Perfect and the high from sex with someone that looked at you like you were the most delicious dish, their absolute favourite.

After Wonpil, Jinyoung had exactly one one night stand. The guy was actually quite sweet and he asked for Jinyoung’s number, but Jinyoung was fed up with this type of relations. He knew by heart how they develop and how they end. There was nothing he craved for in them and the repetitive, hopeless nature of them was deterring him from indulging in another one of them.

The screen of Jinyoung’s laptop went black as he sank deeper into the cushions on his sofa. He wished for a cat to pet absentmindedly as his thoughts ran in a certain direction, the one his mind seemed to head to all the time recently.

Jaebum.

Jaebum was a neutral ground. Compared to Jinyoung’s previous relationships, Jaebum got to know him as a blank canvas, knowing just a few things from his dating app profile. And frankly, it was a fairly new situation for Jinyoung. There were no expectations related to his drag persona or to the image he had as a student and a friend of other people. It was so… _normal._ Maybe _that_ was another reason for why Jinyoung had no idea how to actually handle the awkward sweetness that was layered all over their first meetings and on the feelings that kept emerging oh-so-stubbornly.

Jinyoung tapped on the touchpad and squinted when the screen lighted up harshly. The doc file was empty, but his mind calmed down a little at the thought of Jaebum. Jinyoung had hoped he’d write at least half of the article tonight. It might still be possible.

 

* * *

 

For once, Peach was ready for the show even before Bambam, who were opening it that night.

“Get your shit out of my working space,” she fussed at them, because _ugh, rude_. Bambam scattered their lashes on Peach’s desk and didn’t seem to care about her objections.

“Which ones go with this look better, girls?” They asked loudly instead, shoving two different pairs of lashes firstly in Peach’s face, then in Lady Hazel’s.

Lady Hazel, the most experienced drag queen in their club (the oldest one, basically), glanced at the lashes with minimal interest. Peach could relate.

“Right ones,” Lady Hazel responded after a few seconds and Bambam heaved an _okay, whatever_ and turned to Peach Perfect again.

“Mama, tell me what to do!” They cried out dramatically and Peach scowled at them. Once again, _rude._

“Choke on them,” she deadpanned. Lady Hazel laughed obnoxiously.

Bambam scoffed. “I don’t love you anymore!”

“Okay,” Peach shrugged, but Bambam were already asking another queen for advice. Good, Peach had a moment for herself.

She studied herself in the mirror. She looked immaculate, warm tones all over her body, looking like a human version of Fall. She never went for redhead wigs, but today the old-school-drag looking, ridiculously tall wig was a burnt orange and went perfectly with the fall theme of Peach’s look.

The wig was Bambam’s, of course.

“I heard you’re dating someone now, Peaches,” Lady Hazel teased Peach while perfecting her eye makeup. “And that the lucky boy isn’t from here.”

The Loud Mouth had to spill the beans, it seemed.

“True.” Peach said simply, unsure if she even wanted to add anything more. Lady Hazel was her friend, but she was also a typical gossip girl and Peach Perfect did not want to become the hottest issue overnight. Well, not like that, at least.

“Then I probably don't know him. I only know every kinky fucker that wanders around our club.” The remark made both of the queens laugh.

“Again, true!” Peach sassed and Lady Hazel almost poked her eyeball out with her eyeliner, she inhaled so dramatically.

And then Peach had Bambam all over her again. They batted their fake lashes at her, lengthy and winged to the point of no return. So they chose the right ones, in the end.

“How do you like me, Mama?” Bambam purred, literally sitting on Peach’s lap, and Peach could swear her makeup cracked when she frowned in disgust at them.

“ _Kunpimook,_ you’re _close_ ,” she leaned away from them, but they just laughed their manic, pre-show laugh and leaned in to make the gap between them disappear.

“Mm, want me even closer?” They drawled, and oh, sweet baby Jesus, they batted their lashes again at Peach, and they were glued to Peach, and they winked at her, and she wanted to throw up.

Bambam didn’t last long; they cackled obnoxiously while standing up, loud and definitely _ugly._ Peach was unimpressed.

“I would never _touch_ you!” They whizzed.

“Agreed, also do not even look at me,” Peach countered immediately. “Do not look at me ever again, you’re not my child anymore.”

Bambam just kept laughing, wobbly in their high heels. Colorful necklaces glistened on their flat, almost completely uncovered chest. They steadied themselves on Lady Hazel’s chair and started fanning their face frantically. Peach actually believed there were tears to be dried.

“But aren’t I a Bam... Beauty.... Bam?!” Bambam started shouting again, every word punctuated with an unsteady swirl, either of just their hips or the whole body.

“You’re so stupid,” Peach groaned. Bambam ignored it completely. Other queens were glancing at the scene, laughing or judging as hard as Peach was judging her foster child now.

“Beauty starts with a B, and so does Bammie!” Bambam concluded with a shake of their hips. Their mini skirt kept riding up, you could already see some of their non-existent ass.

“That’s really not my child, girl,” Peach sighed in Lady Hazel’s direction. The other drag queen chuckled.

“If she was your daughter, she’d be called Flat Peach,” Lady Hazel agreed, noticing where Peach was currently looking at. “The family resemblance hasn’t arrived to _this_ port, honey.”

And with that, Lady Hazel shook her hand at Peach, gesturing for her to get up. Peach complied, amused, and Lady Hazel turned her around to smack Peach’s ass loudly. Some of the queens near them laughed and screamed in approval. Peach laughed, too, and went along with the playful act as she bent shamelessly for Lady Hazel to slap her again.

She laughed boisterously. “That is Peach Perfect for you all, yes!” She forced out and slapped Peach, and maybe it’d be better if Peach had padded her hips and butt, because it wouldn't have been as painful then. The obnoxious smacking sound made everyone even more excited. The volume of everyone’s voices went higher, the walls barely containing the ruckus.

The dressing room was a terribly noisy, colorful chaos that night.

The show was really close now, though, and soon the queens were slowly going back to checking their appearances one last time. Lady Hazel patted Peach’s butt placatingly. She looked a little bit guilty, she probably noticed and felt sorry for how hard she slapped Peach.

“That boy doesn't even know how lucky he is,” she suddenly said in a low voice, smiling as though she was sharing a secret. She winked at Peach before Peach could answer anyhow and turned to the queen next to her, asking about something Peach couldn't register due to the noise.

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung learned that Jaebum’s couch wasn’t the most comfortable place, but all the warmth radiating from Jaebum and his three cats made up for it entirely.

They were having a Netflix kind of an evening, some comedic sitcom playing on Jaebum’s laptop. They thought about watching Black Mirror together, but decided against it as the show seemed too serious for the light, cozy atmosphere that engulfed them. Jaebum suggested a movie night jokingly, to _give this idea its justice._ Jinyoung, although knowing well that Jaebum wasn’t completely serious, said they should do it. Jaebum looked a little taken aback, but then he smirked (Jinyoung hated/loved this smile on him, depending on how you’d look at it) and agreed.

Jinyoung didn't think they needed the blanket they were half-lying under, since he felt quite warm just from being so close to Jaebum. However, the fuzzy material added up to how comfortable Jinyoung felt, so he didn’t utter a single word of complaint. Kunta snuggled behind Jinyoung’s legs and purred occasionally. Jaebum tried to reach the cat and pet it, but Jinyoung laughed at his efforts and wrapped Jaebum’s arm around himself instead.

After the first episode of the show, Jinyoung was positive he’d already left a permanent mark on Jaebum’s side, with how _fiercely_ he was cuddled to him. Halfway through the second one, he wondered if they really were just going to cuddle, kiss and giggle as though they were way younger and more bashful; and when the third one was over, Jinyoung was sure he didn’t even need anything more, he was perfectly content with how much affection oozed from Jaebum even when they didn’t do much.

He wouldn't be himself without a small tease fest, though. Jaebum seemed to share the same sentiment, because every so often, his hand would caress Jinyoung’s side too low, and he’d kiss Jinyoung for a whole minute too long to keep things innocent. And Jinyoung kept up with his pace, maybe even excelled Jaebum. Somewhere between the kisses during the second episode, he twisted his fingers into Jaebum’s hair and pulled slightly, earning a surprised sigh that made them both chuckle into the kiss. Jaebum scratched Jinyoung’s back playfully and Jinyoung bit lightly on his lower lip, not intending to stay behind. His lips moved to Jaebum’s jaw, then slowly to his neck, kisses and bites left lazily.

“Can’t focus on the show when you do that,” Jaebum murmured, his right hand resting on Jinyoung’s nape now.

Jinyoung smiled, but obliged and pressed one last kiss just under Jaebum’s jaw before adjusting himself back up and trying to stay still for a while. Enough tension made for that episode.

He nuzzled his face back into the crook of Jaebum’s neck when the second episode ended. He sighed contently and wrapped his arm loosely around Jaebum, letting it rest low on his abdomen on purpose. Jaebum sighed, amused, but didn’t complain, so Jinyoung stayed in this position until he heard first dialogues. Jaebum pecked his lips as soon as Jinyoung’s lips were on the same level as his.

Jinyoung lost any interest in the show right before they started making out during the second episode, so he had no idea what and why was happening on the screen. He didn’t even care to try and catch up with it; he was more into coming up with how to tease Jaebum more. It might have been petty, but the annoying bitch inside him made her appearance as soon as she sensed the challenge.

(One could say that it was Peach’s persona that made him act like that. Jinyoung wasn’t sure he’d be able to prove them wrong.)

For most of the third episode, Jinyoung had his hand rested on Jaebum’s thigh. The muscles tensed under his touch, and every time Jaebum’s body started to relax, Jinyoung would move his hand (mostly upwards, yes), just to feel the thigh stiffening slightly under his palm and hear Jaebum’s breath quicken or hitch. The changes were subtle, but Jinyoung had all his focus on them, catching every little sound or move that Jaebum made in response. Surprisingly, Jaebum didn’t reach to grab and stop Jinyoung’s hand, and he also didn’t reach out to make another step in their little game. Instead, he let Jinyoung tease him. It made Jinyoung impatient-- and oh, maybe that was Jaebum’s plan there, Jinyoung realized.

Jaebum finally caved in, though. As soon as the third episode ended, they were making out again, probably slightly too passionate, because Kunta woke up and mewled with distaste at them, running away right after. It made two other cats perk up from their sleeping spots and meow, too, and soon Jinyoung was left alone on the couch, Jaebum padding away to shush his feline children and give them something to eat.

Yugyeom would laugh out loud if Jinyoung ever told him he was cockblocked by three cats at once, but oh, well. He still had some quality time while the _kids_ were asleep.

 

* * *

 

For some reason, Jinyoung had no time to introduce Jaebum to Yugyeom or Bambam. He talked about them, mentioned them often, but the timing was always off and Jaebum still hadn’t met the two youngsters that occupied Jinyoung seemingly whenever he was free.

It wasn’t intentional; Jinyoung wanted them all to get to know each other, actually, and it was irritating that they couldn’t set a date that would fit everyone. Jaebum met Sungjin by chance, and it was quite ironic, given that Jinyoung himself hadn’t seen Sungjin pretty much since the break-up with Wonpil and they just bumped into each other one afternoon, when Jinyoung was on his way to a cafe that Jaebum insisted had the best chocolate cakes in town. Kihyun, another one of Jinyoung’s old friends, happened to had already known Jaebum. Allegedly, they’d met at a party back in college, because Kihyun attended one of the classes Youngjae did, too.

“Funny how if it wasn’t for some illness that got me then, we could have met literally years ago,” Jinyoung said once he was alone with Jaebum, on their way to a pizza place.

“Don’t worry about the timing,” Jaebum reassured him, his arm linked with Jinyoung’s. “Our past selves could not even like each other and we wouldn’t have… _this_ ,” and here Jaebum coughed awkwardly, so Jinyoung hummed to indicate that he got what Jaebum meant. “We wouldn’t be walking together right now. And I like how it is now. I want to keep the present the way it is.”

Jinyoung bit his lip to somehow force back the silly smile that was making its way there.

He glanced at Jaebum. The two moles under his eyebrow were perfectly visible thanks to the wind that ruffled Jaebum’s hair, combed the dark strands back.

“I like the present, too,” Jinyoung mused, barely aloud, and let his smile stretch on his lips when Jaebum looked at him with a matching grin.

 

* * *

 

After another lunch Jinyoung and Jaebum had together (Jaebum was practically _glowing_ with delight after Jinyoung told him he looked really handsome in a simple black sweater he wore that day), Jinyoung didn’t think any of them needed to tiptoe around each other anymore, at least not in regard of that one issue Jinyoung was about to address. In the dim light of the standing lamp in his small living room, with all his friends busy during the late hours of a rainy Thursday, there was no one to tell him it was too early, too late, inappropriate or _anything_ to ask the question that popped up in his head. On impulse, he reached for his phone, opting for a call instead of a text message. He had to come through loud and clear with what he wanted from Jaebum.

Jaebum picked up after a few signals. His voice sounded hoarse, the _hello_ somehow rough.

“Are you free right now?” Jinyoung’s voice, on the contrary, was lively, anxiously so.

“I-- oh, wait a second.” There was some rustling, and then Jinyoung heard a loud meow. The soft cooing that followed it made his heart _swell_. A feeling that tasted like honey flooded his thoughts.

Jaebum chuckled awkwardly, back on the line. “Sorry, Jinyoungie, Nora woke up because of the phone and I had to get her next to me.” Upon hearing the pet name, Jinyoung almost hung up and ran straight to Jaebum’s apartment (but he had to stay at least that much rational and restrain himself from doing so). “Is something wrong? It’s already past eleven.”

So maybe it wasn’t even evening anymore, it was the middle of the night. Jinyoung cringed at himself. The worry in Jaebum’s voice was quite understandable.

However, Jinyoung had already called. Couldn’t act like a coward _now._ “I actually-- I wanted to ask you something, but I guess it’s too late for an impromptu meeting.”

Jaebum chuckled throatily. Nora meowed at him somewhere near the speaker. “Yeah, agreed. I’m already in bed, and I’m sure you should be in yours now, too, but... we can still talk through the phone, right? What is it, Jinyoungie?”

Jinyoung was sure by now that this asshole (Jaebum) was aware of how much Jinyoung liked being called sweet nicknames. But what he probably did not know was that Jinyoung liked it specifically when _Jaebum_ did so.

It was hopeless, and frankly, this whole situation was hopeless.

“I was just… wondering.” He started cautiously. “We go out all the time, and you said today that we’re exclusive since it’s the two of us only every time, and I know it was a joke, but I’m pretty sure we literally are. Exclusive. Just wanted to make sure that our view on that is the same.” Jinyoung swore it was way more cringy than he intended it to be, but the damage was made, wasn’t it.

For a short moment, the mess he left to hang between them was met with a complete silence. And then Jinyoung heard-- purring?

“Jaebum?” He couldn't help it, he sounded terribly suspicious, because what the hell, did Jaebum forget to mention that he purrs in his spare time--

Suddenly, an ask for permission to start a video call popped up on his phone and he automatically pressed yes. “Sorry, it was Nora again!” Jaebum explained hastily, directing the camera at his cat. Surely enough, a familiar pair of blue eyes was staring right into the lense. A hand reached to pet Nora and her eyes closed, a blissful purring the same as the previous ones filling in the silence.

Then Jaebum directed the camera at himself and Jinyoung felt like melting from all the emotions that Jaebum’s sleepy smile awoke in his chest.

“I suppose you couldn't ask about being official tomorrow, when we actually meet in person?” Jaebum’s smile got wider. Jinyoung felt silly, really silly, but it didn't matter, because he could see that goofy grin, reserved specially for him.

Damn, that man made him soft. “I couldn't. It’s not like… We are _not_ and I’m asking you to _become_ my boyfriend. Obviously.”

He watched Jaebum try to make a serious face (Jaebum failed completely).

“Yeah. You’re right, of course.” Jinyoung was sure he had a deja vu right now, but he wanted to both punch that smug smirk off Jaebum’s face and kiss it away. And he couldn't lie, the latter seemed like a perfect option, since he already knew how it felt.

(Although sometimes it didn't work and made Jaebum look even more smug.)

Nora kept purring on the other end, a perfect background sound for Jaebum’s next words. “I think that we’re definitely on the same page.”

“Good,” and Jinyoung really tried to look unmoved by the sudden softness in Jaebum’s eyes, a fondness that reached every tiny curve of his words.

(He failed.)

Jaebum chuckled once again, but this time a hint of sass creeped its way to his voice. “Can’t believe that reasonable, grownup man that I was lucky enough to start dating just called me in the middle of the night to ask if we’re boyfriends. Are you sure you’re not in middle school anymore?” The teasing was light, though, and the undeniable, pure affection that lay underneath it was so, so prominent. Jinyoung thought his heart was going to explode.

“Can’t believe that hot, tough guy from a dating app just got all sappy because of a teenage boy type of move,” Jinyoung tried to fire back, but his own voice carried way too much warmth to hold any amount of malice in it, too. Jaebum blinked at him on the screen and hid his face in his pillow, a wide smile still visible as he made a noise that probably was intended to sound disgusted. Instead, Jinyoung heard an overjoyed whimper and his heart jumped in joy.

It was crazy, just how boyish Jaebum could look and act with his guards down. It could almost fool Jinyoung into believing that Jaebum needed someone to take care of him, to guide him, whereas it’d always be Jinyoung who was spoiled by Jaebum, not the other way around.

Even now, although in different parts of the city, under different roofs, Jinyoung could sense the tenderness of Jaebum’s feelings that would lull him to a peaceful sleep later. It was almost as though Jaebum was there, tucking him into warm blankets and placing a chaste kiss on his cheek, bidding him goodnight with a smile. Jinyoung didn’t need anything else.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3
> 
> looking forward to your comments! talk to me here or on my tumblr ([7shinees](http://7shinees.tumblr.com/)), i wanna get to know you! C:
> 
> (i talked so much at the beginning that i'm just gonna shut up in the end notes LMAO)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> H E Y
> 
> yes, i managed to update within a week. yes, this chapter contains an unhealthy amount of making out and cheesy stuff and confusing yugbam. should i cut it into two chapters? maybe. am i posting an almost 8k word long monster instead? absolutely. enjoy, m'loves <3
> 
> (i haven't proof-read it properly, so i'm sorry for any silly mistakes!)

* * *

 

They didn’t spend much time in Jinyoung’s small apartment, but every time they actually did, Jaebum seemed to be in a good mood. Jinyoung asked him about it, a blatant question that required a blatant answer, but Jaebum shrugged it off. Though, in Jinyoung’s eyes, Jaebum looked somehow guilty, as though Jinyoung caught him doing something he didn’t want to be obvious about.

“Remember when you told me you got hot cheetos for a movie night?” Jinyoung asked, quite randomly, while they were reading books on the sofa. Jaebum looked up with confusion written on his face. “But I’ve never actually seen them at your place. Do you even ever eat them?”

“Oh, that,” Jaebum breathed out with a small chuckle. He skimmed his fingers across the back of his book. “Things like that are for special occasions only. Just think what the dust from them could do to my my children’s fur.” Jaebum looked horrified at the prospect and Jinyoung laughed, probably way too loud, so he quickly covered his mouth with his hand. Pages fluttered and the one he was currently reading got lost. “I’m serious!” He probably really was, but it was still funny for Jinyoung and he snickered again. Jaebum kicked him lightly, but Jinyoung hooked his own leg around Jaebum’s and the fight couldn’t even begin before it was already over.

Another fifteen, maybe twenty minutes passed and Jaebum wriggled in his seat, adjusting himself. It made Jinyoung wriggle, too, and it turned into another small break from reading.

“Jinyoungie?” Jaebum mused, reaching to caress Jinyoung’s thigh. Jinyoung hummed. “When did you start putting on makeup on a daily basis?”

Jinyoung didn’t really expect that question, so for a minute he was dumbfounded. He collected himself as quickly as he could, because really, it wasn't a big deal. In some way, he was glad Jaebum asked him such questions, it showed his interest in Jinyoung.

“Actually, it’s something Bambam made me want to try,” he admitted. It felt good to be telling the truth about something already so close to drag. Jaebum listened, massaging Jinyoung’s thigh absentmindedly. “They think it’s just another tool that can help you in achieving a certain appearance. If you want to hide something, if you want to look more polished, or look extra, which is Bambam’s case _always_ ,” Jinyoung joked and Jaebum smiled at it. “You should just go for it, because it isn’t exclusively for women. I realized that I like perfecting some things when I have time before I go out.” Jinyoung shrugged. That was it, nothing exciting about it.

Jaebum nodded slowly, pursing his lips. Jinyoung observed him as the other man seemed to ponder on his reply. “It’s so effortless, the way you make everything look like a natural part of you. It just suits you so well.”

The heat prickling at Jinyoung’s cheeks wasn't a blush. It wasn’t, it couldn’t be, Jinyoung never blushed at compliments.

(Jaebum’s compliments always got him.)

“I don’t use much stuff anyway,” he shrugged once again, trying to act nonchalant. Jaebum smiled at him fondly when he noticed the colouring on Jinyoung’s cheeks.

“I know, I know,” he had that stupid grin on his face and Jinyoung adored it so much he wanted to scream. Jaebum squeezed his thigh. Jinyoung squirmed. “Don’t do it while I’m on you,” Jaebum warned as he quickly switched to lying with his head on Jinyoung’s lap. The latter just scoffed and focused back on his book, which made Jaebum snicker boyishly.

“Shut up,” Jinyoung grumbled with a pout. Jaebum, although still with a smug smile on his lips, complied.

Funny enough, it was Jinyoung who spoke up again. There was something about that lazy afternoon, something that made him want to ask every lingering question there was in his head.

The sun was already setting.

“Do you _like_ the job at the company?”

Jaebum hummed, then heaved a long sigh. “It’s okay, it’ll provide me with a good start,” he stated, not getting up, instead keeping his head on Jinyoung’s lap and gazing at somewhere in the living room. “The beginnings are always rather hard and not that exciting, I suppose. But after I’m done there, I should be able to safely start my own thing.”

“You will,” Jinyoung stated firmly. He didn't know how he could be so sure, but whatever the reason was, it made his words sound convincing and Jaebum hummed again, this time getting up and scooting closer. He was almost sitting on Jinyoung’s lap now.

Jinyoung wanted him there.

“Thanks, Jinyoungie,” Jaebum smiled softly and his gaze flickered to Jinyoung’s lips. Jinyoung leaned in before Jaebum could, one hand keeping the pages right, the other already sneaking to hold Jaebum’s nape as Jinyoung kissed him.

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung sighed contently; Jaebum was mouthing at his neck and fuck, if Jinyoung didn’t like that. The dim light from Jinyoung’s laptop lying on the bed beside them was the only source of lighting in the room by now. Jinyoung had been working on an article before he decided he couldn’t bear having his boyfriend lounging in his bed and not taking advantage of the situation.

“When am I meeting those two infamous friends of yours?” Jaebum paused on his way down Jinyoung’s neck, raised his eyes.

In Jinyoung’s eyes, he looked soft and intimidating at once, an intimate version of him that Jinyoung was starting to see more and more often. Jaebum felt familiar, safe. Jinyoung barely remembered how it was to think about Jaebum right after they got to know each other. Now, Jinyoung’s vision was biased; moreover, he had so, so much more information and small mundane details to fill in the gaps between each column on Jaebum’s dating app profile. New memories replaced any awkwardness that lay in the previous ones, the ones from the very beginning of their shared history.

Jinyoung made a non-committing little noise, but Jaebum nudged him to probe for an answer. His lips stayed on Jinyoung’s skin, pleasant, although on a verge of tickling.

“Soon, I guess,” Jinyoung murmured. His fingers were tangled in Jaebum’s hair.

Jaebum nipped at his neck and Jinyoung closed his eyes, expecting that they’d go back to the nice part and skip the talking whatsoever, since they’d talked a lot on Jinyoung’s bed that night already. Jaebum, however, was quite insistent. “We have to come up with a meeting,” he nipped at Jinyoung’s skin again. Jinyoung sighed, unfocused. “Promise?”

Jinyoung had no idea what he was agreeing to, because right then Jaebum’s hand traveled way down from where it caressed Jinyoung’s side, but he nodded, gasping on an affirmative as Jaebum gripped his thigh and Jinyoung could feel the heat spreading under his skin.

“Tomorrow? We’ll think about it...?” Jaebum sounded unsure, but Jinyoung couldn’t blame him, because his own mind was hazy. He just nodded again and tugged at Jaebum’s hair, making him groan in surprise and look up. His eyes were dark.

“Tomorrow,” Jinyoung managed to say, sounding firmer than he thought he could at that moment. His gaze kept flickering from Jaebum’s eyes to his lips. He licked them briefly and Jinyoung’s eyes followed the movement, and then his own lips chased after it, because there wasn’t a place Jinyoung wanted his lips to be more than on Jaebum’s right now.

 

* * *

 

“Oh my God, Jinyoung! Shut the fuck up!”

Yugyeom's growl made Jinyoung perk up and stiffen in shock for a moment. Yugyeom talked to him like that extremely rarely and the last time it happened, they were both drunk and Jinyoung actually deserved it. But now? Now that Jinyoung tried to open up to him and Bambam and talked about his thoughts on Jaebum, seeking for general thoughts and advice?

Jinyoung inhaled sharply, because this son of a--

“Yugie!” It was Bambam who beat him to it. They looked stricken, an offended look on their face. “Why would you talk to Mama like that?”

Yugyeom scoffed and rolled his eyes. “He has everything anyone could wish for with this Jaebum, but he whines about it all the time anyway!”

“Have you ever heard of complex feelings, Yugyeom?” Bambam shot up from where they were perched on the sofa. Yugyeom followed right after, standing in front of them. Both of them wore the same stubborn expression. “Have you heard about such a wild concept?”

“Yes! Do you think I don't know what having feelings mean?”

Oh, so it wasn't about Jinyoung. It wasn't about Jinyoung at all, the oldest of the trio realized as he watched his younger friends dive into an argument bigger than they probably could comprehend it at that moment.

“I didn't say that!”

“I know you thought that.”

“Then if you're so good at feelings,” Bambam’s voice got louder. “How can you be so insensitive towards Jinyoung's problems?!”

“I am _not_!” The volume of Yugyeom's shout matched Bambam’s. “I’m just tired of-- seeing him have _everything_ \--”

Jinyoung tried to interject, do anything to stop the fight from blossoming even more, but Bambam spoke fast, not missing a bit with their response.

“Everything? There’s no everything in life, what are you even talking about?!”

Yugyeom groaned, frustrated. He wasn't looking at Bambam. “He's happy with his hobby, he has a good boyfriend, like, he has more than he wished for, he’s living on his own, he’s almost a part of your household now, too, even...?”

The tension in the room shifted, but Bambam didn't seem to pick up on the silent alarm. Jinyoung’s attempt at interrupting them failed once again.

“You’re also happy with your hobby! And you’re close with _me,_ we're best friends, you live half of the year here, for fuck’s sake! If you so need a girlfriend to feel happy, then go out and get one, I’m done trying to hook you up with people that genuinely like you--”

“I don't even want a _girlfriend!_ You’re missing the point!”

The room went silent for a second. Jinyoung didn't try to speak up this time. It wasn't his battle. He shouldn’t have been there in the first place.

“Yeah, I guess I’ve missed something here.” Bambam looked hurt and Jinyoung wasn't in a place to judge them and decide if they had the right to feel offended.

Yugyeom's eyes went wide. Only now did he realize what he just insinuated, probably completely accidentally as he stressed the girlfriend part way too much and out of blue. His mouth kept opening and shutting, which Jinyoung would find amusing under any other circumstances. Right now, though, Jinyoung just wanted to disappear from the scene, feeling that he wasn't welcomed to see what was unraveling in front of him.

“I’m just-- I meant that I--”

“Whatever, Yugyeom,” Bambam sighed. They weren't looking at their friend. Their gaze wandered off to the carpets, to the curtains, to the hem of their oversized t-shirt that looked like it once belonged to Yugyeom. “I think we both know now that you just weren't as honest with me as I thought you were.”

And even to Jinyoung, the words felt like a physical punch. He sank deep into the armchair. What the hell was happening? He wasn’t sure he was keeping up.

“I’m sorry,” Yugyeom replied after a lengthy moment of silence. He sounded tired. “I didn't want to make you feel like I was insincere. Or ungrateful.”

“Okay.” Jinyoung glanced at Bambam as they answered with just one word. They looked pensive. “What are we even arguing about?” They chuckled suddenly and ran their hands on their face, leaving them there to hide any expression that was showing.

“I don't know, Bammie,” Yugyeom chuckled in return. He sounded exhausted, but it seemed that he wanted to grasp for anything to end the argument now and never go back to the issues that surfaced seemingly out of nowhere.

And that was what Bambam and Yugyeom did - they brushed the argument off, calling it nonsensical and petty. Jinyoung flew out of Bambam’s house in a record time, texting one of his fellow drag queens if they were up for a drink or two.

He wasn’t supposed to be there, while the fight arose and ceased within minutes. It happened so fast; his younger friends had no idea how to talk about feelings and that may have added to how quick and absurd the whole scene was. There was nothing he could do at that moment, though, and it was better for him to leave Bambam’s house. Yugyeom seemed on edge ever since Jinyoung came there and they started talking about Jaebum. No matter how much Jinyoung needed to talk about his (past?) insecurities and tangled thoughts, he had to admit that it’d be a terrible idea to try bringing the topic up again when both Bambam and Yugyeom were in the same room. Their truce was a fake one, Jinyoung could see that clearly. They may see that, too, but they wouldn’t admit to it.

With a firm resolve to talk to Bambam about what happened once they were alone and the situation got better, Jinyoung headed to the bar his friend texted him about, ready to get lost in all the gossip and liquor he was about to devour.

  


The fight didn’t come up again for a while, though. Bambam kept blatantly ignoring any of Jinyoung’s attempts to start a serious conversation and Jinyoung didn’t think he was the right person to talk to Yugyeom about what was said between the two best friends. At last, Bambam promised him to call him if they were free and needed to talk, which, if Jinyoung knew Bambam well enough to predict that, meant that Bambam were going to call him in a week or two.

The problem was left unsolved, but Yugyeom and Bambam acted as though nothing happened. Jinyoung couldn’t comprehend how did they do that, how could they go on with their lives and completely overlook such a prominent issue. But if they were so good at concealing any damage they’d done, then maybe it wasn’t even the first time something like that happened. Really, Jinyoung could never know, and as much as he’d love to spy a little and dig deeper, he had to respect his friends’ privacy. They both clearly did not want anyone to get more into whatever they had going on between them.

And, as shitty-friend as it may have sounded, he also had his own feelings to deal with. For the time being, he opted for engulfing himself in his own mess.

(This _mess_ was becoming more and more enjoyable, and he’d lie if he said that he also simply wanted to have an excuse for indulging himself a little bit more in all the nice things that were going on between him and Jaebum.)

 

* * *

 

Jaebum looked so good in tank tops. _So good_ as in, Jinyoung couldn’t stop staring at every inch of Jaebum’s body that wasn’t hidden for once. Jinyoung wanted nothing else other than to indulge himself in savouring Jaebum’s body. Every time Jaebum wore a tank top when they were lounging at home, Jinyoung could swear his calm, collected demeanor was just a thing from his imagination, because there was no way he could get this worked up and reckless so easily if he was a calm person.

Jaebum must have picked up on Jinyoung’s stares, the poorly hidden sighs, the bites and licks on Jinyoung’s lips while he observed Jaebum being immersed in the most mundane tasks like ironing clothes for the next day. Jaebum must have noticed, because today it wasn’t even warm enough to go around in a fitting, thin tank top, yet there Jaebum was, wearing it like it was the most obvious wardrobe choice for a chilly night. Jinyoung almost felt offended for being read and teased like that, but he enjoyed the view too much to actually care about acting petty now.

“Green tea?” Jaebum guessed as Jinyoung made himself comfortable on his boyfriend’s couch. Jaebum rubbed his bare arms and Jinyoung could see goosebumps forming on his skin. It was still slightly tanned after the summer and Jinyoung adored the golden hue of it picking out among the tattoos.

“You’re cold,” he stated instead of answering properly. He didn’t really care about drinking anything other than the sight before him, honestly.

Jaebum frowned just the tiniest bit, a pout forming on his lips and he looked adorable in this dorky way that did funny things to Jinyoung’s heart. “I’m not,” he lied. Jinyoung knew Jaebum lied, because he was grabbing his arms again, seemingly in a defensive pose, but in reality just trying to cover up all that naked skin.

Jinyoung couldn’t let his boyfriend freeze, could he.

“Come here first,” he commanded. Jaebum’s eyebrows raised up, but he complied.

A knowing smirk was slowly forming on Jaebum’s lips as he approached Jinyoung. “What is it, Jinyoungie?” He asked when he was standing in front of him and Jinyoung looked up, the same smile playing on his own lips.

“You’re cold,” he repeated simply and reached for the waistband of Jaebum’s sweatpants. He yanked it and Jaebum stumbled, startled by the bold move, but Jinyoung was already gripping the back of Jaebum’s thighs and guiding him on top of himself, glad that Jaebum caught up quickly and straddled him, smirk back on his lips.

Jinyoung’s hands didn’t leave Jaebum’s thighs. “You shouldn’t be walking around with so little clothes on you,” Jinyoung tsked, as though he wasn’t planning on undressing Jaebum in the next few minutes.

Jaebum chuckled breathily and Jinyoung couldn’t resist the urge to lean in and pepper kisses on his boyfriend’s neck. It made the chuckle turn into a content sigh.

“If you say so,” Jaebum drawled, obviously distracted. His right hand was already tangled in Jinyoung’s hair and the other one traveled lower to Jinyoung’s nape. Jinyoung liked Jaebum’s touch there. There and everywhere else.

It wasn’t difficult to get a groan from Jaebum as Jinyoung kept nipping and mouthing at his skin, and a particularly hard bite got Jaebum arching his back in a slight surprise _and_ pleasure. Suddenly Jinyoung was being yanked back by his hair and Jaebum’s lips found Jinyoung’s and they kissed, kissed as though they hadn’t done it for months, too hungry to care about the feline eyes that peeked from the kitchen at that moment. Jaebum’s body was hot against Jinyoung’s, any goosebumps from the cold air long forgotten, and Jinyoung was satisfied to feel Jaebum shiver when Jinyoung’s hands roamed over the exposed skin. Jinyoung’s breathing was almost embarrassingly uneven, he needed to break the kiss to catch more air, but there was no time, he had no time for stopping, and his hands were under Jaebum’s tank top and Jaebum’s skin was definitely warmer than he’d expected and it felt smooth, welcoming. Jinyoung couldn’t help but explore and his hands wandered on their own, his mind almost unable to catch up with what was going on, because Jaebum kept making him lose his focus.

A feeling of slight discomfort creeped to his mind, but it was too distant for Jinyoung to notice it and decipher its origins. There was no chance he could keep an eye on his surroundings when everything he wanted to feel was Jaebum; when everything he felt was Jaebum. Jaebum rolling his hips to draw shameless moans out of both of them, Jaebum with his neck bruised with Jinyoung’s love bites, Jaebum taking his own tank top off when it only kept getting in the way, Jaebum rolling his hips down again, his tongue, his hands, his hips, his intense gaze when they locked eyes as if on cue and Jaebum took Jinyoung’s sweater off right after.

Yet, the weird discomfort came back and Jaebum groaned, a sound that didn’t match the groans from before. Jinyoung had no idea what was it for.

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum murmured, but Jinyoung was busy gripping his ass and making him scoot forward as Jinyoung also adjusted himself. “Jiny--” The name was cut off with another roll of hips, and damn, it felt nice, Jaebum forgot for a second that he even wanted to say anything _not_ related to this feeling. “Your phone,” he said finally, tried to coax Jinyoung into tuning into the world around them again.

Jinyoung looked at him as though he grew a pair of horns.

“What’s about it?” He asked, confused, but then his phone vibrated again, and oh, yes, that was the source of his discomfort. The device vibrated right next to him, he probably abandoned it right after he sat on the couch and saw Jaebum stripped to a tank top.

“Pick up, it’s been ringing for quite some time now,” Jaebum sighed. As much as Jinyoung hated being interrupted, he had to admit that Jaebum was right. When he checked the screen, the call ended and his notification stated that there were already five missed calls… from the one and only Bambam.

Of course, Jinyoung thought, annoyed to no end. Of course it was this brat who chose the perfect timing to bother him with something petty and unimportant and ruin Jinyoung and Jaebum’s quality time.

But then, Jinyoung remembered, and oh. Of course Bambam were calling him so frantically on a Sunday night, when they were surely alone at home, left with all their nightmares and fears to get lost in.

Jinyoung owed Bambam a certain conversation and if it wasn’t then, it’d never come, knowing how Bambam were and how they just thought there could be only one, the best moment for things like that, and if you miss it, it’s gone forever.

Jaebum’s eyes searched for an answer as Jinyoung frowned at his phone, finally picking up the sixth call.

“Now?” Jinyoung asked Bambam, resigned. Jaebum’s face fell and Jinyoung’s heart _hurt._ He caressed Jaebum’s side with a free hand and mouthed _it’s okay._ It had to do for a moment.

“Yeah, can you come to my house for a second? I’ll call a cab for you, I know it’s sudden, sorry, it’s important, Jinyoung--”

“I get it,” Jinyoung had to interrupt them. “I’m with Jaebum, but I’ll get to you soon, okay? Call that cab, I’ll text you the address.”

With a few more words, the call ended and Jinyoung typed the promised text to Bambam in silence. Jaebum hadn’t spoken up yet, too.

Neither of them seemed ready to acknowledge that they had to part ways now, when they clearly had something going on that could surely blossom into more than what they’d ever done together. Jinyoung massaged Jaebum’s sides for a moment longer before he gathered up the courage to voice out what had to be said.

Jaebum didn’t look as pissed off as Jinyoung was afraid he would. He was just… disappointed, and Jinyoung could both relate and wish he didn’t see the vivid emotion on Jaebum’s face and in his whole body language.

It was painful, it was actually painful to tell Jaebum that _it’s an emergency, I expected them to call sooner or later, I’m sorry, I want to stay, I can’t, don’t be mad, I know you’re not, you’re amazing, I want to stay here forever, you know that, yes, I’ll call you when I’m back at home, goodnight, baby._ It was painful, but Jinyoung was still that goddamn responsible adult and loved his little chaotic friend and knew he had to be there for them and he _wanted_ to be there for them. Unfortunately, it was also at a time when he wanted to be with his boyfriend, to bond and to take advantage of what they finally managed to create together. It was all about the bad timing, two completely different desires crashing and making Jinyoung dizzy from the force of it.

The night air bit at his skin when he got out of the apartment building, tearing the last of the warmth him and Jaebum shared away from him.

(It turned out that Bambam wanted to stay silent about the issue, saying that they talked with Yugyeom already and they solved what had to be solved and didn't need to go back to the topic ever again. They added that Yugyeom wasn’t as straight as Bambam thought he was - there, Jinyoung really wanted to snort and throw a sassy remark, but decided it wasn’t worth it - but he liked girls, he liked girly things, he liked femininity. Though he might not like any person in particular, whatever that really meant. Bambam had the weirdest expression Jinyoung had ever seen them with throughout the whole conversation. Before Jinyoung could ask about Bambam’s strange aura, Bambam said that they still had to do something before going to sleep and that maybe Jinyoung had to finish some work, too. It was Jinyoung’s obvious cue to leave, a cab waiting in front of Bambam’s house minutes after he called for it.)

 

* * *

 

Things settled down in the next few days. Yugyeom was a brat, as always, but he didn’t cross any more fine lines between himself and Jinyoung. Bambam were loud, obnoxious and energetic. Them and Yugyeom were as much of a deadly, perfectly-fitted duo as ever. Another Friday night drag show was a small success and Jinyoung got an email that his article about drag world was going to be featured soon. Jaebum made sure none of Jinyoung’s evenings went by without a healthy make-out session. The topic of meeting with Jinyoung’s friends came up once again and Jinyoung reminded himself to take care of the issue soon, because things settled.

Things settled. Jinyoung’s heart yearned for more.

 

* * *

 

 

“That is _my_ sweater,” Jinyoung stated as soon as he stepped into Jaebum’s apartment, where he was greeted with a happy mewl from the sofa and a sweet kiss from Jaebum. Jaebum who was wearing one of Jinyoung’s trademark grey sweaters and it was good that this particular one was originally slightly oversized, because it fitted Jaebum perfectly now.

Especially around the shoulders area, Jinyoung noticed when Jaebum stepped back to let him take off his outerwear and Jinyoung could take a better look. Jaebum had recently admitted that he was going to the gym more often than before. The effort had to be paying off, Jinyoung thought fondly.

“You left it last time you stayed over,” Jaebum reminded him softly, playing with one of the sleeves with an expression that was probably supposed to be mockingly shy, but came across just shy. It made Jinyoung smile and he bit on his lower lip to prevent himself from grinning too widely. “Are you laughing at me? Does it look funny to you?”

Jinyoung almost laughed out loud, pretended he was bent over for a minute just because he had to take off his shoes somehow, not because he was trying not to burst out with giggles. “No…?”

“Doesn’t sound convincing,” Jaebum tsked, shook his head with an exasperated sigh, but there was a smile adorning his lips and Jinyoung rushed to hug him tightly,almost too forcefully, as soon as he stepped out of his boots. Jaebum chuckled at the unusually strong embrace and Jinyoung kept smiling, hiding his grin in the crook of Jaebum’s neck, not minding how he had to bend slightly to be able to do it. “I’m glad you’re smiling again,” Jaebum murmured after a longer while, where they slowed down with the strength and just stood in each other’s arms, enjoying the closeness and the simplicity of it. “You’ve been gloomy lately.”

“I know,” Jinyoung admitted easily, because that was exactly the reason why Jaebum made him come over tonight. He insisted that Jinyoung couldn't just lock himself in his apartment and pretend everything was as good as always. Jaebum could sense Jinyoung had something on his mind, even when the latter claimed that there was nothing to be worried about.

In reality, Jinyoung was sure there were things that had to be addressed soon, and the guilt from hiding his drag queen persona emerged to the surface once again when the stress from Bambam and Yugyeom’s argument sank in. The way Jinyoung’s friends handled (or maybe didn't handle, not properly, Jinyoung still doubted it) the issue prodded in that sensitive spot that Jinyoung had been trying to cover up for the past few weeks, to not let anyone get to him and bother him. Now, he couldn't ignore the impatient voice at the back of his mind that was telling him to hurry up and speed up the coming out process.

And it was already quite close, the confession part, Jinyoung could feel it. Not tonight, though, he was certain of that. But _soon,_ because things were going in the right direction with Jaebum, and maybe Jinyoung kind of, sort of didn’t expect them to get along so well and that he’d have to consider coming out so early, but then again, something kept telling him he should make at least a small move in this direction already.

The whole drag problem and memories from the past that haunted Jinyoung whenever it came up threw him off and made him moody, feeling a little under the weather, to put it nicely. Jaebum picked up on it. Of course he did. And now Jinyoung was in his apartment, obviously planning to stay for the night, although he wasn’t sure if the mood would be right for anything more revolutionary in their relationship than the usual making out and excessive cuddling. It didn’t matter, in all honesty; Jinyoung was just glad that there was a man so dear to him who was willing to spend a night with him, doing whatever they wanted to do, just to occupy Jinyoung and make him feel better.

It was something that close friends would do. It was something people who truly cared about you would do. It was something your significant other would do without even realizing they were doing it.

It was something Jaebum would do for Jinyoung. When he thought about it like that, Jinyoung’s heart felt full and heavy with emotions, yet blissfully light and unbothered at the same time.

“I like seeing you smile like that,” Jaebum murmured and Jinyoung went back to the present, catching himself on spacing out. He wasn’t even aware he was smiling now, but the amused, yet warm look on Jaebum’s face proved he really was. “But then again, I like you in general, so there’s nothing new here.”

None of them had used any stronger confession than that (yet?). Sometimes, Jinyoung had it on the tip of his tongue, the three other words swirling unconsciously around the thoughts that concerned Jaebum, but Jinyoung wasn’t sure he was fully there, wasn’t sure _they_ were fully there.

It was okay, because they had time for that.

“I guess I like you in general, too,” Jinyoung chuckled as he mimicked Jaebum’s clumsy confession, which earned him a well-deserved jab in the ribs. “Hey, I do, I really do, Jaebum! I’m smiling because of _you,_ you know!”

“I know,” Jaebum smirked, looking too smug for Jinyoung’s liking. “But it’s nice to hear you say that.”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes, grumbled and huffed some more, just to stay true to his character, but Jaebum could see right through it, so Jinyoung dropped it soon enough. Really, why did he even bother.

“Anything you wanna do tonight?” Jaebum asked, raising his hand to play with a strand of Jinyoung’s hair. His gaze wandered on Jinyoung’s face in that lazy, appreciative manner that still made Jinyoung blush every time.

He was used to getting a huge amount of attention from whole crowds, Peach’s character making him swoon in the admiration on a daily basis at some point in his life, but what he was receiving from Jaebum was unique, almost beyond compare. The feeling was completely peerless.

“I’m going to sound terribly boring now,” Jinyoung warned. “But maybe we could just… watch something on the internet? Maybe a movie?”

Jaebum smiled and hummed in approval, since he probably already guessed the answer. As they parted, Jaebum’s hand catching on Jinyoung’s _accidentally,_ squeezing it before letting go, Jinyoung finally looked around, acknowledging the cozy setup on the sofa. Odd was already there, right in the middle of the blanket. Jaebum’s laptop was conveniently placed on the coffee table, where Jinyoung spotted empty wine glasses standing next to an unopened bottle.

Jaebum’s eyes followed Jinyoung’s gaze, focused on the wine. “I thought you’d like it,” Jaebum said, vaguely, and Jinyoung could feel him watch his face from the sidelines as Jinyoung approached the coffee table and reached for the bottle, reading the label.

“You even remembered that I like the semi-sweet one,” Jinyoung smiled, putting the bottle away and turning to Jaebum, who was sneaking his arms back around Jinyoung’s waist. But before Jaebum could kiss him, their noses bumping as he leaned to capture Jinyoung’s lips, Jinyoung giggled out of nowhere, quickly covering his mouth with his hand and steadying himself by grabbing Jaebum’s shoulder.

The material of Jinyoung’s sweater felt softer than usual when it was Jaebum who was wearing it.

“What is it?” Jaebum asked, confused.

“It just screamed for a joke about your stereotypical gay guy, drinking wine with his bae and whatnot,” Jinyoung waved his hand, the one that covered his mouth earlier. He smiled, a careless, simple smile that pulled an amused scoff out of Jaebum.

“I’m not even gay and I’m already falling into stereotypes.”

Jinyoung blinked in a slight surprise. “You’re not?” He repeated simply, curious as to what clarification Jaebum was going to make.

“I’ve liked girls before,” Jaebum shrugged, his hands rubbing Jinyoung’s sides now. “Dated them, just like I dated guys. Actually,” Jaebum frowned a little and Jinyoung hummed to let him know he was listening attentively. “I had exactly one serious relationship with a guy and it wasn’t _that_ long ago, so… Not many achievements in the gay field here if you don’t count fucking around.”

“Oh, you do look like one to fuck around,” Jinyoung teased him, but his expression quickly changed into a more serious one. “It’s okay even if you’d never been in a relationship with another man. There’s no _counting_ here.”

“I know,” Jaebum agreed, voice and eyes soft, that tiny bit vulnerable, and Jinyoung caressed Jaebum’s shoulder where he previously gripped it, used his other hand to cup Jaebum’s face. He stole a quick, sweet kiss from him, before Jaebum was leaning so their foreheads were touching and Jinyoung closed his eyes as they let the silence wrap around them, far from being a burden thanks to the warmth that was pooling in between their bodies and somewhere in their chests.

Jaebum wrapped his arms around Jinyoung’s lower half, scooting the man closer, and they both smiled.

“Jinyoungie?” He spoke up after a longer moment, during which they simply stayed like that, close, quiet, appreciative of one another. “Does it change anything?”

Jinyoung looked at him, leaning the slightest bit, the bare minimal in order to take in Jaebum’s face and the emotions that were perfectly transparent. Jaebum was cautious, his question sounding tentative, although his eyes searched for an answer in Jinyoung’s with a determined glint in them. He was anxious, uncertainty still somewhere on the edges. And there was trust, the purest Jinyoung had ever seen adorning Jaebum’s features, trust that Jinyoung could never betray.

“Oh, baby,” he sighed, his hands caressing Jaebum’s face comfortingly once again and Jaebum’s eyes softened as though his anxiety could melt under Jinyoung’s spell. “It doesn’t, unless you want it to.”

Jinyoung could feel Jaebum relaxing against him, even if his stillness wasn’t that apparent in the first place.

Then, their lips were meeting halfway, bodies pressed together and breathes stolen and Jinyoung knew everything was just like it should be.

  


They ended up sharing the bottle of wine and enjoying just the slightest tipsiness while they talked and watched youtube videos, switching to looking through old photos on Jaebum’s laptop later on. Jinyoung couldn't stop laughing at some of the more embarrassing ones from Jaebum’s high school years and Jaebum had to literally snatch the laptop from him and close every window to somehow escape from the merciless teasing. So what if he had a bleached blonde hair phase, so what if his first tattoo was the ugliest thing in the world and had to be covered two years later with proper art, so what if he looked like the most awkward student of the year on his prom, where his hair was at least dark red and Jinyoung actually admitted they looked good on him.

At some point, Jinyoung decided he should be wearing something of Jaebum’s too, to make the domestic image complete. It was already around eleven in the evening by then and as they realized it was this late, Jaebum made them both go to bed, letting Jinyoung choose which one of Jaebum’s t-shirts he wanted to wear to bed, because Jinyoung _insisted_ he _had to_ wear something from Jaebum’s wardrobe. He was all giggles as he changed his sweater to Jaebum’s cotton shirt in front of the other man, savouring the way Jaebum’s eyes followed hungrily after Jinyoung’s naked skin. He thought about making a show out of it and also changing his bottoms like that, a smirk on his lips as he tugged at his jeans teasingly and Jaebum protested, laughing and catching Jinyoung into an embrace that ended up as a small cuddle fest on the bed. Jinyoung felt like purring.

(He had one glass of wine more more than Jaebum did and that, added to the moodiness he’d been sporting recently, made him more... susceptible to the effects of drinking alcohol.)

Jaebum left Jinyoung halfly under the sheets, still in jeans, and changed in the bathroom. He took his sweet time washing his face, something Jinyoung encouraged him to do, then almost mistaking Jinyoung’s toothbrush for his own. Thankfully, when he was back, Jinyoung’s legs were clad in sweatpants he brought with himself and not the light denim from earlier.

“Come back here,” Jinyoung hurried him in a whisper, patting the space next to him. Jaebum made sure his cats were all in the living room before he closed the door and made himself comfortable under the sheets. Jinyoung’s skin was warm to the touch and the sheets absorbed the heat eagerly.

“You still have to do your nighttime routine,” Jaebum joked lightly, petting Jinyoung’s hair. It was all over the pillow he rested his head on, a dark halo around a pale, sleepy face.

Jinyoung groaned, shut his eyes tightly. He groaned again, making Jaebum chuckle and kick his shin with the smallest amount of effort put into it. Then, he was standing up and padding to the bathroom, leaving wordlessly with a grumpy pout on his lips.

Jaebum was checking his phone when Jinyoung came back, his face freshly cleaned and breath no longer so alcohol-smelling. Jaebum could see Nora chasing after Odd in the hallway, his children’s nocturnal habits showing up as it neared midnight.

Jinyoung closed the door carefully and walked to the bed, slipping under the covers with a content sigh. Jaebum locked his phone, morning alarms set, and let Jinyoung adjust their limbs as he pleased, an adorable, focused frown on his face as he did so.

“Good,” Jinyoung finally sighed contently, although he did seem gloomier than before. He was quieter after he came back from the bathroom and he didn’t think Jaebum would pick up on that.

But he did.

“Jinyoungie,” he murmured into his hair. He merely got a hum in response. “Baby?”

“Yeah?” Jinyoung fidgeted at the pet name, digged his fingers into Jaebum’s hip.

“You still haven’t told me what it was that made you feel so down,” he prodded gently. His hand traveled from Jinyoung’s arm to his waist, squeezed it lightly. Jinyoung looked up, untangling them a little in the process, just to be able to see Jaebum’s face. He looked worried.

“I told you, it’s... general, you don’t have to worry about it.” Jinyoung said in a hushed voice, because the look on Jaebum’s face was unbearable.

“I can’t _not_ worry about you, babe.” Jaebum clearly attempted to joke lightly, what with the _babe_ added so nonchalantly, but it landed serious, and it landed protective in a way Jinyoung wasn’t aware he needed. But he definitely did.

There were things Jinyoung had to tell his boyfriend. Confessions needed to be made, truths uncovered, but Jinyoung knew he couldn't just drop the bomb right now. However, the timing was ideal to uncover just a little, to let himself be as honest as he wanted to be with Jaebum. Just like Jaebum confided in him by referencing his previous relationships, Jinyoung decided, with an oddly sober sense of finality, that it was his turn to bring up his own past, even if just briefly.

He still danced around the subject, unable to voice out his feelings so easily. Putting them into words, he had to stay careful.

“Some things, they are hard to talk about and I don’t want to bother or burden you,” he admitted and scooted closer to Jaebum under the sheets.

He felt safe.

“But you can talk to me,” Jaebum murmured, caressing Jinyoung’s cheek gently. Their eyes met and Jaebum spoke up again. “However much you want, about whatever you want. I’ll always listen.”

_You can trust me,_ was left unsaid, yet rang loud in Jinyoung’s head.

He moved his head slightly to plant a tentative kiss on Jaebum’s palm. They held the eye contact, breathes soft, mixing between them with every exhale.

“In short,” Jinyoung started with a disclaimer, stressing it strong enough to make Jaebum crack a small smile at the extra effort. “I’ve had some hopeless stories with other men, relationships that weren’t what I craved for and needed even in the slightest. That’s going to sound dramatic, but-- at some point, I was sure that that was what I’d always get. I was sure that what I wanted wasn’t what I’d ever have.”

He paused, unsure if he should elaborate, since he really didn’t want to reveal too much at once, and explaining what was wrong in his past relationships involved drag, drag, _more_ drag. Upon voicing even that much, he felt naked. A lump formed in his throat.

Jaebum used the silence to lean and place a chaste kiss on Jinyoung’s lips, one that evolved into another one and another one, and then they were kissing slowly, so slowly Jinyoung wasn’t sure anyone had ever kissed him this way before. They had all the time in the world for themselves and they didn’t have to rush to express what they were feeling. It was… _thrilling_.

When Jaebum backed away enough to be able to speak (and his lips moved softly against Jinyoung’s when he did speak, they were too close not to feel it. Jinyoung shivered with his eyes closed), it felt as though hours had passed, every second they shared with each other holding a value greater than the commonly known one.

“But you deserve everything, Jinyoung,” Jaebum whispered and kissed him again, not as slow as before, but deeper, with energy that could only be described as passion.

Jinyoung felt like melting, so he did melt into the kiss, inhaling sharply when Jaebum yanked at the cotton t-shirt and let their bodies crash into each other. There was no way Jinyoung was staying behind, not when his heart wanted to jump out of his ribcage because of Jaebum’s words, because of the possessive kisses he was showered with, because of the whiny sigh he already managed to pull out of Jaebum’s mouth as Jinyoung gripped his hips. As much as Jinyoung liked feeling Jaebum’s weight over his body, he craved for more control, something that could let him show Jaebum that he was just as passionate, as into him, that he thought just as highly about him as Jaebum did about Jinyoung. Jaebum let himself be laid down and straddled, a grin making its way to his lips as Jinyoung pinned him down and their kisses became sloppier for a moment, less coordination and more hunger. Jinyoung made a mental note about how much Jaebum seemed to enjoy Jinyoung taking initiative. It wasn’t the first time and Jinyoung could see quite a tempting pattern there.

When it became impossible to go on and not to reach under Jaebum’s tank top (and preferably just tear it off), Jinyoung chuckled breathlessly, the sound followed by Jaebum’s own tiny giggle. Jinyoung moved to adjust himself so as to relief the man beneath him a little, but Jaebum wrapped his arms around Jinyoung’s waist and didn’t let go even when Jinyoung (weakly) protested. Somehow, Jinyoung had to admit, he felt comfortable. Everything felt right. The way Jaebum pecked his lips every now and then, letting them both cool down before they’d go back to talking, something they tended to do lately. The way they smiled at the same time after Jinyoung sighed obnoxiously, because Jaebum moved his hips up slightly and the friction wasn’t innocent at all. Jaebum’s purring when Jinyoung scratched at his head playfully, ending up petting Jaebum’s hair and playing with the strands in silence, foreheads touching and the air between the two men filled with unspoken feelings.

“I feel lucky,” Jinyoung murmured, leaning away far enough to be able to look into Jaebum’s eyes. He was already staring at him, affection oozing from his gaze, eyes shining and Jinyoung was sure the same expression was on his own face, something glistening despite how dim the light in Jaebum’s bedroom was, a spark ignited and creating hundreds of other shiny ones, blinding in that intoxicating way that lets you feel only the one, unmistakable emotion forming in it; and Jinyoung couldn’t not add, “When you look at me like that, I feel like glitter.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cringing at the cheese fest* i had to i'm sorry lmAO ARE U STILL WITH ME
> 
> not sure if i'll be able to update so quickly again, but i've been thinking about posting a yugbam oneshot from this au that i kinda sorta have written, sooo let me know if you'd be interested in that!
> 
> and as always... pls leave me a comment LOL for real i need to talk to u to stay sane after writing all of this!!! so hmu here or on my tumblr ([7shinees](http://7shinees.tumblr.com/)) ily <3
> 
> ps i Promise that the next chapter's gonna... live up to Those Tags.... :') hope u don't hate me for so much UST heheheh <3 (but really, next one's exciting~!)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI GUYS! before we get to the goods (which! there are ~some~ today lol), i wanted to thank everyone for kudos and comments and the feedback i’m getting in general - honestly, if it wasn’t for the support you show me, i’d probably squander this au by getting unmotivated and too self-conscious. meanwhile, i keep getting excited to write more & i enjoy it just as much or even more than before, and that’s something i should be thanking you all for. <3
> 
> (also, remember when i said this story would be around 8 chapters long? well, i lied! LMAO it's going to be looonger, it turns out i can't really fit everything into 8 chapters HUH oh wellll)
> 
> enjoy reading! <3

* * *

 

 

 

Jinyoung’s phone vibrated, a text message popping up on the screen. Bambam were going to be late. Of course.

No one was really surprised, though. The annoying part was that Jinyoung had to call a cab and go to the club alone, because Yugyeom vowed himself not to leave Bambam’s side ever in his entire life. So the two of them were going together, running late. And leaving Jinyoung to himself.

But, well. Jinyoung was in a mood too good to be really angry at his younger friends.

Last time he met up with Jaebum, as they were looking for temporary exhibitions in their town, they both agreed it was time to go clubbing together instead, have fun and meet each other’s friends. Jinyoung saw his perfect chance and agreed to take Bambam and Yugyeom with him, mentioning once again that they sorted out some of their drama. They had nagged him about going clubbing for _ages_ now, both Jinyoung and Bambam craving for a night out without it being a performance-related visit to a club. Yugyeom couldn’t _not_ hang out with Bambam anymore, so, truth to be told, he _had to_ go with them. It wasn’t that Jinyoung actually enjoyed spending time with this disrespectful brat and that Jaebum admitted that he had to _meet that one friend that you always say is annoying, but you adore him, don’t you? I need to know how he does that._

Jaebum promised to take a friend of his, too. Sadly, Youngjae was probably going to be too busy to be able to tag along, but Jinyoung would still meet Jaebum’s another good friend.

Jinyoung was… excited about the night, to say the least.

His uber played some classic music and he’d appreciate it any other time. That night he couldn't even focus on it, too busy firing texts to Jaebum about his whereabouts and how much he wanted to already be there and let Jaebum see how good he was looking.

His coat was unbuttoned and the lights from the streets kept catching on the glitter on Jinyoung’s jacket, the very same one he wore at the vernissage he went on with Jaebum. Bambam decided Jinyoung should just take it from them. “It means something for you,” they’d said. The tight black t-shirt he wore underneath the jacket was way too thin for the weather; the cold air bit at every part of his torso, made him shudder and brought goosebumps to his skin as soon as he stepped outside of the car. However, Jinyoung’s outfit choice made his nipples disturbingly visible when he’d take off the coat and jacket and, frankly speaking, that was his plan all along - to make Jaebum (and maybe also everyone else) stare.

Both of the bulky guys at the entrance of the club knew Jinyoung well; same with the bartender at the bar, familiar tattoos picking out where the guy opened a few buttons of his shirt. Jaebum texted Jinyoung a few minutes ago that he was with his friend, Mark (Jinyoung checked the name once again on his phone, just to ensure he wouldn’t make a stupid mistake and make the evening awkward from the very beginning), and Jinyoung didn’t even have to think twice to realize in which exact part of the club they were. With a free drink in his hand, he navigated his way to the booth.

He spotted a few of his colleagues on his way there, waving vaguely in response to their hey’s and hi’s, wondering if his brilliant idea truly was that brilliant.

Said idea was to suggest the club Jinyoung and Bambam performed in every Friday for tonight, to which Jaebum, completely oblivious to Jinyoung’s superior motives, agreed eagerly.

It was Saturday, thank God, and most of the people who went clubbing and attended the show the day before probably did not go there again that night. Although honestly, it was as packed as ever and Jinyoung could easily blend in with the rest of the crowd anyway, his exterior not really giving away that he’d worked there in a dress and a wig just twenty-four hours before, a living proof of what some of the posters hung around the club advertised.

He found Jaebum laughing at something Mark (Jinyoung’s heart somersaulted at the prospect of getting the name wrong, but it was too late to check it _again_ ) was saying, the guy’s slim body turned away from Jinyoung. The way Jaebum’s eyes almost closed with joy made Jinyoung squeal inwardly, because ugh, _cute._

(However, the jealous voice in Jinyoung’s head kept insisting that it was Jinyoung who should have made Jaebum this happy.)

He didn’t have to make his presence known, Jaebum’s gaze drifted towards Jinyoung immediately, as though he could somehow sense that he was close. With the way they matched in all the right places, hardly ever in need for a guidance to meet the other’s expectations, Jinyoung wouldn’t even be surprised if it turned out true. There was something more about them, Jinyoung was sure.

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum’s loud voice made his friend turn around to face Jinyoung, but Jinyoung couldn’t take his eyes off of Jaebum’s handsome smile, of his eyes shiny with excitement, his cheeks a bit rosy from the liquor-- and he couldn’t stop smiling back, sure that his own eyes glistened with boyish joy brighter than the glitter that sparkled on his jacket.

They must have looked ridiculous, but neither of them thought about it, because soon enough Jaebum was right in front of Jinyoung, cupping Jinyoung’s face with his hands and kissing him maybe a little bit too hungrily; and Jinyoung was kissing him back, taking a hold of Jaebum’s leather jacket (Jinyoung’s favourite), because the intensity almost made him lose his balance. For a short moment, a blink of an eye, really, Jinyoung could swear they were completely alone, in Jaebum’s apartment, and it was one of Jaebum’s cats that laughed at their obnoxious way of saying _hi_ to each other.

But it wasn’t a cat, it was Jaebum’s friend - Mark, his name was Mark - and Jaebum chuckled, his lips still touching Jinyoung’s. He slided an arm down Jinyoung’s back, stopping right above the curve of his ass. Jinyoung almost felt disappointed, but chastised himself internally for being so... impatient.

At least he wasn’t the only one who was after the proximity; Jaebum seemed reluctant to back away even slightly and make room for Mark and Jinyoung to greet each other properly.

Jinyoung kept smirking to himself as his eyes scanned Jaebum’s face, now even more deliciously pinkish. Jaebum’s eyes still had a glint of mischievous joy, now mixed with something else, but before Jinyoung could decipher what it meant, Jaebum averted his eyes on his friend. Jinyoung tried to look neutral as he - finally - also looked at Mark, who stood up and now was facing them both with a kind, although nervous smile.

And fuck, the air in Jinyoung’s lungs was kicked out of him, the exhale almost sounding like a whimper. The guy was _gorgeous._

Under the colorful lights of the club, the glitter he put deliberately on his eyes shone with all shades you could think of, making Jinyoung stutter before he could help it. Mark’s makeup was incredibly well done, Jinyoung could say so even from where he stood and with the lighting dim and uneven. As Mark blinked, stupefied because of Jinyoung’s own dumbfounded face, Jinyoung noticed Mark attempted the cut-crease type of an eye look (and damn, did he succeed with an A score). The sharp eyeliner wing asked for a joke about cutting all the bullshit off with it.

Jinyoung was in the middle of admiring Mark’s lipstick choice (it was a medium, reddish nude, and it complimented the outstanding eye look just right) when Jaebum cleared his throat. Jinyoung felt himself go red.

“ _Fuck,_ sorry, I’m Jinyoung,” he quickly forced out. Mark giggled, high-pitched and definitely sounding and looking just as embarrassed as Jinyoung felt. Mark’s cheeks had gone red, and it surely wasn’t the blush that blended so nicely with Mark’s contouring and the blinding highlight.

He extended his hand anyway, Jinyoung taking it for a quick, awkward handshake. Jaebum’s fingers kept digging into Jinyoung’s side. Jinyoung felt too ashamed of his reaction to look up at his _boyfriend_ or pacify him with a well-deserved kiss. He made himself speak up again, though, determined to save the night, at least with words. He was good with words, he could do it.

He opened his mouth as soon as they sat down, Mark now in front of Jinyoung and Jaebum (the grip on Jinyoung’s side did not loosen). “I’m really sorry, guys. Jaebum forgot to mention--” Jaebum scoffed, but Jinyoung didn't let him interrupt him. “He didn't mention that his friend excels in makeup like no other and I got star-struck. I’m sincerely amazed, Mark.” Jinyoung offered with a placating smile, trying to sound as friendly as it was possible in the noise of the club which made everyone scream to be heard.

“Oh, uhh-- Thank you, Jinyoung. That’s really nice.” Mark sounded nervous, but it seemed that the compliments made him calmer. His hands were clasped together, fingers fidgeting anxiously. Jinyoung felt bad for overreacting like that, even though Mark’s reaction felt a bit strange by now, too. It was uncanny for someone to stay this uneasy about one awkward encounter for so long.

However, Jinyoung didn't know Mark; he couldn't know whether the guy always acted this nervous around strangers, or whether he was like that only tonight, because something stressful was on his mind. Or if there was an actual anxiety involved in here. Jinyoung decided it was best to leave the subject and try to steer the conversation into safer waters.

“I hope you haven’t had to wait for me for too long.” He pouted, finally looking up at Jaebum, who he already knew was a sucker for Jinyoung acting cute.

Jaebum did not disappoint him. He bit his lower lip, apparently fighting back one of his soft smiles, and his hand started caressing Jinyoung’s side instead of trying to dig holes in there. “Nah, but you were right about reserving a table. It’s really crowded.”

And with that, the small talk went on smoothly, Jaebum filling up any silent spots in the conversation, as Mark seemed to be rather quiet. Nobody commented on it, Jinyoung not daring to make a fool of himself once again. He preferred not to interfere in anything that was going on in Mark’s head. Jaebum also seemed not to pay attention to how little Mark talked and interacted with any of them (although, and Jinyoung was certainly _not_ bitter about it, Mark did smile and talk to Jaebum way more than to Jinyoung). Soon enough, though, Jaebum suggested getting a round of shots and making it to the dancefloor, to which both Jinyoung and Mark agreed.

It meant the two of them were left alone, Jaebum vanishing in the crowd, just to emerge next to the bar in a short moment.

Jinyoung looked at Mark, glad that he already got used to how attractive he was. Because really, it wasn’t only about the makeup. Mark was so effortlessly _lovely_ , with his rare wide smile that showed off his slightly pointed teeth, and with all the faces he could make when his stony facade cracked. Jinyoung couldn’t escape the thought that if it wasn’t for Jaebum, he might have already been trying to hit on Mark.

But the warmth of Jaebum’s hand on his back, Jaebum’s whole body right next to Jinyoung, somehow getting closer with every sentence they exchanged - it prevented Jinyoung quite effectively from thinking about having anyone else next to him right then and there.

“I kind of made a silly first impression,” Jinyoung stated conversationally, Mark perking up from where he was focused on the rings on his hands. “But I hope you’re going to enjoy at least my club choice.” He joked and Mark actually smiled at that, giggled even.

And then something completely unexpected happened. Mark _smirked_ at him, leaning over the table and nodding his head in the direction of the wall next to them. A poster hanging there was well-known for Jinyoung.

“I am already enjoying your choice, Jinyoungie,” Mark teased and Jinyoung furrowed his brows in mocked anger at the pet name that Jaebum kept using that night. “But I feel like I’d enjoy it even more if it was Friday. It’s a pity we had no time yesterday.”

It was Jinyoung’s cue to go pale and feel like running away, but he was stronger than that, excuse you. “It’s because you like other guys in makeup, isn’t it?” He teased back and Mark laughed, loud and boyish, completely startling Jinyoung.

Mark looked and sounded like a perfect date and Jinyoung sincerely wished the guy would find someone as full-package-ish for himself. He wasn’t sure if this club was the best place to find someone, true, but maybe at least Mark could end up with a nice hookup tonight.

“Pretty sure I’m not the only one here with such preferences.” Mark winked at him and laughed again when Jinyoung just rolled his eyes, letting out a small chuckle only when he just couldn't hold it any longer.

Mark’s smile softened as he spoke up again. “For real, though, I like how you went so light-handed and yet you literally glow. And the glitter liner in your inner corners is adorable... _to die for_!” Suddenly Mark was back to teasing him and Jinyoung wanted to throw something at him, but they both just laughed.

They almost missed the hilarious look of astonishment on Jaebum’s face when he found them like that, all smiley and comfortable around each other with just a few jokes thrown at each other. Luckily, they saw it at last, and it made them crack up even more.

  


The shots helped them all get into the perfect party mood and soon they were mingling with people in the dancing area, bodies around sweaty and hot, touching randomly or very much on purpose. Jinyoung got a message from Bambam that them and Yugyeom were going to be there _in a thirty,_ which probably meant twice as much.

Whatever, Jinyoung didn’t need them.

All he needed was the music and the familiar body next to him, pressed to his back whenever the crowd pushed around too much and they had to scoot, the move somehow never awkward. Jinyoung was good at going along with any dance music he was given, a skill he acquired due to the drag shows and inevitable clubbing that tagged along. He didn’t know that Jaebum could dance just as naturally, but it suited him, Jinyoung thought briefly as he stared shamelessly at Jaebum’s body. It suited him and Jinyoung’s brain had already brought up memories of Jaebum’s hips swaying in a similar pattern, when he thought Jinyoung was too busy with his laptop to notice Jaebum goofing around in the kitchen while making pancakes and listening to something on his earphones.

There were no rules about the PDA on the dancefloor and as much as Jinyoung actually tried to act decent when they’d still been in the booth, not responding to Jaebum’s insistent touches and caresses and looks, when they blended in with the crowd, Jinyoung caved in and encouraged Jaebum to keep reaching for more. Mark didn’t look like he minded it _much,_ so Jinyoung felt little to no guilt as he guided Jaebum’s hands to his hips and stole a sloppy kiss from him, silly, matching smiles on their faces.

He took advantage of the fact that he already knew some of the music that was played. His own moves were more in sync with the beat than Jaebum’s, but they still fitted perfectly, a sort of a strange, but definitely pleasant sense of understanding passing between them.

At first, they mostly laughed as a three, Mark relaxing quickly and falling into the rhythm of the bodies around him and they all just joked and moved awkwardly to make each other laugh. But soon, the haziness of the club caught up to them; Jinyoung couldn’t pinpoint what exactly changed, but the mood was shifting, the pace of the evening suddenly way faster and Jaebum’s arms were wrapped around him as though they were alone and Jinyoung’s body yearned for more. The feeling was intense, building up quickly and making him spin around to face Jaebum to see the same craving in his eyes.

It must have been then that Mark was hit on by a stranger and he drifted away from them on the dancefloor, unknown faces replacing Jaebum’s friend. Jinyoung didn’t notice it at first, though, and if Jaebum saw it, he must have ignored it, because his lips were on Jinyoung’s now, no thought about their surroundings spared.

Jinyoung was notorious when it came to shameless making out in the middle of the club, but as cliche as it sounded in his head, it felt different with Jaebum. Their bodies stopped the swaying, ears deaf to the noise of the music and all that Jinyoung could think of was how much he loved feeling Jaebum’s breath on his skin.

  


“Where’s Mark?” Jinyoung finally asked the question that was long overdue and Jaebum frowned.

They were at the bar, Jinyoung acting as though the smile on the barman’s face just meant he found Jinyoung attractive and that that was also the reason why they got such a discount on Jinyoung’s favourite drink and Jaebum’s beer.

“Haven’t seen him in a while,” Jaebum agreed, a slight worry crossing his eyes as he scanned the dancing area. Jinyoung followed his example and tried to differentiate the mass and maybe find Mark among it, but his effort made no difference.

“Oh, he’s there,” Jaebum suddenly exclaimed, looking relieved. He pointed at the other end of the bar, where Mark was effectively making an unfamiliar-looking man buy him whatever he wished for.

He looked up, maybe feeling their stares on him, and waved at them cheekily when he spotted them. Jaebum grinned, the boyish aura back around him and Jinyoung wondered if he could feel any warmer just by seeing it. Though, the burn of alcohol down his throat reminded him that the hot feeling inside him was there because of multiple reasons.

“What about your friends, Jinyoungie? Weren’t they supposed to be here already?”

Jinyoung scoffed before taking another healthy sip of his drink. “Supposed to, yeah. I don’t know how they do that, but they manage to be this late every time we go out, so don’t worry. It’s just them being shitty in general,” Jinyoung shrugged and Jaebum shook his head and chuckled.

“More alone time for the two of us, I guess,” he said, eyes on Jinyoung.

“Is that your intention?” Jinyoung teased. He pursed his lips, resting them on the straw of his drink. Jaebum’s gaze lingered on them and Jinyoung smirked.

“Making the best out of it.” A group of men near them hollered at something that was said and both Jinyoung and Jaebum rolled their eyes, giggling at the synchronization. Jinyoung’s free hand found Jaebum’s and for a while, there was only the burn of the liquor in Jinyoung’s drink and the bitter taste of Jaebum’s lips after he downed his beer.

“I need you to keep an eye on Mark, I’m going to the restroom,” Jaebum spoke right to Jinyoung’s ear. The noise made it hard to communicate.

Jinyoung shrugged, not really minding his new task. Jaebum kept his arm around Jinyoung’s waist possessively as they made their way to the other end of the bar, where Mark was alone again, sipping on what looked like your classy sex on the beach drink and checking his phone.

Jaebum pecked Jinyoung’s cheek before heading to the toilets and the latter’s gaze followed the well-known silhouette, but Jaebum disappeared behind strangers too soon and Jinyoung had to focus on someone else for the time being.

The newly remade tipsiness was making him more daring and fun seeking and instead of tapping Mark’s shoulder to get his attention, Jinyoung literally draped himself around the guy. Mark stiffened in shock, face full of offence as he looked back at the intruder, his elbow already digging into Jinyoung’s chest.

“You scared me,” Mark growled as soon as he realized who was hugging him and Jinyoung chuckled, but unattached himself from Mark nonetheless. Mark huffed a nervous laugh and busied himself with his drink.

“Sorry, my man ran away and I am _withering_ ,” Jinyoung whined dramatically, unconsciously slipping into the sassy character he more often than not showed off in that club.

Mark looked unimpressed, but a hint of amusement in the corner of his lips was enough to let Jinyoung know he wasn’t mad at Jinyoung.

“You’re a fragile little flower, huh?” Mark indulged Jinyoung, though his voice was full of teasing. In the haziness that was clogging his mind, Jinyoung thought that Mark seemed to like being snarky, even if he also seemed terribly anxious half of the time.

“I am,” Jinyoung drawled, long legs crossed where he sat himself on a stool next to Mark. “Glad you noticed, I guess,” he sassed while playing with his hair and Mark smiled at that. He swirled his straw around in the already half-empty glass.

“Want something to drink?” He asked, looking for a barman to serve them, but Jinyoung reached for Mark’s drink, shamelessly taking it out of Mark’s grasp. Mark watched him with his eyebrows high as Jinyoung slowly took a sip, using the straw that had the slightest trace of Mark’s gorgeous lipstick on it. Just to put on a bigger show, Jinyoung licked the wetness off right after, dragging his tongue across his own tainted lips.

“Disgusting,” Mark commented with a grin and they both laughed.

“Are you having fun?” Jinyoung asked after a moment of a companionable silence between them (although it was so noisy there that it could hardly be considered silence).

“Yeah, of course,” Mark nodded, slurping obnoxiously on the last sip of the drink. Jinyoung giggled at that. “But I guess I’ll just dance a little bit more and I’ll head back home, since I gotta film a tutorial sometime in the morning.”

“A tutorial?” Jinyoung stared at Mark blankly and the latter made a funny face at him, visibly flustered.

“Yeah, I, uh…” Mark stuttered with a sheepish little smile and Jinyoung had a small epiphany as soon as Mark’s hand raised to his temple and swiped his bangs out of his vision, revealing the bold eye makeup and perfect blending that screamed professional.

“You’re a beauty guru?!” Jinyoung screamed, but it wasn’t even much louder than the volume they had to use to talk to each other, anyway. “A youtuber, maybe?”

“An instagrammer,” Mark corrected quickly. “Too awkward for Youtube, you know,” he joked and Jinyoung rolled his eyes before he went back to interrogating Mark, getting to know everything about his internet fame.

It turned out that Mark had been doing Instagram for quite some time now and had a pretty large following, if you asked Jinyoung for a subjective opinion on the number displayed on Mark’s profile. Jinyoung’s own Instagram profile, the drag one, was by now abandoned and consisted mostly of photos taken by Bambam and posts that Bambam made him upload. Obviously, Jinyoung didn’t show that account to Mark, deciding that his private one with a few random photos and selfies posted was a way better option if he wanted to follow Jaebum’s friend’s profile.

“You’re so talented,” Jinyoung praised after scrolling through probably weeks of Mark’s work, finally looking up from his phone and locking the screen. It was enough internet for one party night.

Mark’s posture was relaxed again; he was leaning on the cold (and, Jinyoung guessed, quite sticky from all the alcohol that might have spilled there throughout the night) surface of the bar, watching Jinyoung quietly.

“Want a private lesson?” Mark winked at him with his lips parted and already curving into a smile when Jinyoung laughed at him.

“Oh, you think I need one?” He challenged as soon as he regained some of his own wit.

Mark leaned closer to him and reached to hold Jinyoung’s chin higher with one finger, both of them almost laughing loudly halfway through the act. “Or am I just looking for an excuse now?”

They snickered, Mark’s hand cupping Jinyoung’s face for a fleeting moment in a quite affectionate manner and Jinyoung thought that the liquor had to have something to do with it. And that was how Jaebum found them, too close to call it a coincidence when other people near them weren’t even crowding around them that much.

“Ten minutes and you already have your hands on my boyfriend,” he commented with an unimpressed look on his face, eyes on Mark.

Jinyoung moved away slightly, already reaching to hold Jaebum’s hand and pacify him with a pout and maybe a kiss (maybe a dozen of kisses), but Mark wanted some more of the playful banter, it seemed.

“Jinyoung was just telling me that he’d like to try a threesome,” he shrugged and Jinyoung almost choked on his saliva and laughed obnoxiously, his hand shooting up quickly to cover his mouth. “But I guess the only threesome he could get is when one of your cats stays in your room while you’re at it,” Mark added and Jinyoung laughed louder, his body folding under the force of it.

Jaebum, though, looked mortified. The prospect of one of his feline children watching him and Jinyoung doing anything related to sex must have terrified him.

And it made Jinyoung laugh even more, because Jaebum was too offended to even fire anything back at Mark and soon enough Mark’s high-pitched laughter accompanied Jinyoung’s.

  


Neither Jaebum nor Jinyoung seemed to want to stay on the dancefloor for too long, leaving Mark behind with the same guy that talked with him at the bar earlier.

It wasn’t bad, dancing together among the crowd of strangers. The buzzing in Jinyoung’s head hadn’t subsided since he downed the rest of Mark’s drink and he marveled in the dizziness of it all as Jaebum guided his body through one, two, three songs before the feeling of Jaebum’s breath on his neck became too much and too little at the same time and Jinyoung groaned in a tipsy annoyance, tugged at Jaebum’s sleeve with a look of both impatience and pleading on his face.

It might have been simply rude, not to pay attention to Jaebum’s friend so blatantly, but that night, Jinyoung found it hard to care. His own friends abandoned him completely and frankly, he was glad they did, because no one was interrupting them as they clawed at each other in the reserved booth, shameless making out hidden only halfly by the decorations.

He didn’t want to call it like that, but yes, he was desperate; desperate for anything more than what they’d been doing thus far, desperate to feel Jaebum on his naked skin, desperate for them to get past another stage of intimacy that they obviously craved for so badly. It made no sense to Jinyoung, to deprive themselves from any pleasure that they were willing to give each other. Thus, he was… _determined._

He climbed on top of Jaebum as soon as they were in the booth, Jaebum’s legs knocking on the sofas and making him sit down promptly. He gasped softly into the kiss when Jinyoung slided his hand under his shirt, dragging nails on Jaebum’s skin and massaging the back of his head with the other. Jaebum’s leather jacket felt too stiff between them, Jinyoung cursing it internally for being an obstacle in his exploration. Jinyoung’s own glittery jacket adapted just as badly to their touches and Jinyoung wanted to scream, he was just so frustrated. Jaebum bit and tugged at his lower lip and it made him whine, the sound of it getting lost in the music and Jaebum’s own small groan.

It was childish, how Jinyoung wanted everything at once, how he wanted to feel all of Jaebum right then and there, when they were in the club full of people that could see them clearly if only they peered in the right direction. Jinyoung didn’t care about them, though. He cared about Jaebum’s breathing, quickening to match the pace of Jinyoung’s, he cared about how their hips matched and how good it felt to feel both of Jaebum’s hands on his ass, unbothered by any possible spectators, groping and kneading as Jaebum wished.

Jinyoung’s hand wandered down from the messy nest of Jaebum’s hair to his nape, holding it firmly as their lips kept meeting sloppily, messy kisses traded and tongues fighting for dominance. The heat between their bodies was getting to every corner of Jinyoung’s mind and body and he could swear it was more than just lust speaking through him when he gasped, “More, Jaebum,” between kisses. It made Jaebum groan again and Jinyoung loved how much he affected his boyfriend, but then Jaebum was biting at his lower lip particularly hard and Jinyoung couldn’t fight back his own whimper, the small victory long forgotten.

One of Jaebum’s hands sneaked to the front of Jinyoung’s pants, teased at the inside of Jinyoung’s thigh. Jinyoung wriggled under the insistent touch, but didn't back away, instead bucking his hips forward to meet Jaebum’s and letting him feel the strain in Jinyoung’s muscles under his palm as he moved and Jaebum’s grip tightened hungrily.

Their lips parted and the heavy breathing filled the air between them, perfectly audible even with the music blasting around them. Jinyoung leaned back slightly, deciding it was high time he gave Jaebum a better view of himself, to get him hungrier for anything that he hadn’t been reaching for just now.

And Jaebum soaked in the image of Jinyoung with tousled hair, jacket halfway down his arms and probably terribly uncomfortable like that, but that gave a perfect view of Jinyoung’s barely covered chest. Looking into Jinyoung’s eyes in a silent challenge, Jaebum caressed his thighs lazily, letting go of his ass completely in order to yank the thin material of Jinyoung’s shirt up and expose his pale skin to the stuffy air of the club and before Jinyoung could protest anyhow, Jaebum had his mouth around Jinyoung’s nipple, circling around it with his tongue and drawing a surprised whine out of Jinyoung when he licked it properly, a wide, wet stripe across the sensitive nub.

If earlier on Jinyoung was sure he could control himself and not get embarrassingly hard when they were still in the club, his resolution vanished with that one move from Jaebum, too bold and too close to what Jinyoung craved for so desperately to leave him unbothered.

His own hands clawed helplessly at Jaebum’s arms and nape now, getting lost in his hair and digging patterns into the broad expanse of his shoulders. Jaebum sucked on his nipple, grazing over it with his teeth just the slightest, and Jinyoung was sure he felt his smug grin on his skin when it drew a hiccuped, terribly needy moan out of Jinyoung. He was suddenly aware of how little attention his dick was getting, so he rolled his hips down to get a reaction out of Jaebum, make him realize what Jinyoung was trying to imply without words, because he was too much of a whimpering mess under Jaebum’s touch to care about coherent sentences.

He was met with a familiar feeling in the other’s pants and he grinned to himself, the smile wavering on a groan as Jaebum scratched his teeth warningly on Jinyoung’s nipple in response. His right hand massaged Jinyoung’s inner thigh, definitely too close and too far from where Jinyoung wanted it to be.

“Jaebum,” he was impatient, trying to detach himself from his boyfriend’s mouth and hands to get him to listen.

Jaebum looked up at him, a slightly overwhelmed grin on his face as he purred, “We should go back home.”

“Yes, yes, exactly,” Jinyoung was already looking for his phone and Jaebum giggled as he handed it to him. He must have taken it out from his pockets in the middle of making out.

“Mine or yours?” Jaebum leaned closer and murmured with his lips tickling Jinyoung’s neck.

Jinyoung opened his mouth to say, mine, of course, we don’t want to interrupt your cats’ sleep, but then he remembered.

Last time he met up with Bambam, they told him they sorted out some of their things and there were dresses that they thought suited Peach better than them. Jinyoung had no time to look through them all, but he did take two of them to his apartment to see how they looked like with a wig that had just got delivered yesterday. Looking back at the decision, it was quite silly, considering that most of his drag-related stuff had already transferred to Bambam’s house anyway, especially since Jinyoung didn't want Jaebum to randomly discover any naughty looking, feminine bodysuits in his wardrobe.

The point was, Jinyoung had two dresses and a wig left on his sofa and he couldn't let Jaebum see that, because there was no way he could explain himself without ruining the night.

Thus, Jinyoung bit his tongue before he’d blurt out the most stupid invitation he’d ever made and instead purred back, “I miss your bed.” Jaebum grinned into his neck and nipped at the skin while Jinyoung was calling for a cab.

Mark was completely forgotten as the two of them stumbled their way to the taxi, the hastily wrapped coat on Jinyoung weighting his body down too much when all he wanted was to feel Jaebum’s warm skin on his own.

  


Jinyoung was already pinned to the door of Jaebum’s bedroom, Jaebum’s hand palming the hard-on in Jinyoung’s pants as they kissed messily, when he realized that dealing with the dresses in the living room issue was one thing, but dealing with Jaebum’s cats was a whole another story.

Jinyoung was fumbling with the zipper in Jaebum’s pants when he heard a confused mewl. Jaebum immediately retrieved his hand from Jinyoung’s dick, eyes wide as he looked around frantically to spot the feline intruder. Jinyoung used the moment to actually unzip Jaebum’s pants, eyes glued to Jaebum’s naked chest, trying to ignore the intrusion completely. Jaebum seemed sincerely alarmed, though, so Jinyoung teared his gaze away from the sweat glistening on his skin.

Odd watched from the couch as both of them tried to catch their breaths. The cat looked stoic and Jinyoung deliriously wondered how could anyone feel unbothered by the scene they’d made already.

Jaebum groaned, running his palm over his face. “I think Nora might be hiding in the bedroom, then,” he said as Kunta jumped on the back of the couch to observe the unraveling drama, yet the third cat was nowhere to be seen.

Jinyoung blinked a few times, frowning a little, before moving hastily. “So, let’s just get her out of there,” he swung the door open and there she was, in the middle of the bed, with her eyes shut tightly.

Jaebum _pouted_ as he picked her up and carried her across the room, leaving her outside. She meowed at them both in betrayal, which made Jinyoung snicker, but then Jaebum shut the door and they were alone in the dark. The stripe of light from under the door sank into the floor.

“They might meow at the door at some point,” Jaebum was saying as he reached for Jinyoung’s waist and Jinyoung chuckled lowly, angling Jaebum’s face to his neck. They stumbled to bed, Jaebum leaving wet kisses on Jinyoung’s skin.

“What if we don’t hear them,” Jinyoung asked breathlessly when he had Jaebum’s weight on him, persistent and feeling oh, so good. Jaebum hummed as he lazily sucked a mark onto the sensitive spot he’d already known about. Jinyoung hissed and wriggled impatiently underneath him.

“That may happen,” Jaebum agreed at last and rolled his hips down at the same time. Jinyoung had no idea what he was talking about.

The small feline action must have killed their spirits a bit for a moment, but Jinyoung could feel both himself and Jaebum growing stiffer again, the unmistakable hardness pressing onto his own and Jinyoung groaned in frustration. Instead of trying to keep up with the talking, he tugged at Jaebum’s pants, because why were they still there? Jaebum laughed quietly into the kiss, kept the dry humping act for a few more seconds before Jinyoung lost his patience and yanked unceremoniously at the material on his ass, then grabbed a handful of the flesh still tucked underneath it and whined obnoxiously.

“Impatient,” Jaebum laughed at him, which earned himself a healthy smack on his ass. He gasped softly and Jinyoung grinned, satisfied.

As his boyfriend went on to undressing them both, Jinyoung lay with a smug smile and watched the muscles flex under Jaebum’s skin. The darkness of the room almost bothered him, but he made no move to switch on the lamp on the nightstand, choosing to soak in the grainy, movie-like image before him. He moved only when Jaebum tugged at his pants; Jinyoung lifted his hips, eyes glued on Jaebum’s face as he took in the sight of Jinyoung’s now naked body.

“Someone looks hungry,” he snickered, glad it was his turn to tease the other. Jaebum didn’t even look ashamed for being caught, his gaze traveling back and forth as though he wanted to memorize the image, but he couldn’t focus on anything, distracted by every inch of Jinyoung’s body. Jinyoung’s grin grew with each passing second of Jaebum’s silent admiration.

Then, his eyes finally locked on Jinyoung’s dick, followed the curve of it where it lay heavy on Jinyoung’s stomach. “Luckily, someone’s serving,” Jaebum mumbled and Jinyoung laughed, way too much fondness pooling in his heart as the sound escaped his mouth, but he welcomed those feelings instead of pushing them away. Under Jaebum’s intense gaze, he spreaded his legs wider, fully aware of how lewd he must be looking.

But well, Jaebum wanted to be served, it seemed, and Jinyoung was there for it.

Jaebum’s mouth went slack at the sight for a second and then he was hastily licking his lips, letting out an audible breath and his mouth was on Jinyoung’s stomach, nipping at the skin and leaving pinkish spots on it that were hardly visible in the darkness. He purposefully avoided touching Jinyoung’s dick and Jinyoung whined, curled his fingers in Jaebum’s hair and tugged helplessly when both of Jaebum’s hands just gripped his thighs and kept them spread wide open as he continued peppering Jinyoung’s abdomen in kisses, bites and licks.

The first blissful, long awaited lick on the tip of his dick lasted way too short. “Tease,” Jinyoung hissed as soon as Jaebum’s mouth left to bite on the flesh of his thigh. Jaebum chuckled, the raspy sound doing things to Jinyoung’s heart as always. Jinyoung shut his eyes, that tender feeling in his heart completely overwhelming, and hiccuped on a surprised moan as Jaebum chose that exact moment to lick a broad stripe up from the base of his dick to the tip of it. He forced himself to open his eyes again and watch as Jaebum wrapped his hand around Jinyoung’s dick, stroked it firmly with his eyes fixated on the flushed head. Between his uneven breaths, Jinyoung murmured words of encouragement, his fingers tight in Jaebum’s hair.

Jaebum kept stroking him, the pad of his thumb digging ever so slightly into the sensitive tip and Jinyoung couldn’t suppress the small sighs and moans that were building in his throat. “Come on, baby,” he groaned unabashedly when Jaebum licked briefly at the base of his dick and then left him craving for more of it again, his teeth grazing over freshly made marks on Jinyoung’s thighs.

“Come on what, Jinyoungie?” Came a cheeky reply. Jaebum’s hand stopped at the base as he looked up at Jinyoung’s flushed face.

“You want me to tell you _what_?” Jinyoung raised his eyebrows, unable to drop the sassy act, even if his dick actually twitched when he thought about dirty-talking Jaebum through a blowjob.

(There was no way he’d be able to keep up with it, he could tell that much already.)

Jaebum smiled knowingly, stroking Jinyoung’s dick lazily. “Yeah, tell me what you want me to do to you, baby,” he dropped his head to lick at the tip of Jinyoung’s dick and Jinyoung bit back an embarrassing whine. Jaebum’s eyes stayed on Jinyoung’s face, lips rested on the sensitive skin.

Jinyoung could at least try. He inhaled shakily. “I want your mouth wrapped around my cock,” he started blatantly, familiar sense of excitement building in his stomach as Jaebum complied, sinking down on Jinyoung’s dick without a single word of protest. “Go slow, honey-- _yes,”_ Jinyoung’s head lolled back onto the sheets, because Jaebum _was_ going slow, he was doing what Jinyoung told him to do and the rush from having even that much power was actually nothing compared to the raw feeling of the warm inside of Jaebum’s mouth wrapped around him. “You can t--” Jaebum sucked on the tip on his way back up Jinyoung’s dick and it popped out of his mouth just to be stroked and get coated in another layer of Jaebum’s saliva. His hand worked infuriatingly slowly and Jinyoung forgot what he wanted to say, because fuck, it was right what he wanted, right how he wanted it.

“I can what, Jinyoungie?” Jaebum probed him, though. His voice was slightly hoarse already, lips prettily swollen.

“Tease me,” Jinyoung nearly panted, his hips bucking slightly into the touch. He was surprised that he even remembered what he was trying to say. “You’re doing so well, baby,” he praised immediately when Jaebum just chuckled and his lips stretched around Jinyoung’s dick right after.

He set a slow, but intense pace and he had Jinyoung moaning shamelessly and mumbling under his breath in no time. Jinyoung didn’t have it in him to feel embarrassed about his excitement, too far gone in everything that was going on around his dick, the single thought of _finally_ swirling around his head. It felt so right, it was what they were supposed to be like from the very beginning; giving each other pleasure and feeling at ease even in the most intimate moment.

Jinyoung’s dick felt heavy on Jaebum’s tongue, a salty taste making its way to his mouth as Jinyoung writhed and groaned. “Babe-- go faster,” Jinyoung managed before going back to the string of _baby, yes, good, yes, yes, Jaebum,_ and Jaebum’s head bobbed faster, his hand working on whatever he couldn't fit in his mouth. Picking up the pace even more would send Jinyoung over the edge now, though, and Jinyoung, in his haze, thought that maybe, just maybe, there were other options for an orgasm to be considered, as tempting as the impeding one seemed to be.

He yanked mindlessly at Jaebum’s hair and Jaebum let his dick slip out of his mouth, a string of saliva hanging in between his lips and Jinyoung’s dick and creating an image that sent another wave of pleasure on its own. “You either stop now and get to fuck me,” Jinyoung drawled and grinned when Jaebum’s eyes widened, his hand tightening around the base of Jinyoung’s dick. It looked heavy in his grasp. “Or you keep doing it and I’m coming on your face,” Jinyoung combed through the tangles he made in Jaebum’s hair. His hand trembled slightly, his whole body seemed to be trembling all over under the arousal.

“Or,” Jaebum coughed slightly to be able to speak. Jinyoung caressed his cheek. “Or, you’re coming on my face now _and_ I fuck another one out of you later,” he rasped, a devilish grin already making its way onto his reddened lips.

Jinyoung’s mind went blank for a second, but then, “Yes, _fuck_ ,” he growled and Jaebum laughed at him, all raspy and so, so fucking hot.

He was a lucky man, Jinyoung’s mind kept whispering as Jaebum sucked his dick as though they’d done it several times and he knew Jinyoung’s body like his own already. He was _so_ lucky, he thought as Jaebum jerked him off with a firm hand through his orgasm, Jinyoung’s cum painting Jaebum’s lips and cheeks as Jaebum opened his mouth willingly to get as much as he could, lapping with his tongue at the head and making Jinyoung shudder violently and whimper incoherently when he was already oversensitive.

He felt spent, blissful and somehow both tired and energetic, and he smiled at the sound of  Jaebum’s soft laughter, Jinyoung’s eyes closed and his whole body feeling satiated. His round two and Jaebum’s first round could wait a tiny bit longer, definitely, Jinyoung decided as he wrapped his arms around Jaebum’s neck, bringing him on top of himself fully and kissing him deeply, lazily tasting his own cum right from Jaebum’s mouth.

It felt as though the whole world could wait.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...yeah :^))
> 
> actually, i've never posted anything smut-y LOL so my anxiety kinda went through the roof here, but! hope you liked this chapter <33 can't wait to hear your thoughts on it! i'm happy i could FINALLY introduce another character, too~
> 
> thanks for reading & once again, thanks for your support thus far! <333
> 
> (hmu on my tumblr [7shinees](http://7shinees.tumblr.com/) if you want, i love talking to y'all <3)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the new the neighbourhood's song [scary love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4n-AbC6GK1Y) fits this story so perfectly i'm gonna cry

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**Jaebum, 10:14am**

How are you doing? :) Sorry for the last night, we got carried away, I guess

**Mark, 10:16am**

it’s ok, i got home n almost forgot to wash my face before sleep lol i was so tired

**Jaebum, 10:17am**

We exhausted you this much? :(

**Mark, 10:17am**

...not gon answer this haha. but i got a number to a hot guy on my way out so i’m not complaining

**Jaebum, 10:23am**

Jinyoungie’s saying that you must have been running away from us really fast if you only scored one number. lol

**Mark, 10:25am**

LMAO u guys still together there?

**Jaebum, 10:26am**

Yeah, we came to my place last night and Jinyoung stayed over. ;)

**Mark, 10:26am**

ohhHH… explains why youre using so many emojis today LMAO

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Who are you texting right now,” Jinyoung mumbled into the pillow that may or may not have his drool on it. It didn’t even come out as a question, the pronunciation lost in grogginess.

Jaebum huffed in amusement and the mattress dipped right next to Jinyoung when he hopped back under the sheets and snuggled to him. Jinyoung murmured something completely inaudible and incomprehensive, which made Jaebum chuckle lightly.

“Checking if Mark’s okay.” Jinyoung hummed in acknowledgment at that. Yeah, there was a Mark among other memories from last night.

Jaebum’s phone was squished between their bodies as Jinyoung cuddled closer to Jaebum’s chest, his left knee coming up higher to make room for itself between Jaebum’s legs. “And is he okay?” Jinyoung asked after a longer moment of quiet cuddles. He could almost feel Jaebum smiling against the top of his head, where his cheek rested on Jinyoung’s messy hair.

“He said that he got some hot guy’s number when he was leaving.”

Jinyoung snorted (it was hardly a real laughter, really).

“Only one?” Jaebum hummed an affirmative. “He must have been literally _running_ away from us, then.”

Jaebum laughed lightly, patting the area between their bodies to find his phone. “Mark’s picky,” he said as he fished out the device and started typing something back. “He probably got more, but he cares only about that particular one. Happened before.”

Jinyoung was half-listening, still sleepy, yet more and more aware of the fact that he was still naked after the night and Jaebum smelled like Jinyoung’s favourite shower gel _and_ had sweatpants on, which made no sense for Jinyoung’s sleepy mind. He was grateful for the lack of any shirt on Jaebum, though. The fresh scent was unobscured and combined with the warmth of Jaebum’s skin, it was already familiar enough to make Jinyoung want to purr contently.

Jaebum was busy with his phone for a short while longer before he tossed it behind Jinyoung’s back. “Are you hungry, babe?” His voice had a tender shift to it now and Jinyoung kissed his collarbones, scooting up to mouth at Jaebum’s neck.

“A little?” Jinyoung sounded unsure. He licked slightly at the spot he noticed was darkened, a sweet reminder of last night’s events marrying Jaebum’s skin. Jinyoung wondered if his own body was covered with similar love bites, slowly remembering every single moment that could lead to inevitable, obvious hickeys today.

Now, now he was definitely getting hungry, but it was a completely different need that started forming in his stomach.

He nipped at Jaebum’s skin more insistently, sure that his boyfriend was going to get the hint when his thigh rubbed against Jaebum’s thighs.

Jaebum left out a soft sigh and it caught and broke into an even softer moan as Jinyoung’s hand went straight to his sweatpants, bold and demanding as he palmed Jaebum’s quickly hardening dick through the thick material, the touch definitely not enough for both men.

It brought back the memory of Jaebum’s hands and lips on him, pulling all those lewd noises out of Jinyoung with such ease. It made Jinyoung remember how blissed out he felt, the egoistic part of him on the verge of dropping the resolution to at least return the favour. His lips found Jaebum’s now, meeting halfway in a somehow familiar manner; they were no strangers to sloppy morning kisses. Jaebum reached for Jinyoung’s hips and pulled him on top of himself and another pleasant flashback showed up - of Jinyoung teasing Jaebum’s cock before he sank down onto it, mouth falling open in a silent gasp and Jinyoung could laugh at himself for being so sensitive, but honestly, this time it really had been a good while since _anyone_ fucked him. Jaebum kept him steady, obviously noticing his slight discomfort, and his face was so focused it was almost funny, but the stiff dick inside him kept Jinyoung away from laughing, making him choke on another breath instead as he moved his hips and then it felt _good._ He’d been denying himself the pleasure of being with another man because of the sting that his previous encounters left for months. The distaste that every random hookup brought, along with that highly bothersome heartbreak pain deep in Jinyoung’s chest prevented him effectively from indulging himself in sexual affairs.

But then, Jaebum came into the picture. And Jinyoung found himself rocking his hips down to meet Jaebum’s, his ass groped so hard there must have been hand prints left.

Before any of that happened, Jinyoung entertained the idea of switching his usual role of the one on the bottom. He remembered well how Jaebum encouraged him to take initiative, even if sometimes he might not have even been aware of the hints he sent in Jinyoung’s direction. There was also that small, silly thought that maybe, if Jinyoung changed his attitude in bed to counteract the one he’d always displayed in his previous relationships and hookups, it’d mean he surely wouldn't make the same mistakes as then, because this relationship was different from the others in every aspect possible.

But it really was a silly thought and Jinyoung was glad he forgot about it completely as soon as Jaebum’s lips landed on his dick again that night, his fingers working Jinyoung open at the same time and Jinyoung’s love for being pampered and taken care of was squirming in delight.

All those memories were wrapped in a dark veil of the night, of barely any light touching their skin when they kissed, moaned and writhed. Now, the morning after welcomed them with soft sunrays, easy to miss as the day seemed to be a foggy and slightly cloudy one.

They were kissing sloppily as all of Jinyoung’s focus was on Jaebum’s hardening dick and he still had to lose the reminiscence of sleep from his movements. Retreating his hand to grab onto Jaebum’s side and scratch the unmarked skin there, he rolled his hips down, chased after the mutual pleasure as their cocks aligned. Jaebum’s sweatpants were still in the way and Jinyoung groaned, the frustration only halfly caused by the material between them. He just needed _more._

“Wait,” Jaebum mumbled into the kiss and lifted his hips, making Jinyoung sigh in approval, because soon all the clothing was gone once again, Jinyoung tossing Jaebum’s pants away with a satisfied smile before he climbed back on top of his boyfriend.

Their bodies fitted each other perfectly. As much as Jinyoung hated to admit that such compatibility could make a significant difference, it did make all the groping and thrusting that much easier and Jinyoung wondered if that was one of the reasons for all the soulmate theories he’d heard. The way their bodies aligned perfectly and felt so comfortable next to each other, it made Jinyoung think of destined lovers from books and every romantic poem he adored so much. It almost scared him, because that warm, romantic feeling was intense, keeping up with the sexual arousal and Jinyoung realized that he couldn’t remember the last time he felt this way while in someone’s arms.

Maybe it was the sleepiness, his mind might have still be somewhere in the clouds, dreamland playing with his logic, but as Jaebum fidgeted and groaned lowly underneath him and looked up at him with hooded, full of meaning eyes, Jinyoung was sure that it was all true, that he found something more with this man and he couldn't let himself - he couldn't let _themselves_ \- lose it.

The sheets gathered and wrinkled around them, sighing monotonously as the sound of skin on skin filled the room, overpowering anything else.

  


 

“Where are the cats?” Jinyoung asked, eyes falling shut as though he hadn’t slept peacefully through the whole night. His thighs burned a little from all the extra effort.

“Kitchen,” Jaebum was no better, drawing circles lazily on Jinyoung’s shoulder and looking ready to fall asleep for another couple of hours. “Had to feed them and make sure they stay there,” he added after a moment, finally sounding more awake. Jinyoung looked up at him, blinked sleepily. “Apparently, someone forgot to be his reasonable self and I had to intervene.”

Jinyoung scoffed at the teasing. Jaebum laughed, smug grin looking boyish on him now.

“I’m sorry that sometimes I have to take breaks from being perfect,” he sassed back, already moving away from Jaebum and his endearing smile. Jaebum’s arm scooted him back to his chest immediately, finding no resistance from Jinyoung whatsoever.

“But you always are,” Jaebum protested, digging his nose into Jinyoung’s cheek when he failed to make him cuddle lower. Jinyoung let out an indignant huff at the lovey-dovey act, but Jaebum just replaced his nose with his lips, pecking Jinyoung’s cheek twice. Jinyoung wanted to do the same to him, except he’d give him _three_ kisses, just to indulge his petty self. “You’re perfect all the time,” Jaebum stated stubbornly, brushing strands of hair from Jinyoung’s forehead. It was still slightly damp with sweat.

Jinyoung could swear he never felt this pleasantly warm inside.

“Shut up,” he mumbled. His ears and cheeks burned. “Look who’s speaking.”

Jaebum quirked up his eyebrows. “Oh? What do you mean by that?”

Judging by the tone of it and the poorly concealed smile, Jaebum knew exactly what Jinyoung meant.

“It’ll lose its force if I say it now,” Jinyoung argued weakly. Jaebum remained silent, looking expectantly at him. “Okay,” Jinyoung grumbled, shifted in his spot halfly on top of Jaebum. The arm around his waist tightened almost possessively. “You’re sabotaging my romantic abilities, but… I still think you’re perfect. Too,” he added as an afterthought, making Jaebum laugh softly. Jinyoung grinned at him, happy to hear that adorable sound. “I think you’re perfect, too.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Bambam had been blowing up Jinyoung’s phone since one in the afternoon. Jinyoung guessed that was when they woke up and remembered last night’s events. He was still at Jaebum’s then, though, enjoying the coziest morning he’d probably ever had; he watched Jaebum make a very late breakfast for them (the one involving actual food), wrapped in a blanket and with Odd purring loudly on his lap. Jinyoung had never known that, but he was a cat person. Jinyoung was one hundred percent a cat person.

After breakfast, Jaebum kept asking him if he didn’t want to go out somewhere, but Jinyoung insisted they’d stay in and enjoy each other’s company to the fullest instead. With how much they cuddled in Jaebum’s bed, kisses almost shy and innocent, he recalled their first hangouts at Jaebum’s apartment. A hint of nostalgia was already blossoming around those memories, even though roughly a few weeks passed since then.

Jinyoung was more than content with what they finally arrived to, though. He had a great sentiment for those first meetings, but he didn’t want to trade the present for _anything_ that was happening in the past.

That thought held a much bigger feeling to it, an emotion that Jinyoung still wasn’t quite sure if he could voice out and live up to it, but it was there. Its roots were deeper than Jinyoung had previously thought they were and it was growing steadily, surely, to the point where it was impossible to overlook or ignore it.

The whole early afternoon he spent with Jaebum, he sensed this feeling in every word Jaebum spoke to him and he made sure he was showing at least some of it back. Thus, he had no time for Bambam’s drama. Really.

  


 

“Finally!!!” Bambam shouted and thankfully, Jinyoung was anticipating that, so he held his phone at a safe distance as they screamed. “I have so much to tell you!”

“I know, I read your messages,” Jinyoung rolled his eyes, even though Bambam couldn't see it. He fished out the keys to his apartment and opened the front door. It was strange to come _home_ and not be welcomed by at least one meowing cat.

“I’m sure you didn't pay as much attention as you should while checking them,” Bambam argued shamelessly. They had a point, though. Jinyoung literally just scrolled through them, sure Bambam would call him and tell him all of that anyway. “So much happened, Mama, and I can’t even--! I can’t believe this night was _so_ eventful!”

“Oh?” Jinyoung furrowed his brows, slightly confused at the serious tone Bambam acquired.

He tapped the screen to turn on the speaker mode and placed his phone on a shelf while undressing from his outerwear.

“Firstly, I _know_ why you haven’t been answering my calls for so long.”

“Tell me about it,” Jinyoung grinned like an idiot at the fresh memory.

“I hope your professional hooker mouth came in handy,” Bambam sassed and cackled right after, hearing Jinyoung bursting in laughter.

“Asshole,” he threw mindlessly at Bambam and of course they had to catch that.

“Yeah, speaking of assholes,” they drawled and Jinyoung started interrupting them already, but they couldn't be stopped. “I hope yours is okay! Did it have a rough night?” They snickered. That little devilish brat.

“Did yours?” Jinyoung quickly countered, ready to change the topic, because actually his back did hurt a little and Jinyoung was just glad he had no hangover whatsoever, because it’d be a deadly combo. “Is that another reason for why that night was so eventful?”

“Hey! No, I mean, I guess I had a really weird moment with Yugyeom, but it wasn’t about my asshole, it wasn’t-- _fuck,_ that was _so_ weird, Mama, but we’ll talk about it later, okay?” As always, Bambam were speaking _very_ fast, the speed matching the level of their excitement. Jinyoung managed only a small _okay_ before they were already back at it. “So, I think you gotta sit down for this one, it’s a strong one,” they announced as Jinyoung plopped onto his bed. He missed any warmth that would make the cold duvet more welcoming.

“I’m ready,” Jinyoung stated. He was quite curious about whatever Bambam were going to tell him, actually.

“Do you, by any chance… Remember my friend Jackson? The one I told you about, like, fourteen times already?”

Jinyoung needed a moment to collect his memories with Bambam and seek for any Jackson there. “Maybe?” He said, unconvincingly.

Bambam scoffed at him. “He’s my fucking role model,” they said, offended, and it clicked.

“Oh, now I remember!” Jinyoung exclaimed. Bambam had that older friend that they remembered from primary school, even, who, allegedly, had always been _incredibly supportive_ and _all that Bambam wanted to become when they grow up._ Judging by the second part, Jinyoung wasn’t sure that this Jackson was such an amazing human being. “What about him?”

“I haven’t seen him in a while, but it’s normal for us, no hard feelings, and he was in another city for the past few months, so, you know! But we’re still pretty good friends and we text and whatnot. And guess who I saw in the club last night! Instead of your welcoming face!” Bambam weren’t really mad at him, so Jinyoung just made an annoyed sound. “I come there, Yugyeom on my right, by the way we dyed his hair and it’s yellow now, dunno if you’ve seen it--”

“ _What,_ why--”

“He looks good,” Bambam said in this weirdly serious voice, but then they were telling the story again, as lively as ever. “Jackson saw me first and he literally jumped at me, he’s kinda bigger than me, don’t get me wrong, all tight muscles, but yeah, he’s more massive than me, and Yugyeom had to intervene, huh! And Jackson was with a goddamn _rapper,_ his name was Jooheon, but we met him later, because firstly, I went to see where you were, and then we all saw you literally dry humping your handsome boyfriend in the booth and I was like, fuck, finally! But on the other hand, kinda disgusting, I wasn’t about to look at you two while you were acting like fucking animals in some weird heat--”

“Bambam, you’re being dramatic now, it wasn’t _that_ bad…!”

“It was,” Bambam deadpanned. “So, because I was disgusted _and_ you’re my beloved Mama, I decided we wouldn’t be interrupting you guys and I guess it was a really good decision, since you obviously fucked some of that tension out, didn’t you?”

Jinyoung groaned, both amused and irritated by the constant teasing. “If you so need to know, yes, we did,” he just said and it seemed to satisfy Bambam for now, thank god.

“Good! So, where were I? Oh, yeah, then Jackson introduced me and Yugyeom to Jooheon and you know what! I really liked that guy! Jackson kept, you know, stealing kisses from him, and Jooheon kept saying he’s straight, but what he’d be fucking doing there with Jackson glued to his lips if he was that straight? He was too cool to be straight, honestly,” Bambam concluded.

Jinyoung wondered how could they _not_ be panting by now. “There’s more, isn’t it?”

“Yeah!” Bambam laughed, actually sounding a little bit breathless. There was a pause and Jinyoung thought he heard Bambam slurping and gulping down what probably was a fancy smoothie. “Later on, Jackson told me he gave a number to, and I am quoting now, the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen. So I guess it really wasn’t a date with Jooheon? Well, at least not a serious one.”

“Yeah, they were just playing around, I guess,” Jinyoung agreed easily.

“Yup! But, here’s the real tea,” Bambam made another dramatic pause and Jinyoung probed them impatiently to continue. “Today, Jackson texted me that this guy texted him! That gorgeous one! And, wait for it… They’re going to meet tomorrow! So I told them that they can hang out at my house!”

“...Bambam, I’m sure they want to have a _date--_ ”

“Oh, they will! And if it’s nice, they can just come by and say hi! Jackson will make him do that if they hit off, I’m sure,” Bambam sounded certain. Jinyoung thought the damage was done already, then, and he just sighed and hummed to agree. “I’m just really excited to see Jackson and his new boo, he has a really good taste for people, I’m telling you!”

“Why do I feel like you want me to come by, too,” Jinyoung mumbled, because it just dawned on him. That was why Bambam were so keen on telling the whole story, they had to make Jinyoung agree.

And he was going to agree for sure, because it all sounded like quite an entertaining evening.

“Yeah, if you offer yourself like that,” Bambam giggled. “I thought you’d rather, uh, spend time with your _lover…_!”

Jinyoung’s eyes went wide. “Right!” He screamed, the realization striking him hard. “Bams, I’ll just come by with Jaebum, so you all finally meet each other!”

Bambam gasped. “Yes!” They squealed and this time Jinyoung wasn't ready, the speaker mode making the high sound unbearable. “That’s just perfect, Yugyeom’s going to be here, too, because he has no training this Monday. Brilliant!”

And really, what were the odds, Jinyoung wondered. He was glad all of that happened, because it was bothering him to no end that his boyfriend, one that he felt so strongly about, still hadn’t met two of his closest friends at the time. Jinyoung wanted them all to meet and he wondered just how well they were going to get along. He had a feeling that Jaebum, betraying Jinyoung’s faith in him, would take a liking towards Yugyeom and would spoil this big brat even more than he already was spoiled.

Jinyoung might have had that petty thought, but really, he cared about them getting to know each other and becoming friends, preferably thanks to a natural flow that Jinyoung was sure was going to show up between them as soon as they meet. Neither Bambam nor Yugyeom were a truly bad material for friends. Truth to be told, they were the ones that created a small, safe space for Jinyoung when he was going through the nasty break-up with Wonpil, even though back then the three of them hadn't known each other that well yet. Jinyoung valued both Bambam and Yugyeom and it’d be a lie to say that he didn’t give a damn about them somehow liking Jaebum, too. He might or might not have been craving for some sort of a blessing from the two youngsters.

With all that in mind, Jinyoung smiled a content smile, wanting to purr like Odd or Nora, because everything seemed to be falling in place at that moment. He half-listened to whatever Bambam still had to recall from the night, already planning his day around the meeting in the evening.

“You know, that rapper, Jooheon, I think he’s kinda _cute…_!”

 

 

* * *

 

  


**Jinyoung, 7:03pm**

Bammie?

It’s happening!

**Bambam, 7:05pm**

WHST

IS HA[PENING?

AM I LATE

**Jinyoung, 7:06pm**

lol no, you’re not. My drag queens article’s out in four days!

**Bambam, 7:06pm**

OH MYFUCKING GOD

so when you’re famous… remember bout moi

**Jinyoung, 7:06pm**

I might.

**Bambam, 7:07pm**

bitchh! you better

**Jinyoung, 7:07pm**

LANGUAGE.

**Bambam, 7:07pm**

<33333 really proud of you tbh…... damn mama

**Jinyoung, 7:08pm**

Thank you. I’m really happy, you know. ^^

**Bambam, 7:08pm**

ohmYgod did u jst

wow mama used a smiley wtf i’’ve lived to see ths i feel honored i love u and your article

i’m telling yugie

also do NOT be late tomorrow ;)))) SEEYA BITCH HAHA

 

 

 

Jinyoung tossed his phone with a groan. Dear lord, just when will Bambam grow up?

Bambam were the only person Jinyoung could tell about the article for now, though. They would tell Yugyeom anyway and Jinyoung might let some of his other friends know when the magazine would come out. There was no rush, not really. Even if he was excited and he couldn’t wait for the moment he’d be able to share those happy news with Jaebum, too.

Speaking of which; Jinyoung didn’t have much time to think during those twenty-four hours between talking with Bambam on the phone and visiting them for an impromptu hangout. But there were some… observations, that screamed for attention and got him quite busy even though he _tried_ to, for once, focus on anything else than his relationship with Jaebum.

The night at the club, though, brought more than just the long-awaited breakthrough in their bedroom. Jinyoung couldn’t stop going back to the memory of Mark, with his stunning makeup, and of how completely unaffected Jaebum looked. He guessed that knowing Mark, who was so well-known in the internet beauty industry, added up greatly to Jaebum’s attitude towards makeup on men and makeup in general. Compared to the bold look Mark sported, anything that Jinyoung let himself wear in front of Jaebum so far seemed extremely casual, insignificant almost.

It could mean nothing, but it could also mean a world when Jinyoung thought about it and confronted it with his drag identity that Jaebum still didn’t know about. Of course, there was a long and risky road from being somehow keen on makeup to being completely okay with dating a drag queen. And yet, _of course,_ Jinyoung let himself fantasize.

(He had a resolution to come out when things get stable and good. He really had little to no reason to keep on procrastinating on doing it now.

Nevertheless, Jinyoung had an ugly, persistent feeling that it wouldn’t go as smoothly as everything was hinting it would. He had no idea how to fight neither this feeling nor the screw-up situation he might find himself in if his intuition happened to be right.)

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re alone?” Bambam looked confused when they came to greet Jinyoung in the hallway and there was no one else besides him.

Jinyoung sighed, not the happiest expression on his face as he unwrapped the scarf from around his neck. “Jaebum’s still at work, but he said he’s leaving in ten minutes,” Jinyoung pointed at his phone and Bambam nodded. “Anyone here already?”

“Family only. Jackson told me his date seemed like a nerve wreck, but I think they’re doing just fine now,” they grinned and wiggled their eyebrows. Jinyoung huffed, amused.

He stepped out of his boots and followed Bambam to the living room. _Family only_ meant that only Yugyeom was already there, lounging on his favorite sofa with his legs propped on the coffee table. His ripped jeans were definitely inappropriate for the windy, cold weather, but Jinyoung was used to seeing him wear whatever Bambam found flattering on him, no matter the practical side of it.

Jinyoung’s gaze was focused on Yugyeom’s hair, because maybe Bambam did mention it, but… “Are you sure you didn't just screw up with bleach?”

Bambam laughed loudly. Yugyeom scowled at Jinyoung as the latter made himself comfortable next to him. “It was intentional,” he said and leaned his head in Jinyoung’s direction. “Touch it, it doesn’t even feel so damaged!”

Jinyoung tugged at Yugyeom’s hair, snickering at the _ouch_ that escaped the younger’s mouth. He agreed, though, since Yugyeom’s hair felt quite smooth. He wondered how many hair care products Bambam managed to sneak into Yugyeom’s daily routine already.

“Girls!” Bambam chirped, waving their phone. “Jackson says he’ll be here soon!”

“Already?!” Jinyoung and Yugyeom gasped dramatically in unison, Jinyoung shooting a warning glare at Yugyeom, who giggled at him, making a silly face. Brat.

“He says the guy’s cute, aww,” Bambam cooed, not minding the little banter of their friends. “And that he’s funny, but we need to welcome him warmly.” They looked up from their phone, gazing at Yugyeom meaningfully. “Please act normal.”

“Why are _you_ saying that to _me_?!” Yugyeom screamed above Jinyoung’s laughter. “And order pizza, then! I told you we should be prepared in advance!”

It turned out everyone wanted a different one and Bambam ended up ordering four different types, one of them being a vegetarian option just in case. Bambam wanted to call a vegan place, too, but Yugyeom told them the delivery costs were so high Bambam had to be crazy to order from them. Leaving the two best friends to argue, Jinyoung went to the kitchen for plates and glasses.

As he was about to carry everything at once, living his waitress fantasies (he had none of them, actually, but it was funny to think about), the doorbell rang twice.

“I’m coming!!!” Bambam screeched and Jinyoung hastily brought only a few glasses to the living room before ordering Yugyeom to take care of the rest and following Bambam to the hallway.

Yugyeom scoffed loudly. “Bitch!” Jinyoung heard from the living room and he almost turned back and tackled the youngster to the ground.

He didn’t do so, deciding there would be many more occasions to catch up with punishing Yugyeom in the future. It was way more entertaining to watch as Bambam swung the door open and stretched their arms in a wide gesture that was probably intended to look welcoming. “Hello!”

Jinyoung couldn’t see well the guy behind Bambam’s friend, because said friend launched himself onto Bambam and suddenly, there was a huge ball of laughter and incoherent screaming swirling in the doorway, Bambam’s faded-pink hair the only indication that they were still there.

“Yugyeom, look! My man came back from war!” Bambam laughed, detaching themselves from the grinning guy that looked rather unfamiliar to Jinyoung. He squinted, taking in Jackson’s visuals.

“Not your man,” came a reply from right behind Jinyoung and he jumped in surprise, spinning to hit Yugyeom’s chest. Yugyeom just snickered at him.

Jackson - because there was no doubt that this guy was Jackson - didn’t look like someone Jinyoung would call Bambam’s role model. Jackson was short, dressed in all black besides the silver jewelry in his ears and hands and his boyishly tousled hair was dark brown, a colour that Jinyoung couldn’t remember Bambam wearing ever. From what Jinyoung knew, Jackson was around his age, yet the easy grin on his face and the casualty that he seemed to tag along with himself made him look way younger.

And, Jinyoung noted, Jackson was handsome, but not in the way that Jinyoung knew Bambam found attractive. There wasn’t much to his exterior that would indicate why Bambam loved him as much as they did, kept calling him a personal idol, and the spark of curiosity in Jinyoung ignated once again.

“Yeah, I’m kind of off the charts for now,” Jackson beamed as he stepped aside and reached for his date’s waist, prompting him inside and closing the door hastily. “And it’s because of this cutie!”

Even though Jinyoung saw Mark in real life only once, in the club, in a completely different makeup and with his hair definitely not as red as it was now, there was no chance Jinyoung could be able to mistake him with anyone anywhere. So as Jackson cupped Mark’s face a little bit too strong, making Mark’s lips purse in a fish-like manner, both of them giggling (Jackson’s giggle was way more subtle, shy almost, compared to the laughter from before), Jinyoung suppressed the sudden urge to pinch himself awake and opted for just running his fingers through his hair.

“No way,” he stated loudly, interrupting the giggle fest of Jackson, Bambam and Mark. Yugyeom paused midway where he was walking to greet everyone, too, and looked back in confusion.

“What?” Both him and Bambam asked and all eyes were on Jinyoung then, trying to understand his reaction.

Mark straightened visibly as soon as his eyes landed on Jinyoung, too.

“Jinyoungie?” Mark’s eyes widened in surprise and immediately everyone was turning to him instead, looking just as surprised. “Fancy seeing you here!” Mark grinned at Jinyoung and Jinyoung chuckled, still not quite believing the odds.

“You know each other?” Bambam clasped their hands, sounding happier than ever. “That’s awesome! But… Wait.” Their smile vanished, and they stared intently at Mark, who blinked quietly back, eyes darting away to look at Jinyoung for any guidance. Jinyoung shrugged, equally unable to decipher what Bambam wanted to say.

“I know you,” Bambam stated proudly. “But like, you don’t know me, I mean, _now_ you do, but I’ve known you before! From your makeup looks on Instagram!”

“You’re a beauty guru?” Jackson exclaimed, looking stricken and kind of even more starry eyed as he looked at Mark. “Shit, I shouldn't be surprised, you look so stunning,” he whined and hid his face in his hands. Jinyoung found it dramatic, but not more than what he was used to, anyway.

“That’s… a lot for one day,” Yugyeom said, taking in the whole scene. Jinyoung had to agree, but the little plot twist made him giddy instead of annoyed. He walked over to hug Mark, getting a friendly pat on his back and a smile in response.

“Can’t wait to see Jaebum’s reaction when he gets here,” Jinyoung snickered.

“Jaebum’s coming, too?” Mark seemed to light up at that and everyone was staring at the two of them once again.

“ _You_ know Jaebum?” Yugyeom asked, his eyebrows comically high, at the same time as Jackson fired his own question, “Who’s Jaebum and do _I_ know him already?”

Jinyoung couldn't help himself; he bursted out laughing, barely able to cover his mouth in time.

  


 

Bambam ushered everyone to the living room, hands gesturing wildly as they all hastily made their way to the sofas. Jinyoung pushed Yugyeom to the kitchen and for once the younger complied, bringing more glasses and all kinds of soft drinks he could find on the display there. Jinyoung brought plates for everyone, leaving them on the side so they wouldn't get in a way now.

Mark seemed a little bit off for a moment, sat quietly next to Jackson on one of the sofas, a smaller, yellow one that was Bambam’s favourite. At first, he was interrogated by both Bambam and Jackson, Yugyeom staying behind only by a fraction, and Jinyoung, already knowing how anxious the guy could get, had to intervene at some point to remind them that maybe they should talk a little about themselves, too, since Jinyoung, for that instance, knew nearly nothing about Jackson and would love to get to know him better. The attention that was focused solely on Mark spreaded out onto everyone in the room, anecdotes and jokes thrown by anyone who was willing to talk. Everyone had something to say and Jinyoung watched as Mark fell into silence, seemingly in thought. But then, he’d suddenly tune in with a comment of his own and it was clear for Jinyoung that Mark just wanted to stay low while taking in his surroundings.

He’d already explained, with Jinyoung’s help, that he was friends with Jaebum and he’d met Jinyoung at the club on Saturday (Jackson laughed a really high-pitched laughter at that, and Jinyoung snickered, too, because everything was just going back to that night at the club, really). He had no idea who were Jinyoung’s friends that were supposed to come by and who were terribly late (here, Bambam and Yugyeom started whining and Jinyoung shouted a _shut up_ at them), thus when Jackson suggested they’d leave the teahouse they were at to go to his good friend, Bambam, Mark didn’t really think he’d meet Jinyoung and his friends there. Jinyoung asked him why did he even agreed to go here, looking for some drama hidden there, but Mark just shrugged, saying he simply felt like spending his evening with new people. Jackson looked hopeful, but as Mark completely omitted Jackson’s contribution to his decision, he deflated a little.

“And why did you come by, Jinyoung?” Mark immediately countered, ignoring Jackson’s big puppy eyes staring at him intently.

“Bambam promised to introduce me to their life-long friend,” Jinyoung nodded his head in Jackson’s direction.

“Not _life-long,_ just since primary school!” Jackson corrected.

“And said we could all hang out and I realized that Jaebum would be able to come, too, so it’s a win-win situation,” Jinyoung finished with a smile. “Because, you know, we missed the sweet opportunity at the club.”

“And we saw _why!_ You know, I’ve been out of the town for the past six months,” Jackson explained to no one in particular and the conversation flowed freely. “And I’ve been back for a couple of days only, and a friend that I got to know while I was gone wanted to go clubbing, so of course I took him to the club Bambam once told me they perform at together with Jinyoung.” Jackson, with his word vomiting skills, miraculously managed to eat five chips at once as he was talking.

“Perform?” Mark furrowed his eyebrows, looking a bit lost as he repeated after Jackson.

Jinyoung’s heart stopped.

Jackson’s mouth, on the other hand, didn’t stop even for a second. “Yes! Bammie and Jinyoung are one of the drag queens from the current Friday lineup there! We gotta go see their show sometime,” Jackson carried on excitedly and Mark stared at Jinyoung with an unreadable expression. Jinyoung could tell it was calculating, though. Judgemental, maybe.

Jinyoung’s heart came back to life and it kicked into a frantic, way too fast pace. He opened his mouth to interject, even though he suddenly had no idea what to say, feeling as if he was caught on something he shouldn’t have been doing and he couldn't find an excuse that would cover up his guilt.

His ears burned and he hated how full of shame he suddenly felt.

“This week’s not interesting,” Bambam spoke up before anyone else could, exchanging quick looks with Yugyeom.

Yugyeom nodded fervently. “Yeah, this week’s performances are going to be boring as hell, but maybe later,” he added and Jackson shrugged.

“That was just a, you know, loose idea! Mark, you ever been to a drag show? Because I actually attended one this past month and--”

“What!” Bambam screamed before Jackson could continue, an offended look on their face. “You’ve always declined when I told you to come and see _my_ shows! You’ve literally been to just two of them!”

“And I’m sorry! You know I’ve always been busy!” Jackson howled in response. “And I missed drag shows, so I indulged myself before going back here and becoming your first and biggest fan,” he batted his eyelashes at Bambam, a sweet smile on his lips and everyone scoffed at that.

Except for Jinyoung, who was still coming to his senses and plotting just how to tell everyone that Jaebum couldn't learn that Jinyoung was hiding his drag persona from him _now._

As the chaos got worse, Yugyeom joining the petty argument, Jinyoung searched for Mark’s gaze. Their eyes met and Mark visibly inhaled a little bit too sharply, being caught staring. Jinyoung tried to understand what was going on in Mark’s head, unsure if Mark was okay with getting to know that his friend’s boyfriend was a drag queen and that it seemed like said friend didn’t know about that, even though this information was being thrown so carelessly in Bambam’s house.

Mark offered a quiet, but somehow placating smile, and Jinyoung breathed out a sigh of relief. Mark’s eyes weren’t as warm as before when he looked at him now, though, and Jinyoung was certain Mark understood well everything that was left unsaid for now.

Right then, Bambam pointed their finger at Jackson and announced, “From now on, we are _not_ talking about drag for the rest of the night!”

“Okay, princess!” Jackson huffed, crossing his arms on his chest. Jinyoung, with his hopes suddenly higher and spirits immediately lifted up at Bambam’s words, noticed how tight Jackson’s shirt was around his biceps. “If you’re so fragile, then I’m shutting up!”

“Great!” Bambam grinned like a little devil they were. They pointed their finger at each of their guests, repeating the new rule for the meeting. “No drag!”

Jinyoung was last and nobody really paid attention to Bambam’s dramatic antics by then. Bambam took that chance to wink at Jinyoung and everything he could do to thank them for now was to smile softly and immediately spin around to scream at Yugyeom, who jabbed him in his ribs while trying to show Jackson his new favourite dance move.

Jinyoung’s mind calmed down immediately with Yugyeom’s whimper and Bambam’s laughter that followed right after.

  


 

Mere minutes later, Bambam were wordlessly scrolling through their phone, lips pursed in a quiet concentration. The rest of them got busy with talking to each other, wondering when the pizza would arrive and what was taking the last guest so long. Jinyoung tried not to be obvious with how many times per minute he checked his phone for Jaebum’s replies, but Yugyeom’s mocking smile proved he was doing a horrible job.

Suddenly, a short screech filled the living room and all heads turned in alarm in Bambam’s direction. The only person that seemed unmoved was Jinyoung.

“Bammie?” Yugyeom tried, worried. Jinyoung wanted to roll his eyes at him, because for hell’s sake, Bambam were sitting there, as healthy as ever, yet Yugyeom acted as though the world was ending right in front of him.

Bambam looked up from their phone, eyes wild and focused on Mark. “You know Key?!”

Everyone gazed at Mark, whose eyes went wide under another wave of attention. “Yeah, I guess?” He replied tentatively. “You could say so. He’s quite popular on Instagram and we’ve been mutuals there, before we met at an event.”

“So you’re friends,” Bambam pushed, leaning in their navy blue armchair to get closer to Mark. “You have photos _with him_ on your profile!”

Yugyeom whined and ran his hand on his face, which made Jinyoung scoff in amusement. Jackson just looked confused as he gazed at Mark with furrowed brows.

“We hang out sometimes,” Mark finally admitted, shifting in place nervously.

“Oh, dear lord!” Bambam screamed, euphoric, and then they were shaking Mark by his arms, their screaming continued. “You gotta set a meeting for us! I _have_ to meet him, he’s my idol!”

“Aren’t I your idol?!” Jackson interrupted immediately and pouted. It was so exasperated that Jinyoung felt as though he was in a dressing room before a show, every small gesture and expression intensified tenfold.

Mark flinched visibly, though, and although it seemed like he’d been comfortable a minute before, he looked ready to flee now. Jinyoung straightened in alarm, ready to tell Bambam off for being a rude bitch instead of a kind host, but Jackson beat him to it. He had his hands on Bambam’s as soon as he saw Mark tensing next to him. He redirected them at himself, crying out about betrayal and unexpected heartbreaks, which obviously made Bambam focus on Jackson for a second. It looked quite natural, Jinyoung had to admit, but he knew Jackson was just giving Mark a way out.

(Just like Bambam gave Jinyoung one earlier.)

“You’re like, my human role model,” Bambam were trying to explain. “And Key is, like… my drag queen role model? I mean, I know he doesn’t really do drag, he just,” and here Bambam waved their hand with a face that didn’t really say much, “I mean, if I ever make it big on Instagram, or in the beauty industry in general, really, then I want to be like him.”

Jackson sighed deeply, looking as though he was processing Bambam’s words. They looked at him expectantly, crossing their arms on their chest. Jinyoung caught Mark’s glance at himself, their eyes locking with each other for a second and Mark smiled weakly, but it looked sincere, so Jinyoung was content with it.

“I guess,” Jackson started, stealing a glimpse at Mark, who was playing absentmindedly with his phone. “I guess you should meet that Key, then, and confront that ideal image of him with reality. But it _is_ up to Mark if he arranges anything for you two! Mark?” Jackson inquired almost softly and Jinyoung did everything he could not to scoff at the smitten look on his face when he addressed Mark.

Bambam bounced on their feet, but kept their hands away from their guest, held them behind themselves in a shy manner. “Would you do that for me, Mark?”

Mark shrugged. “No promises,” he just said and Bambam whooped loudly.

  


 

Soon, Mark excused himself to the bathroom and Jinyoung took his chance and sneaked to the kitchen, already knowing which tea he was going to prepare for both himself and Jaebum.

Mark found him there on his way back, glancing at the still unknown territory and entering as soon as he spotted Jinyoung.

“I still have no idea how did we all end up here,” he said quietly, almost conspiratorially.

Jinyoung chuckled, keeping the sound low to play along. “Witches’ sabbath,” he whispered and Mark laughed loudly, in that high-pitched laughter that Jinyoung found so lovable.

But it blew their cover then and Jackson’s booming voice sounded right next to them in no time.

“You’re laughing at us, aren’t you?” His eyes squinted suspiciously for a second and before any of them could answer, Jackson laughed in a manner strangely similar to Mark’s. “I can totally relate, actually. Don’t leave me alone with the kids for too long, though, okay?” And that was it, Jackson was waving and blowing kisses at them while retreating back to the living room, all smiley and honestly quite lovable, too, if Jinyoung _had_ to be honest.

Mark shook his head gently and bit his lips. Jinyoung noticed the quirk of the corner of Mark’s lips and only the memory of Mark’s anxious gaze from minutes earlier kept Jinyoung away from teasing the guy.

“Jaebum’s going to be here really soon,” he offered instead, in hope that it’d cheer Mark up. Having a close friend around could possibly help in this situation, right?

Mark hummed, merely acknowledging Jinyoung’s words at first. “Does he know that you’re a drag queen?”

Jinyoung froze.

“Oh,” Mark chuckled awkwardly at the face Jinyoung made. “He really doesn’t...?”

There was a terribly obvious and terribly burning blush blooming on Jinyoung’s cheeks, showing all the way up to his ears. The feeling of being caught red-handed came back in full force, and it was most probably the right way to feel then. Mark left the rest of his commentary unsaid yet, but Jinyoung could perfectly hear it in his head already.

“I guess it’s all up to you when you come out,” Mark said after a way too long moment of silence, in which Jinyoung patiently waited for a way harsher reply. He looked at Mark in slight disbelief and distrust, but Mark just shrugged, looking at the mugs full of steaming water. “Well, it’s your relationship. I’m sure you know what should be done _if_ you take it seriously.”

There it was; the indication that Jinyoung didn’t care about their relationship, not as much as he should and maybe not as much as Jaebum did. He winced, feeling fairly accused.

Mark looked as though he was ready to leave the kitchen now, but Jinyoung coughed to catch his attention again.

“I know it looks bad,” he began and Mark just looked at him blankly. Ouch. “But I _am_ going to tell him about it all really soon. I wouldn’t like it if he got to know about it from a third party, though,” he made sure he sounded as firm as he could while the guilt tried to eat him alive. “I had my reasons for not telling him earlier.”

Mark’s face remained mostly blank, a slight furrow of brows creeping its way to it as he seemed to be taking another look at the issue.

“Not as easy as it could be, huh,” he murmured, looking up to check Jinyoung’s expression. Jinyoung sighed an affirmative and tried to will the flashbacks in his mind away.

Mark nodded slowly, taking a step back and turning halfway already. “He _really_ likes you,” he offered at last, a sharp look in his eyes as he turned his back to Jinyoung and went back to the living room, welcomed with friendly shouts and giggles.

Jinyoung closed his own eyes, grimacing at the pain in his chest that clawed at him like a caged, angry animal. He was glad for the tea now, it’d calm his senses.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it's been a minute, but i'm finally less busy with uni, so expect another update before the new year!
> 
> let me know what you think about this chapter! i was pretty excited to finally introduce Jacks lol we'll get a tiny bit more of him and other side characters before the end, since they all play a rather significant role here, as you've probably noticed. :')
> 
> thank you for the nice comments and the feedback in general under the last chapter! <3 i appreciate it SO much. leave your thoughts, kudos and bookmarks here or just hmu on [my tumblr](http://7shinees.tumblr.com/), it all makes me wanna keep going, for real.


	8. Chapter 8

* * *

 

 

 

The tea definitely didn’t calm him anyhow.

When the doorbell rang and Jackson was the one who shot up and ran for his life to open the door, screaming that it must have been pizza, Jinyoung had literally no time to tell him that no, it was his boyfriend, that boyfriend Jinyoung cared about, for hell’s sake, may no one ever doubt that. Jackson was a fast runner, it turned out, so Jinyoung just padded with a resigned sigh behind him, muttering to everyone else that _it’s not pizza, guys._

Thankfully, Bambam once again made it clear for everyone that nothing about drag should be brought up, unless it was related strictly to Bambam (which meant drag would definitely come up at some point, but at least the focus wouldn't land on Jinyoung). Bambam made it a rule in a manner so natural that Jinyoung could almost believe them himself that it was only to avoid being too monothematic while in Bambam’s house. What was the most important, though, was that Jackson wasn’t going to throw any silly remarks as he opened the door and saw Jaebum there, and that was all Jinyoung wished for at that moment.

Sliding his phone into his back pocket (Jaebum texted him that he was there), Jinyoung watched from a safe distance as Jackson swung the door. Even from afar, Jinyoung could see Jaebum’s confused look and he had to stifle a giggle that threatened to escape his mouth.

“He doesn’t look like a pizza delivery guy, let alone pizza itself,” Jackson shouted in a general direction of the house, looking at Jaebum and not really letting him in just yet. Jaebum’s eyebrows went high up and he looked just _so_ unimpressed. “But he still looks kinda tasty,” Jackson added and laughed loudly at the face Jaebum made.

“Of course he does,” Jinyoung interrupted the small showtime. Jackson seemed to like getting over-dramatic with his actions and Jinyoung just had to come to the rescue before it would all get out of hand.

Thus, he stepped closer as he spoke, no longer hiding behind Jackson’s silhouette, and waved to Jaebum with a probably very silly looking smile.

Jaebum’s eyes found Jinyoung as soon as he heard him, and the genuine happiness that crossed his face was enough to make Jinyoung’s heart stummer both in joy and guilt. The sight was so, so precious and Jinyoung was ready to do anything to make it stay, yet he was already antagonizing that by hiding the biggest part of his life away from Jaebum.

Jaebum was oblivious, though. Jackson already stepped back to let him in and Jaebum was unwrapping his scarf as he said, “Sorry to be late, but I guess I’m still here for the pizza waiting.”

Jackson closed the door and opened it right after, probably to check if the pavement in front of Bambam’s house was still free of any delivery. “Waiting,” he agreed, voice dripping with fake sadness. Jinyoung just watched Jaebum take off his outerwear.

He was already looking around curiously, taking in all the details. Jinyoung stepped even closer to him, but Jaebum’s eyes were focused on the artworks hanging on the walls.

“Society6,” Jinyoung explained, an impatient pout already on its way to his lips. Jaebum still hadn’t kissed him hello.

“Thought so,” Jaebum hummed in acknowledgment and he had no time to add anything more, because firstly, there was a sudden ruckus nearing him and it was the rest of the guests, with the host on the lead; and secondly, Jinyoung crashed their lips together, the move slightly awkward and making them chuckle initially, but then they were kissing properly and the chuckle changed into a low hum of contentment, even as they gained quite an audience in no time.

“Okay, we know you’re together,” Bambam groaned and Yugyeom whined in unison. They _eewed_ at them, making faces, and then snickered, all in the exact same manner.

Jaebum untangled himself from Jinyoung’s embrace, a chuckle leaving his mouth. “That has to be the duo I’ve heard so much ab--”

He stopped in his tracks, stupefied, and Jinyoung willed the laughter back.

Jaebum was looking at Mark, face even more confused than when he was _greeted_ by Jackson. “Mark? What are you doing here?”

Mark grinned, lifting his arms in a shrug. Jaebum blinked at him in a mix of disbelief, suspicion and amusement.

And then Jackson, who Jinyoung guessed was the self-proclaimed drama queen of the night, whined, “So you _really_ know each other?!”

  


 

It took a short while to explain what happened, how could they all be somehow related to each other and find themselves all at once in Bambam’s colorful living room, now discussing lively above opened pizza boxes. Jaebum thanked Jinyoung once again for reminding him in the morning to take some casual clothes to change quickly after work, since Bambam already got garlic sauce on Jaebum’s jeans, because they were gesticulating too much, and stared at the sauce with disgust as they refused to clean it, saying it looked _weird._ Jinyoung huffed, slightly annoyed, and wiped Jaebum’s jeans himself to set a good example for the rest of the guys.

The same small interrogation as for Mark happened to Jaebum, but Jinyoung got it in check quickly and Yugyeom almost looked ashamed, even (but Bambam felt no remorse whatsoever).

Jackson actually came in handy, as Jinyoung learned this evening. He had a way of distracting anyone and everyone, which was highly requested whenever Bambam got into their overdrive mode and things were getting too intense too quickly. Jaebum looked simply amused most of the time, though. He was relaxed, Jinyoung could say by his body language and how genuine his interest was. Jaebum soaked in any information about Jinyoung’s friends he caught and Jinyoung wondered just how much more teasing he’d have to go through because of the stories or small jabs from the loud duo.

From across the coffee table, Jinyoung watched as Jackson tried to get Mark to _feed him at least one bite of that pizza, please, Maaark_ \- without any positive result. Jaebum’s focus also switched to the bickering and his lips curled in a smile Jinyoung knew well by now.

“Mark, have some mercy on your boy,” he teased, easy as you could only tease your close friends, and Jinyoung snickered shamelessly besides him, all mirth and mischief.

“Hey, watch your own boy,” Mark spat back with the same expression already forming on his face and Jackson used that moment to catch Mark’s pizza between his teeth and take a healthy - or rather unhealthy, seeing how huge and full of grease it was - bite. “Jacks!” Mark swatted the man’s arm, but it was playful and Jackson _giggled,_ trying to clean his chin from the grease.

“And now you’re _hitting_ him?” Jaebum tsked, leaning back after wiping his hands off. Jinyoung scooted immediately to his side, fitting perfectly into the curve of Jaebum’s body. Jaebum’s arm sneaked around Jinyoung’s shoulders. “Do you really need a guide to how to take care of your date?”

“I’m gonna pass on that,” Mark made a face at Jaebum. “Saw enough examples from you two in the club.”

Bambam and Yugyeom immediately whined, reminded of the sight and Jinyoung flipped a finger at them. They all laughed.

“Gross, really,” Bambam whined. “Like when Jinyoung was almost riding his dick in front of everyone? Wow!”

“What!” Jinyoung huffed, jerking away from Jaebum to lean threateningly to the washed out pink nest on Bambam’s head. “I was not!”

“You kind of were,” Jaebum mused, looking at the ceiling in thought, then back at Jinyoung. He was grinning.

Mark laughed loudly, outshining Yugyeom’s groans of despair easily. “It was then that I knew I definitely have to step back.”

“And you had perfect timing,” Jackson smiled and Jinyoung found the sudden cheesy line quite adorable. Mark glanced at Jackson in surprise, but there was a soft smile tugging on his lips, too.

He had no time to focus on those two, though, because Yugyeom then asked, “Jaebum, how do you even manage to handle him? Like, for me it’s disgusting when I think I’d have to touch him.” He gestured at Jinyoung with a greatly exaggerated frown. Jinyoung flipped another finger at him.

“It isn’t that easy,” Jaebum agreed, to Jinyoung’s bewilderment, so he spun to face his boyfriend and maybe also kill him with the dramatic, betrayed expression he was sporting. Jaebum grinned at him, unabashed. “But I have to admit, the touching part is nice.”

Bambam scrunched up their nose and _eewed_ again. “Disgusting,” they waved their hands aimlessly, almost hitting Jackson in the face while the man was saying something quietly to Mark. Mark giggled at the dumbfounded look on Jackson’s face. “You better tell us…” Bambam began and a dangerous sparkle glinted in their eyes. “What was your first impression of Jinyoung?”

Yugyeom inhaled sharply, booing and literally thumping his feet in excitement. Jinyoung looked at Jaebum expectantly.

“The one when we met in real life, right?” Bambam nodded to confirm and Jaebum fidgeted in his seat, eyebrows slightly furrowed as he recalled his feelings. “I thought he was elegant, but then he proved to be also the cutest tease--”

“Jinyoung’s cute?!” Both Yugyeom and Bambam shrieked, but then Bambam were laughing and waving their hands again, saying, “Go on, go on!”

Jaebum chuckled. “He is. The cutest,” he almost purred, leaning and kissing Jinyoung’s cheek out of blue and it was truly a miracle that Jinyoung didn’t squeal at that, both in embarrassment and delight.

“Anything more, though?” Bambam probed him, impatient. “Like, wow, his ass looks even better than on the photos? I hope he’s down for a quicky in the bathroom? Anything?”

“Kunpimook!”

“About his ass, yeah, sure,” Jaebum shrugged, ignoring Jinyoung’s scandalized expression. It was all a facade, anyway, and they all knew it. “But that first date was so… nice, you know? I liked it for many reasons, not only because I thought Jinyoung’s attractive physically.”

“Aww,” Mark cooed from where he suddenly was sat between Jackson’s legs, both of the men now snuggling on the floor. Jackson was dipping a small piece of pizza in the remaining tomato sauce.

“When did _that_ happen?” Jaebum gestured vaguely at them, eyeing Jackson’s possessive grip on Mark’s hip.

“Oh, let them be,” Jinyoung snickered, full-on mischief in his gaze. “At least if Jackson gets too excited, Mark will be the only one to notice.”

“Disgusting,” Bambam cracked up as everyone besides Mark did so, too.

“We’re suddenly very dick-oriented,” Mark sighed and Jaebum snorted, covering his face and the two of them shared a look that screamed _inside joke._ Jinyoung ignored the slight pang of jealousy.

“Well, to the ones who are ass-oriented,” Bambam suddenly sing-songed. “Quick smash or pass!”

People laughed at the idea, ignoring Jinyoung’s voice of reason. “Kunpimook--”

“No, not Kunpimook! Who’d fuck _Jinyoung_?!” Bambam screamed.

Jaebum, Mark and Jackson raised their hands and a short-lived silence engulfed the room, but then Jackson out-shouted everyone else who started raising their voice.

“You’d _fuck_ him?!” The realization dawned on him as he looked at Mark’s amused face.

“He’s a snake,” Jaebum deadpanned, looking straight at now laughing Mark. “Certainly _not_ my friend anymore.”

“A jealous type, I see,” Bambam nodded, making a show of stroking their chin and observing Jaebum’s pouting.

“Can’t believe we’re the only ones who have any common sense here,” Yugyeom shook his head, just as dramatic as Bambam next to him. Bambam snorted out a short laughter.

“Wait,” Jackson was saying to Mark, completely engrossed in his newest discovery. “Do you ever bottom?”

“So eager to find out,” Mark teased, grabbing Jackson’s thigh and Jackson’s eyes opened even wilder. He swallowed visibly and Mark’s grin was almost too big for his face.

“Can’t believe this is happening,” Jaebum groaned next to Jinyoung, quietly, snuggling to him. Jinyoung chuckled, suddenly feeling a soft tug somewhere in his chest as his boyfriend sulked cutely.

“What’s the most important,” Jinyoung said, wrapping his arms around Jaebum and nosing at his cheek, just like Jaebum liked doing to him. “Is that _you_ are the one who’ll actually get to fuck me at the end of the day.”

Jaebum chuckled, amused, but as he stared at Jinyoung’s lips, his expression changed. “Romantic as always,” he teased, stealing a quick kiss from Jinyoung that made them both smile at each other.

It was incredibly easy to forget completely about their surroundings and focus on the other person, turning a deaf ear to any scoffs or teasing from the rest of the guests. And the evening went by like that - easy, comfortable, as though it wasn’t the first time they all met up in this particular group.

Jinyoung was swooning over how natural it all felt. That was how he wished it’d be and his dream came true. The confrontation with Mark from earlier was sitting on the back of his mind, though, but under all the positive emotions that engulfed Jinyoung now, it became clear to him that Mark’s words were the final motivation he needed. He was sure he had to come out to Jaebum soon; he _wanted_ to. It was the much anticipated, final step to fully engross himself in the relationship with Jaebum. Unless there were any other big announcements to be made from Jaebum’s side, Jinyoung’s drag reveal was the last secret that was an obstacle between them.

Speaking of revealing, Jinyoung also learned some new things that evening about Jaebum. At some point, Mark mentioned something about music Jaebum used to make and Jinyoung caught that, asking about details right after.

“It’s nothing huge,” Jaebum was flustered, but went on to explain everything to Jinyoung. “But years ago, I was in that small group that was trying themselves in producing, basically. Youngjae was there, too, before he realized he preferred painting.”

“What about you?” Jinyoung asked, carefully. “Did you prefer anything else?”

“Kind of,” Jaebum laughed softly. “It was more about playing around and having something productive to do with your free time than having serious plans in the music field. I never liked the drama that came along with the music industry.”

“He looked as though he’d thought otherwise,” Mark commented, looking extremely comfortable in Jackson’s embrace. “It seemed he’d choose music and get chewed out by people with more experience and drive, but we underestimated his reasonable side.”

“Thanks for underestimating my music producer abilities in the process, too,” Jaebum looked unimpressed and Mark snickered before sticking his tongue out at him.

Jinyoung noticed Jackson staring at it and he almost laughed at how longing Jackson’s gaze actually looked.

Yugyeom started yawning at some point, visibly getting sleepy and Jinyoung, along with everyone else, realized just how late it was. The evening was nice enough to make Jackson want to stay overnight, which surprised Jinyoung. But Mark looked as though he had already seen that coming and he simply said, “I’ll call a friend, I think he’ll be driving by Bambam’s on his way back from some classes anyway.”

Everyone was getting up, stretching and exchanging last comments with each other. Mark fished out his phone, but Jaebum stopped him.

“We can give you a lift, too,” he suggested.

“Nah, Youngjae owes me that,” Mark smiled, but his smile didn't last long. Suddenly, he looked stricken, a small epiphany certainly happening in his head as he blinked at Jaebum. “Oh _no,_ we could have called Youngjae earlier!”

Jaebum groaned, realizing what Mark implied. “Right, I have a feeling he’d love those two,” he nodded in Bambam and Yugyeom’s direction.

“Mark knows Youngjae, too?” Jinyoung asked, not even surprised anymore at another connection revealed.

Jaebum was smirking by then, but Mark stared at him intently and Jaebum just said, “Yeah, he does. Anyway, we need to take Youngjae with us next time.”

Mark nodded, probably mostly in approval for keeping silent about whatever there was to hide from Jinyoung’s curious ears. He retreated slightly to make a call, leaving Jinyoung and Jaebum alone in the doorway to the living room.

Jinyoung looked back at his friends, talking quietly with Jackson about something only their trio knew about. Yugyeom still looked sleepy, but he seemed determined to listen to anything that Jackson was saying at that moment. Bambam brought makeup removing wipes to start cleaning their face soon, but it seemed that they had already forgotten about that idea.

Jaebum talked about a _next time,_ something that Jinyoung really wished would come true. Just like he hoped this evening could go smoothly and it did, he wanted more of such simple meetings with these people. There was no denying that Jackson was someone special to Bambam, Jinyoung established that much early on. Moreover, Jaebum seemed to have taken a liking for Yugyeom, exactly how Jinyoung dreaded he would, and there was also that part with Mark joining their new circle seemingly by accident and yet he fitted in perfectly; Jinyoung thought there were enough connections between everybody to make their new group of friends last.

“You’d like to meet with them all again?” Jinyoung asked Jaebum quietly, just to hear the answer he was predicting aloud. When he looked at his boyfriend, he was already watching him with a soft smile. Jinyoung’s heart skipped a beat.

(Saturday, he suddenly thought. Saturday would be perfect to tell Jaebum about drag.)

“Of course, baby,” Jaebum chuckled. “And it’s a pity I couldn't meet Bambam and Yugyeom sooner, but today seems like some kind of a destined meeting, doesn't it?”

“Oh, it does,” Jinyoung smiled as Jaebum’s hands sneaked to his hips and Jinyoung took a remaining step closer to Jaebum, breathing in the familiar scent of his boyfriend’s cologne. “Even Youngjae came up.”

Jaebum hummed, his hands gripping Jinyoung hips a little bit tighter and they both failed at keeping the eye contact, their stares dropping to each other’s lips almost simultaneously.

Something was shifting about the mood between them and Jinyoung could sense the direction this change was taking. His imagination kicked itself into an overdrive, fueled by recent and still vivid memories, and he bit on his lips impatiently, wetting them with the tip of his tongue right after. Jaebum’s eyes followed the movement and Jinyoung wanted to cave in already, even though there were four other people around their small bubble.

Mark hung up and cleared his throat somewhere behind Jinyoung’s back. Jaebum stole a quick kiss from Jinyoung, one that lingered even despite how little time it lasted, and then they were both facing everyone, because Bambam ordered Yugyeom and Jackson to say goodbye properly.

“I’m happy we all could celebrate the Detox Monday together,” Bambam grinned, hugging Jinyoung first and then, after a moment of playful contemplation, also Jaebum. “Although, you know, it wasn’t the healthiest day of my life with how much meat I’ve eaten.”

“Just please don't start talking about your vegan agenda _now_ ,” Yugyeom whined and everyone laughed. “Also, why didn’t you just stick to the vegetarian option!”

“Mark liked it a lot!” Bambam countered immediately, quick to fall into another banter with their best friend.

Jinyoung glanced at Jaebum and they shared a knowing smile.

Bidding goodbye to everybody took some time, as Jinyoung actually thought it would. It was almost impossible to part ways with how much was still unsaid between everyone and with how many silly jokes had to be exchanged, all of that in order to solidify the memories from that night by recalling everything that had a potential to become an inside joke. At last, Jinyoung and Jaebum were finally set free and they both sighed in unison as soon as they got into Jaebum’s car. They laughed quietly at the synchronization.

“Mine or yours?” Jaebum asked after a moment of silent staring at each other, Jinyoung’s hand on Jaebum’s where it was rested on the gearshift.

Jinyoung smiled, feeling himself getting giddy just at the prospect of saying it aloud. “Mine,” he whispered and Jaebum’s eyes lit up.

Saturday, he promised himself as they made their way to his flat. He’d take Jaebum somewhere, make the day special. He’d come up with something, he was sure.

For now, though, he had other plans to take care of.

  


 

“I don’t feel like tea,” Jaebum was murmuring into his skin as he hugged him from behind, making it quite difficult to both focus on and execute any task.

Jinyoung sighed as Jaebum peppered kisses wherever his lips could reach while not moving any part of his body away from Jinyoung. They were perfectly aligned, thanks to Jaebum’s insisting whines and touches since they entered Jinyoung’s flat. “Okay, right. I don't feel like tea, either,” Jinyoung agreed at last, thinking of what else he could prepare for them. Jaebum’s hand sneaked under his t-shirt, making him jump a little. He tried to focus back on his kitchen supplies. “Anything you’d like instead?” He asked, helplessly, and Jaebum hummed, low and too long for a simple answer. His teeth grazed the side of Jinyoung’s neck and his fingers traced patterns around Jinyoung’s navel.

Jinyoung bit on his lower lip, his breathing coming out shallow, but he was determined to last through the teasing, his petty side coming to life.

Jaebum’s hand dipped slightly under the waistline of Jinyoung’s trousers. Jinyoung bucked his hips forward before he could think better and he had to grip the cold countertop tighter when Jaebum chuckled breathily and followed his movements and his groin bumped into Jinyoung’s ass, definitely _not_ accidentally.

Jinyoung opened the first cupboard he could reach and tried to actually see what was there. Some sugar stored for later, spices, chocolate bars hidden and--

“I know!” Jinyoung exclaimed, almost laughing at how startled Jaebum seemed by it, judging by the way his hand jumped out of Jinyoung’s pants and scratched his skin lightly in the process. “We’ll make hot chocolate,” Jinyoung stated, very pleased with his small victory.

Jaebum, on the other hand, groaned and rested his forehead on Jinyoung’s nape. Jinyoung wanted to laugh at him, but Jaebum’s hand sneaked way higher then, yanking the shirt up with it, and caressed Jinyoung’s torso, catching his right nipple between his fingers and tugging lightly. Jinyoung bit back an embarrassing yelp and whined instead, feeling his cheeks grow warmer and well, that whine sounded needy, he had to admit that before himself.

“Hot chocolate can wait,” Jaebum murmured raspily and Jinyoung wondered if he was doing this all on purpose, using every small thing to make Jinyoung cave in faster.

Jaebum’s other hand traveled down, teasingly hovering above Jinyoung’s trousers now, but soon Jaebum was unzipping them and Jinyoung wondered if there was even an option for him not to cave in.

He could feel Jaebum’s arousal where their hips were touching, the pressure heightening as Jinyoung fitted his ass more insistently into Jaebum’s groin now, drawing a whiny sigh out of both of them. Even though they hadn’t done anything yet, really, Jaebum was already obviously hard against Jinyoung’s ass and he almost couldn't believe that his boyfriend needed just that little to get this aroused. But frankly, it felt incredibly appraising and hot for Jinyoung, to know that Jaebum was turned on so easily because of Jinyoung, because of their proximity, because of anything that Jaebum was thinking about right then and there as his fingers teased Jinyoung’s nipples and his mouth left wet, faintly stinging spots on Jinyoung’s skin. And Jinyoung wasn’t any better, because his dick stirred in anticipation as soon as he felt Jaebum’s own length pressed onto him from behind.

“Jaebum--” Jinyoung had to interrupt, though, and he turned in Jaebum’s embrace. Jaebum looked hungry, in the same way as during the night after going to the club together, the same way as Jinyoung saw him watching him countless times already. It made Jinyoung’s mind go blank for a moment and he could only look into the alluring darkness of Jaebum’s eyes, seeing himself in it, but almost unable to recognize himself there. Was it how Jaebum saw him?

(Was he really that beautiful for Jaebum?)

“What is it, Jinyoungie?” Jaebum nudged his side slightly, furrowing his brows as Jinyoung’s silence stretched.

The way his name rolled on Jaebum’s tongue was one of Jinyoung’s favourite sounds.

“Not in the kitchen,” he managed to say, finally, and Jaebum blinked at him, dumbfounded, and then they laughed and kissed, smiles still on their lips as they stumbled to Jinyoung’s bedroom.

“This evening was so nice,” Jaebum was saying into the kisses, Jinyoung distracted enough to have difficulty with distinguishing the words as the two of them started losing their clothes in a record time. As they fell onto the neatly put covers on Jinyoung’s bed, only Jaebum had his briefs still on, to Jinyoung’s annoyance. He got rid of them somewhere between their sloppy kisses. “You bring so much joy into my life,” Jaebum suddenly confessed, not stopping for a second with the caresses, one of his hands stroking Jinyoung’s erection steadily as he leaned his weight on the other, rested on the duvet next to Jinyoung’s side. He gazed from his place above Jinyoung at him, eyes full of meaning as he worked on his shaft and Jinyoung could swear it was as if someone set his body on fire.

“It felt so good to be with you among our friends,” Jaebum was rumbling, Jinyoung’s mouth agape and gasping, breathing turning frantic way too soon, but the drag of Jaebum’s hand on his dick combined with his words and the look in his eyes were electrifying. “Everyone knew you’re mine,” he kept talking and his thumb was already slicked with Jinyoung’s precum as it slided against the tip of his dick. “And that I’m yours,” Jaebum dove down to lick at the vein prominent on the underside of Jinyoung’s dick and Jinyoung moaned, quickly covering his mouth to stop himself from getting too loud at the merest of touches.

As Jaebum’s lips trailed wetly to the darkened head and wrapped around it and Jinyoung felt Jaebum’s tongue on himself, Jinyoung had a sense of deja vu barging into the sensation. Suddenly he felt guilty for getting all the attention and pleasure first, for being so eager and yet not giving enough, letting Jaebum do all the work from the very beginning. It bothered him how it seemed that he was putting less effort than Jaebum did. “Babe,” he moaned out to get his boyfriend’s attention, but Jaebum took it as an invitation for more and sunk down onto his dick, slurping slightly on his way back up and Jinyoung mewled at the sensation and the sound of it. “Jaebum,” he tried again as Jaebum stroked his dick, his saliva making the move that much better. “Stop--” Jinyoung groaned, not as convincing as he’d like to be, but it worked nonetheless, Jaebum’s concerned gaze replacing some of the lust in his eyes.

“Is something wrong, honey?” Jaebum purred, coming up higher and leaving his dick, both to Jinyoung’s despair and relief. Jinyoung’s heart skipped a beat at the sweet nickname and he was sure the things Jaebum could do to his heart were, from the medical point of view, terribly unhealthy. He was feeling light-headed, but there was no way he’d be concerned about it, because that was how he always felt with Jaebum and that was how he always wanted to feel with his significant other around.

“Lay down,” he instructed him instead of giving a full answer just yet and with a second of confusion, Jaebum complied, understanding washing over his features when Jinyoung rushed to settle between his legs, hands caressing planes of naked skin and savouring the sight of Jaebum’s body. “That’s good,” Jinyoung murmured, eyes appraising and unsatiated as they roamed over Jaebum body, hands following his curious gaze.

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum sighed, Jinyoung’s name breaking slightly in the middle as the sigh turned into a soft moan. Jaebum’s eyes were trained on Jinyoung’s face, watching in awe how focused yet tender the man above him looked.

Jinyoung’s eyes flickered to meet Jaebum’s gaze for a moment before he mimicked Jaebum’s move from before, diving to mouth right under the flushed head of Jaebum’s dick. His hands were rested on Jaebum’s pelvis, purposefully not being used yet to keep up the suspense just that little bit more. He dragged his lips down the curve of Jaebum’s dick, watching as it twitched under the lightest of touches, looking heavy and needy on Jaebum’s belly.

“Do you want my mouth here?” Jinyoung decided to play the dirty-talk part, too, actually liking it more than he’d admit it, even if he sometimes wasn’t sure what to say. Jaebum groaned lightly, his hips fidgeting impatiently, but Jinyoung pinned them down firmly. “Do you want me to lick that wet mess off your stomach?” Jinyoung smirked smugly as he didn’t wait for the answer, lapping at the precum that smeared from the tip of Jaebum’s dick onto his belly. His tongue brushed over the sensitive tip and Jaebum hissed, mumbling something that Jinyoung couldn't catch. He hummed in question, lifting his gaze up to meet Jaebum’s hooded eyes.

“I want you,” Jaebum said simply, sounding raspy, but the genuine need behind the statement left no room for doubt. “I want your mouth, I want your tongue on me, I want you, baby.”

“Fuck,” Jinyoung mumbled, because it wasn’t meant to make him this turned on, but it did, and his own erection twitched achingly, obviously missing the wet tightness of Jaebum’s mouth.

Jaebum chuckled breathily and Jinyoung whined, definitely not ready for the somersault his heart did upon hearing the sound. He had to get to the business, really, or else his own horny, lovesick self would ruin his great plan.

His right hand curled around Jaebum’s shaft, giving it a few testing strokes, tugging it slowly, but making sure the pressure would be just right. Jaebum moaned quietly, his head lolling back and it was Jinyoung’s cue.

He lowered his head, licking a wide stripe onto the darkened, swollen head, smiling at the sound that escaped Jaebum’s mouth at that. He tasted Jaebum’s flavour for a moment, leaving kitten licks and stretching his lips around Jaebum’s dick finally, letting him savour the sensation, knowing well there were even better ones to follow up soon.

Jaebum’s hand found its way to Jinyoung’s nape, fingers weaving through the shorter hair there, settling in the nest on the back of Jinyoung’s head. Jinyoung started working his mouth up and down, sucking and stroking Jaebum’s dick in sync, setting a faster pace as he could feel Jaebum getting impatient with the long teasing.

He somehow knew the man would prefer going faster, intensity lost just a little bit for the pace’s sake. Jaebum’s hips soon were bucking up to meet Jinyoung’s mouth and Jinyoung entertained the idea of letting Jaebum fuck his mouth before the man started tugging at his hair, rumbling under his breath for a stop.

“Not even halfway done with you,” Jinyoung sassed hoarsely and watched Jaebum swallowing thickly. He lapped at the perfectly visible vein and savoured the way Jaebum’s eyes struggled to stay focused.

“Good,” Jaebum said after a bit, lifting himself up on his elbows, looking at Jinyoung’s swollen red lips. “Because I still need to fuck you.”

Jinyoung blinked, his breath hitching embarrassingly in anticipation at Jaebum’s words, even though he knew well that was what they were up to all this time.

Jaebum ushered him higher and Jinyoung climbed atop of him, both of them sighing in approval when their dicks bumped into each other. Jaebum grabbed them both in his hand, jerking them together and bringing gasps and broken moans out of both his and Jinyoung’s mouth.

“Babe,” Jinyoung forced out, a little bit too excited because of the renewed attention given to his hardness.

“Yes, Jinyoungie?” Jaebum, despite his alleged interest in whatever Jinyoung was about to say, chose that moment to kiss him, prying Jinyoung’s mouth open easily as the other man sighed into the kiss longingly. Their tongues danced with each other and Jaebum’s hand tightened its grip, but he didn’t pick up the pace, jerking them off fast enough to keep up the hot arousal, but too slow to bring the release they craved for.

Jinyoung took advantage of the first break they had to make in order to catch their breaths, Jaebum using it to trail kisses down to Jinyoung’s chest. “I want you to fuck me,” he ordered, trying to ignore the delicious sting of another love mark being sucked onto his skin beneath his collarbone. “I want you to bend me over and fuck me till I can’t remember my name--”

Jaebum responded with a low groan, one that sent a wave of giddy pleasure through Jinyoung’s body and suddenly Jinyoung was lying under him, legs spread wide open as he held them apart with strong hands. “My needy boy wants to be fucked on all fours?” Jaebum purred unabashedly, caressing Jinyoung’s thighs and digging his fingers mercilessly into the flesh whenever he pleased, leaving temporary, reddened marks. Jinyoung nodded hastily, silently swooning over being called Jaebum’s boy. “Turn over,” he heard and Jaebum’s hands left his legs, freeing him for a moment, so he did what he was asked for quickly.

“There,” he gestured vaguely at the bedside table, where the bottle of lube was. Jaebum hummed, retrieving it from there and throwing it onto the bed besides Jinyoung. His hands came back to kneading on Jinyoung’s legs, scratching and massagging the back of his thighs almost too hard to keep it enjoyable. But as the touch stumbled on the edge to the painful side, Jaebum’s grip lessened and the marks he left were suddenly being showered with small, innocent kisses, soft and pure in comparison to the rough handling from seconds ago. Jinyoung’s breath was shaky, his heart pounding from the lust and the feelings Jaebum awoke in him.

When he was done with the ravished area of his thighs, Jaebum’s mouth traveled higher, adding teeth to the less and less tender kisses on his way to Jinyoung’s asscheeks. He ran his hands on both of Jinyoung’s sides, stopping on his hips. “Lift them up,” he instructed softly, somehow concealing the impatience of arousal and helping Jinyoung settle on his knees, ass perked high and face hidden in a pillow Jinyoung reached for hastily.

Jaebum’s hands fitted perfectly on Jinyoung’s ass as they kneaded it, squeezing the flesh and releasing it to watch it shake slightly. Jinyoung whined as Jaebum repeated it and he writhed and mewled even more when Jaebum scolded him softly and smacked his butt, his hand staying on the hit spot to massage it. “You’ll have plenty time to admire,” Jinyoung snapped, pouting as he looked back at Jaebum.

He laughed at him, but he hovered over and placed a placating kiss on Jinyoung’s blushing cheek, not able to reach the pout of his lips at this angle. “You’re the cutest,” he chuckled, going back to his previous place and, as abrupt and bold as he could get then, he licked at Jinyoung’s entrance, making the man yelp in surprise and then buck his hips into Jaebum’s face, mumbling words of approval into the pillow.

“Remember when Bambam asked me what fruit I like, out of nowhere,” Jaebum mused as he leaned back slightly, holding Jinyoung’s round asscheeks apart and watching the hole twitch and tighten on nothing. Jinyoung groaned at the sudden topic change. “And Yugyeom, said something, about eating peaches,” Jaebum licked at the entrance between his words, not really dipping in, slicking it with his saliva.

Jinyoung groaned once more, long and suffocating under the embarrassing memory, the implication clear to him and his friends, but Jaebum couldn’t quite grasp it, not yet.

Thankfully, the topic was completely abandoned as soon as Jaebum’s tongue dipped into him and Jinyoung moaned quietly, gripping the pillow harder. Jaebum was deliberate, slow and precise, which drove Jinyoung insane, made him let out pathetic little noises and full-on growls. Jinyoung’s dick bobbed between his spread thighs, forgotten and definitely needing more attention, but Jinyoung knew his own body and he knew he just _couldn’t,_ he had to endure that much to make himself last and enjoy every second of what was still to come along with Jaebum, in their shared pace. So he whined, bucked his hips into Jaebum’s face, let his boyfriend fuck him with his tongue and then his fingers, coated in way too much lube, because Jaebum said he enjoyed seeing him so filthily wet for him.

“Please,” he forced out as he rocked his hips back to meet Jaebum’s fingers and fuck himself on them, cherishing both the sensation and the admiration that oozed from Jaebum’s rumbled words of appraisal that followed. Jinyoung’s thighs felt already tired. “Jaebum, please,” he sighed out, fists clutching onto the sheets now in frustration.

“What do you want, Jinyoungie?” Jaebum asked, even though he had to know. Jinyoung heard him patting around frantically and he stifled a laugh when he realized Jaebum was looking for a condom. Quite a last-minute call.

Now, Jinyoung stoked his bedside table with condoms for this occasion, but he wasn’t feeling like telling Jaebum about that and making a use out of them this time. What was even the purpose when they were both clean and Jaebum had already eaten his ass anyway?

“Don’t,” Jinyoung said vaguely, peeking above his shoulder to see Jaebum stiffen for a second, processing Jinyoung’s hint, and then squirting more lube to coat his dick with it and hissing at the sensation. Jinyoung hummed in approval, watching Jaebum’s hand go up and down his length. Jaebum’s gaze wandered languidly on Jinyoung’s body and he felt completely surrendered in the position he was in, body starting trembling slightly from the constant strain of muscles.

The thought left him as Jaebum aligned himself and the fat tip nudged at Jinyoung’s entrance teasingly.

“Is that what you want, honey?” Jaebum’s tone was sweet, almost too sweet for the raspiness of his voice and the implications it held.

Jinyoung couldn’t believe how excited being called _honey_ made him feel.

“Yeah,” he drawled, looking back with eyes hooded with lust and undeniably, undoubtedly something more. Jaebum’s breath hitched and Jinyoung smirked at him, hips moving back and Jaebum groaned, pushing the blunt head of his dick inside, yet still watching Jinyoung’s face expectantly. Jinyoung took a shaky breath in, overwhelmed by the feelings and the arousal that crashed over him in tidal waves. “Jaebum,” he began and he cut himself off with a gasp, because Jaebum pushed inside even more just then. His dick stretched Jinyoung more than his fingers could, made Jinyoung feel full yet still unsatiated. Jaebum’s fingers digged bruisingly into his hipbones as the man restrained himself from pushing all the way in in one go. “Fuck,” Jinyoung moaned, more to himself than to his boyfriend, but he braced himself and, looking right back at Jaebum, he murmured, “Fuck me, baby.” Which was exactly what Jaebum wanted and needed to hear to slam his dick all the way in into Jinyoung.

They both moaned, Jinyoung still hurting from being filled to the fullest, but the pleasure was there and it was building too slowly for Jinyoung’s liking now. “Baby, please,” he mewled when Jaebum bucked out completely and the tip was resting just under Jinyoung’s twitching hole. “Move--”

And Jaebum did, slamming back and making Jinyoung’s back arch, thighs trembling, and Jinyoung cried out into his pillow. Jaebum’s hips picked up a faster, intense pace from the very beginning and Jinyoung was moaning shamelessly, lost in the overwhelming sensation of Jaebum, Jaebum being so close, Jaebum being inside him, Jaebum groaning and moaning out his name, Jaebum reaching to Jinyoung’s dick and tugging at it and making Jinyoung almost collapse from the bolt of pleasure.

Jinyoung didn’t think he’d like it so much. He didn’t think he’d like surrendering like that, letting someone fuck him while he was bent over and completely at the other person’s mercy. He didn’t think he’d like to find himself in this position again, not after the great failure of his one night stands and fuck buddies type of sex life that consisted mostly of him being bent over just like that. He didn’t think he’d enjoy submitting himself so eagerly again, having his ass gripped and fucked hard. Jaebum used so much lube that the squelching sound was impossible to miss, it filled the room along with their shallow breathing and moans, lewd and unapologetic. Jinyoung didn’t think he’d like to hear it all while not even being able to see the person who was fucking him this good.

But everything felt right with Jaebum. Jinyoung wasn’t afraid of being stood up after the night, of being left unsatisfied, and the thought of being silly enough to do it to himself again was nowhere in sight. As Jaebum rolled him over, apparently having some mercy on Jinyoung’s burning thighs, and their bodies melted into each other once again, Jinyoung thought that he was safe. No threats of being used anyhow, no disappointments to be anticipated in his near future.

His legs were wrapped too tight and desperate around Jaebum, his fingers scratched Jaebum’s shoulders, but Jaebum didn’t voice a single complaint, instead encouraging and praising Jinyoung in a rumbled, panting mess of words. The drag of Jaebum’s dick inside him was too much and too little at once. Jinyoung could already feel his whole body tensing in anticipation. Jaebum’s movements were getting erratic, the intense pace uneven.

“You were right, earlier-- today,” Jaebum groaned next to Jinyoung ear, breath hot and damp. “About who’s-- who’s fucking you, at the end of a day,” Jaebum angled his hips differently to reach Jinyoung’s prostate then and Jinyoung cried out, mind blank and his back arching, even if he still needed a tiny bit more to topple over the edge.

Jaebum pulled out. He pushed back in to hit the same spot. Jinyoung was seeing stars. Jaebum pulled back again and Jinyoung finally understood what he was talking about just now.

“Yes,” he panted out eloquently. He had no time to think about how completely, embarrassingly fucked out he already sounded. Jaebum’s dick dragged deliciously over his walls again and Jinyoung mewled pathetically. “Yes, Jaebum, babe, I’m _yours--_ ”

Jaebum’s hips stuttered at that and his hand almost missed Jinyoung’s dick as it reached to stroke it. The touch on Jinyoung’s swollen, deeply coloured cock was what got Jinyoung groaning loudly and spilling over Jaebum’s fingers and their stomachs and Jinyoung was lost in a haze of pleasure and thoughts full of affection and Jaebum, Jaebum, Jaebum.

“Mine,” Jaebum groaned into Jinyoung’s collarbone as his body arched under the force of his orgasm. Jinyoung’s body trembled as he welcomed Jaebum’s own release with a long whine, every part of him oversensitive yet yearning to feel Jaebum’s pleasure. Jaebum came inside of him and Jinyoung felt almost too full, liquids trapped inside of him still as Jaebum didn’t pull out at first, collapsing on top of Jinyoung.

“Yours,” Jinyoung whispered softly into the nest of Jaebum’s hair, when their breathing evened out enough to let them speak properly.

Only then did Jaebum moved, slipping out of Jinyoung with an obscene, wet sound following it and Jinyoung grimaced as his muscles tightened on nothing but the mix of lube and Jaebum’s cum dripping slightly out of his hole now.

Despite the grossness of it, Jinyoung wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything then. Jaebum sat back, watching Jinyoung silently, with a still somehow hungry, but mostly appraising look in his eyes that for once Jinyoung didn’t find predatory and dangerous on another man. He was safe under Jaebum’s watch. He was at home. He was Jaebum’s because he wanted to be his. He was Jaebum’s because Jaebum cared about him.

He could cry at the raw feeling blossoming in his chest, in his stomach, in his whole body, but then Jaebum was leaning again to kiss his cheeks and nose and lips and fuck, maybe there were tears in his eyes already, but if they were, then Jaebum didn’t say anything, just cuddled Jinyoung closer to himself and whispered the loveliest little things Jinyoung could imagine and Jinyoung couldn't stop smiling when he whispered his own sweet words back.

  


 

They actually came back to making hot chocolate afterwards.

It was already almost three in the morning when they finished showering together, lazy handjobs exchanged, and Jinyoung decided he felt too alive to squander his energy and just go back to bed immediately. Jaebum chuckled at him, throaty and adorable, but complied with a knowing smile. Jinyoung ended up adding too much chocolate to the milk and he complained about fate being an asshole to him, so Jaebum had to step in and add more milk, both men acting as though the whole situation wasn’t ridiculous at all.

“You were happy just a minute ago,” Jaebum teased Jinyoung, caressing his lower back. His lips were stretched in a lazy smirk.

“I still am,” Jinyoung argued, belatedly noticing that yeah, he truly was feeling happy. His expression turned more serious, the careless, silly smile that was constantly on his lips fading a little. “Jaebum, I’m happy. With you and with... everything.”

Jaebum smiled, affection taking over his own features, and he kissed Jinyoung cheek, letting the man continue.

And Jinyoung kept talking, blinded by the idea of being unapologetically, openly happy, simple as that.

“My back hurts a little and I guess I’ll need to go lay down soon,” he joked at first. “But I’m feeling good. I’m okay, I’m stable, somehow. Everything’s falling into place. You’re with me, you’re mine…” Jinyoung looked at Jaebum, feeling a bit shy all of a sudden.

Jaebum grinned at him, his smile goofy. “I am,” he confirmed. His voice was full of tenderness. “I’m yours.”

Jinyoung’s smile was just as wide as Jaebum’s. “We have each other and it’s more than I could ever ask for. But not only am I finally feeling like I found something good and I did so with you, I’m also having a small break-through moment in my career right now, it seems. You know, there’s this magazine that agreed to publish my article and it turns out that it’s more important than I previously thought.” The giddiness made Jinyoung talk before he could think his words through, sincerity overflowing his usual wariness. He didn’t even notice when he started talking about the drag queens related article.

“That sounds amazing, Jinyoungie,” Jaebum was all over him again, cradling Jinyoung closer to himself and wrapping his arms around Jinyoung’s waist, careful not to cause any pain. “What is it about? When’s the magazine coming out, anyway? I can’t wait to see it!”

Jinyoung’s mouth opened and closed suddenly, eyes widening almost comically as his own mistake dawned on him. He quickly hid his paling face in the crook of Jaebum’s neck.

Fuck.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^) oh, the sweet Drama... tell me your thoughts heheh
> 
> the following notes contain mentions (nothing graphic) of suicide and death, so skip them if these topics trigger you. ily, thank you for reading this chapter. stay safe and have a good year. <3
> 
> -
> 
> (suicide tw) i talked about it on my tumblr, but i'll leave it here, too; jonghyun's suicide affected me and my mental health heavily (it hasn't been that great for a while) and i'm still in quite a bad condition, but as you can see, i managed to proof-read this chapter (i wrote it before jonghyun's passing) and post it, so. we've got that. i ask for your understanding; and i really hope everyone's doing well. hopefully 2018 will treat us all better. please reach out to your loved ones, it makes all the difference. if you're someone who's struggling, do not hesitate to reach out for help - there are places you will always get it, and there are people who care about you and your life (for instance, me).
> 
> stay safe.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first things first: thank you. thank you for the sweetest comments under the last chapter, because thanks to your understanding and support i didn't feel guilty for taking a much needed break. currently i'm in my second week of finals lol (only one exam to go now!) and i kind of couldn't wait and had to post another chapter already. i'm sorry for coming back with an angsty chapter, but hey, there's a cool announcement in my ending notes!
> 
> it's good to be back. hope you'll enjoy this chapter <3

* * *

 

“I’ve never read anything of yours,” Jaebum was saying, obviously excited. Jinyoung’s mouth was shut and his brain refused to work properly, mind still left blank as Jaebum rambled like a little boy. “And I’d love to finally take a glimpse at your writing. I’ve always wondered what it’s like, but was too embarrassed to ask. I didn’t want to get too much into your personal space, I guess. But now that you’ve mentioned this article, I feel like that would be a perfect opportunity for us to get to know each other even better, don’t you think?”

Jinyoung could swear Jaebum could hear him gulping nervously.

“Yeah,” he almost choked on his reply. “Yeah, exactly. That would be just perfect.”

He had no idea how he could screw up like that, slipping up with these news in such a careless manner. He was sure he couldn't bring it up before Jaebum knew Jinyoung was a drag queen and before Jinyoung ensured himself that their relationship wasn’t endangered by that fact. The way he just let himself go with whatever was on his mind at that particular moment, when he was lost in the haze of emotions and the idea of being happy, it seemed incredibly stupid to him now. Being spontaneous was one thing, but being straight-up dumb was another and Jinyoung felt utterly stupid right then and there.

It was hard to concentrate and come up with a solution for this sudden change of plans right on the spot, but Jinyoung racked his brain to at least conduct a proper response to Jaebum’s innocent excitement. However goofy he may seem at one moment, Jaebum could easily decipher any changes in Jinyoung’s attitude and mood and Jinyoung needed all his acting (or manipulating?) skills at their best to cover up his distress and lack of sincerity.

Jaebum’s arms loosened their embrace a bit and Jaebum was leaning back slightly to glance at Jinyoung’s face. Jinyoung did his best to look... unsuspicious.

“Of course, it isn’t like I insist you should share your writing with me,” Jaebum said with less energy and more softness to his voice, eyes searching for some sort of comfort from Jinyoung. He noticed the sudden tension in Jinyoung’s body, had to associate it with the current topic. “If you want to, then I’ll feel honoured to read your article that you said is so significant for your career.” Jaebum tried to take on a lighter tone, attempting a half-joke and Jinyoung cracked a smile, but what he found bitterly amusing was how in a span of a few minutes that article became significant in a fairly different area of his life than his worklife.

“And you will,” he murmured, diving back into Jaebum’s warm embrace to hide his confused expression and breathe in the scent of Jaebum’s skin, something that had to calm him down at least a bit. It actually helped, its familiarity holding a range of soothing emotions. “It’ll be out… This Thursday, I think. So, I’ll come over. With the magazine,” he was making it up as he spoke, straining to keep his voice as natural as possible. “How does it sound?”

“Don’t you have something else to do on Thursday?” Jaebum asked with furrowed brows. Suddenly, he sounded worried. “I didn’t want to put any pressure on you now, Jinyoungie, you don’t have to rush--”

“No! It’s okay,” Jinyoung interrupted him, an idea finally sprouting in his head. “I want to show you this article, it’s an important one and I’m free in the afternoon, so we can hang out and I’ll bring it with me and… Yeah. It’s fine with me, really. I’m glad you picked up on it.”

It wasn’t a lie, not necessarily. He was _not_ lying to Jaebum.

Jaebum hummed and cupped Jinyoung’s face with his hand, resting the other one on Jinyoung’s hip. Jinyoung looked into the dark eyes that he learned to read better than his own mind. Jaebum was contemplating, but he wasn’t tentative. Thankfully.

Jinyoung leaned to place a sweet, chaste kiss on Jaebum’s lips. He lingered there, waiting for the other man to reciprocate it, and after a nerve-wracking second Jaebum angled his head for a better access and they melted into their kisses, both of them sighing deeply, with a hint of relief, although their reasons for it were different.

  


Jinyoung was sure he simply fucked up.

He did want to come out, did want to do that on Saturday, which would be merely two days later than it all turned out to be bound to happen instead. But he slipped up, he sabotaged his own plans. There might not even be anything to worry about, as he was sure everyone would tell him now; but Jinyoung worried. His chest was heavy with the feeling, every heartbeat punctuating the passing time that was leading to the inevitable. The reveal had to happen, Jinyoung wanted it to happen, but as soon as he thought he had a grasp on it, that he was in control again, the power he finally gained slipped away with one silly remark. Fate was laughing in his face now, showing him how little control he really had over his life.

It was easy to blame it on fate, but Jinyoung knew he was the one who tripped on his words, got lost in a fleeting moment. He didn’t blame Jaebum, knowing that much that it would be absurd to blame his completely unaware boyfriend. Jaebum had proved himself to be caring and maybe a bit overprotective sometimes, which translated to his curiosity on Jinyoung’s well-being and everything that came along with it. Hence his immediate excitement when he learned about Jinyoung making it to a magazine that could offer him a stable job in the future.

Jinyoung was sure that once everything that needed to be said was said, he’d find this particular trait of his boyfriend purely endearing. However, since Jinyoung had been trying to conceal a rather significant and noticeable part of his life until he was ready to share it with Jaebum, his boyfriend’s caring nature became an obstacle. It was hard enough to convince Jaebum that Jinyoung was busy on _every_ Friday, no exceptions possible, and it was a rule no one could override. Then, along the way, Jinyoung had to hide more and more smaller things, like why they couldn’t go to his apartment or what he was doing last night at Bambam’s that prevented him from answering Jaebum’s calls.

Thankfully, Jaebum had never shown any interest in controlling Jinyoung’s life. They both held great respect for each other’s personal space, even if they kept overstepping the physical boundaries. Still, Jaebum simply cared and as much as Jinyoung  almost couldn't believe there was a man who considered his needs so seriously and willingly, he also learned to dread the day he’d underestimate Jaebum’s protective side.

Which, well, happened as soon as Jinyoung let his guards down.

He was grateful for the warmth Jaebum was showering him with, knew it was one of the things that drew him in and pulled them closer, but what if it was the same trait that could make them fall apart under the pressure of Jinyoung’s insincerity?

Jinyoung couldn’t get himself back into a festive spirit that night. After they’d brought their mugs full of dense, dark hot chocolate to Jinyoung’s bedroom, he was quieter, less focused on his surroundings. He blamed it on his sleepiness and tired body, saying it all caught up on him in the kitchen. Jaebum looked concerned and that made something in Jinyoung’s chest tighten painfully, shoulders hunching under the guilt. With his mug secured in his hands, he snuggled to Jaebum’s side under the blankets.

“Babe,” he murmured. They were wrapped in a cozy silence for a longer while now, after Jaebum had finally managed to get a giggle out of Jinyoung and they’d kissed sweetly, resuming to quiet cuddles then. Jaebum hummed in acknowledgment. “I’m really thankful we’ve met.”

Jinyoung hoped his honest confession would make Jaebum’s uncertain expression disappear. He couldn’t know whether it was working, though, because Jaebum had him trapped in his arms with Jinyoung’s back against Jaebum’s chest. Thus, he just kept talking, soft and quiet.

“I wouldn’t trade it for anything, you know? You’re everything I could ever wish for and more. I would never even dare to wish for a person like you to stay by my side. And yet here you are. I’m so thankful for you.”

He wasn’t sure if he was placating or digging his own grave for later.

“And you’re telling me that now, because...?” Jaebum, thankfully, sounded slightly amused by that sudden outburst of confessions, but his whole body so close to Jinyoung’s screamed fond. His breath ghosted over Jinyoung’s skin as he dipped his head to mouth at the side of Jinyoung’s neck.

Jinyoung sighed, enjoying the small spark that the pleasure ignited in him once again, but moving only to turn around in Jaebum’s arms, caress his face with his hand and tilt Jaebum’s chin so they could look into each other’s eyes. “Because it’s been an eventful day… and night,” Jinyoung said, his gaze wavering as it traveled to Jaebum’s lips. Jaebum licked them briefly and Jinyoung could hardly resist leaning in to follow his tongue. Instead, he hastily placed his half-empty mug next to Jaebum’s on the nightstand. “And I wanted to crown it somehow,” he concluded simply, back in Jaebum’s embrace, shifting slightly for a more comfortable position.

Jaebum caressed his skin with such tenderness, it was making Jinyoung crazy. He just hummed again in response to Jinyoung’s words, smile playing in the corners of his lips. His soft gaze traveled adoringly through Jinyoung’s features, settling on his eyes.

“And I’m happy I can wake up next to you tomorrow morning,” Jinyoung murmured. “Or, today’s morning. Any morning, baby.”

The way Jaebum kissed him when the words sank in and blossomed in their hearts, it was something Jinyoung wanted to remember forever.

  


He felt as though he was in a badly written drama, except he also knew for sure this was just how life liked to play him.

The morning came way too quickly. Jaebum had to wake up first, sleep-deprived and groggy, because his boss called and it turned out that what Jaebum had to stay for after his working hours the day before wasn’t enough and there still were corrections to be done, preferably before Jaebum’s shift would even begin today. Jinyoung, just as sleepy and grumpy, told Jaebum to freshen up in the bathroom while Jinyoung would prepare a quick breakfast for him. It worked just fine in the end, Jaebum making it to his work so early it was still dark outside when he left, but Jinyoung’s chest was aching. As soon as he woke up to Jaebum’s scent and warmth next to him, he remembered. And he hated himself and the situation he got them into, hated it all with a raw passion.

He somehow willed himself to go back to sleep. Jaebum promised to visit him again after work, which was both exciting and dreadful. Jinyoung wasn’t sure if he could actively play along with the scenario he prepared for himself and not lose his mind in the process, even if it was only for two days.

He didn’t think he’d be this shaken by the proximity of the reveal. However, it took all his willpower to fight back panic and simply focus on delivering the news with whatever grace was left in this case.

It all felt overwhelmingly real all of a sudden.

  


“Bitch,” Bambam sounded _so_ lazy when they picked up Jinyoung’s call. Did they ever do anything before three in the afternoon? “Finally,” they drawled and Jinyoung groaned.

“Fuck off,” he grumbled, but Bambam brushed the heat of it off completely with an obnoxious laugh.

“Wow, did your loverboy forget to suck you off in the morning? You sound terrible, girl!”

Jinyoung knew. Bambam didn't have to tell him that much.

He curled up on his suddenly uncomfortable sofa, wanting to scream in his frustration. There were some rustling and incoherent noises from Bambam’s end, but other than that they simply waited in silence for Jinyoung to elaborate.

“I screwed up yesterday,” he admitted finally. Bambam inhaled sharply. It sounded very much like them on a daily basis.

“Well, duh,” they scoffed.

Jinyoung scowled. “Rude--”

“I had to, literally had to!, rescue your sorry ass,” Bambam said with a renewed passion. Oh, it was coming. “I swear, there’s this fine fucking line, Mama, that I thought you wouldn’t cross, but you really went all that way into your sweet relationship and you’re still a closeted drag queen. Wake up, for hell’s sake, you’re so gorgeous he’s gonna drop to his knees and beg you to stay by his side as soon as he sees you in that sequined mini dress of yours--”

“Bet that’s not an actual possibility,” Jinyoung said grimly.

Bambam’s rant couldn't be interrupted that easily, though. “Whatever, I just can’t believe I spent half an hour discussing with Jackson why exactly we couldn’t talk about drag yesterday, even though, duh, this is the main topic in my house!”

“You talked behind my back about me with your life-long friend?” Jinyoung didn’t even bother to sound more exhausted than he already felt.

“Not _life-long,_ Mama. And well, I had to explain why you looked as though you’ve seen a ghost when he started talking about our performances. Really, you were quite obvious.”

“Bambam.”

“I’m serious. Maybe you didn't want me to tell you what I think about it, but I needed to vent. Call me dumb, but—“

“Bams, but I screwed up even worse _later,_ when we were already in my flat.”

Now, that made Bambam shut up quite effectively. They made a small noise of surprise and then hummed in anticipation.

Jinyoung took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing his verbal walk of shame. “I accidentally told him about my article about drag. And he wants to read it when it’s out.”

Jinyoung made a pause in which Bambam weren’t saying anything for a second too long. “And?” They finally prompted him further, sounding impatient. “What’s about that? Isn’t that awesome? Does he know already that it’s about drag? It’s such a good excuse to talk about Peach, to be honest!”

It was Jinyoung’s turn to stay silent for a moment. He couldn’t really say he was as optimistic about the whole thing as Bambam were. Actually, he was everything but optimistic now. No matter how much he tried to relate to Bambam’s positive point of view, he kept failing.

“He doesn’t know anything about the main topic of it,” he said at last. “And he was… excited, but I doubt he’ll still feel that way when he gets to actually see this text.”

Bambam sighed, but this time it was quiet, out of genuine concern.

“You can’t keep telling that to yourself. You’ll end up in that weird self-fulfilling prophecy… something,” they argued. “And, you know, you told me that you’d come out to him anyway. Now, I feel like it’s high time you did that as soon as possible. You wouldn't be able to hide it from him for much longer anyway and the more you postpone it, the less there’s a chance he won’t feel wronged. And he might end up finding out by himself, which, well, would be the worst.”

He hated his lanky, loud friend. They were right even though he’d swear they were even more dumb at times than Yugyeom.

Jinyoung got lost in his thoughts as Bambam’s reasoning started to sink in. He tried to digest their words, tried to acquire their mindset. He didn’t notice the background noise from Bambam’s house, completely in his head, and then it was too late.

“Hey, maybe you wanna hear some stupid stories from Jackson? He just got out of shower,” Bambam said after a while and Jinyoung blinked at his phone, dumbfounded.

“He’s still at your place?”

“Yeah, he stayed over and we stayed up till, I don’t know, four in the morning?” You could almost hear the carefree shrug in Bambam’s voice.

Jinyoung groaned, but before he could refuse, Jackson was already holding Bambam’s phone to his ear, greeting him cheerfully and rambling about God knows what. As it seemed there was no way out of this situation if he wanted to stay polite, Jinyoung simply put Jackson on a speaker mode and half-listened for another hour to stories he wasn’t sure he cared about enough or at all.

  


Jaebum forgot something from Jinyoung’s flat in the morning - or so he had texted Jinyoung half an hour before he showed up at his door with deliciously smelling takeout and Jinyoung remembered his boyfriend was going to visit him anyway.

“How was work?” Jinyoung asked casually while they opened their boxes and dug hungrily into the noodles.

“It was hectic,” Jaebum said with a slight frown. “Stressful. But satisfying, because the project finally got accepted by Mr. Choi. Most of the day I just wanted to be back in your bed, though.”

Jaebum laughed and Jinyoung cracked a smile immediately. He wasn’t able to hide from Jaebum’s charm, which he’d learned weeks ago.

They chattered about everything and nothing in particular as they enjoyed their dinner. Jinyoung played another episode of a historical drama they were both into lately on his laptop and the evening seemed to go smoothly as they sat comfortably on Jinyoung’s couch.

Naturally, Jaebum’s arm linked with Jinyoung’s at some point and Jinyoung, even though he should have seen that coming, almost jumped out of his skin at the sudden contact. He flinched, but tried to conceal his weird actions and intertwined his fingers with Jaebum’s. He didn’t rest his head on Jaebum’s shoulder, though, which must have set alarms in Jaebum’s head, judging by his puzzled face. He knew the pattern of Jinyoung’s cuddles too well.

As Jinyoung looked determined to ignore the anomaly, Jaebum fell silent and simply held his hand throughout another twenty minutes or so of the episode, glancing at Jinyoung’s profile from time to time. To say that Jinyoung felt embarrassed by his own actions would be an understatement.

He spent most of his day thinking about what Bambam told him, simultaneously trying to stop himself from overthinking by engrossing himself in paperwork and checking emails. He should have been planning out another look for Peach, as he had been running out of new ideas since he started hanging out so much with Jaebum. It was difficult to both stay focused and to hide his _free time activities_ from his boyfriend and it took a toll on Peach Perfect’s… well, perfectionism. This Tuesday, though, turned out to be a classic case of being unable to work on anything creative and drag-related because of the mess Jinyoung got himself into with Jaebum.

He really needed to take care of that, didn’t he. That was one of his new resolutions born from all the overthinking he’d done that day.

Moreover, as they sat so closely to each other now, he came to a conclusion that he really didn’t feel like indulging himself in the lovey-dovey act. Not only did he feel terribly guilty and unworthy of Jaebum’s sweet gestures, he also simply felt down and not in a mood for any of it.

Thus, when he ducked away from a typical smooch from Jaebum and Jaebum asked him what was wrong, he decided he had to be honest. “Not feeling up to cuddles tonight,” he mumbled simply, sounding and looking defeated.

Jaebum tightened his hold on Jinyoung’s hand, but, as he understood that hugging Jinyoung now would be counterproductive, he didn’t lean closer nor caressed Jinyoung’s cheek as he usually would.

“It’s okay, you just have to tell me if you feel this way,” he said softly and Jinyoung couldn’t quite believe it. How could anyone be so understanding and patient with him? “We’ll have plenty of time for it later, anyway.” Jaebum shrugged and Jinyoung was simply struck by how sincere and selfless it all sounded, how Jaebum just sacrificed the physical proximity with such ease just for Jinyoung’s sake. He couldn’t remember getting this treatment in his past relationships, because although Wonpil often seemed okay with not being too glued to each other on a daily basis, it was simply because he himself prefered less skin on skin contact. His other relationships couldn’t even compare to it.

“And you’re really okay with that, right…?”

“Of course I’d love to have you in my arms all the time,” Jaebum rolled his eyes with that damn teasing smirk that quickly changed into a much softer smile. “But forcing you into it is just plainly wrong.”

Jinyoung’s guilt shifted and he felt as though he was punishing Jaebum for something he wasn’t even aware of or guilty for. How could Jinyoung act so egoistic when Jaebum showed him support only?

“It’ll pass,” he said and bit on the inside of his cheek nervously. “Actually—“

Without a warning, Jinyoung launched himself onto Jaebum, positively making the latter gasp shortly in surprise. Jinyoung buried his face into the crook of Jaebum’s neck and peppered kisses across his warm skin. Jaebum giggled and Jinyoung felt the vibration of it under his lips.

“Changed my mind, wanna hug the shit out of you,” Jinyoung said and Jaebum laughed, eyes full of tenderness and closing from the action and forming adorable crescents when Jinyoung looked up at him.

Jaebum was so precious to him it hurt.

  


Jinyoung went to sleep earlier than usual that night, tired from the emotional ride he’d gone through since yesterday.

His thoughts after the whole day, though, were admittedly more positive, he was feeling almost encouraged. By night, he’d come up with a conclusion that seemed pretty healthy compared to his initial panic.

By deciding that it was the best to come out when the article was published, Jinyoung might have acted too dramatic, as though the reveal moment should have got its own big date. He could still see that much clearly. He had a feeling it might be too theatrical of him, unsuitable for a moment so crucial in his relationship with Jaebum to make it into another performance.

However, setting a firm date helped him get his nerves in check. He told himself that he had time to prepare both himself and Jaebum, that he wasn’t just stalling for a few more days of a blissful ignorance. In the end, he sincerely wanted to finally uncover what was hidden all this time, didn’t he. It seemed like a big deal and it was one, but that _couldn’t_ scare him anymore. He was ready, even if he hadn’t slipped so foolishly, he’d still be ready. Now, it was a matter of last mental preparation and he’d be a fully truthful man once again.

(He sincerely hoped he was right.)

  


 

* * *

 

 

“How can you smell so good,” Jaebum murmured with his lips pressed onto his skin, the words almost impossible to understand. His arms tightened around Jinyoung’s waist and Jinyoung yelped when Jaebum nipped at his neck and then tickled him with his breath with no warning. Jaebum laughed, obviously overjoyed because of Jinyoung’s embarrassing reaction.

It was Wednesday and Jaebum was visiting him in his flat, even though he had a lot of work to finish this evening. Jinyoung told him to cancel the small hangout session for Jaebum’s job sake, but, of course, Jaebum refused and showed up at seven in the evening with a pack of cheetos. They’d already eaten them all, chatting on Jinyoung sofa and suddenly, it was quarter past eight.

“You can’t neglect your work like that,” Jinyoung whined when he noticed the time, genuinely worried. Jaebum stole a quick kiss from him.

“I can stay till nine,” he just said and so it was decided. Jinyoung rolled his eyes, but enjoyed the smooches from Jaebum altogether.

“Tea, then?” He asked casually after a while, untangling himself from Jaebum’s embrace. His boyfriend hummed an affirmative and Jinyoung walked away to the kitchen, Jaebum on his tail.

He leaned on a kitchen counter near Jinyoung while the latter busied himself with tea jars. “Have you ever thought about dyeing your hair?” He asked out of nowhere. Jinyoung blinked at him, surprised.

“No, absolutely not,” he said firmly after the initial puzzlement. Not like he’d tell that Jaebum now, but even most of his wigs were kept in varying shades of natural dark hair colours, with an exception for merely two blonde ones and one that was in a deep navy blue. Rainbow hair was definitely a Bambam thing, both in Jinyoung’s drag world and his everyday life.

“Just found it funny how your friends had the craziest colours on their heads,” Jaebum chuckled lightly and Jinyoung made a small noise of understanding, nodding to agree. “But you’re rocking your natural hair colour on every photo I’ve seen of you.”

“Not much into the crazy colours on myself,” Jinyoung shrugged. The water was almost boiling now. “Yugyeom’s hair… Well, that’s mostly Bambam’s influence.”

Jaebum smiled and his smile was so easy, so effortless and beautiful it took Jinyoung’s breath away for a second.

“They are really… loud, like you’ve warned me,” Jaebum said with a mockingly pained expression and Jinyoung laughed. “But they’re lovely, of course!”

Jinyoung laughed again. He chose jasmine flavoured tea for himself and for Jaebum, so he poured the now boiling hot water into empty mugs to let it cool off faster.

While they were talking about Bambam, Jinyoung thought of how he wanted to prepare Jaebum for the news somehow. It was quite ironic how it had been his resolution from the very beginning, but only now did he start thinking about actual steps to do so actively. Irony aside, Jinyoung entertained the idea of testing the waters by mentioning Bambam being a drag queen and observing Jaebum’s reaction to such a revelation.

He didn’t really plan on doing that, thus it felt a little too risky, too spontaneous. Nevertheless, Jinyoung knew there wasn’t much time left for any preparations, anyway, so he might as well just take that risk.

He cleared his throat quietly before speaking up. “Bambam love everything colourful, honestly,” he sighed exasperatedly. “It’s a lost case. But I believe they fit into their job just fine thanks to it.”

“Are they some sort of a fashion designer? Or a fancy hairdresser?” Jaebum guessed, making Jinyoung smile. It hid some of his sudden nervousness.

“A little bit of that, too, actually, because they’re a drag queen,” he tried to sound as casual as possible, watching as the steam danced above the mugs. He glanced at Jaebum after a very calculated second.

He was smiling and he chuckled when he caught Jinyoung’s eyes with his own. There was no malice nor disgust in his features whatsoever. “Well, wow, that explains a lot,” he joked and Jinyoung made a noise akin to a laughter, but really, it was just poorly concealed obnoxious sigh of relief at Jaebum’s attitude. “It’s so cool, though. They must be a real crazy-stories-mine.”

That following comment made Jinyoung a tiny bit uneasy once again (he was a nerve wreck, honestly), but he nodded in agreement anyway. Because well, that was true. Bambam had a thousand and one stories from every place they’d attended, not only from drag-related ones.

“How did you two get to know each other?” Jaebum asked with a renewed interest. He had that simple, small smile on his lips that could make Jinyoung’s heart race in no time on any other occasion.

However, that goddamn question made Jinyoung’s heart fall into a panicked pace first.

He made himself busy with glancing inside the mugs as though to check whether the water was already cooled enough, averting his gaze away from Jaebum as he asserted a neutral tone to answer. “It was quite random, we’ve met in a club through a mutual friend we don’t even hang out with anymore. Nothing special, really… Which may sound crazy, considering what Bambam are like,” Jinyoung attempted to joke and thankfully it landed, Jaebum chuckling and nodding. “No funny story behind it, just everything that followed might be overwhelming, as you already know.”

Jinyoung danced on a fine line of a blatant lie and a half-truth, choosing his words as careful as he could while trying to act natural.

(He knew he just wasn’t truthful.)

“And Yugyeom’s been friends with Bambam for…?”

“Since high school, I think,” Jinyoung answered easily, suddenly very ready to change the focus onto someone else’s relations with Bambam. “High school sweethearts, except I don’t think they have much romantic connection between them.”

“Sure seemed very close, though,” Jaebum said with a slight frown, but he seemed to drop the topic easily when Jinyoung leaned and kissed his cheek out of nowhere. “What did I do to deserve that?”

“You don’t have to do anything specific to earn a simple kiss from your boyfriend,” Jinyoung said with a small smile, looking at Jaebum lips.

It was almost too easy to shift Jaebum’s attention onto anything Jinyoung set his mind on at that moment, but he praised the lord for making it this effortless as Jaebum moved closer and kissed him once, twice, and drag didn’t come up after that for the rest of the evening, because Jinyoung busied the two of them with enjoying tea and laughing at Jaebum’s bad hair colour choices from the past that Jinyoung still remembered from the photos on his boyfriend’s laptop.

  


Jaebum left Jinyoung’s apartment around ten o’clock, eyelids drooping in his sleepiness, but he kept saying it was worth it.

“And I can’t wait for tomorrow,” he added as he leaned to kiss Jinyoung goodbye.

“Me too,” Jinyoung mumbled unconvincingly when the door was already closed.

  


 

* * *

 

 

The cluster of small, black letters on a snowy white paper hurt his tired eyes as he looked at the home-printed version of his article. Only the lamp on his desk was on, the light bulb flickering slightly right after he sat down with a heavy sigh. He probably had to change it soon, just to spare himself a small heart attack whenever it would actually go off.

The funny thing about this article was that Jinyoung wrote it at the same time he started texting Jaebum. It was the same period of time - coming up with the general idea for it and learning about a stranger who seemed almost too perfect on the internet, but turned out to be even more attractive in real life. It was only natural for the article to come out sincere, raw almost in its honesty, just like it was natural for Jinyoung and Jaebum to get close to each other so quickly, so effortlessly. Jinyoung could perfectly remember how easy it was to put his thoughts into neat paragraphs with the topic at hand and the knowledge that he had a date in the evening, one finally with a man who asked him questions and actually listened to his answers. With a man who himself had a lot to say, often coming off just as quick-witted as Jinyoung himself and catching Jinyoung off guard. Jaebum would always laugh at him for being narcissistic enough to believe that another guy couldn’t be as smart as him, but the adoring spark in Jaebum’s gaze as he joked about that told Jinyoung he didn’t really think Jinyoung was that much of an egocentric asshole. Most of the time, Jaebum showed him that he saw him as much more than that.

It’s been _so_ easy, Jinyoung thought. It was easy to finish this article, send it off and engulf himself in the ups and downs of his relationship with Jaebum. There weren’t many downs, really; and most of them were solely in Jinyoung’s head. From the third person’s view, their relationship must have looked absurdly ideal.

But it most probably wasn’t, Jinyoung mused as his eyes scanned through his own words printed on paper. It was about to get a brutal reality check and whatever the outcome would be, Jinyoung knew it was going to change the perspective of both him and Jaebum. Their relationship may even end, as Jinyoung had already known from his past experiences. Maybe at least this time it would happen immediately after the reveal, he thought bitterly and his stomach twisted painfully, breath hitching from the mere idea of how much he might have screwed up.

He knew there was no sense in letting so much stress and pain hurt him even before anything happened, but the less strong, more susceptible to any kinds of sorrow part of him was getting the better of him for some reason. He felt incredibly, frighteningly vulnerable. He couldn't help but compare it to how blissfully unaware and full of hope he had been when he’d been telling Wonpil about the fact that he’d been doing drag for actual years. He hadn’t known back then just how bad it could hurt when someone wouldn’t accept this part of his life as easily as the more common, ordinary ones.

And maybe, Jinyoung thought, the fact that he didn’t feel as strongly and deeply about Wonpil back then had something to do with how weak Jinyoung felt now, in front of the greatest obstacle thus far between him and Jaebum. Maybe now, his poetic heart drawled on, as he had more experiences and more knowledge of what he wanted and needed, he could finally notice that what he felt towards Jaebum was one of a kind, that it was what people would later call his true love, his soulmate connection. And once he found it, he was petrified of losing it.

Letting the word _love_ sink in, Jinyoung exhaled shakily and realized he couldn’t differentiate letters on the paper anymore; his eyes were watering, although no tears had run down his cheeks yet. The lump in his throat was almost painful.

He just cared so much about Jaebum and wanted to be his no matter what; there was no way he could call it anything less than love.

  


 

* * *

 

 

It felt both like a normal day and as though his world was crumbling.

He didn’t even have it in him to call himself out for being dramatic. He barely slept that night, haunted by his insecurities and memories and fresh guilt, all mixed with that soaring red feeling he named the night before. He felt bad enough to be unable to eat a proper breakfast and so decided to go running in the morning to hopefully clear his mind. But, as he passed the same tree in the park for the third time, his thoughts were still racing just as fast as before. When he got back home, his body was almost as tired as his mind. And the magazine was already in his mail, along with a quite sweet letter with Amber Liu’s signature on the bottom. The boss herself. Jinyoung refrained from reading it closely, though, believing it would be best to focus on one task before getting distracted with work.

Afternoon came way too soon.

He spent way too much time in front of his wardrobe, choosing the most neutral outfit he could think of. He didn’t dare to fantasize about how Jaebum would accept his revelations unconditionally right on the spot and make passionate love to him immediately after, which said fantasy would probably contain more daring clothes. It felt somehow inappropriate, but popped up in his mind nonetheless - just to be ignored.

“Missed you,” Jaebum smiled and leaned to kiss him softly when Jinyoung was already at his place, cats napping peacefully in their favourite spots. They got so used to Jinyoung coming over that they didn’t feel the need to greet him (inspect the intruder) every time he got there anymore.

Jinyoung barely managed to smile back. His lips felt numb as Jaebum’s moved against them and his boyfriend leaned back with worry written all over his face.

“Is something wrong, baby? Are you feeling sick?” His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and he was pouting, trying to check Jinyoung’s forehead for any signs of fever as the two of them made their way to the kitchen. Jaebum was in the middle of making them both tea.

“No, I’m okay, I’m not sick,” Jinyoung mumbled and tried to smile with less tension showing on his face. It didn’t really work. “I’m gonna get something from my bag, wait a second,” he rushed back to get the magazine out of his messenger bag. It was the best to just get straight to the point before Jaebum would get even more suspicious and anxious.

Jaebum already placed their mugs on the table and sat at the end of it, facing the doorway.

“Your favourite,” Jaebum nodded at the mug that Jinyoung always used when he was at Jaebum’s place.

“Thanks,” Jinyoung said with a slightly wider smile. He held the magazine behind his back.

(He could swear it was burning his skin.)

“And is that…?” Jaebum noticed, of course. His eyes widened as the realization hit him.

“Yeah.” That was it, Jinyoung thought. His big reveal. There was no turning back now. Ride or die--

“Can I see it, then?” Jaebum, bless his unaware, innocent soul, sounded amused. He extended his hand towards Jinyoung, eyes turning soft as he scanned Jinyoung’s tensed expression. “I’m sure I’m going to love it, babe, so please don’t worry so much. You could never disappoint me with your work.”

Jinyoung almost choked on his answer. “Hope-- hopefully, you’re right.”

He finally passed the magazine to Jaebum, hovering next to the kitchen sink afterwards, because he was too scared to see his boyfriend’s reaction from up close.

Jaebum’s gaze ran through the cover and he flipped it to check the table of contents inside. Jinyoung inhaled sharply.

“It’s about drag queens,” he blurted out before Jaebum could ask which title he should go for. His boyfriend’s eyebrows quirked up high and he looked a little surprised for a second, but then it disappeared and he looked up and smiled encouragingly at Jinyoung.

“Challenging topic, I see,” he commented and Jinyoung swallowed hard. “Knowing Bambam had to be helpful in this case, then.”

As he was talking, he flipped the pages and stopped at Jinyoung’s article.

Now or never. “It’s about drag queens because I am one,” he confessed. His voice did not quiver. Nor did his body, although he must have looked as small as he felt, gripping a countertop for his dear life.

Jaebum, on the other hand, took a sudden, shaky breath. Jinyoung watched as he sat up straight, his eyes turning cold as they never left the magazine. His free hand clenched into a fist.

For a way too long, full of shallow breathing moment, Jaebum just looked at the article, his eyes moving from time to time as though he’d just remembered that he should have been reading it. But Jinyoung was sure Jaebum wasn’t really reading; he could see how selective the stares were. Jaebum was looking at the words _as a drag queen, I…, my close friend who does drag, too…, that’s the life I know better than anything else._ Jinyoung remembered all those phrases, because he stared at them for hours the night before that day.

Those elegant columns of black print on a pale background looked striking and way too bold. Jinyoung’s own words seemed to be melting into an incomprehensible mass on the paper.

Jaebum was silent.

Jinyoung was hardly even breathing when Jaebum looked up, face completely closed, the lack of fondness and warmth in Jaebum’s eyes something Jinyoung would almost, almost be able to survive, if only it hadn’t been replaced with sorrow and anger instead.

He couldn’t say anything, waiting for Jaebum to speak up.

“There’s just so much wrong with it,” Jaebum said, suddenly, spitefully. Jinyoung flinched, because it felt like the first punch was finally thrown this afternoon. Jaebum continued when there was no response. “Why are you telling me this _now_? Why haven’t you told me earlier? What else are you hiding from me?”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to answer, but words refused to form on his tongue, his mind completely blank and useless as he stared wide-eyed at Jaebum.

Jaebum’s features hardened. “Why didn’t you tell me earlier, Jinyoung?”

Jinyoung’s eyes ran away from the intense, judgemental gaze that was way too unfamiliar, yet looked exactly like everything he was terrified of, like something he’d already seen in his nightmares. Instead of a proper sentence, only a broken sigh escaped his mouth when he tried to explain himself.

Guilt was eating his heart alive.

“No more lies, Jinyoung,” Jaebum’s voice was quiet and his words were a demand, a demand born not from the need of authority, but from feeling helpless, from seeking for a leverage to hold on to. “Tell me why didn’t you say anything before.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, inhaled shakily. “I was scared,” he managed to say and he exhaled, the air leaving his lungs all at once. He opened his eyes again. “It’s-- there’s a lot…”

“Were you even going to tell me? Were you planning on doing it?”

“I was!” Jinyoung’s voice rose, but the man didn’t seem to notice. He was already trembling from the emotions battling in his body. “Of course I was!”

“Doesn’t look like an _of course_ to me,” Jaebum scoffed, hanging his head low, glancing at the magazine on the table with a pained frown. “Would you be telling me that now if it wasn’t for this fucking article?”

Jinyoung’s own expression changed, from the terrified, filled with guilt and remorse one to one more angry, unbelieving.

“Why are you so doubtful?” He spitted out, making Jaebum jerk up and scowl. “I had so many reasons to be afraid of coming out, but I wanted to tell you as soon as…!”

Jinyoung’s voice wavered. Jaebum’s eyebrows raised, unimpressed. “As soon as what exactly, Jinyoung?”

As I knew I was safe, surfaced right then, but Jinyoung bit his tongue, forcing the words back. He wasn’t going to hurt Jaebum, he wasn’t going to blurt out words that could be understood the wrong way. He wasn’t going to do it, he wasn’t. “I have… loads of memories and experiences that I haven’t got to tell you in detail yet, and I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now, about them and about drag.”

“Then why not two weeks ago?” Jaebum scoffed, merciless in his own sorrow. “Why not a week ago? Fuck, and here I thought that you were serious about being happy with me--”

“I am happy with you! That’s it, that’s why...!”

“No, Jinyoung, that’s clearly not it! I was sure we have something deeper than a fleeting affair, I’ve been sure of it for weeks now, and yet I get to know now that I’ve been on some sort of a trial this whole time!”

Jaebum was screaming, too, and it was the first time Jinyoung saw him this unraveled, this uncomposed, a chaos of different feelings poured into his words, his gaze and his body language. He was leaning towards Jinyoung, but there was something about his stance that made him look smaller, wounded.

He was hurt and he wanted a reason to somehow understand his pain, but Jinyoung was unable to give him what he needed, not then, not when Jinyoung’s mind felt white with hopeless rage and fear, mixed into searing heat that took over his rational side.

He planted his hand hard on the wooden surface of Jaebum’s kitchen cabinet. He didn’t notice the physical pain the move brought. “And maybe that’s why I didn't want to tell you earlier, because of this attitude, because you don’t even acknowledge my point of view, you’re just angry at me now, because I happen not to be what you wanted me to be…!”

Jaebum scoffed, disbelief flooding his next words. “Jinyoung, you’re missing the point completely! Don’t you see what’s really wrong here? I don’t fucking care if you’re a drag queen if that’s what you like to do in your free time, why the hell I’d be mad about it?!”

Jinyoung opened his mouth and closed it immediately, suddenly at a loss of words.

“You don’t trust me, Jinyoung. That’s why you didn’t tell me earlier.”

Jaebum wasn’t screaming now. His voice got lower and somehow, it hurt even more. But not as much as his accusation.

“...That is not true,” Jinyoung sithed through his teeth, eyes narrowing as he stared at Jaebum with fresh anger rising in his chest.

“Then why are you telling me only now, while acting like it’s such a huge issue, so terribly hard to overcome it?” Jaebum scoffed, shaking his head. “You actually see that you’re in wrong here, don’t you? That’s why you were so stressed and now you’re trying to shift the guilt onto me.”

Jinyoung’s heart was positively breaking with each of Jaebum’s words. He hated how right Jaebum was about it all. He hated how he himself didn’t prevent their relationship from falling into this mess.

He grasped for the last truth he could hold on to. “I care about us! That’s why I was scared-- And you need to listen to me, there’s way more to it than you think…”

“Yeah, I guess there’s a lot more. Seems like there’s always been something more that I wasn’t allowed to know about, not until you had to tell me or be caught in a lie otherwise.”

Jaebum was bitter, but somehow, Jinyoung’s anger and the heartbreak tearing at his whole body obscured his better judgement and he flared up, shaking as he took a deep breath and seethed at Jaebum one last time.

“I didn’t believe it when my doubtful mind would tell me that you’d react like that, but there you are, acting as though you know me and you can tell me when to reveal whatever I had to conceal in order to feel safe.”

“ _There you are,_ blatantly showing me that you didn’t trust me enough even after everything we’ve told each other and done together,” Jaebum didn’t need a second to fire back with the same amount of venom and hurt in his voice.

It was going nowhere, Jinyoung realized. It was a hopeless case, an argument that didn’t have a chance to end well right from its very beginning.

Time stretched and created a void between them as Jinyoung remained silent after Jaebum’s heated response. They stared at each other intently, unmovingly.

“...Do you even want to listen to me?” When Jinyoung finally spoke up, his voice was quiet. It could almost pass as calm.

Jaebum looked resigned and he sighed deeply as his hands came up to ran through his hair and go back to his face, hiding it for a moment. He dropped them and the larger pieces of Jinyoung’s broken heart crumbled farther when he saw the hollowness of Jaebum’s eyes.

“Not now, Jinyoung. I don’t feel like talking to you right now.”

And maybe it was for the better, a tiny, reasonable voice whispered in Jinyoung mind. It got completely over-shouted by the emotional tide that swept through him simultaneously.

“I need time,” Jaebum said with a sense of finality in his words. He turned away from Jinyoung, holding the magazine helplessly. “I think we both need it.”

Jinyoung took it righteously as his cue to leave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you gotta just... trust me on this one lol
> 
> as for the announcement: from now on i'll be posting once a week, most probably around the weekend (will do my best to update on fridays/saturdays so you can read in your free time!). cross your fingers for me!
> 
> as always, i'm hella curious about your thoughts - what do you think about jaebum's reaction, what are your predictions, i wanna know what's on your mind! so hmu in the comments or on my tumblr :^)
> 
> with love,  
> alka


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in today’s episode of un-beta'd Hot Drag Glittery Mess we get: Bambam, Bambam and more Bambam and also Mark’s an asshole but he’s right.
> 
> enjoy <333

* * *

 

 

Last time Bambam cinched their waist so much, they nearly passed out. But they never learned their lessons, as everyone would say seeing them sporting the tightest corset in the dressing room. Bambam, on the other hand, would argue they just needed more practice and maybe a surgery to get rid of a rib or two.

Nevertheless, they decided to go for the extremely cinched look to spice up their appearance a little for tonight. They were about to perform not one, but two lip-syncs and that needed some extra loving added to the overall look. Would they faint between the two songs? Well, the crowd needed to stay tuned. Bambam were going to let them know in a second.

The corset ended just below Bambam’s barely covered nipples. They had a feathery, glittery boa to top the look and cover some of their naked shoulders if they felt the need to, but who were they kidding - their body was their strength and hiding every part of it would be a terrible, terrible waste and a completely unnecessary act of humbleness. They’d already gone out of their way by cladding their biggest pride (legs, of course) in those latex, yet still expensive looking skinny pants. There was no need to use any more fabric on Bambam’s body tonight.

Underneath the shiny pants Bambam padded themselves just a tiny bit, focusing mostly on their butt and slightly on their thighs. They practiced padding kind of in hiding, always being more about their natural, androgynous image than faking feminine curves, but it was just a preference and as such, it could change, right? So, Bambam experimented a bit. They didn't tell anyone about that, not wanting to spoil anything, obviously.

They checked their work in the standing mirror once again and whistled obnoxiously at their own reflection, patting their new, rounded butt appreciatively. It wasn’t much, surely not as much as other queens would do, but the difference was easy to spot. Bambam posed in front of the mirror, praising their new shape loudly. Honestly, why Peach couldn't be there to see this masterpiece? She chose the worst timing possible to go MIA.

“Honey, your Mama would be so proud,” Lady Hazel clicked her tongue loudly. Bambam gave her a playful look over the shoulder and they both burst out laughing.

“I can’t believe she had to get sick this week, I mean… We’re having an event, baby,” Bambam whined, pout on their lips as they sat next to Lady Hazel. She was touching up her eyebrows.

“Are you calling your new ass an event, child?” Lady Hazel scoffed and they cracked up again. “Damn, her immune system must hate you. Take a photo for her, darling.”

“I did, I did,” Bambam said, looking at their impressively high, rhine-stoned-to-filth heels. They seemed to catch even the tiniest amount of light and glistened beautifully.

“I saw her in the morning in a grocery shop, you know,” Lady Hazel carried on. “She looked bad, even from afar, and I was already at the register, so I left her alone. Tell her I’m worried and that I send her all my best wishes, Bambae.”

Bambam lightened up at the sweet nickname. “I should just use Bambae as my drag name, you know,” they drawled, seemingly completely ignoring the worried tone Lady Hazel acquired and it made the older drag queen chuckle. “I will, Hazel, I will!”

“And tell her I can bring her some soup or something, be her mother for a day,” she added jokingly, adjusting her heavy necklaces. Bambam laughed, nodding. “You’re a one lucky bitch, though! You’re snatching that extra time at the club tonight and I bet Peaches will make sure to never get sick again.”

Bambam graced Lady Hazel with a wide, mischievous grin. They stood up, combing their fingers delicately through the short, messy red wig they chose for tonight. “You’re right,” they said as they reached for another important accessory for tonight - gloves. “I might be covering a lot of skin today, but I’m also covering twice as much stage time. Boys are not ready for this.”

Lady Hazel clicked her tongue once again. “That’s the attitude! You’re mama’s girl, I swear.”

“Peach isn’t my drag _mom…_ I guess,” Bambam faltered a little at that, a frown adorning their perfectly painted face. “We met not that long ago and we’ve both had quite similar experiences thus far.”

“It’s not about the age gap or the amount of time you spent with each other,” Lady Hazel’s voice turned serious and another drag queen sitting near them agreed loudly with that statement. “You look up to her and you’ve grown thanks to her. Just look at your body today, honey. If that’s not Peach Perfect’s influence, then, fuck, I’m a biological man,” she shouted in a raspy, very manly-sounding voice and it made the whole room laugh, including Bambam.

But right after, they pouted a little at the implication that maybe Peach had more power over their drag than they’d previously thought. It was nowhere a bad thing, of course. Actually, it felt nice to think about another drag queen as that important.

But as it was being settled, Bambam felt the pang of worry and a really bad gut feeling about why Jinyoung truly couldn't make it tonight, even though they did their best to ignore it since the message they got from him. They remembered that Jinyoung was going to finally come out to Jaebum, remembered how anxious he acted about the reveal. It all just added up to a simple conclusion that the last evening truly didn't end up as Bambam sincerely wished it would.

For now, though, everything Bambam could do was to milk everything and more out of Peach Perfect’s stage time as it was given to them specifically by the ill drag queen. Tomorrow they would reach out to Jinyoung and get to know more about his well-being.

And today - it was showtime.

  


* * *

 

 

These days, it seemed that Jinyoung would always end up talking things out with Bambam.

Even though Yugyeom could surprise him with how mature his advice usually was, Bambam were a talkative, highly expressive mess that brought something fresh to the way Jinyoung perceived various situations. More often than not, both Yugyeom’s and Bambam’s advice would end up being the same, but the way Bambam carried and delivered the message seemed more likely to open Jinyoung’s eyes; Yugyeom was just too much like Jinyoung, in some ways.

(And he had a rather uneventful, we-do-not-talk-about-it-much love life as for now, while Bambam… oh, well. They were always having the time of their life, thus always staying aware of every trick and game someone could try to pull off.)

If it was years ago, Jinyoung would turn with his dilemmas to Kihyun or Sungjin. However, since the painful, way too overblown break-up with Wonpil happened, Jinyoung hadn’t kept in touch with them as much anymore. It wasn’t like Sungjin chose Wonpil over Jinyoung as the split sank deeper into their mutual friendships as well-- though maybe it was like that, in the end. The bottom line was - Jinyoung had other people he could trust now, thankfully.

There was no need to think about it at all, about people who’d already abandoned Jinyoung’s side completely, or did so for the most part, at least. And yet, there Jinyoung was, reminiscing the past that didn’t matter anymore, overthinking unpleasant memories that weren’t giving anything helpful back. He was sulking uselessly over things that didn’t matter at that moment, but emerged due to his suddenly lowered mental defence.

(And fuck, did the low was swallowing him up to the point he thought he couldn’t breathe.)

He slept in that morning, having no particular plans for this Saturday and being exhausted from having little to no sleep the last two nights. Bambam had been texting him since ten o’clock that he should come over, because they ordered “a shitload of food” and “Yugyeom’s with his parents at his grandma’s house or something, dunno” and “Jackson’s busy till evening”. Among all of that, Bambam asked him fifteen times if he was okay.

Jinyoung wasn’t okay, definitely. And Bambam definitely knew that much. Thus, there was no point in staying in bed for much longer, Jinyoung told himself so as to get his tired body out of bed somehow.

It proved to be difficult, especially with how grey the view outside his windows was and how warm and safe his bed felt. Jinyoung’s thoughts felt just as grey and his heart contents were as unwelcoming and depressing; his poetic side couldn’t not notice and draw his attention to it. He felt a great urge to indulge in more of that suffocating overthinking he’d been practicing the last two days, but Bambam’s request to see him was keeping him away from getting caught up in the rumination again, thankfully. He had to get up, get ready and leave these depressing thoughts behind for a bit. It was going to help him, his reasonable side told him firmly. He wasn’t going to run away from the topic that was clogging his mind, not when Bambam wanted to get to know what exactly happened, but more action in Jinyoung’s surroundings was a nice distraction. Definitely a relief he craved for.

  


“...And then he was saying that we need time,” Jinyoung admitted, clutching his cup full of jasmine tea. “And so I left.”

It was surprisingly easy to simply recall those events, almost as if Jinyoung was reporting a case that didn’t concern him at all. He went through every tiny detail of their argument so many times in his head already that voicing those out turned out to be easier than he was predicting it would be.

Bambam were a good listener, even though they’d interrupted way too many times. However, their interruptions actually held a heavy load of worry and concern and didn’t clash with Jinyoung’s story. Bambam didn’t look very surprised when Jinyoung told them he wasn’t really sick; they had enough brains to come up with that conclusion already, which Jinyoung was anticipating. They did look more and more alarmed, though, as Jinyoung started recalling how anxious he was when the day of reveal had come, then proceeding to describe his confrontation with Jaebum.

Although they were always first to point out Jinyoung’s mistakes, this time Bambam resolutely took Jinyoung’s side while listening. Jinyoung didn’t necessarily need that, feeling too drained to care and too guilty to let himself bask in his friend’s support. Bambam’s sentiment was sweet, though, and surely genuine, as the pained frown couldn’t leave their features long after Jinyoung finished describing last Thursday’s events.

When Jinyoung arrived at Bambam’s door and let himself in with his spare pair of keys, he was greeted with soft, soothing music playing from the stereo set Bambam had recently purchased and were so proud of. The music was probably a step too far so as to calm Jinyoung’s nerves, but it made Jinyoung laugh shortly and he let Bambam leave it like that, quickly getting used to the quiet beats. Now, as Bambam seemed to be collecting their thoughts to form a proper response, the music took over the otherwise silent living room.

Jinyoung wasn’t sure if it was even possible that someone could tell him anything new about the issue. He spent his last two days thinking about what happened, no breaks, no blissful peace even in his sleep as he was unable to sleep without disturbing dreams coming at him. It was his fault, the whole argument was his fault. And there was nothing he could really do now, since the ball was clearly in Jaebum’s court now.

Bambam cleared their throat and fidgeted on their favourite yellow sofa. Jinyoung looked at them wordlessly, wondering briefly just how emotionless he had to look right then.

“As much as it surely is a serious argument between you two,” Bambam started, clearing their throat once again before continuing with a steadier voice. “I believe… Well, actually I _can’t_ believe, can’t believe that it would be over like that. That your relationship could just end right now.”

Jinyoung laughed; it sounded hollow. “He said I don’t trust him,” he reminded Bambam, bitterness of the truth overflowing his voice. “He said we need time. Isn’t that what those _normal_ relationships have right before they end?”

“Maybe your relationship isn’t that normal to begin with,” Bambam argued back. “Whatever you thought about it earlier, it’s not the case now. I’m pretty sure Jaebum sees it, too, and that’s what he meant by needing time. He has to understand what you being a closeted drag queen truly means, Mama.”

“But I didn't have a chance to actually tell him about that. I don’t know if he’ll even want to listen if we miss the perfect timing, whenever it is.”

“He will listen,” Bambam sounded way firmer than Jinyoung could even dream of feeling so right now. He blinked at his friend questioningly. “Jinyoung, he said he cares about you so many times, didn’t he? And you care about him, too, we both know that much--”

“I’m pretty sure it’s more complicated than that,” Jinyoung growled, staring into his jasmine tea. “I feel that I’ve betrayed him, to some extent. And, before you say anything,” Jinyoung added quickly as Bambam were already opening their mouth to fire a heated reply at him. “I’m not saying that to make anyone pity me. And I want to… talk to him. Tell him everything I didn’t manage to say when I should have. I just feel like maybe he-- he might not want to hear me making excuses. Because maybe that’s it, Bammie. Maybe I just squandered my perfect moment _and_ our relationship, before we even got to say--”

Jinyoung stopped himself right there, his words stuck in his throat as his lips formed a thin line. The sudden anger bubbling in his stomach was born out of helplessness. Bambam were right, he thought bitterly, it couldn't just end like that, not before--

“Oh my god, Mama,” Bambam leaned in his direction slightly, eyes suddenly soft and full of understanding. “You haven’t told him, but you really love him, hm?”

Jinyoung scoffed, looking away from Bambam’s way too knowing and accepting gaze. He observed as his tea swirled in the cup when he gently moved it in his hand. “Do I? If I hurt him like that, do I even get to say that I truly love him?”

A moment of stunned silence followed his words. Jinyoung wasn’t expecting a quick reply, but then,

“What the fuck!” Bambam shouted, flopping back into their sofa and pulling at their washed out, blond-ish hair. “Stop, Mama, that’s enough. I’m done. Are you fucking dumb?” Jinyoung’s eyebrows raised so high he swore it hurt, but wow, _rude._ “You can love whoever the hell you want and guess what, Jaebum’s your best fucking option right now! Because he sure as hell feels the same about you! And cares about you! And wants to fuck you and then make you breakfast— or whatever! Sweet baby Jesus, why haven’t you two confessed to each other yet, it would make this shit so much easier…!”

Jinyoung opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.

“Might be my fault,” he admitted, sinking deeper into the enormous armchair he curled himself on. “I mean, I guess I seemed like I needed a lot of time to warm up enough to be able to exchange such confessions…?”

Bambam threw their hands into the air with an overdone scoff. “And what, you feel guilty for that, too?!” As Jinyoung didn’t answer, Bambam groaned in frustration and carried on. “Mama, that’s really too much. Please, you have to know that your feelings are valid and you shouldn’t demonize them like that. You had your reasons and they were also perfectly valid. I’d say that Jaebum might have overreacted, even, but my not-so-wild guess is that it’s because he cares about you and doesn't want to lose you, simple as that. I’m sure he’ll be more than willing to help you find your peace between your past and present selves.”

“I hurt him,” Jinyoung mumbled into his cup, his chest aching. “I didn't intend to, but I focused on myself in the end and--”

“And that’s what you should have done, probably,” Bambam didn't let him finish his sentence, visibly worked up by now. “I mean, you should have focused on your mental health. You still thought about your boyfriend in it and he’ll see that, too. You can’t hate yourself for being self-aware and knowing your limits.”

Jinyoung wasn’t sure if the conversation was still in its right tracks and he stayed silent, mulling over Bambam’s frantic words. He felt that he might have simply taken his self-care too far, to the point where it wasn’t much self-care and instead revolved around self-doubt, harmful for his surroundings. Which, in this case, meant Jaebum and their relationship.

He wasn’t sure how to fix it. He wanted to, but the fear of losing that battle, too, was overwhelming. Moreover, he didn’t want to reach to Jaebum too soon, as the other man clearly indicated he didn’t want them to contact each other for a while.

Just when the _too soon_ period would end, though? How could Jinyoung know it was safe to try talking with Jaebum again, to set a meeting to talk through any misunderstandings and misconceptions? Jinyoung had no idea how to distinguish that moment from any other one while he was away from Jaebum and his life.

“Mama?” Bambam mumbled, unsure. Jinyoung realized he completely shut down, escaping into his head and falling into a silent overdrive as his mind ran frantically.

He blinked a few times; his eyes felt dry and tired. He took a few sips of his already lukewarm jasmine tea before replying in a hushed, worn out voice.

“I’d like to stay low for a little while longer. I can’t rush it. I guess I also need time, if not for all those emotions to wear down, then to think well of what and how exactly I’d like to tell him once we meet to talk properly.”

Bambam nodded to show they understood where Jinyoung was coming from. Jinyoung sighed deeply, closing his eyes and resting his head on the velvety material of the armchair.

“Thanks for being here for me, Bammie,” he added softly, cracking one eye open to gaze at his friend. Bambam answered with an easy, full of love smile.

“That’s why you’re _my_ Mama,” they shrugged, a little flustered. They were terrible at talking about feelings that involved them, yet they didn’t shy away for Jinyoung’s sake. Jinyoung smiled, finally feeling a bit of his worry lifted off his shoulders.

They sat like that, without saying anything, for a while longer. The soothing playlist ended after a few minutes and Jinyoung put his cup away, straightening himself afterwards.

“Now, kiddo,” he began, getting Bambam’s full attention immediately. “I need to see in real life that cinched to the gods, padded for the heavens look you showed last night. Care to share?”

Bambam’s eyes lit up and they were on their feet in no time, ushering Jinyoung to their drag atelier with an excitement of an actual kid. With his main focus finally shifted to something new, Jinyoung was more than grateful for this hyperactive child of his.

  


* * *

 

 

Once again, Jinyoung felt like he needed time. Once again, he felt that the amount he needed was a bit too much.

He was honest with Bambam; he wanted to take his chance and use that moment of silence between himself and Jaebum in order to prepare well for another confrontation, get into a better mindset that wouldn’t make him lash out unnecessarily again. His attitude acting up during the evening of the reveal was what Jinyoung blamed, at least partially, for how wrong it all went. He was guilty for many reasons and not being able to check himself was definitely one of them.

Once again, Jinyoung struggled to use his time wisely. Once again, he struggled to actually take advantage of the situation he got himself into.

He’d never had such problems. He’d always been able to be as calculating and manipulative as certain circumstances required. Even while his relationship with Wonpil was already hanging on a thin rope and nobody believed in its survival, he still managed to take his time and think of many ways to how appeal to his boyfriend. Nevermind that it all turned into ways to how hurt said boyfriend more than Jinyoung was hurt by him.

(He was quite good at that, too.)

That skill, to hurt deliberately, wasn’t coming in handy now. Hurting Jaebum - further than Jinyoung had already done so - wasn’t even to be considered.

As hours passed slowly and time seemed like a completely foreign and infuriating concept all of a sudden, Jinyoung kept going back and forth from wondering whether it was too late to even think of fixing Jaebum’s image of Jinyoung, and whether Jinyoung should just call him right now, no preparation needed, and spill his heart out, bare it all at once. Jinyoung cared so much.

On a Saturday night, staring at two new text messages on his phone that he didn’t dare to tell anyone about, Jinyoung’s decision faltered. Once again, Jinyoung missed his opportunity, and somehow, it was still because of how much he cared.

  


* * *

 

 

Sunday got him restless. It had been three nights since the fall out; five nights since he slept next to Jaebum and the loss was simultaneously more apparent and easier to settle in. Jinyoung tried to reason to himself that time was actually acting on his favour and _not_ making him less invested and more wary. It made him gain more perspective on the issue - or so he had told himself.

It was quite easy to interpret it like that, since the heartbreak hadn’t subsided at all and Jinyoung was thinking about it all the time. Of course he was still invested.

His morning went rather uneventful, a quick call from Bambam, a few text messages from Yugyeom and, surprisingly, twice as much of them from Jackson. He got Jinyoung’s number from Bambam, probably, and Jinyoung wasn’t sure if the guy was genuinely trying to make friends with him or just had a talent to be annoyingly charming while staying completely unaware of that. With how random his messages were, it was hard to tell. Jinyoung was glad for the sentiment anyway, even if he wouldn’t admit that aloud without a fight.

Around noon, Jinyoung decided it was high time he’d done something productive with his life. He had no energy left in him to go to Bambam’s now and work on his drag, especially since Bambam told him they might have guests later in the evening. Jinyoung decided it was best to simply stay on his couch for now, under a blanket and with his laptop to work from home.

Right when he was settled, his phone vibrated with a notification from the Instagram app. After unlocking the screen and going to the app, he saw that Mark and Bambam were doing a shared Instagram live, just like Bambam told him they’d do. The background looked quite unfamiliar, so Jinyoung guessed they were at Mark’s place. They were sitting next to each other, but they used the shared live feature, so the people watching could see their faces better.

“The shittiest person,” Mark introduced Bambam with the calmest voice he could master and Bambam looked up, staring right into the front camera of their phone.

“That is undeniably true,” they confirmed and Mark burst out laughing. “I’m still the quality content one here, though!”

Mark just made a face (Jinyoung once again thought that the guy had a talent for making cute faces) and shook his head. “That’s Bambam and if you go to their Instagram profile, you can see they do drag, but today we’re just hanging out, nothing too crazy. We decided to get ready on a live.”

“We’ll probably just end up sitting at his house,” Bambam were already preparing their face with a moisturizer that Jinyoung couldn’t recall seeing at their makeup station before. “You know, ‘cause someone’s boring here…!”

Mark hit Bambam’s shoulder with the wooden part of some foundation brush and Jinyoung couldn’t help laughing silently at that. He could definitely relate.

He knew they met up mainly to hype each other up on Instagram and gain followers from that collab, but it was still fun to watch how their dynamic went on in front of a bigger audience. Bambam were natural, not minding the camera at all and maybe even being a little bit reckless, whereas Mark seemed more careful and collected. Jinyoung could see that Mark wasn’t completely keen on Bambam yet, but they were definitely nearing to a good friendship. Mark still needed to get used to some of Bambam’s queer antics (pun fully intended), and Bambam had to learn where the fine line was - so as to stop crossing it too often.

The banter between the two of them was becoming more natural and laid-back as the live went on and it helped Jinyoung focus on something else than the anxiety clawing at his stomach. He was getting comfortable on the couch, checking his emails and trying to plan out the next week while his mind was more at ease than it had been throughout the past few days. It wasn’t ideal, not in the slightest, but Jinyoung managed to go through most of his emails unperturbed.

(In the past few months, Jinyoung learned that there was exactly one person who could make him feel completely, utterly calm and at ease, but this person was out of his reach, and it was Jinyoung who brought this upon himself.)

“Someone says, _the other boy’s adorable, he’s funny_ ,” Mark read aloud one of the comments and frowned slightly.

Bambam piped in immediately. “It’s they or them, thank you.”

“Yeah, guys. If you say _he,_ we’ll just assume you’re talking about me,” Mark’s voice sounded firm and Jinyoung had a fleeting thought full of contentment, because suddenly, his Bambam had another adult figure in their life that was ready to protect them from the unnecessary bullshit. The comments on the internet could get from neutral to violent in a record time, but it wasn’t _that_ bad when someone got your back.

Bambam weren’t a kid, not really; they were quite tough already, if Jinyoung had to be honest. However, it didn’t mean that Jinyoung would underestimate the significance of having others’ support, especially if said others were looked up to by a large following of people. Jinyoung, as much as he liked to say that Peach was no mother of Bambam, felt a strong need to protect his younger friend. He was glad that Bambam were getting the treatment they deserved.

He peered at his phone, checking the progress of his friends’ makeup. They both had most of it done by now and Jinyoung felt a pang of nervous surprise when he realized that more than an hour had already passed. It was okay, he wasn’t late for anything (he’d been late for the one thing he cared not to be late for; his consciousness nagged that he squandered his chance and the painful knot in his stomach came back), he was simply bewildered by how the time had seemed to trickle away in an unfamiliar pattern since… well, since the argument.

  


* * *

 

 

Somehow, it became a thing; _it_ being Bambam hanging out with Mark, doing makeup together. Overnight, they came to a conclusion that it’d be awesome to meet up _everyday,_ unless one of them couldn’t due to other scheduled activities. And that was how Jinyoung found himself in Bambam’s house on Monday, sitting comfortably through another makeup meeting of Bambam and Mark.

He thought it would be terribly awkward with Mark, since he was one of Jaebum’s close friends and Jinyoung had been ignoring his chances to talk to Jaebum for a couple of days now, but Mark had his aura of not caring about the world around him at all on full display. He greeted Jinyoung simply, smiled and talked in his direction quite naturally, even if rarely. To make it even easier for everyone, Jinyoung opened a recently purchased book and busied himself with reading it on Bambam’s yellow sofa, tuning out of any conversations made.

They weren’t doing a live this time, but they still talked about makeup mostly, sometimes leaning to Instagram and Internet fame in general, sometimes brushing Bambam’s drag experiences a little, then going back to more practical side of it, like sharing useful knowledge about certain beauty products. As much as Jinyoung found such topics interesting, he couldn’t really bear talking about it all for hours, like those two easily could. He was quite thankful for his book.

“Mama ain’t listening to us at all,” Bambam complained at some point, earning themself a pointed look from Jinyoung. They snickered right after, making Mark smirk slightly, even though he was focused on applying a warm-toned, orange-y almost nude lipstick. “And you know what, Yugyeom would be the same. Sometimes it’s scary how similar these two can be. Good that Yugie has a dance practice now.”

“Do you know his crew well?” Mark asked with a few seconds delay due to applying his lipstick.

“Yup! But there’s a new guy, Sehun, I think. He looks incredibly unimpressed all the time. Kinda handsome, but mostly bored,” Bambam were saying in no time. They applied some lash glue on a thick, hard to work with band of their false lashes and started waving them around to make it dry quicker. “Though actually, I guess he’s my type, you know… Tall, nice slim silhouette, muscles where they are needed, handsome face, casual attire, plain t-shirts and all that stuff.”

“Oh, I wondered who would be your type,” Mark said as Bambam were applying eyelashes on their right eye. “If it’s someone… like you.” Mark didn’t explain further, just gestured vaguely, glancing at Bambam to check if they were okay with their outstanding and loud self being pointed out.

Bambam didn’t look offended by any means. They went on to coating another band with lash glue instead. “Well, I kinda have that mindset… I look for people who are able to contain themselves a little bit more, who don’t need so much space and resources to express themselves. I find it attractive, since it’s not what I, well, what I know first-hand.” They wiggled the eyelashes frantically, still talking. “I’m quite… obnoxious. Not to toot my own horn, but I definitely stand out among others when it comes to the way I express myself. I get a lot of attention because of how unique I try to come across, and that’s who I am.”

Bambam did look nervously at Jinyoung as they talked, not used to speaking up about their thoughts and deeper feelings so openly - or to speaking up about those topics at all. Jinyoung showed them a thumb up with an encouraging smile halfway the small monologue and Bambam looked less scared thanks to it. Jinyoung felt a bit like a proud mother looking at her first child growing up and making crucial steps in their life.

Mark nodded in acknowledgment, probably feeling like he didn’t need to contribute any more to the topic as it seemed completely talked-through by Bambam alone. As Bambam finished applying lashes on their other eye, Mark asked about Sehun again and the two of them went back to discussing his features and then talking about Yugyeom’s dance crew in general. At some point, they switched to makeup again.

Jinyoung got back to his book, tuning in only from time to time when Bambam sounded more excited, which usually meant some new makeup gem was discovered thanks to the knowledge exchange. The early afternoon was going by slowly and peacefully. It was a nice change, to spend time among others and focus on neutral topics. Jinyoung used this hanging out session as a distractor for his occupied, chaotic mind. It was actually working wonders, as much as he was concerned. He could rest a bit, let himself calm down between hours of nonstop thinking, thinking, thinking. He was more than glad for his friends and the way they treated him with care, but not too much of it; none of them was overprotective and Jinyoung didn’t feel suffocated, restrained. He simply felt safe. He decided it’d be good to keep on meeting up like that, even if his introverted nature would scream for even more hours in solitude. He relaxed farther into the pillows scattered on the sofa today and let out a content sigh, flipping a page lazily.

It all was probably too nice, because it was then that Jinyoung noticed a new text message popping up on his phone screen. His heart almost jumped out of his ribcage when he saw who sent it. He swiped to delete the notification and put his phone screen-down.

He was _not_ dealing with it _right now._

  


Of course, there was a question of when would he deal with it then, but the answer was also not required at that moment.

  


* * *

 

 

It turned out quite fast that no, not everyone was completely okay with him and that... _thing_ going on between him and Jaebum. Not everyone decided to step back and stay subtle.

The next day, he visited Bambam’s house again and was cornered by Mark in the kitchen. Jackson was there, too, but he was talking about something with Bambam in the living room with music turned on. Yugyeom was going to be back from another practice any minute and they all wanted to hang out, maybe actually go out instead of sitting in Bambam’s living room and eating takeout (though that was an actual option, too, and that way Jinyoung would surely stay with all of them for the evening).

Mark had a lighter makeup today, leaning on a more natural side as he might have wanted to tone his look down because of Jackson’s presence. Bambam, on the contrary, went all in, and gained every praise Jackson could think about in a minute. Mark looked almost pissed because of it.

As he approached Jinyoung in the kitchen, though, Jinyoung was fairly sure the conversation wouldn’t revolve around Jackson. It might have been triggered by that suppressed anger Jinyoung thought he saw on Mark’s features as Jackson gave all of his attention to Bambam’s makeup while not sparing a glance at Mark’s efforts, sure. But it wasn’t going to be about _Jackson._

Jinyoung just knew, had been sure since yesterday’s awkward dancing around each other whenever they had to address each other directly, that Mark wasn’t as neutral as Jinyoung would like him to be.

He was, as always, preparing a cup of tea for himself. The jasmine one, because Bambam stocked up on it as soon as they noticed Jinyoung being keen on it. Mark stood next to him and looked at him expectantly, so Jinyoung rolled his eyes and let go of the tea container to stare back at him with arms crossed on his chest.

“Whatever you have going on right now with Jaebum, it’s between you two, obviously,” Mark started once he was sure he had Jinyoung’s undivided attention. Oh, Jinyoung could already see where it was heading. “But I’m not going to pretend everything’s okay, because it clearly isn’t. As much as I like you, Jinyoung, there’s no way I’d overlook the drama you and Jaebum have going on right now. Jaebum is my close friend, one of the closest I’ve ever had. I care about _him_ and I hope we both share that sentiment.”

That was the longest speech Mark had ever given Jinyoung thus far and for a moment, Jinyoung was slightly stunned. The loyalty suited Mark perfectly, Jinyoung thought briefly. Mark seemed like a person that would take their friend’s side no matter what.

The small hairpins in Mark’s hair had glitter on them. He still didn’t take them off after finishing his makeup, Jinyoung noted for some reason.

“I thought it’d be good to get that out of the way,” Mark cleared his throat, suddenly looking a little anxious. “Maybe you’d guys be able to talk in that... open manner… too.”

Jinyoung frowned at that. Who was Mark to give Jinyoung advice on how to deal with his own relationship problems? Jinyoung certainly did not ask for any advice. Jinyoung did not ask what Mark thought about Jinyoung and Jaebum having issues and not being on speaking terms.

Mark could go fuck himself, Jinyoung thought and was already opening his mouth to blurt out a less spiteful, but still passive aggressive response, but oddly enough Mark beat him to it.

“Don’t you look so bothered by me now,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes and already turning away to leave the kitchen.

“Yeah, go back to minding your own business,” Jinyoung mumbled, growled almost because of how angry he suddenly felt.

The anger was stemming from hopelessness. Mark was right and yet Jinyoung had no clue how to finally execute his idea, too scared of the possible final outcome of the inevitable confrontation.

Mark turned around for a moment, looking unimpressed, disappointed almost.

“Back to minding my own business, sir,” he said coldly, a sharpness to his voice that wasn’t there a minute before. Then, he was gone, uneasiness left behind, floating in the air around Jinyoung. The latter leaned on the rocking chair Bambam were still keeping in their kitchen. He sighed deeply with a grimace on his face and a migraine threatening to arouse in his temples.

Way to go, Park Jinyoung. Handling important talks with great care, one fuck-up after another.

  


It was hard to tell whether his friends were going to leave Bambam’s house or not. Either way, Jinyoung decided he wouldn’t be spending the whole evening with them, choosing instead to finally go back to his beloved drag station in the back of Bambam’s house. He browsed the internet half of the night, looking for inspirations, and stumbled upon some stunning looks that gave him fresh ideas to work on. He was determined to pick up his drag art where he left it and make it blossom and amaze others once again. In the end, if this was going to be the reason for another breakup, at least it would be one to be proud of. Jinyoung could not neglect drag anymore, he loved it too much to let it collect dust while he was moping around and being generally miserable. He had to go back to being productive. Use wisely all that unnecessary time his brain used for overthinking.

However, for another hour or so, Jinyoung planned to stay with the rowdy bunch called his friends in Bambam’s living room. He secretly craved for more social interactions now that he had no one next to him on a daily basis again, though maybe he also just didn’t want to give Mark the satisfaction of seeing Jinyoung retreat right after their awkward little quarrel.

Jackson, bless him, really, finally started giving Mark enough attention, what with his arm protectively draped over the latter’s shoulders whenever they laughed at something, the touches that just seemed to keep happening on their own as they sat next to each other, the stolen glances whenever the other wasn’t looking. Jinyoung wasn’t sure what they were; they were dating, _probably,_ but Mark was so hot and cold that sometimes Jinyoung doubted there was anything official between the two. Or maybe there was just nothing really _romantic._ Whatever the case, it wasn’t his problem to solve. He was capable of staying in his lane, contrary to some other guys present in the room.

(He was aware that he was being petty, but fuck, his nerve system was exhausted.)

“Oh, man! That’s adorable,” Jackson exclaimed out of nowhere; he had been scrolling through his Instagram feed for a while now and he looked bored as hell just a minute ago, but now there was an unmistakable spark in his eyes.

Mark glanced at what Jackson was watching and smiled the silliest grin Jinyoung ever saw on him and _eww,_ Mark was effortlessly cute as always, it was so hard to stay mad at him.

“Geez, I love dogs,” Jackson sighed with a pained expression, as though the amount of love he had for dogs was suffocating him.

Mark giggled. “I know, right? Half of my feed is always filled with puppers,” he smiled as he went back to his own phone. He was tapping and swiping for a bit in silence, and then, “Oh, Youngjae’s with Daehyun now!”

That made everyone in the room turn their heads in his direction. Jackson peered over Mark’s shoulder to see better and asked, “No shit, so Daehyun’s dating Jaebum’s ex?”

Jackson chuckled obnoxiously and everyone just seemed completely unaware - and they most probably were unaware - of the chaos that aroused in Jinyoung’s mind in no time. Because wait, did Jaebum forget to mention he was once dating Youngjae? Jinyoung was confused. Youngjae was Jaebum’s ex? He had no idea who that Daehyun guy was, nor why did both Mark and Jackson know him, apparently, he just… Couldn't grasp the idea of Jaebum simply foregoing such information whenever he talked about Youngjae and their friendship that had years of history by now.

Somehow, Jinyoung’s traitorous mind took another wild turn on that roller coaster ride and came to conclusion that Jaebum simply hid something from Jinyoung, too, so Jinyoung wasn’t even that guilty. He wasn’t the only untruthful one in their relationship and--

“Ahh, guys!” Bambam whined with Mark’s phone in front of their face, stopping Jinyoung’s wicked thinking midways. “I thought y’all meant our Youngjae, that artistic otter one! I don’t even know _that_ guy,” they complained, sliding the phone back to its owner.

Well, Jinyoung felt like a piece of shit when the confusion cleared. It was a mere coincidence that Jaebum dated a guy with the same name his friend had. And Jinyoung indulged in the biggest-asshole-like logic just now, which he hated himself for, because it was completely uncalled for. For hell’s sake, how could he even believe Jaebum would hide something of this sort from him? And even if, was it something to get riled up about? No. The answer was just as simple as that. Anyway, Jaebum gave him no reason to doubt his good intentions towards Jinyoung and their shared relationship and really, Jinyoung needed to step up his own game. He had to reach Jaebum’s level instead of letting his strained, stressed out mind jump to dumb conclusions and conspiracy-theories-worthy thoughts.

Jinyoung was determined to get his shit together, go work on his drag and on his relationship with a man he loved and cared about. He was done being passive.

He was going to start with this plan by spending his whole evening sketching and maybe even sewing some of his new drag project _and_ finally dealing with the messages on his phone he still hadn’t dared to tell anyone about, but were his best shot at regaining Jaebum’s trust and making him want to actually listen to Jinyoung’s reasoning.

It seemed easy enough, at least in theory.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *whispers* issa progress :^) 
> 
> as you may have noticed, it's Official that glitter's gonna have 12 chapters. the amount of love and engagement under the last chapter makes it even sadder for me to say that this part of the story's coming to an end, but for those who'd like to see more of this au - worry not, i have some more things up my sleeves.
> 
> for now, go have a look at [Miki's wonderful fanart](http://miki-draws.tumblr.com/post/168826363349/drag-queen-jinyoung-aka-peach-from-that-glittery) that i should have linked weeks ago!!!!!! and after you give her some well-deserved Love, let me know what you think of this chapter's events. what do you think of jinyoung's resolution? do you think his timing is right? and did you enjoy that overflowing amount of other characters showing up (lol)? let me know! i Live for your comments <3
> 
> love,  
> alka


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're getting really close to the finish line, but that's the longest chapter of glitter so far, so i hope it'll make up for it! special thanks to my dearest boo [crimson_calamity](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimson_calamity) who helped me with proof reading <333 if you haven't read any of their stories yet then damn you're Missing Out and need to go check them out asap and give my boo some well deserved love!!! <3

* * *

 

 

It had been a while since Jaebum met up with Mark and Youngjae somewhere else than at Mark’s place. And yeah, maybe it was because of how on edge and  _ lonely  _ he’d been since last week, but at least they finally decided to actually go somewhere else and enjoy their time together as a three, no other people needed (no other people  _ invited _ ), so as to focus on getting more quality time with each other. Jaebum appreciated the gesture, although he wasn’t in much of a mood for sitting in a cafe with way too overpriced menu options and aesthetically pleasing, but rather uncomfortable chairs.

Mark and his freshly re-dyed red hair fitted perfectly into that pretty picture, though. Youngjae would look like a tourist, Jaebum thought with amusement, reminding himself to check his predictions once the art student joined him and Mark. Youngjae was running late because of another project he was working on, but he should have got there soon enough.

Youngjae was Jaebum’s last hope, really, because Mark had never been very talkative or expressive in general and thus whenever Jaebum wasn’t in his best mood, Mark would have no idea how to handle it with actual care. He was doing okay today - at least he’d been _ so far, _ Jaebum would rather say - but Jaebum’s patience was running thin these days and that unrelenting, anxious tug in his chest, which didn’t want to leave him even for a second, was the main suspect for why he was like that.

He kept looking back at his phone and pretending he didn’t care about anything at the same time, which was tiring and honestly fruitless. From the looks Mark threw him in the last couple of minutes they’d been sitting in the cafe together, Jaebum was painfully obvious.

“It’s a pity you two are fighting  _ now, _ you know,” Mark said at some point, completely out of nowhere, while looking at his very instagram-friendly hot chocolate with marshmallows on the top. He ordered it alongside with a flat white coffee, which he had already started on. The hot chocolate had its own little photoshoot and was now left to look pretty and lonely on the side, not even a single marshmallow touched.

Jaebum fidgeted in his seat, trying not to sigh heavily at Mark’s laconic remark. Mark seemed to take pity on him and picked up right where he left his words to hang.

“Those guys liked you, I feel so. And they’re quite nice, too.” Knowing Mark, that was an equivalent of him enjoying their hangouts a lot. Jaebum knew about those hangouts, of course. He also knew that Jinyoung was there, most of the time. “I’d do with some company, though… And Youngjae is always busy with all the extra stuff he does to actually swing by Bambam’s.”

Mark pouted, even if Jaebum was clearly not in a fucking mood to look at his pouts. But Mark would always do what he felt like doing, empathy as an afterthought.

“What about Jackson?” He just asked dismissively. If Mark was trying to make Jaebum come by without any invitation from Bambam - it wasn’t happening. Jaebum wouldn’t do that, even if he’d already entertained that idea in his head a few times.

(It had only been a week, but he was going positively crazy without Jinyoung by his side.)

“What about Jackson,” Mark scoffed, dropping the pout completely. “It’s… whatever. I mean, it’s nice whenever he’s around. Bambam’s the worst, but they’re getting okay, too, I guess. Yugyeom might be my fave.” Jaebum chuckled, couldn’t help it, really. He also developed a soft spot for that giant, yellow-haired boy. “I can count on him. And Jinyoung… Uh. Well.”

Jaebum tried not to look too eager to know what Mark wanted to say. He failed, getting caught because of his eyebrows rising comically high and eyes literally shining with a renewed interest.

He might have also felt a pang of obvious jealousy that showed on his face, because Mark had more interactions with Jaebum’s boyfriend for the past week than Jaebum himself. And, jealousy aside, he was more than ready to fight Mark if the latter was about to say something offensive.

“He’s a little out of it, mostly. Spacing out, not really actively with us, I’d say. Jackson keeps making effort to make him engage more,” the last part was said with a bit of a bite. Jaebum was too preoccupied by the image of Jinyoung sulking in this colorful living room, surrounded by the loudest people Jaebum had encountered recently, to tease Mark about how green with envy his words were.

Mark had that way to be easily jealous, yet he loved to make others jealous of him. Must be that lack of empathy, mixed with Mark’s natural strike to be an asshole.

“Is he at least looking healthy?” Jaebum let himself ask that after a moment of hesitation. His friend usually didn’t even notice that type of change in someone’s demeanor.

“His skin is less glowy,” Mark pushed out his lower lip as he pondered on adding more. “He’s just… Less sassy, I’d say. Gloomy. Though yesterday, now that I think about it, he talked more, but then disappeared rather soon, so.” He shrugged and reached for his coffee, taking a careful sip.

Jaebum briefly thought about how Mark was talking more than him, and generally just more than he’d usually do. Thanks to that sudden change, this small investigation session they were currently having was surprisingly fruitful.

Fruitful didn’t mean pleasant, though; Jaebum wasn’t pleased to hear that Jinyoung was gloomy. He wasn’t glad to hear that his boyfriend had to be coaxed to actually talk with people when he’d meet up with them - it could really only mean that Jinyoung was feeling down, and that was because of their fight, surely. The ugly guilt in Jaebum’s head stirred at the thought. Jaebum had to fix this. He had a plan, but it was up to Jinyoung if they’d actually work out in the end. Of course, what he meant by that wasn’t only that Jinyoung had to be willing to stay by his side. That part, although Jaebum was careful to make assumptions so easily, seemed quite possible. What Jaebum wasn’t sure was whether Jinyoung understood - finally - why Jaebum was upset in the first place. Jinyoung was amazing at reading people, he knew that, but he was aware that it didn’t mean he’d  _ understand  _ Jaebum’s point of view. Thus, it was all up to Jinyoung and what stance he’d take.

But, who Jaebum was trying to convince; at the mere thought of Jinyoung wanting to keep working on their relationship, even if he still wasn’t seeing Jaebum’s reasoning as what it was, made him giddy, his heart skipping a bit because of the longing that washed over him.

“You still there, man?” Mark spoke up as he leaned in Jaebum’s direction, unimpressed look on his face. Jaebum had to be out of it all for a while, Mark never really spoke first into the silence. “You two are the same, I swear,” his friend scoffed, leaning back and stealing a marshmallow on his way.

That small comment shouldn’t have made his heart jump again. Damn, he missed Jinyoung.

He didn’t really respond to that, so Mark just groaned and resumed to quietly checking his phone and slurping obnoxiously on his coffee, an image that felt almost domestic for Jaebum. What Jaebum did not expect, though, was for his friend to break the silence once again after barely two, maybe three minutes.

“How are you dealing with it, though?” He looked… Concerned. Mark Tuan, that snob from Instagram, being concerned about his actual real-life friend. What a sight. “Are you really not even on speaking terms?”

Jaebum scrunched his face a bit, partly because of Mark’s attempt at human-like emotions and partly because, well, that topic was rather unpleasant to talk about.

“Not entirely,” he admitted reluctantly.

Mark seemed a little taken aback by that, but he didn’t comment on how Jaebum omitted that detail in their conversations throughout the last week. Instead, he started playing with his long sleeves - a nervous habit he seemed to be unable to ever drop. “I just, you know. Think you should communicate, that’s all. ‘Cause maybe if you’d have been better at communicating in the first place, you wouldn’t be in this weird situation now.”

Jaebum, although a way calmer person than he’d been back in the days, could swear he saw a bit of red in his vision at Mark’s blunt remark.

“And  _ you  _ are telling me that?” He fired back immediately. Mark frowned at him, defense system kicking into action visibly as he straightened a bit. “Should I remind you of your own communication skills and how much you get out of them?”

“We both know about those, so maybe take my advice as it is,” Mark was pretty quick to get angry, too, and Jaebum knew that pattern between them all too well. “Since I know what the  _ lack  _ of communication can actually do.”

Jaebum groaned, looking away from the angered expression on Mark’s bare face.

“I texted him, a few times. He just hasn’t been really replying--”

Saying that might have been a mistake, seeing how perplexed and then cruelly amused Mark looked. “Oh, really?” He huffed, and before Jaebum could continue and make himself clear, Mark let out a string of  _ oh, that’s just golden, oh, boy,  _ before leaning back in his seat and making the most bored face he could master, probably.

Jaebum felt like strangling him to the floor.

“I mean, I’d admit that Jinyoung seems like a total cocktease,” Mark said, as crass and straightforward as one could get while looking as if he didn’t care about it at all.

“Oh, shut the fuck up, Mark,” Jaebum scowled, leaning in his friend’s direction unconsciously. There was no way Mark would talk like that about Jinyoung, now or any other time--

It was exactly then, when Jaebum was seriously contemplating throwing his hot black tea onto Mark and punching him square in the face for a good measure, that Youngjae appeared. That damn ray of sunshine.

He looked between the two sitting men and  _ pouted, _ which made Mark’s stony facade crack in no time. Jaebum just clenched his jaw.

“ _ Hyungs, _ ” Youngjae whined. “Are you fighting again?”

He always, always knew when to use his charms and have his older friends wrapped around his little finger, although judging by how clueless and lost he looked, he was completely unaware of what he was doing and just how effective it was.

Mark was, by no surprise, the first to deny. Just to appease Youngjae, Jaebum thought with a sense of irony. Mark had such a blatant weak spot for Youngjae; even now, when he claimed he was over his crush on his straight friend, and to add to that - even while he was, quite openly, going out with a man who was obviously very interested in him (Jackson). 

(In contrary to Youngjae, who maybe wasn’t dating any girl right now, but was rather adamant about not being gay in the slightest.)

Mark had already learned his lesson of Oh What Do You Mean You’re Straight, I Have A Boner Whenever I See You. Being well-aware of Mark’s past (and present) romantic life, even with that Youngjae case aside, Jaebum was sure Mark wasn’t the most reliable source of love advice. Nor was he welcomed to shit on Jaebum’s boyfriend however he pleased, especially as his accusations weren’t fair or true at all.

He didn’t manage to go back to where he left his initial statement about Jinyoung not replying and correct what he meant. Truth to be told, Jaebum didn’t really try, deciding it would be useless now that there was three of them and Mark seemed ready to drop the subject entirely. Well, he just had to see. Jaebum couldn’t wait until he would tell him that Jinyoung and Jaebum were okay again and rub every endearment he had for his boyfriend in Mark’s doubtful face.

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


And so it was another Thursday.

Jinyoung felt better. The rush of motivation ran out a bit, but the remnants that were still there kept him going forward. He was ready for his next show on Friday and already started working on another look, planning out Peach’s makeup look and accessories to match with the shiny mini dress she was going to rock soon. He was sure he had to buy another pair of high heels, but then-- maybe he should go for thigh high boots? The dress wasn’t longer than mid-thigh, most of the time went way higher than that. Showing off Peach’s legs was always a good idea, but for the sake of the outfit he might choose something different this time. If Bambam could start padding their body, then Peach could cover her legs for one show.

The problem was, Jinyoung had exactly one pair of boots in his drag wardrobe and they did not go well with the dress. Hence, he had to ask Bambam for some sister help.

They agreed immediately, never one to back down from a drag-related meetup. Surprisingly, they suggested that they could hang out in Jinyoung’s flat, since they hadn’t visited in quite a long time. True as it was, Jinyoung tried to subtly point out that maybe Bambam’s house would be more practical.

“I know, but I really feel like I never go out these days,” Bambam sounded saddened by that and screw it, Jinyoung wasn’t about to make them stay at home another evening just because everyone loved hanging out at their place and they had a whole drag atelier there.

(That sounded a bit sarcastic, but he really wasn’t going to do it. He actually loved his friend, okay.)

However, the evening was still far away and the weather was so nice that Jinyoung couldn’t stay still and wait for his friend to come and save him after hours of sitting in his bedroom and  _ thinking  _ instead of being productive and enjoying the day.

That was how he found himself in a cafe located in another part of the city, with his laptop already situated in front of him while the sun shone low and hit his highlighted face at just the right angle. He chose a table next to the window, wanting to make as much of the natural lighting as he could, since the days weren’t that long anymore and frankly, he missed sunshine. Even if he was definitely a nocturnal animal most of the time.

He was planning to start working on another short article for the same magazine as the infamous drag article was published in. Jinyoung finally read through Amber Liu’s letter earlier that day and yes, the magazine wanted him to work for them. It still wasn’t official, but he understood well why they “would like to see more of his written work” and asked him to reach out with another text. He was more than ready to go along with it. With the clearest mind he had had in days, he silently got to work.

The cafe wasn’t the busiest when Jinyoung came in, but as the time passed by, more and more people seemed to notice that warm place he chose for himself and the noise arose gradually. It didn’t phase him, not much. He was quite used to the wrecking havoc of the club he worked at on Fridays, and besides, half of his college assignments were written in public spaces, since his own desk was always cluttered with books, makeup and random notes and sketches. Jinyoung could definitely work just fine with the slightly louder chit-chats of other patrons in the cafe.

He didn’t really expect to be interrupted by one of them, though, but that was exactly what happened.

He’d been there for almost two hours then and his so-called article was a total mess of diary-like bits and actual professional parts, but he was having too much fun writing everything down to care. It was utterly relaxing to simply let the words flow and not spare a single glance at the word count or care about the contents. Jinyoung was completely immersed, sitting in that metaphorical bubble that didn’t let anything inside, when that bubble was popped effortlessly by a voice that he recognized instantaneously.

“Fancy seeing you here, Jinyoung!” Jackson grinned at him, even though Jinyoung was sure he must have been tired. Jackson mentioned some family problems coming up recently, but Jinyoung hadn’t managed to ask him about those yet. Now, as his new friend approached him with a warm and welcoming smile, he wondered briefly if maybe he was already late and there were no family problems to ask about anymore.

“Haven’t visited this place for a while,” Jinyoung admitted, nodding when Jackson eyed the chair in front of him. “Are you a regular here?”

“You could say so,” Jackson said as he sat down and took the lid off of his takeaway cup. Jinyoung noticed he didn’t buy coffee, choosing black tea instead. “Also haven’t visited in a while, but I do remember those lids are damn uncomfortable.” He pouted and Jinyoung chuckled. It was always easy with Jackson. “Mind if I join for a while, though? What are you working on?”

Jinyoung couldn’t help his smile when he told his friend about the job opportunity he had and his general plans for the day, especially with how excited Jackson looked, too. They hadn’t talked like that a lot, just the two of them (Jinyoung wouldn’t count messy and chaotic texts they exchanged from time to time, those messages not really consisting of anything important). Once again he was pleasantly surprised by how effortless it was to share his thoughts with Jackson and he had to admit that he could perfectly see why Bambam admired him so much. The guy wore his heart on his sleeve while always taking care of others first, even if it just meant focusing a random meeting in a cafe mainly on the other party and not himself. Fifteen minutes passed without neither of them noticing and after another ten Jinyoung just closed his laptop and engulfed himself in the conversation, enjoying the easy flow they fell into.

At some point, after they laughed maybe a bit too loudly and carelessly at friendly jabs they mercilessly exchanged, Jackson leaned back in his chair and stretched with a content smile. Jinyoung observed the way the sunshine caressed Jackson’s features, getting lost in the dark strands of his hair, styled upwards this time, and he wondered if Mark noticed those things about Jackson, too. He wondered if they were getting along, or if it was only a fleeting attraction for a handsome stranger that they felt for each other.

“It’s really nice to have spontaneous friend dates with you, Jinyoung,” Jackson was still smiling as he talked and reached for the last sip of his tea, but then he stopped suddenly, only to resume as though nothing happened. Jinyoung stared at him, confused, and suddenly Jackson’s eyebrows were furrowed and the smile was gone. “Speaking of dates, how are things with Jaebum? If I’m being too nosy now, just tell me.”

Was he being too nosy? Well, maybe if it was anyone else, Jinyoung would brush them off and get all defensive, but the man in front of him asked out of pure concern and there was no reason to ignore him or lash out at him.

“We’re still in that weird transitional state,” he just said. His gaze wandered unconsciously to his hands grasped together on the table.

“So, still not on speaking terms? Well, that sucks,” Jackson sighed with empathy. He didn’t add anything else and Jinyoung realized he was simply giving him a choice to change the subject or say something more if he felt like doing so, without forcing Jinyoung to do anything.

Maybe that was why he felt comfortable with speaking up again. Or maybe he just needed to finally tell someone about what they were up to, not patient enough to wait till he could tell Bambam later in the evening.

“Actually, he texted me a few days back, but I only texted back, uhm, two days ago,” Jinyoung was resolutely staring at his empty mug. Jackson hummed in interest, leaning forward like a real gossip girl on a hunt for some news. “Because I was actually scared I’d fuck up if I replied earlier and caved in to my emotions again, you know— Please stop staring at me like that, you’re creeping me out.”

Jackson immediately straightened in his seat and snickered at Jinyoung’s frown, waved his hand dismissively. “Sorry,” he didn’t sound sorry. “What were you guys talking about, then? Did you come up with a firm date to meet and talk it all out face to face?”

“Not yet,” Jinyoung shook his head. “But I guess we’re almost there? My last message says that I’d like to talk, and he replied that he’s ready when I’m ready.”

Jackson obviously waited for more and when it didn’t come, he snorted obnoxiously. Damn, was it Bambam’s school, or did Bambam pick up that attitude from him? “So you’re telling  _ me _ you’re ready, but you haven’t told Jaebum that? Give me your phone.” The demand was so sudden he almost went along with it, but before Jackson could snatch the device from his hand, Jinyoung squinted his eyes suspiciously at him and hugged his phone to his chest.

“We’re not in middle school, Jackson,” he reprimanded him, but his words lacked spice.

Jackson just smirked, confident and unapologetic. “Then do it yourself. But I want to see you do it.”

“Kinky,” Jinyoung used his best sarcastic voice and Jackson laughed, too loud again.

“Just do it!” He whined when Jinyoung let his petty side win and kept fronting, a slight pout on his lips. Jackson was right, though. The ball was in Jinyoung’s court and he had to act quickly instead of leaving Jaebum on read  _ again, _ as though they weren’t better than that.

With a too heavy sigh, he unlocked his phone and swiped to type a message Jaebum’s way. He didn’t think too much about the content of his text, settling for a simple  _ I’m ready any time  _ with a smiling, blushy emoji added to warm up the formality of it all. After he tapped on the send button, he showed his work to Jackson, who in return gave him a huge grin and two thumbs up across the table. Jinyoung snickered, a small knot of anxiety dying as soon as it showed up in his stomach, thanks to his friend’s support. 

“And now we’re waiting,” Jackson concluded, hand combing through his hair. That pretty natural lighting was almost gone by then, orange sunset hiding behind tall buildings outside.

Jinyoung startled a little when he noticed just how late it was. “I’m sorry, Jackson, but I guess I should be going now,” he said with an apologetic smile. Luckily, the man in front of him didn’t look hurt by any means. “Bam _ bae _ is always late, but what if this time the world stops and that brat will actually show up on time?”

“Fair,” Jackson chuckled and helped Jinyoung with packing his laptop. They both threw their jackets on, Jinyoung complimenting on Jackson’s puffer and getting a cheeky wink in reply, to which he scrunched his face in a mocked disgust.

They said their goodbyes in front of the cafe, both of them heading different directions. Jackson was going to meet up with Mark in his house and Jinyoung rushed to his flat to clean up his place and freshen up before his guest would show up.

“Let me know if anything changes regarding you and Jaebum,” Jackson reminded him before they parted. Jinyoung mumbled a single  _ yeah, _ and with that, he was alone again, walking to the nearest bus stop. The wind picked up after the sun disappeared on the horizon, so he snuggled his chin farther into his scarf to prevent the cold from sneaking its way to his skin. 

  
  


He checked the conversation with Jaebum while sitting in the bus, confused by the lack of reply. His message was read, but there was no trace of an answer. Anxiety creeped its way back to Jinyoung’s stomach, an ugly, but persistent monster. He did his best to ignore it, focus his thoughts on something else, because jumping to conclusions  _ now  _ would be straight up stupid. He stubbornly scrolled through every social media feed he could think of on his way home; and if he kept looking upwards to check for new notifications showing on his screen the whole time he was using his phone, then nobody had to know about that.

He could swear his ears were getting embarrassingly red under the cold as he strolled from the bus stop to his flat. His bag was a bit heavy because of the laptop and the added weight made him feel even more grumpy, but it was okay, Bambam were about to cheer him up, just like Jackson had done before. He had around ten minutes till Bambam came to visit, he realized when he stepped out of his shoes and went on to unpack his bag. Literally ten minutes, so there was no way he could do much more than, well, prepare another cup of tea for himself (he wouldn’t risk preparing one in advance for Bambam - they were going to be at least a bit late, okay; he knew them well) and clean up the mess his sketches created on the coffee table in the living room. For now those papers were flying everywhere, covering a bit of the shiny mini dress that was left on the sofa, too, so if Jinyoung wanted to show Bambam the ones that he deemed worthy going for, he had to organize it all.

Half past five went by and he didn’t even get a message from Bambam about their whereabouts. Maybe they weren’t going to be that late after all. That would be… wild, but not unwished for.

Soon enough Jinyoung finished sorting out his sketches, depositing most of them in his bedroom and going to the kitchen for some sweets for his guest. He decided to just make Bambam some tea while he was already there, practical side of it be damned. As he was getting everything ready, he wondered whether he should actually text Bambam, because he left the front door unlocked and now that they were running late for real, it was--

Someone knocked right when Jinyoung was patting his pockets for his phone - it wasn’t there, he must have left it in the living room, then - and he simply shouted a  _ come in, _ sighing in relief. He glanced at the digital clock of his microwave. Barely twelve minutes late. Now  _ that  _ was a record.

He grabbed the tea and a bar of chocolate that was waiting for an occasion like this one and went straight to the coffee table in the living room. Some rustling came from the general direction of the corridor, but Bambam weren’t making that much noise for once.

Jinyoung should have known by then that it couldn't be his loud friend, because Bambam always shouted like a madman whenever they came to visit. They would always act more excited than it was all worth it, no mercy spared for Jinyoung’s elderly neighbours who hated noise.

But, of course, Jinyoung didn’t pay enough attention to that one particular detail.

“I made you the red one, you told me yesterday that you wanted to try it, didn’t you--” He was saying as he bent to put everything down. He looked up and his mind went from peaceful to blank faster than his body even reacted.

His mind also didn’t catch up with that reaction, too; he straightened abruptly, eyes going wide in utter surprise, and the sudden movement stirred the beverage he was holding. The tea spilled right onto his sweater and,  _ fuck, _ on the shiny dress that was laid on the armholder of the sofa.

He hissed and hurriedly put down the cup and quickly thanked anyone or anything that was looking after him that he didn’t get burnt, at least, but, still--

“Are you okay?” The worry in Jaebum’s voice snapped Jinyoung back into reality. The man he so dearly missed moved closer before stopping a few steps before him with an uncertain expression, mouth already opening to add something.

“It’s okay, just got it all over my clothes,” Jinyoung rushed to explain chaotically, stuttering and already feeling a very obvious and very scorching blush creep to his face, starting from his ears.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you--”

“No, it’s okay, you didn’t, I’m just, uh--”

“You’re waiting for someone, right? I’m sorry for interrupting, I can go…?”

“What? No, no,” Jinyoung half-screamed the answer so quickly it startled both of them. They laughed awkwardly, shying away from each other’s eyes. “Please  _ stay, _ Bams will be late, anyway,” he added quietly and they fell into silence, the words holding a deeper meaning neither of them addressed aloud.

The wet stain on his sweater didn’t even bother Jinyoung that much, but the sad patch on his new dress was so disturbing that he excused himself and quickly retrieved some paper towels from the kitchen to at least dry the material a bit with them. Jaebum stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room, biting on his lower lip anxiously and shifting his weight from one leg to another. Jinyoung dabbed at the stain mindlessly, but the damage was made and he had to leave the dress like that after a moment of unfruitful, awkward trying.

With nothing to do with his hands or his eyes or his whole being, really, he just sighed unsteadily, heart thumping in his chest anxiously, because Jaebum was there, Jaebum was there, Jaebum was there.

He looked just as nervous and uncertain as Jinyoung felt, which was something to go by, and Jinyoung realized Jaebum must have gone straight to his flat after reading Jinyoung’s reply. Did he even think that through, did he plan on showing up like that whenever Jinyoung would give him a green light? Or was it completely adrenaline-driven, any logic omitted for the sake of what the heart wanted at that moment?

Jinyoung hardly had time to ponder on those questions before Jaebum was clearing his throat and speaking up into the stiff air between them, breaking the silence.

“It’s a bit sudden, I know, but I wanted to…” He trails off, waving a white envelope that Jinyoung didn’t even realize till then that Jaebum was holding. Talk about selective attention. “I thought that I shouldn’t wait even more to apologize, since--”

“What? You--” Jinyoung inhaled sharply, almost throwing his hands into the air in exasperation. What was that man even thinking? “You’re not-- Listen, the one who’s sorry and is going to apologize here is me.”

Jaebum looked at him with confusion written all over his face. “I’m pretty sure I owe you--”

“No, stop! Listen to me,” Jinyoung interrupted him again with his hand raised to further back up his words. He took a shaky breath before he continued, voice firmer and louder with each word. “I am sorry and you had all the right to get angry at me for being an asshole, because I hid a huge part of my life from you and didn’t even manage to carry the reveal right, which I’m also sorry for.” Jaebum stared at him quietly, maybe a bit dumbfounded by the change in Jinyoung’s stance, but Jinyoung didn’t care. He’d gone over those words in his head so many times that now he was only getting worked up with every oddly familiar statement that left his mouth. “I was terribly scared, because every day that you didn’t know meant I was just lying to you, and-- it didn’t even feel like protecting myself, it felt  _ wrong  _ and it didn’t sit well at all, because since we’ve started hanging out I’d always feel that everything was right and nothing seemed as scary anymore and I’m sorry I didn’t show you how much I cared about you before!”

He was speaking so fast and loud that all his neighbours must have heard every single word of his messy confession, but he couldn’t waste this chance and frankly, he only cared about one pair of ears that heard him and only one pair of eyes that looked at him then with the amount of hopeful affection he did not deserve.

And as the dam had broken, his heart spoke freely in words that should have been said before their argument even happened.

“I know I’ve tested your own trust and patience, but there’s that ugly memory that kept haunting me and held me back from being more reasonable and-- I hope you’ll understand me when I tell you about it, and it sounds like I’m trying to make excuses where there shouldn't be any, but please, just listen to me. I want to tell you everything. I don’t want to hold back anymore, I want-- I want us,” Jinyoung’s voice quivered a bit, but he carried on, he couldn't stop  _ now,  _ “I want us to work out and I want to keep what we have and-- and make it even better.”

The world could have stopped and it wouldn't make a difference for Jinyoung now, because all he could see and hear and  _ feel  _ was Jaebum’s eyes on him, the soft gasp that escaped his mouth as Jinyoung’s words came to an end, the way his whole body seemed hopeful and open, finally not shrinked and anxious like when he first stepped into the living room minutes ago. Jinyoung, now that he said everything that he wanted to say so badly, was most probably looking the same, but the lack of immediate response from Jaebum was making him anxious all over again. Had he just made a complete fool of himself? It couldn’t be, could it? Jinyoung rubbed his hands together and he hugged his sides right after with a sudden urge to curl up on himself.

That must have opened Jaebum’s eyes, because the man was suddenly right in front of him, his free hand resting on Jinyoung’s shoulder and caressing it, running down his arm and unlocking the defensive stance effortlessly as their fingers intertwined with ease.

Jinyoung almost couldn't believe what was happening, because… uh, was it really happening?

“I want us to work out, too,” Jaebum assured him hastily, a faded, shy smile tugging at the corners of his lips. They were chapped, Jinyoung noticed and almost nagged the man for letting the cold weather ruin them like that. “Jinyoung, I’m really sorry that I didn’t listen to you the first time and that I acted with so little empathy.”

Jinyoung’s breath hitched. It was definitely happening, he couldn’t have misheard.

“I thought about our argument a lot and I just-- I regret how I reacted. I’m really sorry for it.”

Jaebum looked at him with the same intensity he remembered from the months they had known each other. From up close, his gaze seemed too hard and too tender at once; it spoke volumes, spoke more clearly than the words Jaebum used.

“I’ve missed you and I kept thinking about how much I care about  _ us _ and how much I just want to go back to the way we were, but-- We need to get ourselves together first,” Jaebum said after a moment, when Jinyoung was just too stunned to reply anyhow and simply devoured the image of Jaebum so close to him in silence. He could feel the faint scent of Jaebum’s shampoo and the familiarity of it felt like a warm, fluffy blanket wrapping around him on a cold, stressful day.

He sighed out a small  _ yeah, _ not ready to speak up again, as though he suddenly forgot how to form proper sentences after flooding Jaebum with the contents of his heart. Jaebum smiled, he smiled with a bit of amusement and a whole lot of tenderness that reached his eyes and melted his features into the most beautiful picture Jinyoung had ever seen and it was a miracle that Jinyoung didn’t just lean forward to capture those smiling lips with his own.

But suddenly the moment was gone, Jaebum shifting and letting go of Jinyoung hand, much to the latter’s confusion. The understanding dawned on him as soon as Jaebum handed him the envelope he was holding the entire time, a bit crumpled and damp where Jaebum’s palm must have got sweaty because of the stress.

“Open it, Jinyoungie,” Jaebum said softly, softer than Jinyoung expected him to speak. His heart almost burst out of his ribcage at the sweet name.

He didn’t wait longer, too curious to postpone it. He tore the envelope open, hastily taking the elegant, slick paper out of it. The word  _ invitation  _ was written on the top in a dark red font.

“I was looking through the magazine,” Jaebum said as Jinyoung’s gaze was glued to the printed words. He couldn’t quite comprehend them in his current state, he just blinked at them in bafflement. “And they mentioned an exhibition to be opened soon in our city, so…” Jaebum coughed slightly, waved his hand vaguely in a nervous manner. “I checked it. And then I realized you’d like it for sure. I asked Youngjae if he knew anything about it and somehow, I don’t know how exactly, but somehow he got us in.”

Jaebum spoke carefully, his whole body getting fidgety again, since they were both aware of how important that gesture was. Jinyoung could feel Jaebum watching him, waiting for any sign that Jinyoung was following up with it all.

He peeked through his lashes at him. Indeed, Jaebum was already staring back, intent and raw and hopeful.

Later, he’d get to know that Jaebum hadn’t been angry at him for long, that he was simply upset because of their argument soon after it had ended. Later, he’d hear from his boyfriend that he hadn’t thought it’d been very smart of him to react like that and that the more he’d thought about the whole situation and how little he’d apparently known, the more guilty for his outburst he’d felt. Later, Jinyoung would get to know that the lack of response to Jaebum’s first two messages had made Jaebum both irritated and afraid he’d overstepped a line he should have never even got close to. Later, he’d see that the whole situation got too intense too quickly, but could have been not only avoided, but also resolved sooner, if only both of them had known that they were both equally willing to fix it all.

But now, now Jinyoung couldn’t look away, feeling hypnotized by the emotions burning in Jaebum’s eyes and by the words spoken by him next, thoughts of times other than the moment they were currently in completely abandoned in Jinyoung’s mind.

“I felt like everything kicked off after Youngjae’s vernissage,” Jaebum admitted almost shyly. “And I thought that— I thought that with another exhibition opening, we could start anew. Using this event as a symbol, kind of.”

It was a little difficult to breathe. No, it was definitely really hard to breathe because there was a huge lump in Jinyoung’s throat and there was no chance he wasn’t going to cry, even if he didn’t want to look immature  _ now, _ of all times. His body, though, was a traitor.

“I’d love to,” he said with an already shaky voice and his face was split with an overjoyed grin, almost too big for his face, but somehow it widened even more when Jaebum mirrored it with his own smile. His eyes almost disappeared in that crescent shape they acquired whenever he’d smile so big, but Jinyoung still managed to see his own reflection in them before Jaebum crashed their bodies in a hug that smoothly transformed into one, two, ten sloppily exchanged kisses with whispered sweet words between them.

Jinyoung’s tears glistened in his eyes just like the glitter he always used; but these were happy tears and he let them run freely, soon forgetting about them completely under the affection Jaebum showered him with.

  
  


Jinyoung heard the front door open, just like Jaebum did, but  _ he  _ knew who was the intruder and honestly, there was no reason for the two of them to separate just because Bambam came in. They were late, as always, but the timing was probably the best as it was. Who knew what would Jinyoung and Jaebum be up to after a few more minutes of making out; it started getting more passionate than just sweet after those initial several minutes of smooches.

“Guess what, Mama, it’s me! And I’m late!” Bambam’s voice rang through the flat. Jaebum relaxed noticeably, which made Jinyoung snicker and nuzzle his face into the warmth of Jaebum’s shoulder. “And guess why I’m late. I had another weird fight with Yugyeom! Life’s great, but, shit, where are my slippers, okay, here— I brought some of my favorite boots and bitch, did I want to wear them on my way here, so you better like—”

Bambam stopped in their tracks suddenly and Jinyoung peeked from above Jaebum’s shoulder at where his friend stood, mouth agape and arms full of shoe boxes. They gasped, with just a bit of delay, and dropped all their boxes just as Jaebum looked over at them with a shy smile.

“Oh, my god! Yes!!!” Bambam squeaked, literally jumping with their fists flying up in a victory stance. “The divorce is cancelled! I’m calling _ everyone! _ ”

Jaebum chuckled, lowering his head and looking between him and Jinyoung. There wasn’t much space between them left and as Jaebum looked up to meet his boyfriend’s gaze, Jinyoung knew they both thought the same thing then. 

There should never be more space between them than that much they were allowing now. 

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


Jinyoung saw that earlier, but since Jackson started a whole movement about how otter-like Youngjae looked, Jinyoung just couldn't un-see it every time he saw the boy.

“I’m not an otter,” Youngjae whined when both Jinyoung and Jaebum bullied him (his words, not theirs) for his looks for the nth time while enjoying the exhibition. He went there, too, eventually being able to sneak three people into the opening’s long, but still limited guest list.

Youngjae wasn’t much younger than him, but Jinyoung felt a motherly pull towards the boy when he watched him approach various people during the vernissage and being recognized and approached first, too. He deserved the recognition and attention, Jinyoung marveled.

“You look prouder than I feel and it’s not even Youngjae’s exhibition,” Jaebum joked lightheartedly, even though he did seem a bit jealous. Jinyoung found it endearing.

“Shut up, I haven’t seen him for weeks,” Jinyoung said simply, with an easy smile to placate his boyfriend.

It worked and Jaebum leaned slightly to leave a chaste little kiss on Jinyoung’s cheek. He never went too much out there with affection in public spaces, but there was a certain possessive streak Jinyoung felt from Jaebum’s direction ever since their reconciliation happened. He didn’t mind that at all. It felt right to keep coming back to Jaebum’s open arms and indulge himself in being held by someone else, for once not having to lean on himself only.

Things weren’t completely clear yet, though. Jinyoung, however, was sure of everything he was going to tell Jaebum and his gut feeling was telling him it was going to be okay. He was preparing his small speech about his past for days, starting  _ officially  _ on that Thursday when Jaebum showed up in his flat unannounced and Jinyoung let his heart take over, which proved to be the right choice. It seemed that being open about his feelings and thoughts was always the right choice with Jaebum.

The dress, that poor little shiny thing with tea spilled all over it, was somehow saved by the one and only Bambam. They kept saying that it was their  _ pleasure  _ and that _ they’ll take care of that, don’t worry, lovebirds. _ That evening ended with a completely different, unexpected guest in Jinyoung’s house and a far less drag-related topics being talked through, since the couple decided to leave it for a night more and focus on the fact that they were once again both in one room, with sweet, yet serious promises exchanged and lots of cuddles involved. Bambam left with all the stuff, giggling to themselves and waving goodbye without even looking at their friends (rude).

It had barely been a week and a half since then and yet that Sunday spent in a small art gallery felt as though it was situated in a completely different time frame. Changes had come and settled, Jinyoung realized. They were getting comfortable and today it would all be sealed, made into a new, better base for his and Jaebum’s shared future.

The period between their initial reconciliation and the vernissage was filled with careful touches and setting boundaries and testing them all over again. The words that were yet to be said hung heavily between them and prevented both of them from being as affectionate as they knew they could get. The physical pull was there and hell, had Jinyoung’s body already started missing and yearning for more than a heated making out session they indulged in literally once during that period. However, it was impossible to ignore the lingering uncertainty and neither of them dared to try suggesting more physical contact. Jaebum touched him a lot, true, but those touches were slightly reserved, careful. Jinyoung couldn’t blame him. He just wished he really was able to fix that.

  
  


They had a reservation in a restaurant Jinyoung had never gone to, but liked from the moment they stepped inside. It wasn’t too lavish, not to those extremes where you feel overwhelmed by the splendor you’ve been put in and can’t focus on anything else, but the interiors and the general atmosphere were elegant enough to make for a perfect date place.

Jinyoung waited until they were finished with their main dishes and had their desserts in front of them already before he called for Jaebum’s full attention. His heartbeat was quicker than normal, but it was okay. They were okay. He gathered the courage that tried to escape him and went straight to the point.

“I believe the part with opening up about our past and our experiences with romance should be started anew,” he began, voice firm and eyes focused on Jaebum’s face. The corner of Jaebum’s lips quirked upwards, as though he was fighting a smile, but he collected himself immediately after. Jinyoung continued, starting from the very beginning. “I’m a drag queen. I’ve been doing drag for four and a half year now, so for most of college till now. I had my first boyfriend in high school, when I was just getting interested in the drag culture. We broke up during the first semester of college, because we studied in different cities and it just didn’t feel right to put effort somewhere where our hearts weren’t fully in. Then, I created my drag character… around the summer between the first and the second year.”

Jinyoung made a pause to drink some of his water, his throat and lips getting unusually dry. He observed Jaebum’s reactions as he spoke; the man wasn’t interrupting, but it was clear he was completely immersed in what Jinyoung was saying. He listened closely and nodded slightly to show he was focused.

“I tried myself as a performer quite early on and somehow, it clicked. I got recognized, allegedly not only for my looks, but also because of the artistic touch to my performances. And so the journey of Peach Perfect began.” There was a hint of blush on his cheeks as he revealed his drag name and Jaebum’s face was full of confusion for a split of a second before he was laughing into his hand, trying to suppress his amusement to no avail.

“It suits you so well,” he finally admitted. His grin was still stretching his lips a little too much, but his eyes had a softer, more meaningful shift in them. “I’m sorry, please keep talking, baby.”

Jinyoung really tried to look unimpressed for the last minute or so, but it only took for Jaebum to call him one sweet name and Jinyoung was biting his lips bashfully, struggling to keep their eye contact.

He definitely missed the way it sounded when Jaebum would call him his  _ baby. _

“I was performing in various clubs before settling in one, and it kind of… It created a perfect ground for having casual hookups with men who attended my shows frequently. Or just happened to be my type,” Jinyoung sighed. It didn’t sound nice at all when he spoke aloud about his past.

Jaebum looked serious now, a slight frown on his face. Jinyoung was glad that the story wasn’t taken lightly, despite the previous laughter it brought.

“I usually ended up getting into fuck buddies arrangements with those men. Those would last maybe one or two months and when they ended, I didn’t feel any remorse nor did I miss these people. The lack of sentiment was mutual, it really was just…” Jinyoung shrugged there, “...sex and not much more. Until I started looking for more there, even though there was nothing like that to be found. But it’s easy to delude yourself, I suppose, because I craved for the intimacy and I got a certain kind of it, just not what I exactly yearned for. At some point, I stopped; because it was rather stupid to keep doing that to myself, which I luckily realized on my own and quite quickly.”

Somehow, Jaebum’s hand was resting on Jinyoung’s now, firm, warm. Reassuring. Present. Jinyoung squeezed it slightly in gratitude.

“And then I met my ex-- I don’t really refer to anyone else as my ex.” Jinyoung decided to drop Wonpil’s name, preferring to keep it to himself for now. “Before you, it was only him with whom I had a real, mature relationship, where we were both very involved and knew we wanted it to last. It turned out it was the case only until my ex got to know about me being a drag queen.”

Jinyoung stopped for another sip of water. Jaebum hummed and carressed his hand, slow, deliberate strokes that ensured Jinyoung that he could carry on.

“And I guess you can see how it’s going to lead to my shitty behaviour now. Back then I might have ridden on that high of always being admired by men for my drag character. I thought, if I finally found a guy who actually cared about me outside of the clubs I performed in, then why wouldn’t he accept another part of myself that is so easy to love anyway?”

“Youngie--” Jaebum began when Jinyoung took a deep breath and had to stop for a bit, but he shook his head, didn’t let his boyfriend say anything. Not yet.

“It was quite naive. I told him early. One, maybe two months into our relationship. I should have noticed the red flags, but maybe I simply didn’t want to notice them. Of course I saw that we started arguing over nothing right after my drag career had come up. My ex would get awkward and shy away from me whenever I was back from a show, or whenever-- whenever I’d address drag anyhow, really. He was a sweet person, everyone would say so. That is, before he started being openly spiteful and I couldn’t understand  _ how. _ How could he act like that towards me? He’d been the sweetest before and he’d told me he loved me.” Jinyoung coughed and decided to leave it at that, cutting the story of his tragedy of a relationship short. “We broke up very messily, getting our friends into our arguments, screaming the worst things at each other, targeting wherever it could hurt. I didn’t really go back to hookups afterwards. I had around a year of, how Bambam called it, pseudo-virginal celibacy,” he laughed to himself, watching Jaebum’s thumb run tenderly across the side of his hand. “I just focused on thriving on my own, basically. And then I met you, and I thought that even though suddenly I’m not on my own, I’m still thriving and you make me feel even better and everything's just... right, everything feels right with you.”

“I feel the same when you’re with me,” Jaebum murmured, affection apparent in his words, when Jinyoung seemed to be collecting his thoughts, trying to put them into words and failed because of the sudden wave of emotions. Their eyes met once again and Jinyoung felt like crying.

“I really wanted to tell you as soon as possible,” he said finally, just as firm and truthful as he could be. “I trusted you, I believed you deserved truth only, and yet I was scared. I was terrified that you wouldn’t accept me for what I truly am, would think you’ve dated a different person and wouldn’t be interested in a relationship with someone like me--”

“Which is bullshit,” Jaebum interrupted him, because Jinyoung’s voice wavered and it was a matter of time that he’d break down, really. Jinyoung was thankful for the interruption. “Because I’m definitely interested in a relationship with you and I think you’re so strong it’s simply admirable. And I think you’re-- I think you’re beautiful.” It was Jaebum’s turn to blush with embarrassment, but he carried on, and Jinyoung’s eyes couldn't get any wider as he looked at his boyfriend confessing so openly to him. “Which might sound like a weird thing to say now, but I don’t know which other words could I describe this feeling with.”

There was a bit of silence, heavy with emotions, silence both pleasant and almost unbearable as they sat and looked at each other with a strange, yet familiar sense of understanding.

Then, Jaebum spoke up and Jinyoung’s heart sang. “I love you...?”

“Is that a question?” Jinyoung chuckled, giddy.

“...No, I think these are the words I’ve wanted to use all this time,” Jaebum smiled his goofy, boyish smile and his eyes were so full of affection, and it bloomed in Jinyoung’s chest to the point where he couldn't bear it any longer; he hid his face in his hands, involutionary bringing Jaebum’s to his face, too, and ending up kissing his knuckles and making him laugh.

His laugh sounded even more wonderful than Jinyoung remembered it.

“I love you, Jinyoung,” Jaebum said again, this time without any uncertainty or doubt in his voice.

“I love you, too,” Jinyoung murmured with Jaebum’s hand caressing his cheek, tracing his jawline delicately, as though he was an artwork from one of the exhibitions they’d attended. “I love you, Jaebum.”

And it was the purest, simplest confession his heart had ever made.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's some more closure coming in the next chapter (probably two chapters, actually lol but shh). more Emotions to be anticipated!!!
> 
> let me know what you think!!! and if you have any questions, ask away <3 i can't wait to hear your thoughts, especially since uhhh glitter's ending soon and i'm gonna be Sad and Miserable about it. so please do indulge me a few more times lol i love talking to y'all & hearing if and what you enjoyed about a certain chapter <3
> 
> with all that jjlove,  
> alka


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yup, i wrote too much to call it a single chapter and had to bisect it. a bit more humor n fluff n other nice things are awaiting. beware n enjoy. <3

* * *

 

 

Jinyoung was touched. But oh, no, it wasn’t about emotions; he was being touched. A sea of frantic hands reaching to him, desperately trying to grasp at his calves and thighs and arms. From where he was dancing, he could hardly differentiate one man from another in the crowd around him. Everyone was watching him with hunger and unhealthy admiration in their eyes. He was on the stage at the club, he was performing— Though, as soon as he looked down at his body that everyone kept screaming about, he was wearing his regular, college-boy clothes.

He looked back up in confusion and suddenly the club formed into a vague shape of his apartment. The only pair of eyes that was watching him belonged to Wonpil. Those eyes were full of disgust and disappointment. Jinyoung said something to the boy sitting in front of him. He couldn't even decipher what it was, but it clearly annoyed Wonpil and he stood up abruptly, yelling back gibberish. Jinyoung wasn’t sure what it was, because Wonpil started gesturing wildly, completely not like him, and everything got mixed up with the sudden noise of glass being shattered—

Jinyoung’s eyes opened and a small gasp escaped his mouth. The body pressed to him from behind wasn’t Wonpil’s, it was Jaebum’s. He still smelled like Jinyoung’s favourite body wash and the warmth radiating from his naked skin where they were perfectly aligned was soothing, home-like. Jinyoung’s muscles relaxed slowly as the realization of where he truly was sank slowly into his foggy mind. It was fully settled when Jinyoung finally moved, adjusting under Jaebum’s heavy arm draped over his waist.

Jaebum stirred in his sleep, murmured something under his breath.

“...Youngie?” Came muffled from behind Jinyoung, the first part of his name lost in an incoherent, sleepy groan.

Jinyoung smiled. He definitely wasn’t on the stage or in front of his infuriated ex. The reality he found himself in after waking up was so precious it almost hurt.

(He loved it. Almost as much as he loved the man that was sleeping next to him.)

The funniest part, though, was that he was going to be on a real stage quite soon; the Friday morning was nearing, as his phone declared when Jinyoung managed to check it without disturbing Jaebum’s sleep much. This Friday night’s drag show wasn’t going to be one of those typical, predictable, and the giddy nervousness might’ve been what made Jinyoung’s mind so restless, bringing unnecessary demons from the past, as though he needed to be reminded about them. The present itself was involving enough. Jinyoung was thrilled because of his plans, even if he also felt anxious about the possible upshots of the upcoming drag show.

He was sure that when he’d look back at that night in the future, it’d feel life-changing. He could already feel it, really; it was _meant_ to be a special one, after all. He was sure of its significance, and he was sure it was the right time it’d happen. For once, he wasn’t unsure of the timing. Everything felt right and it was purely up to Jaebum how that night was going to unravel and what it would actually bring into their shared life.

Jinyoung trusted Jaebum in this. He felt anxious, he was beyond stressed, honestly, but the excitement and affection were overpowering the negatives, all thanks to the trust he had for his boyfriend.

Said boyfriend was about to attend one of Jinyoung’s drag shows for the first time.

  


* * *

 

 

“It was bound to happen,” Jackson said with an all-knowing grin as he, quite illegally, stood in the middle of the dressing room in his club-night, all-black attire. Jinyoung didn’t find his attitude as bothersome and annoying as he would a month or two ago. Hell, he found Jackson endearing and his presence was actually calming.

Jinyoung hadn’t even started getting ready, but Bambam were already running around with their wigs in hands, their high heels clicking obnoxiously. This kid was truly… exceptional.

“Big night!” Someone sing-songed and Jinyoung couldn’t agree more. Peach’s whole look was waiting readily to be put on, she knew every single word of her tonight’s lip sync by heart and she was going to perform in front of her newest fan in mere hours.

“Oh, sweet pressure,” Jackson giggled and disappeared behind the door leading to the staff only corridor with a _break a heel!_ shouted half-heartedly. Jinyoung closed his eyes and breathed in slowly.

With an exhale, he opened his eyes and looked straight ahead at his reflection. That was it. He was going to do it and he was going to do it the best he could. He smirked at himself in the mirror, feeling the thrill of it all wash over him and take his next breath away.

No man in the club was truly ready for what was to be delivered.

  


* * *

 

 

It all started with Bambam screaming and shaking Jinyoung with way too much force for someone so lithe and bony.

“We gotta show him Peach! He gotta see her!!!”

That _he_ was none other but Jaebum, of course.

“...True,” Jinyoung admitted, because, well. That was exactly what he both wanted and feared to do since him and Jaebum got back together and started working on their relationship with a renewed motivation.

Yugyeom, looking too excited for Jinyoung’s liking, snickered while Bambam almost jumped out of their body with how thrilled they were.

“It’ll be our best performance, Mama, I can _guarantee_ you that!” How the hell could Bambam guarantee it proceeded to remain a mystery for Jinyoung. “We’ll get, like, twice as much tips than we usually do. I can already smell it. Whatcha think, Yugie?”

 _Yugie_ and Bambam were okay again, they sorted their things out well enough to get back to being the biggest pain in Jinyoung’s ass and Jinyoung wondered if maybe, just maybe, he preferred those two to be in a state of war instead.

(Of course he didn’t; he’d actually love to see those two sort everything that was between them now, simply do it once and for all, but unfortunately that didn’t seem like an actual possibility for the nearest future.)

Yugyeom nodded frantically. “It’s gonna be groundbreaking!” He marveled and _ugh,_ he was right. Jinyoung hated when Yugyeom was right.

Suddenly, Bambam gasped and clutched at their flat chest. Their guests looked at them questioningly.

“Lads! I just realized— It’s also the first time Jaebum’s gonna see _me_ in drag!”

Jinyoung just snorted a quick laugh at that, but Bambam carried on with an alarmed expression. Their voice rang loud, though it would be more bearable if Yugyeom didn’t add his own small screams to it.

“I don’t know what to show, like…?” And there Yugyeom just nodded in understanding. “I am Bambae now, it’s official, so maybe I should just go for my new trademark Bambae look, you know—“

“It’s a nice idea,” Yugyeom agreed before Bambam even finished talking.

“So a bit of padding and no breast plate instead of going all androgynous and naked,” Bambam kept their mouth running. “But even if, then what? A cute look? A vampy bitch? Something more editorial? There are too many possibilities!”

Bambam were going crazy. Jinyoung felt like going crazy, too, with how loud and chaotic they were.

“I guess it’ll be easier to choose once you know which song you’ll perform,” Yugyeom said to calm his friend down. He then looked curiously at Jinyoung. “Hey, do you have any particular song you’d like to prepare for the big show?”

It would be silly to pretend Jinyoung hadn’t thought about it. He’d thought about it _a lot._ However, seeing how the curiosity was killing the youngsters, he felt like indulging himself in making them suffer for a bit longer.

“I guess I have some faves picked already,” he said nonchalantly and looked at his nails for an added theatrical touch.

Yugyeom and Bambam whined in unison. “Jinyoung- _hyung_ …!”

Jinyoung almost burst out laughing at the sneakily used honorific. He hadn’t heard _that_ for a while. It didn’t do much, though, and he kept beating around the bush for a while longer before finally caving in.

“I thought I’d perform Lady Gaga’s G.U.Y.”

His friends gasped as their eyes widened in the same manner. They raised their hands to their mouth and dropped them, too, with synchronization that would always amaze him, no matter how many times he’d witness it.

“This is the best idea _ever_!”

“It suits perfectly, oh my god—“

“You can’t go wrong with Gaga, honestly—“

“I know, right!” And right after that exclamation, Bambam shot up as though they were struck. “Let’s make it into a Lady Gaga night! Let’s make it a fucking event, I swear I love this concept already, we gotta do that!”

It was the easiest thing to agree to that, although Jinyoung knew they were yet to make other drag queens from the club _and_ the club’s staff comply.

Still, it seemed that issue would have to be discussed later, because now Bambam realized there was another _huge_ dilemma to be solved.

“Great, but which Gaga’s song should Bambae perform?!”

  


In the end, Bambam came up with a whole look in one evening. By then it was barely two weeks before the actual show, but still. It was quite admirable.

Them and Jinyoung started having more solely drag-related meetings again after things started settling down between Jinyoung and Jaebum. It was simply joyful to hang out with only drag in mind; and the fact that Jinyoung didn’t have to lie about his whereabouts and plans felt amazing. It was an added little pleasure to tease Jaebum with sneak-peeks of Jinyoung’s sketches and ideas for future looks. He was adamant about leaving the drag show as the first time Jaebum sees him in drag, wanting to achieve the perfect wow effect. It meant more pressure and more anxiety, but Jinyoung believed the reward he’d get was enough to compensate initial hardships.

It got funny quite early, that whole conspiracy to not let Jaebum see any of Peach’s looks before the special show. Jaebum didn’t even know there was going to be a certain theme of the show - he was completely banned from some of the meetings at Bambam’s house. Jinyoung assured him it’d change after the show and it was just a game of teasing and making Jaebum more curious.

In reality, it also meant gossip parties that Jaebum couldn’t be a part of unless his persona was brought up by someone else who was present. Jinyoung almost felt bad, _almost._ But it was simply too entertaining to sincerely regret it.

(For instance, Jinyoung now had a really fond and amusing memory of Bambam describing what they saw when they entered Jinyoung’s flat the evening of the reconciliation. Yugyeom, Mark, Jackson and Youngjae (!) listened to the story of _spilling the tea, literally_ with vivid interest and they all seemed genuinely happy with the outcome and how Jinyoung and Jaebum managed to handle the whole issue. It warmed Jinyoung’s heart to know he was surrounded by people who wished him and his boyfriend so well.)  


 

* * *

 

 

Not every day after the reconciliation was all fun and games.

Both Jinyoung and Jaebum knew better than to show mistrust easily, especially since there were no reasons to suspect any lies or unsaid truths, yet they still somehow danced around each other the first week after their confessions were exchanged. It wasn’t that easy to forgive and forget every stupid word they spat at each other; it wasn’t that easy to forget that they both could handle every part of their fallout better, and yet they did not. Jinyoung understood they wouldn’t be capable of simply going back to how they were - there was no way they were able to actually do that. A significant part of Jinyoung’s life had been uncovered and they had to adjust to the new setting in their daily routine. They had to relearn boundaries and let newly exchanged knowledge about each other sink deep before they’d move on completely.

Jinyoung learned that Jaebum had always been notorious for not caring enough. It sounded like a trait of completely different person and when Jinyoung said as much, Jaebum chuckled with a bittersweet look in his eyes.

“I honestly feel that meeting you opened my eyes and made me want to try as much as I could,” he admitted and Jinyoung’s eyes stung with unshed tears. He loved this man with all his heart and it was impossible to put it into any words or actions. He remained silent as Jaebum continued. “Before you, I’d always tell myself that I’m _going to_ start caring more about those people I date, but for some reason I always ended up not giving enough. As though something was holding me back from putting more effort and match the amount of it to the effort the other person provided.”

“But you’re the most caring man I’ve ever been with,” Jinyoung whispered, suddenly too shy to look up. “And yet I never even feel like you’re patronizing me. It’s so natural.”

“With you, it’s all… different,” Jaebum admitted and after a short pause he reached to Jinyoung’s face and tilted it gently so as to lock eyes with his boyfriend. Jinyoung was certain all the emotions he had in his heart were perfectly visible on his face. He wished they were, because he was unable to form proper words to grasp them. “It sounds so cheesy and unrealistic, but it was like that - at first, I intended to be more aware of how much effort I put, and then… I didn’t even know when, but it stopped being about effort. Being with you was effortless. It still feels just as natural,” Jaebum confessed with the softest of voices and an embarrassed, timid expression.

Jinyoung couldn’t stop himself from showering Jaebum’s face with kisses until the latter laughed and begged him to stop, only to attack Jinyoung in revenge with even more smooches.

Jinyoung adored it when they’d get this sappy and grossily in love.

Knowing that Jaebum was trying extra hard for him, in contrary to how he’d acted in his previous relationships, was casting some more light onto why exactly Jaebum had reacted so strongly and negatively to Jinyoung’s news. He probably felt like the one time he went out of his way, his good will was being taken advantage of. It was certainly not true, as the man realized on his own and then was further assured by Jinyoung’s explanation and the raw feelings he could see in every gesture and hear in every word Jinyoung shared with him.

After the roughest first week, it finally started getting better. Visibly, unapologetically better. Bambam came up with the idea of a Lady Gaga themed drag show and Jinyoung started entertaining more and more daring ideas, always excusing them as a way to get to know Jaebum’s limits better.

Sometimes, he’d simply _forget_ to put a wig or few sketches out of Jaebum’s sight whenever the latter was visiting. Sometimes, he’d ask Jaebum out of nowhere if he liked when his ex girlfriends called him their oppa. And one time, obviously, he blatantly asked Jaebum to reserve a certain Friday night, because Jinyoung needed to introduce Jaebum to Peach Perfect. Officially. Jaebum agreed, looking both excited and nervous. Jinyoung’s free time suddenly revolved around making that particular Friday as perfectly planned and spectacular as he could.

  


As their relationship was getting better and Jinyoung felt more and more safe, the amount of sexual tension between him and Jaebum was also becoming too much to bear. After about three weeks, Jaebum dropped the careful attitude completely and it resulted in them having heated makeout sessions in various places of both Jaebum and Jinyoung’s flats. Then one evening Jaebum got earlier from work and Jinyoung hardly had time to wrap a towel around his hips after stepping out of the shower before Jaebum was cramming him onto a cold wall and then almost bending Jinyoung over the sink.

“I’ve literally just showered,” Jinyoung complained weakly, fondly almost as Jaebum’s hand stroked their lengths together and Jaebum’s mouth wandered hotly to Jinyoung’s jawline and neck.

“Want me to suck you _clean,_ then?” Jaebum didn’t even finish his sentence and was already making his way to his knees and as Jinyoung groaned a very unconvincing _babe, don’t be gross,_ Jaebum was already taking his dick into his mouth.

So, that was how Jinyoung knew for sure they were past the celibacy stage and he could proceed to something more sexual while he was testing Jaebum’s limits.

It really wasn’t just an excuse to get some kinky time with his boyfriend; Jinyoung sincerely needed to know what was okay and what was not to be overstepped if they wanted to last. Jaebum proved to be open to Jinyoung’s ideas and encouraged him to keep surprising him, but that didn’t mean he’d enjoy everything Jinyoung still had in store for him.

Most importantly, there was one thing Jinyoung needed to check before the drag show Jaebum was going to attend. One thing that needed to be explored.

  


“I’m cleaning up my desk,” Jaebum explained through the phone. Jinyoung could hear the rustling and knocking of various office items as Jaebum talked. “I’ll talk to you in a minute, okay?”

“Well, you’ll be home soon anyway,” Jinyoung drawled with a lazy smirk, one that Jaebum must have deciphered, judging by the low hum he gave Jinyoung in response.

The quiet stretched for another few seconds and it was then or never, Jinyoung decided, because Jaebum was already clearing his throat to simply say goodbye.

“Babe, I was wondering,” Jinyoung began before his boyfriend could speak up. His voice was full of fake innocence. “Would you like it if I had long hair? And you could pull on it while you fuck me?”

The shuffling from the other end of the line went silent and Jaebum inhaled sharply in surprise.

“Jinyoungie, what are you—? Why are you—”

He sounded confused, but it was obvious he’d already started imagining what Jinyoung insinuated. _Perfect._

“Can’t wait for you to be home,” he interrupted Jaebum’s stuttering with a smile and simply hung up right after.

  


The wig sat nicely on his head, though he was sure it wasn’t the best idea to dare Jaebum to pull on it fiercely - it wasn’t glued to his head, now, was it. But it was certainly going to do the trick, Jinyoung mused as he looked himself up and down in the mirror of his flat’s corridor.

He went through his usual everyday makeup routine mostly unchanged, but his cheeks were definitely way more flushed with a healthy, peachy pink blush he chose. He couldn’t help but go for his favourite inner corner glitter look, knowing it was also one of Jaebum’s faves, too; but his eyes looked way more cat-like and feminine with the winged black eyeliner he went for. He still wasn’t sure if he was fully comfortable with it. It did make him look more feminine, though, so he decided it was okay to just go along with this idea. He carved his eyebrows more than he’d usually do, wanting them to be sharper and more defined, which brought even more attention to his feline features. When he pouted slightly, appraising his work in the mirror, the light hit his glossy lips just right and made them look even fuller and more alluring.

Jaebum probably wasn’t going to notice all those details, though, and Jinyoung wouldn’t be mad about that. The biggest focus there was, in the end, on Jinyoung’s clothing choices. He tugged on the navy satin dress that barely covered his whole butt, but then pulled it up right after to inspect the way his lace panties looked underneath. His ass was his pride and he knew Jaebum had a small obsession with it, so he was going to shamelessly take advantage of that knowledge and make Jaebum into a hot mess with how good it looked with white lace hugging it delicately, a sweet touch to how defined his butt looked in it.

Most of the time, Jinyoung didn’t like how he looked in dresses when he didn’t have his waist cinched, too much of a boyish silhouette coming into the picture for his liking, but he wasn’t going for a drag look - or an unpractical one, he really wanted to be able to breathe while Jaebum takes good care of him - so it was fine, he wasn’t bothered by the proportions that much. With the scandalous length of the dress, though, it wasn’t even that important. His slim legs and the pretty curve of his butt made up for it all.

Jaebum should be on his way out of the office, Jinyoung realized when he checked his phone and rushed to his bedroom right after. It was high time Jinyoung started bringing his plan to life.

It didn’t take him much time to take a good picture that showed off his pouty, full lips and bare collarbones with dark waves of his wig falling over his shoulders and obscuring the view with just the right amount of secret left. The satin of his dress was picking out at the bottom of the photo. He checked three times if he was in the right conversation on his phone before sending it to Jaebum without a caption. It wasn’t needed, he decided.

The reply was immediate. Jaebum typed a single _oh damn_ and he clearly wanted to say something else as the typing continued to show on Jinyoung’s screen, but nothing more came and Jinyoung huffed, unsatisfied. It seemed Jaebum needed more coaxing to open up and tell him what he thought about Jinyoung’s look.

Jinyoung swiped to open the camera app again and this time he focused on his legs, freshly shaved and looking more than inviting, thighs barely covered by the smooth, shiny material. He almost wished he had another big mirror in his bedroom just so he could take photos of his body for Jaebum while waiting for him in bed, but as that wasn’t an option for now, he simply sent the picture he just took with the back camera to Jaebum. The dress was perfectly visible this time, creasing and folding where it gathered in Jinyoung’s lap. He covered the slight bulge between his legs with the material.

He liked the replies he got this time way more. _Babe ffs I’m driving_ , followed by _I’ll be there in ten_ , which was most probably a lie unless Jaebum would break several laws on his way to Jinyoung’s flat.

At the mere idea of how worked up Jaebum must have got Jinyoung snickered in delight, falling back onto his bed and biting on his lower lip. It was going just the way he wanted it to go.

There was still plenty of time left until his boyfriend was home, but he reached for the bottle of lube anyway, deciding it was better to prepare in advance. He wanted to snap more photos of himself and send them all to Jaebum, but that would spoil too much and Jinyoung wanted to pester Jaebum that much more before he’d give him a reward for his patience.

  


...Or impatience, because Jaebum did come back earlier than he’d usually do. Maybe not as soon as he’d texted, but he still proved his point— Jinyoung’s point, really.

Jinyoung tossed the bottle of lube away and tried to adjust his panties to look somehow unsuspicious barely a minute before he heard keys rattling in Jaebum’s hand. He sprung out of bed and winced a bit at the damp spot that just had to show up on the white lace, but at least it wasn’t that obvious. The silky dress covered it all for the time being.

The front door opened and Jinyoung leaned on the doorframe to his bedroom, careful not to show himself fully just yet. His wig flowed prettily down his shoulders and chest, a thick cascade that was so typical for him on Friday nights, but was a completely new territory in his and Jaebum’s relationship.

The look on Jaebum’s face when he turned around and spotted Jinyoung’s silhouette peeking out of the bedroom was priceless.

Hastily, he locked the door behind him, eyes wide and unable to leave the sight in front of him. His gaze wandered from long locks of the wig to the satin of Jinyoung’s minidress and back up to adorably flushed cheeks with strands of dark hair falling onto them softly.

Jinyoung gently shrugged the locks away from his shoulder. Jaebum watched the movement, gulping.

“Dinner’s ready,” Jinyoung smirked. “Wash your hands before, honey,” he added as he spun to re-enter his bedroom, the hem of his dress riding up a bit. He hovered at the door just to tease Jaebum even more, looking back with a flirty smile and almost dropping his act with a laughing fit when he saw the unmistakable hunger on Jaebum’s face, his eyes focused on Jinyoung’s round butt.

He fixed the dress as he came back to his room again, wondering whether Jaebum would actually go to the bathroom to wash his hands and humour Jinyoung or simply follow him as soon as he recovers from the initial shock.

Jaebum proved to be a good man, after all - Jinyoung, plopping belly-down onto his bed, heard him shuffle through the flat as though he was actually getting ready for a meal after work. What a sweetheart, Jinyoung thought almost dreamily and propped his chin on his hands. He kicked his legs in the air lazily, looking back once to check if the dress was fully covering what it should be covering.

“Finally,” he said sweetly when Jaebum entered, the door clicking shut behind him quietly. Jaebum’s eyes followed the curve of Jinyoung’s body under the satin before he blinked and focused back on Jinyoung’s face. “Come here.”

Jinyoung raised to his knees and moved closer to the edge of his bed as he spoke. Jaebum watched, a smile threatening to show up on his face, but he simply obeyed, stepping closer until he stood in front of Jinyoung’s now sitting form.

They were oddly quiet and still for a nerve-wracking moment, staring into each other’s eyes. Jinyoung could feel his dress riding up again because of his thighs spreading apart, but he was sure that Jaebum still couldn’t see nothing more than crinkles of satin on Jinyoung’s lap. He looked down at him, but there was nothing dominant or disrespectful about the wonder on his face and the playful grin that he kept fighting back.

Jinyoung waited, hands rested on his thighs and head slightly tilted as he gazed at his boyfriend.

Eventually - _finally_ \- Jaebum spoke up, voice a bit hoarse and definitely lower than he’d usually speak. “You’re so beautiful, Jinyoungie,” he murmured, purred almost, reaching to cup Jinyoung’s face in his palm. His touch was both too soft and too intense.

“Do you like it?” He asked, knowing Jaebum would guess what he was referencing then.

Jaebum stopped trying to fight back his smile and Jinyoung’s heart skipped a beat. Something about the curl of Jaebum’s lips almost made him shiver in anticipation. A jolt of familiar electricity ran down his spine.

“I _adore_ it,” he corrected him. His thumb caressed his cheek, traveled lower and stroked his pouting lower lip. The movement smudged a small, shiny streak of Jinyoung’s lipgloss.

Jaebum’s irises widened, breath hitching audibly at the sight and it was Jinyoung’s turn to smirk knowingly at him.

He deemed it safe to move; to dive head-first into this new territory. His hands left his thighs and ran up from Jaebum’s belt to the collar of his black button-up. It fitted perfectly to the occasion, giving Jaebum’s attire the amount of masculinity Jinyoung liked on him. _And_ it hugged Jaebum’s shoulders nicely.

Jinyoung popped the first button open, right under the collar. With the soft noise of the motion, Jaebum seemed to come back from his daze. “What are we actually roleplaying, though,” he seemed genuinely curious. Jinyoung just kept opening next buttons of his shirt. “Are you going to call me your daddy? Do I get to call you my babygirl?”

Oh, Lord. Jinyoung snorted with laughter and Jaebum snickered with glee, too, which meant he was simply playing around. “Maybe you should shut up and let me... show you,” Jinyoung pinched his bare stomach and Jaebum yelped, covering Jinyoung’s hand with his own on reflex. It was nothing more than childish, and they smiled at each other, with unabashed, pure affection.

Jinyoung’s mind stilled at the thought of the picture they must have created.

Jinyoung’s face was situated almost perfectly at Jaebum’s hips’ level, and he was dressed in satin that barely covered what it was supposed to cover, and his lace panties weren’t the most comfortable once his dick started getting interested in everything that was happening, but fuck. Jinyoung could only see the way Jaebum’s eyes sparkled with the kind of love he’d once thought he’d never receive, and he could only focus on that boyish smile on Jaebum’s handsome face that shouldn’t even be able to form into such a soft expression when he was all sharp edges and defined features.

He could feel Jaebum’s heart beating faster under his palm when he brought it higher, teasing Jaebum’s skin with his nails. He swore his own heart was beating in the very same pattern, perfectly synchronized.

“Jinyoungie,” Jaebum murmured and Jinyoung realized he probably saw all those thoughts and emotions on Jinyoung’s unguarded face.

He didn’t feel embarrassed. He wanted Jaebum to know what he felt when he looked at him.

“I love you, too,” Jaebum smiled, a bit amused, yes, but mostly trying to cover up how sappy he was getting.

“I didn’t say anything,” Jinyoung smiled back, softly, trying to tease him, but his boyfriend only chuckled and shrugged his shirt off his shoulders. Jaebum’s half-naked body in front of him looked infuriatingly inviting.

Jinyoung’s focus went back to the situation at hand - literally - so fast they’d both laugh at it if they weren’t suddenly too preoccupied with getting rid of Jaebum’s pants.

  


“Jinyoung— Youngie—”

“Yeah?”

“The lipstick… Is it okay that it’s…?”

“On your dick? Yes,” Jinyoung rolled his eyes and told himself he wouldn’t laugh at the hint of worry on Jaebum’s overall relaxed face.

“And shouldn’t we, uh, shouldn't we get rid of it before I fuck you?”

Jinyoung, with his hand full of said dick and the barely visible lipgloss smudged around its base, nearly choked on his saliva. He looked up with the most unimpressed look he could manage while his lips were swollen and glossy with everything that wasn’t his lipgloss, and while his mascara was definitely a bit smudged in the corners of his eyes where they got teary from giving his all while sucking Jaebum off.

“I’ll just lick it off, okay, baby?” He asked and didn’t wait for an answer, quickly going back to where he left and, as deliberately as he could, he licked the remnants of his lipgloss off Jaebum’s dick and sucked loudly on the tip on his way back.

Jaebum enjoyed it, so it wasn’t that bad.

  


It _kind of_ got _bad_ when Jaebum almost tore the dress while hooking it up and realized that Jinyoung was wearing underwear. And what kind of underwear it was.

He let out a soft _fuck_ and bit on his lip, licking it slowly afterwards while he took in the sight. Jinyoung groaned, mostly because he was growing impatient - his dick was growing impatient, half-hard and uncomfortable under the white lace - yet Jaebum looked like they had a whole evening just for Jaebum to hungrily watch the contrast of pinkish skin under white, delicate patterns of his panties.

“The prettiest,” he sighed as though it was painful - Jinyoung’s dick was almost in pain, for hell’s sake, could his boyfriend finally do something about it? - and then his eyes snapped to Jinyoung’s, an idea popping up in his head. “Turn around, Youngie.”

Jinyoung groaned again, though it sounded more like a whine. He plopped onto his stomach and lifted his hips a bit, wiggling his ass shamelessly in front of Jaebum’s face. The damp spot between his asscheeks was still visible.

“Like that?” He asked with a devilish grin hidden under a thick strand from his wig. Jaebum wouldn’t notice it anyway, too focused on ogling how the lace sank slightly too tightly into Jinyoung’s ass, strained a bit because of his position and his dick stretching it in the front.

And then Jinyoung saw Jaebum’s hand rise, not too much, but quickly, and before he could brace himself his ass was being slapped loudly. Jaebum’s hand kneaded it fondly before sliding lower, to Jinyoung’s thigh, and appraising the redness the hit brought. It must have looked good; just like Jinyoung hoped it would, _planned_ it would.

“Beomie,” he tried then, tasting the sweet name on his tongue. Jaebum blinked at him in complete shock, mouth agape.

“Did it— hurt too much?” He stuttered, dumbfounded.

Jinyoung couldn’t help but giggle. Jaebum thought Jinyoung was hurt and called him sweet names because of that. Oh, silly.

“No, I just wanted to call you that,” he explained, still smiling. His cheeks hurt from how much his muscles worked that evening. “My Beomie.”

Jaebum was biting on his lip, a little bashful, but then his free hand came to rest on Jinyoung’s other thigh and his palms were suddenly massaging their way back to Jinyoung’s butt.

“Or should I call you _oppa_ ,” Jinyoung drawled, flicking those long locks away to smirk at Jaebum.

His ass got slapped again. Harder.

  


“No, don’t pull— not _that_ hard—” Jinyoung panted out, Jaebum’s dick balls-deep inside him. He rocked his hips again, trying to steady himself on Jaebum’s thighs as he rode him, reversed because Jaebum made him do it like that, somehow.

(“All good girls do that, Youngie,” he assured Jinyoung while his fingers teased Jinyoung’s prostate. Jinyoung wasn’t in his most conscious state when he agreed, simply wanting to sit on Jaebum’s dick and make them both come _soon_.)

But he had more control than Jaebum could ever have in bed, thank you very much, and he showed his boyfriend just that as he rode him just like he liked, driving Jaebum crazy and making him pull on Jinyoung’s wig more fiercely than necessary. That was why Jinyoung had to stop him, even though full sentences weren’t a part of his on-dick repertoire.

Jaebum groaned (Jinyoung loved the sound) and gripped Jinyoung’s ass instead, clearly on edge - though not the one he’d like to be, probably.

“Babe, but, you know— I want it—”

“Faster,” Jinyoung interrupted him, the word turning into a pathetic mewl when Jaebum slammed his hips up, spreading Jinyoung asscheeks with his hands. “I know!”

It was his turn to groan. Jaebum was _not_ getting an upper hand.

He sank down again, moaning as obscenely as he could, because it also drove Jaebum crazy - in a good way, though. He swayed his hips in place, swirling just a bit and listening to Jaebum’s quickened, heavy breathing. Jaebum’s panting hitched, broke on a silent moan when Jinyoung resumed to rocking up and down in a slightly faster pace.

And like that, he forgot about any competitive strike he had, his mind going blurry and the only vivid thought being Jaebum, Jaebum, Jaebum.

  


“I’m not letting you fuck me while I’m in a wig _ever_ again,” Jinyoung said firmly (not really) as they waited for their breathing to even out, coming down from their highs. Jinyoung had turned around to face Jaebum before they’d got completely lost in their pleasure, and well, it meant that Jaebum _had to_ grab the back of Jinyoung’s neck to pull him down for a heated, full of saliva and panting kiss.

But then it also meant grabbing a handful of Jinyoung’s wig and _almost_ snatching it off of Jinyoung’s head and making that evening into a comedy gold instead of a kinky fantasy. Almost, thankfully. But Jinyoung wasn’t going to risk it again, nah-ah.

Jaebum sighed with an overdone eyeroll.

“I’m voting _yes_ for more panties, though,” Jinyoung added. “But this time _you_ will be paying and _your_ wallet will regret ruining them after I wear them literally _once._ ”

“Deal,” Jaebum agreed easily, cheeky smile on his lips.

Ugh, Jinyoung just... adored him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> i realized i always talk about comments, but m'dudes, all those kudos and bookmarks and the silent readers that refrain from all that - you're all highly appreciated for your support. i'll see you soon in the last chapter, and for now - let me know what your thoughts are, did you enjoy the slightly less serious atmosphere i went for? are you excited for the drag show? and since it comes up in the comments often - what are the pairings/certain topics you'd still like to see in this au? share your wild thoughts, folks <333


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> get in the mood with [beautiful, dirty, rich](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Nr33m1zXVE), [applause](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pco91kroVgQ), [G.U.Y.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ohs0a-QnFF4) and [million reasons](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYRJ-ryPEu0).
> 
> refs for [peach](https://www.instagram.com/p/BfWRiyWFhFo/?hl=pl&taken-by=evayoung_) & [bambae](https://www.instagram.com/p/BbsDjzQlGz1/?hl=pl&taken-by=evayoung_)'s looks + miki's [amazing fanart](https://twitter.com/monikirogers/status/972900527745970176) of peach's look!
> 
> ...i feel like ~~glitter~~ crying, but- ENJOY.  <3

* * *

 

 

So... sometimes it  _ was _ all fun and games. And other times: it was not.

Jinyoung couldn’t pinpoint which way tonight would go.

After Jackson left the dressing room, Jinyoung began the transformation journey. Bambam were getting too excited, getting ready way too early, but they could do whatever they wanted. Jinyoung couldn’t tell them not to. In the end, he sympathized greatly with Bambam’s emotional state, though he was quite sure that  _ he _ was the more anxious one there and  _ he _ should be the one going crazy from the stress and pressure.

Thank Lord he was more collected than that skinny bitch.

  
  


“It took you way too long,” Bambae whined approximately two hours later. Peach Perfect didn’t even groan, too much in her head to actually care about her self-proclaimed daughter’s bullshit.

Bambae whined again, tugging at Peach’s platinum blonde, straight wig. The straightest thing you could find her with, really.

“Behave,” Peach rolled her eyes, smacking Bambae’s hand away with a flick of her hand. Her ridiculously long nails drowned under rhinestones, looked heavy and glamorous. And a bit dangerous, because they pretty much were just claws with pearls on them.

Bambae stuck her tongue out, which gained her a middle finger flipped right in front of her perfectly painted face. She simply giggled at the gesture-- Because oh, right. Bambae was officially a  _ she, _ Bambam announced a few weeks prior, right before the queens started getting ready for another show. It was a change that not everyone acknowledged, since they had called Bambam  _ her  _ when they’d been in drag before anyway. For Bambam, though, it seemed like a beginning of a new era. It was quite cute how excited they were about it, Jinyoung would admit ( _ not _ aloud). Bambae was a blessing for every single one of those queens in the dressing room, whether they acknowledged her fully or not.

Bambae was also a pain in the ass, as always. There was a highly possible advantage of that, though: Peach would get into her showtime mood faster thanks to Bambae’s talking. Currently, Peach was somewhere in-between with her mind; not fully there yet, but surely not completely unfazed by the mood in the dressing room.

The night was obviously important for Peach, but it seemed like all queens deemed it the most fun and tips-bringing one of the year, hence to its concept and the actual advertising the club took care of. The main area was packed. Thanks to Peach and Bambae’s sweet talking, their friends thankfully managed to reserve a booth for the night early on. Even though two of them didn’t make it that night, it was still a huge convenience in the overcrowded space.

(Yugyeom got terribly ill two days before the show, his fever being so high that he forbid Bambam from visiting him at home, in case Bambam would immediately get sick, too. There was a bit of drama around it, of course, because Youngjae also skipped on the show, saying he’d stay over at Yugyeom’s and they’d  _ cry but not in the club _ together. Bambam were upset. And quite obviously jealous.)

“Peach, baby,” Lady Hazel tapped Peach’s ass crudely when the latter was checking herself in a standing full-body mirror. “You look delicious,” Hazel accented her words with a click of her tongue and Peach blew a kiss to her with a grossly overdone wink. “Oh, stop it, or else I’d need you to feed me some of that peach jam!”

Peach cackled loudly, unable to hold herself back.

“Nasty!” She chastised, still laughing and gesturing wildly, slicing the air with her arms in a vaguely disapproving manner. “This jam isn’t for you, darling!”

“Oh, it certainly is not,” Bambae joined them. She grinned devilishly at Hazel, who made a scandalized face when Bambae added, “there’s someone else waiting for his daily doze here.”

“Peaches?” Hazel turned with that ridiculous expression to the one in question. Peach blinked innocently. “Are the rumours true? Is your new husband here tonight?!”

All heads snapped in attention to what Peach’s answer would be. Wigs swished in unison, a mainly platinum blonde sea with a hint of bright pink in Bambae’s case.

Peach Perfect made a very effective pause before she spoke up. “It may, or may not, be very, very true. You’ll guess who is the lucky man after my performance,” she pushed back her hair with a dramatic sigh. Her words were followed with short shouts of  _ yes, mama _ and a very loud  _ bitch, you’re the last one tonight, i’m gonna be shitfaced before you even step on that stage. _ Peach only snickered at that.

Hazel whistled. “Good luck, dude,” she dropped her voice low on that and earned herself a round of laughs. “Break a heel, for fuck’s sake. Literally.”

With that added in her normal voice - okay,  _ a bit _ higher voice than her usual - she actually smiled at Peach reassuringly, more serious now. Peach was glad to be receiving those small gestures. She was definitely in more of a shownight mood now, but any help at any time was still welcomed.

Then, it was suddenly the time for the first queen to go on stage.

“Shit just got real,” Bambae announced and made a noise with her tongue so loud it scared Lady Hazel.

  
  


Peach rarely went for all-pink eye looks. She always preferred more cool-toned colors on her face, yes, even if  _ peachy  _ pinks and oranges were definitely warm; and whenever she went for her cool tones, she’d use blues (worst bitches to work with, do not recommend), a whole lot of blues. On the big night, though, she caved in and painted her eyes with pinks and purples. A dramatic black eyeliner wing created a new eye shape, making Peach’s face look sharper and feline in a way she loved to portray herself. An icy white glitter sat in her inner corners and she added two shiny rhinestones under each eye, below the fake lower lash line, where some of the pink-purple blending was added and small false eyelash clusters glued for a better effect. Peach’s cheekbones were snatched, for a lack of better words - she was serving the smoothest contour and blue-ish, icy highlight.

While planning out the look, she had a hard time choosing between a nude lipstick and a bold, dark cherry red one with an even darker lipliner blended into it on the edges. She eventually went for the latter. It made her look even more winter-femme-fatale-like, which was her infamous aesthetic.

A kitschy, wide rhinestoned choker adored her neck and went perfectly with the most daring dress up to date of Peach’s drag career: that fucking glittery mini dress, the one that Bambam had to rescue, the one that had all the tea spilled on it and was a witness of Jaebum and Jinyoung’s reconciliation. The dress looked  _ so 2000, _ according to Bambae’s words. Even though it sounded almost like an insult, Peach thanked her and felt even more in love with her outfit.

Her tights covered more skin than the dress did (and it should be noted that those tights were pretty transparent, the small sparkles on them doing nothing to hide Peach’s legs from her fans). Its back was almost non-existent, the material gathering on Peach’s perky ass and hugging it a bit tightly to steady the whole silhouette. Peach did not wear a breastplate that night, which maybe wasn’t unheard of, but it surely was something rare. This time, she wanted to bring attention to her real body. That decision was symbolic, more for Peach than for anyone else, but she did want to make it a point that she bared herself in front of Jaebum in ways she wouldn’t normally do while she was out and performing. For Jaebum, she wanted to be as open and transparent as she could. The lack of her usual feminine curves and showing her real skin instead was a way to pursue that during this night.

The deeper meaning aside, she was literally padded less than Bambae was and that itself made everyone gag over her new look. She could only hope that the people in the main area of the club would agree.

Two queens had already performed. The air in the dressing room was getting stuffier, but was it a fact or just Peach’s imagination? She couldn’t tell. She focused on the rush of adrenaline that made her fidget in her seat and touch up her makeup where it was already perfected; tried to shush other thoughts and have time only for the scorching wave of anticipation.

  
  


It was Lady Hazel’s turn; only Bambae and Peach to go, then. Bambae was (almost literally) jumping from one wall to another and practising her gig while doing so, making everyone laugh in the process. She was in a great mood, Peach noted despite her very narrow-minded vision in that moment. Bambae was full of energy and unabashedly confident in her upcoming performance, which, knowing that skinny bitch, would be a huge advantage once she’s on stage.

“I gotta check how Hazel’s doing,” Bambae suddenly exclaimed and her high heels clicked loudly when she stormed out of the dressing room, down the dark corridor.

Before the door shut behind her, the noise of the club rushed inside. It sent a chill down Peach’s spine with how  _ real  _ it felt. Another adrenaline strike buzzed in her chest, running to every corner of her body.

  
  


Bambae peeked through the curtains to get a glimpse of Lady Hazel’s performance of Million Reasons. Her eyes scanned the crowd, looking for familiar faces among dozens of strangers. And once she found them, she snorted with laughter so loudly it was a miracle that no one noticed her.

She hurried back to the dressing room, barely making it without breaking a leg or two - the floor was suddenly too slippery! - and almost broke  _ Peach’s  _ limbs as she got to her, still laughing, and clasped her hands on Peach’s shoulders to steady herself.

“What?” Peach looked so confused it made Bambae laugh even more. “What?!”

Eventually, Bambae whizzed out, “Jackson’s literally fucking crying and Mark’s laughing at him and I think he was recording it and Jaebum looked like he’s ready to pour his beer onto both of them.”

Peach blinked, taking the information in. And then she cackled just as loudly as Bambae.

  
  


Peach couldn’t keep waiting in the dressing room. When it was time for Bambae to go on stage, Peach left the room along with her, putting on her faux fur coat. She stayed back behind the curtains to peek at her friend and at people in the crowd.

The lights were off when the first notes of  _ Applause  _ reverberated through the club and brought first screams of approval. Bambae had been torn between  _ Applause  _ and  _ Beautiful, Dirty, Rich, _ but the showgirl anthem won over.

Once again, Bambae proved to be a phenomenal performer. As soon as her silhouette came to the view in colourful lights, the whole club was hers. The song choice was more than suitable for her - it was her drag personality embodied and she milked every single second of it. The stage couldn't contain her, Bambae was dancing  _ everywhere  _ at once, just as lively and confident as Peach knew she’d be. 

Peach could swear the first chorus was drowned under the screaming from the crowd, especially shouts from a certain Jackson Wang. Peach kept snickering, watching the way Jaebum’s face went from embarrassed because of his companion’s behaviour, to a careless grin. Soon Jaebum, alongside with Jackson, Mark and the whole club, was screaming and clapping rhythmically for a very wild and very charming Bambae.

It didn’t escape Peach’s attention when the words  _ some of us just like to read  _ sounded and Bambae pointed not-so-vaguely at Mark, which brought a round of laughter and a  _ fuck off, shady twink _ from Mark that even Peach somehow caught and couldn’t help laughing at. Oh, her daughter was surely the shadiest and Peach was proud of her.

But then, too soon, Bambae’s performance was over and she was coming off the stage, sweaty and grinning and with a few shiny black feathers from her jacket left on the floor where she took the piece of garment off during the performance and then stomped on its shoulders during the gig.

Peach congratulated Bambae in the corridor, hidden well from their audience, but Bambae wasn’t even waiting for the words of appraisal to leave Peach’s mouth fully, she was already telling Peach to break a heel, but not really, make them all gag and make your man jealous and happy he still has you.

“I’m gonna watch from where you were,” and then Bambae was ushering Peach to the stage with frantic gestures. The queen hosting that night’s show passed them without a comment and went on to announcing Peach’s show as the last and most exciting one of the night, even if it would be hard to top Bambae’s performance.

Bambae winked at Peach when the host passed them again on her way back and it was time for Peach to come out.

Peach’s heart was beating hard, heavy thumps resounding in her head, but she swallowed it all down. It was showtime and she knew her role there well.

She hugged her coat closer to her body as she stepped onto the stage, the lights still dim. The people right in front of the stage noticed her form showing on the back of the stage, of course, and the screaming began, her name coming from a bunch of strangers and, there was no room for that booming voice to be mistaken, from a certain Jackson Wang.

The lights were suddenly on and the song started right after. It was happening.

“Greetings from Eros,” Peach mouthed with a sweet smile, strolling with a girly, innocent skip to her walk. She continued the monologue among the first cheers from the crowd that recognized the song immediately.

She could see, from the corner of her eye, the way Jaebum’s jaw dropped. She could see the way Mark’s eyes roamed over her silhouette, visibly  _ interested. _ She could tell that Jackson was a bit stunned at first, but then, as she was crouching just a step away from them and waving her fingers at strangers, deliberately omitting her friends from the cute greetings she exchanged with other spectators, Jackson started  _ screaming _ (whining loudly). She knew her plan well, though, and turned a deaf ear to it.

She sprang up from the floor as soon as the monologue ended. The beat of the song resonated through her, making every step she took on the stage more powerful and firm.

She shrugged off her black coat to showcase her shoulders, delicious contrast of her fair skin and the glimpse of her dress’s shiny material enough to make the crowd cheer in approval. She walked proudly on the edge of the stage, roaming the crowd with her eyes, both seductive and dominative thanks to her confident stroll.

“I wanna be the girl under you,” she stood in the middle of the stage and mouthed the words, hand disappearing between the laps of the coat on her hips level.

The first tip was flying onto the stage already. She pushed her amused smile back.

The first part before the chorus was all about teasing. Her dress was hidden under the furry jacket, but she didn’t shy away from showing off her legs while she danced confidently, and more than a few times a lucky spectator could catch a glimpse of her silver dress when the coat moved and revealed a bit too much.

And throughout the whole first part, Peach didn’t look even once in Jaebum’s direction.

She was entertaining everyone, getting her crowd excited with shameless interactions and lively dancing. She was giving Bambae a run for her money.

“Touch me, touch me, don’t be sweet,” she grinned at a man right next to Mark and heard Jackson screaming at the bold favouritism as she pointed at her thighs and almost, almost let the stranger grab them before she backed away with a triumphant smile.

Her coat was barely on her by then. She shrugged it off her right shoulder with a wide gesture.

“Love me, love me, please retweet,” she closed her eyes and hugged her body, mimicking the way she wanted to be held.

And then, her eyes snapped open. She was standing in front of Jaebum, just mere two steps away. “Let me be the girl under you that makes you cry,” she blinked at him sweetly, marveling in the stunned expression he wore for just a split of a second.

The chorus went down then and her hips swayed as she closed her eyes again with a smile. The performance couldn’t stop even for a second.

She took off the coat completely as the chorus ended. It flew to the back of the stage, where she was not coming back so soon.

The song continued, exciting and unabashedly sexual, and she was pulling her small tricks while performing to do the mood justice. She danced, she danced and entertained and awed her audience, but her eyes kept going back to Jaebum. And he was watching her with so many emotions written on his face that Peach, in the middle of her gig, couldn’t even comprehend half of them.

Maybe she didn’t have to; she’d already recognized love among all of them.

The second verse and pre-chorus went by in a blur. The crowd cheered, the tips were getting on her way while she danced. The second chorus was full of smiles, showing off the curve of her ass and flicking her long, straight wig out of her face when she whipped it too fiercely.

“That girl under you, guy,” she mouthed the last bit of the chorus; and then, the most important part was finally there.

Her heartbeat was erratic.

“I don’t need to be on top to know I’m worth it,” Peach mouthed the first words of the interlude with a finger pointed at the crowd as she walked down the stage and stared intensely at the faces in front of her. “...‘cause I’m strong enough to know the truth.”

She continued on her way through it and quickly went back to the center of the stage. “I just want it to be hot,” she was singing to everyone.

And then, with confidence and boldness some may not even think she owned, she strolled back to where Jaebum stood.

“Because I’m best when I’m in love,” she mouthed, dropping to her knees and pointing her finger at him, sharp and steady. She was looking right into his eyes as she mouthed the remaining lyrics. “And I’m in love with you.”

The crowd went crazy.

Jaebum, with a smile too wide and  _ soft  _ for the place and situation they were caught in, mouthed  _ I love you, too _ and pointed back at her.

(Later, Bambae would tell her that Jackson almost started crying at the cheesiness of the gesture and that Mark’s eyeballs almost fell out with how hard he rolled his eyes, but at that moment, Peach could only see the serene sincerity on Jaebum’s face, pure and real, and his words, although unspoken, rang loudly in her ears, louder even than the buzz of adrenaline and overwhelming noise of the music and the crowd.)

Peach grasped Jaebum’s hand, their fingers intertwining. “Touch me, touch me,” Peach leaned in, seductive and bold and unapologetic, but before anything could happen she was back on her feet. Her wig swayed along with her hips, her body curled and unraveled as she served all her glory to the audience. She stepped back to be seen better by everyone, swirled, danced, kept moving.

Her dress glistened, shone brightly and alluringly.

She tried not to show her bias too much throughout the rest of the performance. She really did. But she just couldn’t help the way her whole body gravitated to the certain point of the stage, where Jaebum waited for her with his boyish grin that made him look too young to even participate in this show.

The ending was just as spectacular as she wanted it to be. With  _ nein, Zedd  _ being screamed by a bunch of guys in front of the audience, Peach moved aggressively with all of her energy left. For the last words, she came back to the back of the stage, hips moving widely on her way there, and she topped the performance with a well-rehearsed death drop. The screaming erupted at the infamous move.

Peach stood back up gracefully, ran a hand through her wig. The careless movement got her nails tangled a bit in a strand of platinum hair, but thankfully no one noticed as the lights went dim again, accompanied with shouts and clapping and general cheerfulness.

A guy she knew well from the staff helped gathering all the tips for her from the floor and disposed them quickly while she picked up her coat, threw it onto her shoulders and disappeared behind the curtains.

  
  


Peach went back to the dressing room; or so she was planning to do, but then she realized there was no way she could untuck herself  _ and  _ stay in her mini dress. But, more importantly, she wasn’t ready to meet the remaining queens, she wasn’t ready to openly confront Bambae.

She was heading past the dressing room, but then halted her steps. Right, where the hell was Bambae?

“Hey, Mama,” the devil herself poked her head out of the dressing room and shouted after Peach. She looked back, raised her eyebrows. “You were marvelous… Youngie.”

Bambae winked, a bit gross and with a snicker leaving her mouth as she did so. But with the nickname Jaebum used so often, the spell was broken and it wasn’t Peach, the powerful, dominative woman who stood in the middle of the dark corridor. It was definitely Jinyoung, the writer with a terrible luck with men, who had just fought for the one who he was sure was worth fighting for. And Jinyoung was fucking exhausted, overwhelmed beyond his comprehension, because… It all actually happened.

It crashed on him then, the air leaving his lungs all at once. It happened, it was over and now him and Jaebum were going to get their grand final. Its valence was in Jaebum’s hands.

“I’m going to get a breather,” Jinyoung sighed out and Bambae nodded, something sparkling in her eyes, but Jinyoung was already heading down the corridor, taking a turn to get out through the back door.

Peach’s faux fur coat clearly wasn’t made for icy winds of early December nights, but it was okay, it was cooling for both his body and his mind. The latter was still a mess, though.

He was overwhelmed and alone. His breathing started to steady itself after a minute, but he didn’t get a chance to fully embrace the peaceful mood.

The door on his left opened and suddenly, Jaebum was there. Jinyoung didn’t even have time to wonder how the hell did he manage to get there, it was a staff only area (it was Bambam’s doing, definitely).

They stared at each other. It was silent, silent even though there was an unmistakable buzz of the club right next to them, silent even though Jinyoung could swear his heart was beating so fast and hard it felt like his ribcage wouldn't be able to contain it.

Both his body and his mind were overwhelmed with emotions.

He couldn’t take his eyes off Jaebum’s face.

Jaebum’s eyes didn’t leave his own, too, the gaze so hot and intense Jinyoung wouldn’t be able to put a proper name on the depth of it. It took his breath away, the way Jaebum looked at him in drag as though nothing, nothing was out of place. He looked at Peach just like he always looked at Jinyoung. Nothing changed in the love that radiated from his gaze.

Jinyoung felt both like crying and screaming and jumping in joy.

He did neither, instead clearing his throat when the silence between the two men stretched into minutes of quiet staring, with chilling winds of December bringing goosebumps to their skin. None of them seemed to notice the shivers their bodies suffered from under the cold.

“Say something,” Jinyoung managed to croak out, voice low and quiet. The coat slided off his shoulder and he ran his hand on his bare arm, scratched his skin with Peach’s nails.

Jaebum’s eyes softened instantly and Jinyoung’s heartbeat slowed down a bit. Everything was okay, his mind purred.

“I love you,” and suddenly Jaebum was so close, so close yet not close enough, and Jinyoung wondered if he’d ever be satiated when it came to this man. For now, it seemed Jaebum could pull all his heartstrings effortlessly, made him crave for more with every refill in a way that always left Jinyoung full yet thirsty.

“I love you, too,” Jinyoung replied so fast that it came out rushed and blurry. It made both of them chuckle, bashful where they devoured each other with eyes just a second ago. “I really do, Jaebum.” He didn’t reach out first, because just like it had always been, Jaebum was the first one to cross the line and make a step towards something more. He cupped Jinyoung’s face with his hands and searched with his gaze for permission, taking in all the details of Peach’s makeup in the process - from how her contour looked too bold and striking from up close to how skillfully packed was the shiny glitter in her inner corners.

Jaebum was admiring his work, Jinyoung realized and the urge to cry came back in a new, even stronger wave. He couldn't cry, though; there was no point in crying now, when they could and should be doing something better. Thus, he took his own step forward, took the dive and finally, he didn’t feel even the slightest bit of fear as he did so.

Their noses bumped when Jinyoung leaned closer and his eyes fluttered close, long false lashes adorning his face and resting above his blushed cheeks. “You’re going to have lipstick everywhere,” he murmured with a smirk. Jaebum pecked his lips lightly, testingly. He was smiling, too.

“I don’t mind,” he just said and it was all they needed to melt into each other, with Jinyoung’s back hitting the wall when Jaebum backed him up against it and almost made them both slip on the wet concrete because Peach’s high heels weren’t made for making out in such disastrous conditions, thank you very much.

But it was perfect. It was perfect, and Jinyoung would never ask for more, because he’d already received everything he’d ever wished for.

  
  


 

* * *

  
  


Back in the club, Jackson leaned in Mark’s direction with a confidential smile.

“Do you think they’re sucking each other’s faces now?” He asked, dead serious.

Mark shrugged, seemingly indifferent. “Most probably,” he said, pursing his lips. “You saw how Jaebum looked at Jinyoung’s ass in that dress. Maybe he’s already sucking something else there.”

Jackson snickered and Mark thought the topic was finished. But no, he was talking with Jackson Wang - with a  _ drunk _ Jackson Wang - and really, he should have seen the following words coming.

Jackson frowned silently at first. Then, his face lit up. “I think it’s a good concept, we need to try it out.”

Mark’s eyes widened and he gaped at his date-not-date.

“Which one? Getting into a dress or sucking each other off?”

“Oh, I actually just meant kissing,” Jackson giggled, hitting Mark’s shoulder playfully and leaning even closer. “Though now that you’ve mentioned—“

“Kissing’s alright,” Mark blurted out. Mostly just to interrupt whatever Jackson had to say about them doing drag and giving blowjobs. Of course. It totally wasn’t because the idea of kissing Jackson made those stupid butterflies in Mark’s stomach go crazy and all those drinks he’d consumed made Mark more daring.

His words shut Jackson’s mouth for only a mere second.

“Is it?” He asked, careful. The alcohol slurred his words a bit. “Because I, you know, I’m very, uh, I’d—“

“Then,  _ uh, _ kiss me,” Mark huffed, oddly annoyed because of Jackson’s stuttering. Oddly grumpy and bashful all of a sudden, because Jackson’s hand was again on his shoulder and the touch was hot and intense in a way Mark recognized well. 

They looked at each other, blinked. Looked at each other’s lips.

Mark leaned in first.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <333
> 
> These are my very last notes under Glitter, so of course they'll be just as long as all my other notes- combined.
> 
> Firstly, I sincerely hope you all enjoyed this story and I'm grateful for all the supportive words and comments and kudos and bookmarks; I didn't think I'd enjoy this small journey so much and think about it so fondly, but I do. So thank you.
> 
> Moreover, HAVE YOU SEEN [MIKI'S NEWEST FANART](https://twitter.com/monikirogers/status/970795324133531649) with Jinyoung's look from the previous chapter?! go check it and please support Miki and look out for her future works!!!
> 
> Thirdly: I have so much work to do this semester that I won't be able to post frequently, but I still hope you'll look forward to my future fics (which currently are all WIPs heheh). And also hahaaa I hope you liked that markson mess at the end. ;")
> 
> Indulge me in some good ol' Conversation in the comments! Love you all. Thanks for sticking with me. <3


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